6 Steps to Authentic Self Confidence for Women

Why would anyone follow a leader with no self-confidence? They wouldn’t.
Do women struggle with self-confidence more than men? Yes.
Then why are we surprised when there aren’t as many female leaders as male leaders in our businesses and society? We shouldn’t be.

Now, I know very well that moving women into more leadership positions is a bit more complicated than this and I’m not trying to suggest an easy fix to women’s inequality… but I am saying that for too long women have “bought” the stories society has told us about how we “can’t lead like a man” (which, by the way, research says is true) and that “leading like a woman won’t work” (which, by the way, research says is not true.)

The truth is we can do a lot more ourselves to build our confidence levels that will give us credibility on the leadership track.

Do women actually manage business risk better than men, and personal risk worse? Research says: Yes.
Can we learn to apply this kind of risk-management skill we use so effectively in business to ourselves? Absolutely! – Click To Tweet

How to Build Confidence as a Woman in 6 Steps

Too many aspiring women leave the development of this critical skill to chance when in fact, confidence is one of the easiest leadership skills to build all by yourself. You don’t need anyone else’s permission or consent to get started. Great leaders figure this out along the way, so why not get a leg up on the intuitive process they use?

It starts by understanding what confidence really is. Confidence is not the secure knowledge you’ll never goof up. Confidence is knowing “pretty much” what to expect and knowing how to handle it. You have to build confidence by learning what happens in certain situations, and by practicing responses until you find out what works and what doesn’t. You can’t think your way into confidence – you have to act.

Here’s a simple 6-step recipe to build confidence as a woman, and it works for the CEO as well as for the entry level post-grad:

1. Identify an area you don’t feel confident in

This can be a skill (like communicating unhappy news in ways that spur innovation) or an area of substantive knowledge or capability (like knowing the ins-and-outs of your industry’s seasonal market dynamics).

2. Identify the edge of your comfort zone

Just fill in these blanks: I feel confident that I know/can do ________________ but I’m not confident I know/can do _______________.

For more information and resources on women in leadership, checkout our free resource guide.

3. Identify something you can DO within the next week to act just outside your comfort zone

Can you call on an expert to review what you think you know? Can you go to a meeting and make a contribution “out of the zone”? Can you take someone specific to lunch and be “out of the zone” in your conversation? Can you open your mouth and say something you wouldn’t have said before to the next person you meet? Commit to doing it and then do it.

4. Notice what really happens

This is the hard part. Don’t just notice what confirms that you’re outside your comfort zone. You knew you’d find that kind of feedback when you stepped over the line. Pay attention to it and learn from it, but most importantly notice the other stuff – the feedback that shows you what you DO know and what you’re doing right. That’s what you want to build on and do more of in the future. And don’t worry about looking stupid. Just learn as you go and you’ll never look stupid; people appreciate your transparency and honesty – especially if you’re the boss!

5. Plot to do it again

 Go from the scary place outside your comfort zone to your happy place back inside the zone and have a cup of coffee or a jog on the treadmill. Relax and noodle on what really happened, focusing on what went right. Reflect also on what went wrong and let go of any emotional residue from it (remember, you asked for it). If anything at all went right (and it almost always does), you just moved the line of your comfort zone a little bit farther out.

6. Repeat

Over and over, focusing on the small things. Once you get this process down on the small things, the big things become a whole lot easier.

Learn how to get better mentoring to support you in building your confidence, checkout our free mentoring tips for women.

No matter how high up we get, we all have more outside our comfort zone than within it. Develop the habit of expanding your comfort zone and you’re on the path to becoming a very confident leader in ways that are authentic to you and incorporate your feminine style.

Looking for personally authentic strategies to help you build your confidence or explore self-confidence for women more deeply? Schedule a free executive coaching for women consultation with Dana to help you think of new possibilities.