What are women thinking in the C-Suite? Once they have faced and conquered all the obstacles and reached the corporate pinnacle still so dominated by men, what do they wish they had known or done differently as they were building their careers?
I’ve been wondering about the answers to this question, and fortuitously, I just reconnected with Sharon Dauk, a very savvy executive coach who has heard both the triumphs and regrets of C-suite women.
It didn’t take long for Sharon to zero in on one key reality C-suite women wish they had known earlier in their careers: the capacity of women to undermine or compete–often in devious and underhanded ways. Sharon explains that most successful senior women have figured out how to play the “old boys” game…given the simple fact that most if not all of their superiors have been men, and most of their peers are men as well. This means they have figured out the delicate balance of competing and collaborating with men—and scored promotions along the way. But once they get to the top of the mountain, many women want to help more junior women do the same. Their “help” often translates to very personal mentoring and guidance (read: professional coddling), which they tend not to do with more junior male colleagues. Often after these senior women have really invested themselves in the mentoring relationship, they are under-cut or betrayed by the women they’ve guided.
Sharon is not sure why this happens—but it does, and it often becomes very personal. She thinks it could be because women are not hard-wired genetically to collaborate with other women. Certainly there are many examples of great female collaborations, but things seem to change when big promotions and big money is at stake. Sharon has observed that when jobs narrow at the top of organizations, women default to almost a zero-sum game competition rather than a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” strategy more common to men.
What’s the answer to this problem? Sharon advises senior women to be equally tough with female and male subordinates. This, she says, avoids exploitation, which can be the result of the career entitlement some junior women feel when they receive very personal mentoring.
In a less political sphere, the second lament Sharon hears from senior women is that they have, over time, over-extended themselves with “extracurricular” activities that do not advance their careers. She acknowledges that the “greater good” of philanthropy is not to further your own goals, but sometimes you can indeed do well by doing good. It’s an issue of limited time, and Sharon advises clients to choose their outside activities both strategically and judiciously.
Women gravitate toward many organizations they simply deem “worthy” or those focused on the advancement of women overall. An example is the many “women’s forums” dedicated to promoting women’s causes and careers. Men are a bit less altruistic, tending to join and work for organizations specifically related to their business–like a charity run by the boss or non-profits heavily populated by leaders in their industry. The difference is that women tend to have just a “give” attitude (giving far too much more time than they have), and men have more of a “give and take” attitude (giving a reasonable amount of time and taking the opportunity for valuable networking). The clincher is that men get business “credit” for their outside activities, and women’s activities are often considered second cousins to their careers.
As I think about Sharon’s examples of things C-suite women wish they had realized or done earlier in their careers, it seems more than a little distorted, jaded and maybe even unfair. Women should be able to help other women without worrying that their help will be exploited. Less senior women—and humans in general—should know that it’s bad business and personal karma to turn your back on people who have gone out of their way to help you succeed. You should be able to volunteer wherever your heart takes you without wondering if the organization will advance your career.
All true, but not the reality of corporate life in the fast lane. –KAS
Sharon Dauk knows from whence she speaks. She spent many years on Wall Street in mergers & acquisitions and real estate investing/development, before becoming an executive coach, mentor and strategic advisor to C-suite executives and entrepreneurs. She helps women in early stage to Fortune 100 companies move forward at critical business junctures, navigate personal and professional transitions and master leadership and management skills. Sharon@sharondauk.com
Originally posted on: 9 Lives For Women
