Radically Redefining Leadership, Lessons From My Daughter

Out of the mouths of 7 year olds . . . Who says that leaders have to do it all – perfectly? Too often we talk ourselves out of taking on more responsibility because we don’t want “that” job. Mitch reminds us that we have control of what leadership looks like to us. – InPower Editors

My 7-year-old daughter is one of my BEST teachers. One day last December I was driving her home from school, when out of nowhere she said, “Mom, I want Santa to bring me pixie dust. Not the fake stuff. The kind that ACTUALLY makes you fly.” Luckily, I was focused on the road, so she couldn’t see my expression—equal-parts amused (big smirk) and searching (hmmm, what am I going to say to this?). I said, “Wouldn’t that be cool! I know Santa makes toys, but I’m not sure he can do pixie dust.” To which Adi replied, “Well, Mom, maybe no one’s ever ASKED before.” Touché. She had a point.

Last week, I was reviewing the org chart I’d written up on my whiteboard with my assistant, Darcy. Before me were all of the roles I’d identified to help WiRL scale and reach the maximum amount of women: Marketing, Business Development, Technology, Services, Operations, Contract Management, etc. The box at the top read, “CEO.” I told Darcy, “I may hire a CEO at some point. After all, it’s never been my goal to work 60-70 hours a week and be on call 24/7. That sounds hellish.” Darcy simply said, “Oh, really?” She has this great way of asking me a seemingly innocent question that seeps into my heart and brain over the next several days, and wakes me up at 3am.

So, I got to thinking. I recalled what my daughter said: “Maybe no one’s ever asked before.” Well, maybe no one’s ever defined the role of CEO before, so it’s fit for human habitation—particularly female human habitation. Seriously, do you know a single CEO (male or female) running a large company who feels good about their work/life balance? There’s this old paradigm we’ve bought into (myself included, until now) that the job of CEO requires long, exhausting hours with a stay-at-home partner and/or the help of a team of nannies. Does it have to be this way? No, I don’t believe it does.

I’ve always been a rule-breaker, I don’t fit easily into a box, and my next great mission is to prove it’s possible to be CEO of a successful business while working 30 hours a week, spending awesome quality time with my family, and taking 6 to 9 week’s vacation per year. The question isn’t, “Can it be done?” The question is, “How can it be done?”

Only Change Begets Change

Some of you may be saying, “Well, that’s easy for you to say, you run your own business.” I believe change can originate at ANY level in an organization—not just at the top. That’s why WiRL caters to women at all levels. When you bring your FULL value and gifts to the table, companies will move mountains to keep you. Whether you’re in middle management or you’re just starting out, ask yourself how you can change things from YOUR position. Is there a way to create additional roles, or levels, to ensure all critical functions are covered, including the leadership of these functions—so it doesn’t roll up to one single individual? Is there a way to job-share more roles, including that of CEO? Seriously.

Make it Appealing & Sustainable

We’re never going to achieve leadership parity if we continue to operate under the old, all-consuming, I-have-no-life-except-my-job, I-have-a-stay-at-home-partner-or-I-could-never-do-this, I-have-to-be-a-superhero paradigm. Frankly, I don’t know many women who would sign up for that. So, rather than asking, “How do we ‘get’ more women into leadership positions?” we should start asking, “How can we redefine the job of leader so it’s an appealing and sustainable existence?”

Here’s my definition of an appealing and sustainable existence:

• I love what I do, but I don’t feel chained to it
• I often make time for yoga or a walk before or during my workday
• I eat breakfast and dinner with my family
• I make guilt-free time for friends
• I trust others to make critical decisions
• I rarely utilize heroics in my leadership style
• My business grows only at a pace that’s healthy for our employees; nobody’s being constantly asked to do more, with less.
• I model the way: We offer positions that are both full- and flexi-time (for real!)
• I help get my kids ready for school at least a couple days a week, and I get to pick them up and hang out at least a couple days a week
• I sometimes choose to work longer hours because I’m driven by passion and dedication, yet this is the exception rather than the norm
• The amount of overwhelm I feel is rare and low, rather than frequent and high
• I would generally describe myself as confident, happy, healthy and fit
• I’m having an epic life—on my terms!

You Can Have it All

If we, as a society, keep emphatically stating the impossibility of “having it all,” then this will continue to be our reality. Take Hillary Clinton, or at least the media portrayal of Hillary Clinton. The fact that it’s considered inconceivable to be both a leader and a grandmother is telling about the culture of leadership we’ve established. Political affiliations aside, imagine if instead of asking, “Should I be president or focus on being a grandmother?” Hillary Clinton was to instead consider, “How can I lead this country while being an exceptional grandmother?” Is not the true test of leadership doing what’s never been done before?

When people ask how I “do it all,” I tell them I do the things only I’m uniquely qualified to do—and get help with the rest. I consider myself uniquely qualified to be the main visionary behind WiRL, wife to my husband, mom to my kids, and exerciser of my body. Everything else is partially if not fully achievable by another person.

Believe it & You Will Achieve it

I’m currently in Luxembourg to spearhead a leadership offsite for a global tech company. Last night, during dinner with a colleague, I got on my soapbox about my vision of redefining what it means to be a leader. I told her about my fear of sharing it: that people might say, “OK, miss la-la land, how about you step into reality!” Her response was brilliant. She said, “Those with ears will hear you.” If you have ears for this topic, then take it upon yourself NOW to help me prove leadership CAN be done differently. Until we can believe it and conceive it, we cannot achieve it. You don’t have to know HOW; you just have to know it’s your heart’s TRUE desire (not to mention a sure-fire way to make our companies more successful). If you believe it’s possible, then it’s possible to make it happen.

If Hillary Clinton reads this post—and I hope she does!—she herself may scoff, “Oh, sweetheart, you just don’t get it.” And she’d be right. My single biggest asset is that I DON’T GET IT. I have the audacity to think differently. I’ve often heard leaders who’ve taken on a role in a new company say, “I just don’t get why they do it this way. There must be a reason, so I’ll wait until I understand before opening my mouth and risk being seen as ‘not getting it.’” I tell them, “Be careful. The next thing you know you’ll be inducted into their way of thinking!” There’s a fine line between being seen as crazy-town and holding up a mirror to ludicrous practices that have become ingrained and unquestioned. If you want to be a leader, you have to question everything—especially anything labeled “simply the way we do it.”

I’m dying to hear your thoughts! Please share your comments and opinions—and any examples you’ve seen of people (women or men) successfully modeling leadership in ways you believe are fit for human habitation!

Originally on: WIRL