I recently had the pleasure to interview Ester Nicholson, a professional singer and addiction survivor. It became clear to me in our exchange that there are many kinds of “addiction” and that Ester’s wisdom applies just as well to those of us who are addicted to overwork and stress as to more insidious substances. She also has great insight into how to help family and friends who struggle with these issues. Ester has drawn on the power within her to remake her life. I hope you find her insights as inspiring as I do! ~ Dana
Your personal story is one of triumph over addiction. Many professional women aren’t addicted to substances, but to lifestyle habits – like overwork, stretching themselves too thin between work and home and being too demanding of themselves. What have you learned that you’d like to pass on to them?
We usually over commit from a false sense of “not enoughness,” or wanting approval that we’re super women. Sometimes our minds are going so fast, that we’re not even clear about why everything has to be done with such urgency and pressure. It has been very important for my peace of mind, which equals effective productivity, to slow everything way down. Ask yourself the question, “what is the real priority here?” You cannot give what you do not have to give, and if you’re not giving yourself spiritual, emotional and physical nourishment, i.e., meditation, exercise, a healthy balanced diet and space for your own evolution, that which you give will come from a depleted place that is less than your best.
Now that you’ve overcome your dark side, do you find yourself still living with it or have you managed to exorcise it for good?
I believe that as long as breath is in my body, I will always have challenges to overcome. However, I have come to a place in my life where I’m no longer freaked out by my “dark side.” I recognize it has an illusion and out-dated belief that’s being a little stubborn in its departure. It is from that recognition that I release resistance to my shadow side, and through practicing the emotional and spiritual processes that I’ve developed, allow them to gently fall away versus beating myself up and trying to make them go away.
Many people have traveled the rough road you were on, yet your story is unique. What are you compelled to tell us that no one else out there is saying (but should be!) What does success mean to you now vs. what it used to mean?
I think what’s unique about my teaching is that its very foundation is from the perspective that we were not created broken, damaged, unworthy or screwed up people. We were created in the image and likeness of absolute love and perfection. We may have been born into dysfunction and informed by our environment the false ideas about our identities, but we were not created from that place, and because of that we can absolutely return to our original state of wholeness and empowerment. Success is spiritual and emotional freedom, first and foremost, and that also includes financial prosperity, creative fulfillment and loving, supportive relationships with family and friends. Living your purpose!
What inspires you today and gets you out of bed with excitement? What brings you down?
The idea of a really great breakfast gets me out of bed every time, LOL. Knowing that I’m going to do something exciting with my work; preparing for a speaking/singing/workshop engagement really lights a fire under me. What brings me down is when I see others in pain and I feel powerless to help them, especially those I love.
Why is it important for you to tell your story? What is the value of speaking up, speaking out and taking a stand for what you believe in?
It supports me in loving myself with all my faults and shadows. It allows me to be grateful for how far I’ve come, and it gives permission for others to tell their story.
If our readers are struggling with substance addictions, where do you recommend they start to address it? What should they know that you didn’t know until almost too late? If we know someone struggling with addiction, what should we do?
Start to address it with microscopic honesty about how it’s diminishing their lives, and admit powerlessness. It is from that place that the Real power (with a capital R) can begin the healing process. Be willing to fight for your life, whatever that looks like. If that looks like going into treatment, give yourself the gift of going into treatment. If it looks like committing to recovery in the form of AA or whatever group is a fit for you, do it. What I didn’t know until it was almost too late, was that I was so worthy, amazing, beautiful and valuable. That I was a unique way that love was happening, and it would never happen the way it was happening through me ever again. That what I called my flaws and shortcomings because I was different, were actually my gifts. I wish I knew then to give myself a break, and be gentle with myself because I was so worth it.
If you know someone struggling with addiction, don’t turn a blind eye. Let them know that you see their pain and struggle, and that you’re there for them if they need you. This doesn’t mean to become co-dependent and an enabler, it means offer support in a way that they will actually have to do the work – but are willing to help you – help them.
Ester Nicholson, renowned vocalist for Bette Midler and Rod Stewart, author, teacher, speaker and former addict uses her own astonishing story as the core of her powerful teaching, book and new Hay House Radio Show: Soul Recovery – 12 Keys to Healing Addiction…and 12 Steps for the Rest of Us. Please visit: soulrecovery.org for more information.
