We tend to think of gratitude as a personal and spiritual practice, not something that belongs at the office. Mary sets us straight and shows us how important being grateful – often and audibly – is to leading collaboratively. Thanks, Mary! – InPower Editors
It was day 2 of helping my friend, Judith, pack for her move. I was going through a lot of changes myself in my work and personal life, and felt defeated. I figured helping her would serve 2 purposes—help her in general and help me get my mind off things.
Judith’s son, Miles, followed her to the door to greet me before we started packing activities. I asked him how he was doing and he responded with complete enthusiasm, “I’m just happy to be alive!” Miles has an extreme form of autism and multiple other health complications. He has been in and out of hospitals since he was three, sometimes his health improving, sometimes declining.
In that moment, I realized I was at Judith’s house for another purpose—Miles taught me what it means to feel gratitude.
World religions and philosophical teachings encourage us to be thankful for what we have in our lives, rather than always asking for more. In the US, we even celebrate gratitude at Thanksgiving. However, the day after Thanksgiving, we immediately jump to think about presents, Christmas and what else we could get in our lives: a new job, a bonus, a promotion.
Shortly after the lesson from Miles, I started reading The Magic. It’s the 3rd installment of The Secret series and it’s about gratitude. Reading it has opened my eyes about the power of gratitude and being thankful for what I already have—and I have experienced how gratitude is the force that builds relationships.
After some reflection, I realized that my life was honestly pretty good, even with all of the current—and past—challenges. I decided to share my gratitude for everyone who has contributed to my life on Facebook. The results were not at all what I expected.
I received comments from people I haven’t talked to in years! I shared with some how hey contributed in a positive way to making my life better. Strained relationships were revisited and turned around in less than 24 hours. I was open and naked online—and it was very well received!
That was when I realized that gratitude isn’t about just giving thanks.
I see [gratitude] as a relationship-strengthening emotion because it requires us to see how we’ve been supported and affirmed by other people.
–Robert Emmons, Greater Good
Gratitude is a gift—an emotional gift that comes from your heart and is sent directly to another’s heart, sometimes coming back to you as a shared gift. It is like an emotional string that ties people together. It’s about sharing your abundant, positive feelings about your dependence, realizing that you are part of a rich, helpful community. Sometimes, you are thankful for people just for being themselves.
It is counterintuitive to practice gratitude at work. We are encouraged by business articles to constantly ask for more—ask for the raise, show what we are worth, assert our personal power. One could say that Western work environments are pretty much ego-driven, focused on individual achievement rather than teamwork. I think this is ironic given that most work environments today are focused on teams dynamics rather than the more traditional individual superstar contributor.
Gratitude goes hand-in-hand with collaborative environments. It’s hard to collaborate with others who don’t value your contributions and you don’t value theirs.
Without my team devoted to getting things done I wouldn’t be able to do anything. My colleagues will often say that it is my leadership skills guiding the team to achieve, but without a group of people with can-do personalities and over-achieving attitudes, achievement wouldn’t happen. I try to tell my team often how grateful I am for their contributions because otherwise, I’d be sitting around, devising strategies and making a lot of sketches and plans that sit on a shelf, getting dusty.
By sharing my gratitude, I am adding emotions to work. Humans are emotional beings and unfortunately at work we tend to check that part of ourselves at the door. We believe work is about achievement, doing, and producing, and emotions are pushed aside because they are about being. But we are human beings. We sometimes underestimate the power of emotions and don’t realize how a small act of gratitude can engage someone’s heart, encouraging someone to achieve the impossible. Some small acts of gratitude could be:
- Giving a complement or providing positive feedback
- Covering work for a sick teammate
- Asking a colleague who is good at something for his or her advice
- Asking the team how to get something done rather than putting a teammate on the spot to do a task
Actions like these build emotional bonds, and bring a team together. It builds trust and creates the foundation for a team to be open and collaborative. It goes beyond engaging individual minds to work towards a goal. Through gratitude, a group will collaborate to create a plan that leverages everyone’s strengths to achieve the goal – there is less of a focus on roles and what someone should do. It’s about possibility of what can be done.
Without gratitude, individuals will still work to achieve a goal, but each person has his own agenda and focuses on roles—or being prescriptive for how people should contribute. It’s less compassionate, less emotional and less productive—it’s about what should happen, tracking the facts.
Gratitude is about sharing and connecting deeply with others and creating bonds that bring individuals together. Shared goals engage people’s minds; gratitude engages hearts. This shift will transform you and the people with whom you share gratitude. Maybe this is why religions and the founding fathers (or was it Lincoln? It’s a little unclear even for Wikipedia) found value in practicing gratitude—at least one day per year, right?
And I almost forgot—Thank you, Miles! I wasn’t the same after you taught me what it means to be grateful.
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
