What does an etiquette expert say when you ask her to talk about inner power? Kara Ronin gives us the answer. We love how Karen ties together inner power with outer presence. – InPower Editors
Did you know that confidence isn’t something you’re born with? Shocking revelation—I know. In today’s society, there’s so much pressure to be confident, project leadership skills and exude executive presence. We begin to feel confidence is something we should all naturally have, and all the time.
But I’ve found that confidence is something you acquire through life experience, exposure to new situations, and some type of confident mindset training. It’s not something you’re born with, and it certainly doesn’t hang around 100% of the time.
Even highly accomplished, successful women have admitted to suffering a lack of confidence at some stage in their professional lives. Sheryl Sandberg recently revealed in her book, Lean In, that she has at times felt like an impostor. Academy Award winning actress, Meryl Streep, said to a reporter in 2002, “I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?”
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These women have dealt with a lack of confidence. But despite their insecurities and self-doubt, they’ve found ways to continue moving forward in life. You can too, and here’s three tips to get you started.
1. Do Something New Everyday
It’s completely normal to want to stay inside your comfort zone and stick to what you know. But stepping over the barrier that separates you from “where you are now” and “where you want to be”, is a crucial step to feeling more confident. You don’t have to take up skydiving or make a drastic move to a different country to stretch your zone of comfort. There are many simple, every day steps you can take to build your confidence just the same. For me, if I operate too long inside my comfort zone, I not only get bored but I also begin to feel unchallenged and uninspired in my work. Whenever I start to feel a little too “safe” and want to add some adventure to my day, I pack up my laptop, walk into town, and visit a coffee shop that I’ve never been to before. A simple change of scenery and change of environment triggers a whole range of new ideas, new perspectives and newfound confidence inside of me. If you work in an office, try striking up a conversation with a fellow coworker whom you’ve never spoken to before. These simple steps will immediately make you feel more confident and that inner confidence will elevate you throughout the day.
2. Stop the Comparison Nosedive
Comparing yourself to others who have taken a different path in their life and have made different decisions is a sure-fire way to a downward spiral of never feeling good enough. This is one of the most common confidence killers because you’re always focusing on what you don’t have, rather than on what you do have. For some reason, women have developed an outstanding ability to always compare themselves to others, whether it’s a coworker, a friend, or a family member. We’ve become so good at it we don’t even notice we’re doing it, until it’s too late. As an etiquette expert, a large part of my job is about enhancing my clients’ confidence in business or social situations. But in order to enhance their confidence, I’ve had to come up with a way to eliminate this comparison nosedive that a surprising number of people endure. I want to share with you my strategy to combat this downward spiral. Create a gratitude list of everything you have (tangible or intangible) that you are grateful for. Whenever you start to compare yourself against a friend or coworker, take out this list and read it over three times to remind yourself of all the wonderful things you have, or have achieved in your life.
3. Commit to Positive Self-Talk Every Morning and Every Night
If you’re going to take away just one piece of advice from this post, this is the most powerful piece of advice you can take with you: commit to positive self-talk every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to sleep. When you start and end your day with positive, confident affirmations, you can really change your outlook on life. About a year ago I started this process myself. I’d just finished reading Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill and found his concept of autosuggestion (the act of influencing your subconscious mind through repeated verbal statements) to be fascinating. At the time, I was looking for a way I could tap into my inner confidence to help me stay focused throughout the emotional roller coaster you naturally go through when you’re building a business. So I created a mantra that I now repeat three times every morning and every night. The mantra I use is really quite simple, and I invite you to use it too, if it’s the right fit for you. The mantra I use is, “I’m worthy of success”. If this mantra doesn’t feel right for you, you can create your own. But the most important part is to commit to repeating it every morning and every night, until it becomes a part of you.
Once you’ve created a confident mindset, then you can concentrate on externalising that confidence with the right body language, outfits, and voice.
Now I want to hear from you. Do you feel you become more confident as you go through life? Which of the above three tips would you implement first? Please leave your comments in the section below.
Kara Ronin is an international business etiquette expert and founder of Executive Impressions. Drawing from 10 years of living an international life, she started the Executive Impressions blog to guide, inspire, and elevate ambitious professionals and entrepreneurs toward an international mindset and an amazing career. Visit the Executive Impressions blog to get fabulous tips on international business etiquette and claim your free gift. Connect with Kara on Twitter @execimpressions.
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