By: Sharon McDermott
How many times do you catch yourself saying the words, “I’m sorry”? “I’m sorry” when you bump into someone, when you are walking through a doorway, when your handbag is sitting on a chair and someone approaches and wants to sit down, you find the words coming out of your mouth. I was looking for an available seat at a conference and a young woman had her purse on the seat next to her. I asked if I might sit down and she grabbed her bag, put it on the floor and said the words, “I’m sorry.” I thanked her, but what I really wanted to say was, “Are you really sorry? You’ve done nothing wrong!” To me this young woman looked like someone who was intelligent and comfortable with herself and yet she fell into that same way of communicating that so many women fall into.
Why say your sorry when you’ve done nothing wrong? Sure you may have bumped into someone, but whatever happened to the words, “excuse me” or “pardon me.” I had a conversation about this topic with my cousin, someone whom I think is a strong professional woman that I admire. She does it too! Apologizing for things that demand no apology or things that a simple “oops, I didn’t mean to do that”, would have sufficed. I told her, “try saying, pardon me” the next time you feel compelled to say, “I’m sorry.” She seemed to think it was brilliant and even practiced it a few times in front of me. The truth is that I should have practiced it in front of her a few times too. What is it that makes women feel the need to say, “I’m sorry”? Whatever it is, it makes no sense!
Maybe we should stick to using the words “I apologize,” when we are sorry. Maybe the words “I apologize” will be conveyed with more sincerity, instead of “I’m sorry”, just being the catch-all response for everything and I mean everything! Unless you’ve made this observation yourself and have made an effort to correct it, I’m pretty comfortable saying that you probably do it too! So ask yourself, “What did I do wrong?” Got any snappy comebacks for that? I didn’t think so!
Maybe we should only use the words I’m sorry when someone has died, such as, “I’m very sorry for your loss.” I know it sounds a bit extreme, but if
we start relating the words to something that extreme, we will be more careful not to use the words unless they are appropriate.
So I’m asking you to think before you say the words and gradually start to practice replacing the words I’m sorry with “pardon me.”
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