The “have it all” debate is getting old, but that doesn’t mean we still don’t want it all! Laurie provides some great insight into what it takes to have it all. – InPower Editors
Last week I shared a manifesto of sorts about how I’ve come to realize – after years of resisting – that we can “have it all.”
You can have a great family, a great job, great friends, happiness, fulfillment; the whole American Dream (and the kit and caboodle). You can read my ode to Labor Day and “having it all” here.
I got great feedback, but I got some anticipated backlash. Most people who say you can have it all seem to be saying “you can buy it all.” Unlike the privileged class, I don’t have lots of cars, houses, a personal assistant or even a steady paycheck. I clean my own house and we are a one-car family. Yet I have it all. (Hint: having it all is not about stuff).
“Having it all” is complex concept and there are many variables and flavors. From hundreds of conversations with people, I’ve found the foundation of “having it all” is living from a place of time mastery as I’ve written about before. Yet, most people can’t get that far. There is something that gets in their way of “having it all” and it’s not time nor money.
The barrier to “having it all” lies deep in our brain and mind.
Pull The Plug, This Tub Is Overflowing
When I’ve heard work-life balance and leadership gurus espouse how you can “have it all” I have cringed and broken into a cold sweat (just for the record I abhor the term work-life balance while understanding that’s what most people say they want). The idea of “having it all” conjures up anxiety, panic, and fear. “Having it all” has put me into full on overwhelm. That’s why I’ve resisted the idea. I’ve rallied against “having it all”. But why? Why did just the idea of “having it all” make me (and my clients) break into a cold sweat? And why did I do an about face on the subject and embrace “having it all”?
The picture of having it all is typically portrayed by the image of a woman juggling baby, cooking, conference calls, soccer practice, pedicures and 20 other tasks at the same time. She is frazzled – think Sarah Jessica Parker in I Don’t Know How She Does It. She is burnt out. In short, the idea of having it all triggers overwhelm for most people.
[NOTE: “having it all” and juggling baby and career is not a gender issue, it’s a human issue. I know plenty of men frazzled and juggling these obligations, just substitute pedicure with tee time.]
Overwhelm sprouts from our amygdala, that part of our brain responsible for our flight or fight response. Having it all feels like too much. It feels risky. We don’t want to be frazzled. We want freedom. Yet you might equate having it all with living within the confines of a day planner, running from one thing to the next without a moment to pause. You might associate “having it all” with never getting time to rest. If this is your image, “having it all” will be overwhelming.
Overwhelm is pure B.S. If overwhelm is a seed in our brain that sprouts as fear, it was planted there by our belief system.
To “have it all” you must go deep inside and pull the plug on overwhelm. That means you must address the beliefs that keep you from having it all.
The Mindset Secrets Of People Who Have It All
There are many beliefs that trigger overwhelm and keep us stuck. I have been struggling with overwhelm for years and just recently have been forcing myself to face the consequences of that struggle. That has meant uncovering my B.S. and adopting a different (overwhelm-free) mindset. Here are just three helpful mindsets of people who “have it all.”
1. Release Perfectionism. We often equate “having it all” with perfection. Perfect job. Perfect spouse. Perfect house. As one of my bosses said (and many before him) “don’t sacrifice the good for the perfect”. I hated to hear that but he was right.
Perfectionism fuels overwhelm. Yet you can’t “have it all” if you’re in overwhelm. Release your need to be perfect and you’ll create space for energy, joy and creativity.
2. Stop Trying To Impress People. We all have the drive to be liked; its how we connect. Yet when approval drives our car, love and connection become conditional and eventually it’s a proxy for our self-worth. When we hit this territory, “having it all” becomes overwhelming because we realize we can’t make everyone happy and our world might crumble.
Approval can be a drug. Release your need to impress and you will start to create a life you want for yourself, not the life others want for you.
3. Stop Making False Choices. Here’s a simple example of how we make false, energy draining choices everyday. Last week I had the choice: finish this blog post by Wednesday or have dinner with friends that night. I got stressed and overwhelmed until I realized this was a false choice. I could finish this article on my Friday flight and still have it to my assistant in time for posting on Monday. We create these choices all the time.
Distinguish between false and true choices and only make the true choices. When you stop making false choices, you get to do more and have it all.
“Having it all” is often considered amassing things in your life (material, status, relationships, etc). “Having it all” is actually an inner game played in the mind.
Do you have it all? If so, share your mindset secrets. If not, what B.S. is getting in you way?
Originally on: Ignite Well Being Institute
Last week I shared a manifesto of sorts about how I’ve come to realize – after years of resisting – that we can “have it all.”
You can have a great family, a great job, great friends, happiness, fulfillment; the whole American Dream (and the kit and caboodle). You can read my ode to Labor Day and “having it all” here.
I got great feedback, but I got some anticipated backlash. Most people who say you can have all seem to be saying “you can buy it all.” Unlike the privileged class, I don’t have lots of cars, houses, a personal assistant or even a steady paycheck. I clean my own house and we are a one-car family. Yet I have it all. (Hint: having it all is not about stuff).
“Having it all” is complex concept and there are many variables and flavors. From hundreds of conversations with people, I’ve found the foundation of “having it all” is living from a place of time mastery as I’ve written about before. Yet, most people can’t get that far. There is something that gets in their way of “having it all” and it’s not time nor money.
The barrier to “having it all” lies deep in our brain and mind.
Pull The Plug, This Tub Is Overflowing
When I’ve heard work-life balance and leadership gurus espouse how you can “have it all” I have cringed and broken into a cold sweat (just for the record I abhor the term work-life balance while understanding that’s what most people say they want). The idea of “having it all” conjures up anxiety, panic, and fear. “Having it all” has put me into full on overwhelm. That’s why I’ve resisted the idea. I’ve rallied against “having it all”. But why? Why did just the idea of “having it all” make me (and my clients) break into a cold sweat? And why did I do an about face on the subject and embrace “having it all”?
The picture of having it all is typically portrayed by the image of a woman juggling baby, cooking, conference calls, soccer practice, pedicures and 20 other tasks at the same time. She is frazzled – think Sarah Jessica Parker in I Don’t Know How She Does It. She is burnt out. In short, the idea of having it all triggers overwhelm for most people.
[NOTE: “having it all” and juggling baby and career is not a gender issue, it’s a human issue. I know plenty of men frazzled and juggling these obligations, just substitute pedicure with tee time.]
Overwhelm sprouts from our amygdala, that part of our brain responsible for our flight or fight response. Having it all feels like too much. It feels risky. We don’t want to be frazzled. We want freedom. Yet you might equate having it all with living within the confines of a day planner, running from one thing to the next without a moment to pause. You might associate “having it all” with never getting time to rest. If this is your image, “having it all” will be overwhelming.
Overwhelm is pure B.S. If overwhelm is a seed in our brain that sprouts as fear, it was planted there by our belief system.
To “have it all” you must go deep inside and pull the plug on overwhelm. That means you must address the beliefs that keep you from having it all.
The Mindset Secrets Of People Who Have It All
There are many beliefs that trigger overwhelm and keep us stuck. I have been struggling with overwhelm for years and just recently have been forcing myself to face the consequences of that struggle. That has meant uncovering my B.S. and adopting a different (overwhelm-free) mindset. Here are just three helpful mindsets of people who “have it all.”
1. Release Perfectionism. We often equate “having it all” with perfection. Perfect job. Perfect spouse. Perfect house. As one of my bosses said (and many before him) “don’t sacrifice the good for the perfect”. I hated to hear that but he was right.
Perfectionism fuels overwhelm. Yet you can’t “have it all” if you’re in overwhelm. Release your need to be perfect and you’ll create space for energy, joy and creativity.
2. Stop Trying To Impress People. We all have the drive to be liked; its how we connect. Yet when approval drives our car, love and connection become conditional and eventually it’s a proxy for our self-worth. When we hit this territory, “having it all” becomes overwhelming because we realize we can’t make everyone happy and our world might crumble.
Approval can be a drug. Release your need to impress and you will start to create a life you want for yourself, not the life others want for you.
3. Stop Making False Choices. Here’s a simple example of how we make false, energy draining choices everyday. Last week I had the choice: finish this blog post by Wednesday or have dinner with friends that night. I got stressed and overwhelmed until I realized this was a false choice. I could finish this article on my Friday flight and still have it to my assistant in time for posting on Monday. We create these choices all the time.
Distinguish between false and true choices and only make the true choices. When you stop making false choices, you get to do more and have it all.
“Having it all” is often considered amassing things in your life (material, status, relationships, etc). “Having it all” is actually an inner game played in the mind.
Do you have it all? If so, share your mindset secrets. If not, what B.S. is getting in you way?
