We all want to know how to be perfect – or do we? While many women struggle to show vulnerability, Andria shows us how this very skill is critical to becoming a trusted leader. We hope you enjoy Andria’s vision of “perfection” form women leaders. – InPower Editors
I’ve been gathering 360-assessment feedback on a new client I’m coaching and am thrilled with the candid input her peers and subordinates have been providing. During the feedback gathering process, I uncovered a consistent theme around the topic of perfectionism. I wanted to share this information because I find this is a common theme amongst women. I see it not only in women I coach who are new to their roles or in higher level positions but also as a general theme for most women. It seems we like to try to be perfect and do everything “just right”. We don’t want others to know when we’re struggling or allow ourselves the beauty of just being who we truly are – imperfect but wonderful women.
This particular individual I am currently coaching is new to a Vice President role in a $1B corporation. She was promoted a few months ago and, as with many I’ve coached in similar situations, she seems to be striving to be perfect. She is taking on more and more, refusing to say no, and delivering a lot of (perceived) “company lines” which are being received by her peers and subordinates with some uncertainty. Why? Because they cannot sense who she truly is, what she believes and what she is all about. Instead, they sense that she wants to know how to be perfect and live up to some “ideal corporate image” instead of being a real person, a leader who has flaws and doesn’t know it all. They are uneasy about a person who seems to be striving for perfectionism because they, (as most people) know, that is a recipe for failure – no one is perfect nor can they be.
Some of the specific feedback I received was, “I wish she’d just let us know what she’s struggling with so we can help her”, and, “I want to know what she thinks is best to do and what her desires are, separate from those set by the corporation”.
I love getting this type of feedback and giving it to the women I coach because it is always eye-opening for them. Although they know perfectionism is an unrealistic goal, hearing this type of feedback seems to give them permission to let go of that goal. They realize they don’t have to be perfect and they can be real people and be their true selves, even (and especially) in the workplace. They discover that is what their subordinates (and their peers, and yes, even their bosses) want. They want the real person.
Being the “real person” is what makes them true leaders; not trying to be perfect but simply being who they truly are. I know that I personally work on this all the time. I have to remind myself that being imperfect is part of being human. I have to remember that my clients, my colleagues, and those who work on my team respect me because of (and in spite of) my flaws. They make me real and allow me to connect with those in my life at a much more authentic level. So, the message is simple: stop trying to be perfect but instead just be you! It’s just like Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself – everyone else is already taken.”
What do you do to battle the desire for perfectionism? How do you remind yourself that, despite your flaws, you are always enough? Do you really want to know how to be perfect, or just how to be YOU.
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