Doesn’t becoming a mom make us more emotionally intelligent? Lizzy surprised herself with a 360 that said, “um, no!” Peak into Liz’s journey back to emotional intelligence in this interesting post about the impact of motherhood on her professional performance. – InPower Editors
What Doesn’t Break You Does Make You Stronger
After I returned from my 2nd maternity leave, I missed out on a promotion.
Not only had I missed out on a new job opportunity I had a lot going on at home. I was now a mother of two (I’m a mother of three now) and my daughter was colicky (aka sleepless nights). This adjustment period was extremely challenging and didn’t help with my mood at work. I was juggling so many emotions that I just broke. I shut down. I was unhappy.
Before this perceived turmoil, I was an extremely happy and optimistic leader on my team. It was a big strength of mine to read people well. I knew how to put a genuine smile on my colleagues faces. Customer service skills was my forte. Motivation—my middle name. I could listen well and put myself in other people’s shoes. My glass was always half full. I was a go-getter and loved being a go-to person.
After the missed opportunity, I became very angry, silent, closed-up, and resentful. After a while this behavior became utterly exhausting but I couldn’t figure out how to change. A different perspective was unimaginable. It did not help that my new boss (the position that was promised to me) admitted, privately, that I was better qualified than he. Yikes, how do you keep your cool after hearing something like that? I had worked long hours picking up shifts, watching over the department while my manager was out, took on the more advanced and customer-sensitive technical projects, while being pregnant with my 2nd child. I was burnout in my current role so I was thrilled to earn my best performance review in my life before I left to have my second child. I told anyone that would listen that I couldn’t wait to go back to work because I’d be starting a new role.
This Disappointment Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me
The next thing that happened is what sparked my adventure to become a Working Mom Coach and a different kind of leader. I reached out to an Executive Coach I knew for help. He introduced me to the world of coaching and Emotional Intelligence.
My coach gave me an Emotional Intelligence assessment and the results were disheartening. I lacked empathy and joy. I guess a test didn’t have to tell me. These results were peculiar though because they were the complete opposite of how I had previously viewed myself.
Discovering Emotional Intelligence Was a Slap of Reality
It was the new perspective that I needed and a way for me to get out of my funk. It was a reminder of who I used to be and a guideline on how to create a new and improved me!! It helped me manifest my new definition of “normal” for a lot had changed in my life.
The good news is that Emotional Intelligence isn’t something that you either have or don’t have. I had it, lost it, and then rediscovered it. Emotional Intelligence is something that can be taught, if you’re open to it. I realized I was tired not only from sleep deprivation but from a severe negative attitude. Emotional Intelligence taught me self-awareness. I started a journal and took a closer look at what I was feeling. This brought my optimism back. Three years later my first book, “Igniting Mommy Energy” was born.
It’s a game changer when you become aware of the emotions that others are feeling. Empathy is an incredible asset. I recognized that although I was going through my own struggles, both professionally and personally, others were, too. Everyone in my world needed the “old” Liz back as much as I needed her.
I felt alone at work with what I was going through so I reached out to other Working Moms in my company as well as on social media. I discovered a whole new world online with dependable resources. A burning desire to join and assist Working Moms exploded inside of me. And so I joined a coaching school to become certified and began a new leadership journey.
When I Reached the Light At the End of the Tunnel
Now I am out talking to groups of Working Moms about why they are tired so often and feel pressed for time. One reason is the zillion of emotions and thoughts we roll through which go unprocessed. When we take the time to assess the built up emotions we can think more clearly and be more. This takes Mommy Energy.
I am a different kind of leader now. I view my emotional thinking as a strength instead of a weakness. Empathy is now my middle name. I live an authentic life and am more transparent. By being more open other Working Moms learn from my story. I am compassionate and more loving toward my fellow peers. I had worked in a male-dominate field most of my career so this was a big change for me. In essence, I care and feel more now than ever before and it feels fabulous.
Emotional Intelligence changed my career, my leadership style, basically my life as a Working Mom. Without it, and coaching, I may still be stuck in that angry-resentful Working Mom phase. All it took was courage to look inside, rediscovery of what had been put aside, and acting on positive emotions with a brave heart.
Now we’d love to hear from you! Have you had a similar experience? How has emotional intelligence helped you with your leadership role? Leave a comment below we are waiting to learn more about YOU!
Check out the resources in the InPower Coaching EQ at Work and Soft Skills Research Index.
