We all dream of navigating the complexities of our professional journey with ease and confidence, sailing easily towards the end goal of success. And we all know whatever success we actually achieve is a lot messier than this wonderful vision. It’s easy to get lost in the mess along the way, and that’s when we need the guidance of a trusted mentor. Great mentors can help you unlock doors, grow, and offer timely advice along your career path. You probably know this, but are less sure about how to ask someone to be your mentor.
The first thing to know is that you don’t actually have to “ask” someone to be a mentor. You can just ask them for advice and if they give you some, use it and follow up with them again to let them know how it worked. Hopefully they’ll be open to you asking for their advice again. This is a very organic way to develop a mentoring relationship, and it’s exactly what happened to me the first time I “got” a mentee (protégé). Someone younger than me just kept asking for my advice. I kept giving it and then one day they introduced me as their mentor to someone else and my mouth dropped open. I had no idea I was being cultivated as a mentor, but I was. And we’re still friends and professional colleagues more than fifteen years later.
But if you do want to ask someone to be your mentor, formally, here are the steps to think about:
- Understand your goals for a mentoring relationship
- Identify and research potential mentors to ensure a productive mentorship relationship.
- Build a connection with someone before you craft a well-thought out request that is clear about goals, showcases your value as a mentor, and expresses gratitude for their time.
- Overcome fears by exhibiting confidence & competence while maintaining autonomy & trust in the relationship.
Understand Your Mentorship Goals
Before you even get close to asking someone more experienced to give up their precious time and energy helping you, it’s important for you to spend some time and energy yourself thinking about:
- What are your 3-5 year career goals?
- What values ground you in your vision of success?
- What technical skills and industry experience do you have? What do you need to get?
- What accomplishments are you most proud of? What kinds of future accomplishments do you want to achieve?
- What kind of obstacles are you facing/do you expect to face?
- What are you planning to do to move forward, even if you don’t have help along the way?
- What information are you lacking that would help you move forward?
- (Reviewing the info above) what specific support and advice could a mentor give you to help you out?
It’s totally understandable that you don’t have all the answers, but the more specifically you can explain your goals and questions to a mentor, the more likely it is that they can help you, and the more likely it is they will want to help you.
This is because mentors are busy, and the reason they want to help in the first place is because they believe you have a lot of what you need already to be successful. They want to believe that you’re doing your part to achieve success and their help is going to nudge you faster and closer to success. So have goals and a plan in mind before you reach out to them.
Not 100% sure of your goals and plan? Don’t worry about it. Give yourself permission to change your mind, adjust and refine your thoughts along the way, with your mentor’s help.
Identifying Your Ideal Mentor
If you don’t already have a colleague or good connection you believe could help mentor you in the direction you seek, the search for the right mentor can feel like a daunting task. But once you have your goals and questions lined up (see above), finding a mentor becomes much easier.
Assess the skills your mentor needs to be able to help you
When considering potential mentors, think about the skills and experiences you want to develop. Look for mentors who have some of these and can help you understand how to get them for yourself. For instance, if you are planning to make a career transition from a graphic designer to a writer, look for a mentor who has successfully made a similar transition. Want a global position? Find someone who’d operated in an international business context. Have some specific workplace challenges? Look for mentors who’ve survived similar circumstances.
Research potential mentors
Once you have a clear understanding of your career development needs, and what you hope a mentor brings to the table, it’s time to research potential mentors. Start with your personal network, you may have the perfect mentor sitting close to you, or a phone call away. You also have people in your network who would be willing to introduce you to people they know who may be good mentors. Reach out to people you already know and trust, tell them the kind of mentor you’re looking for and see what happens.
LinkedIncan also be a valuable resource for this task, allowing you to follow, connect, and enable notifications for posts from potential mentors. Reading, interacting, and commenting on their posts can provide insights into their expertise, values, and professional connections, before you reach out to them.
As you research potential mentors, don’t forget to evaluate their connections in the industry. A mentor with a wide network can refer you to other professionals who can facilitate your career progress or offer potential job or educational opportunities. Additionally, consider the possibility of having multiple mentors to provide diverse perspectives and support in different areas of your career.
Analyze their values and connections
Before making a mentorship request, ensure that the mentor’s core values align with yours. To determine this alignment, create a list of your core values, rank them based on their importance, and identify professionals you admire and the values they apply in their professional life. Evaluate their accomplishments and ask yourself if these are the kinds of outcomes you’re hoping to create in your own career. Analyze if the way they approach their work aligns with how you would handle a similar situation.
Another important factor to consider is the mentor’s communication style. To the extent you can, ensure that their style is conducive to your needs and fosters a healthy professional relationship.
Building a Connection Before Asking
Before you pop the big question, it’s important to establish a connection with your potential mentor. This may include engaging in informational interviews, attending industry events and networking, and seeking advice on specific topics. It can also look like sitting together in meetings, sidebar chatting in Zoom calls, followup emails and “small asks” for advice to test out whether you feel there’s a basis for a deeper connection.
By establishing rapport early on, you increase the likelihood of a positive response when you ask someone to be your mentor in an official capacity.
Engage in informational interviews
An informational interview is an excellent first step in building a connection with your potential mentor. These interviews can be conducted face-to-face, over the phone, or through video conferencing. Be prepared with questions about the mentor’s career, accomplishments, and insights, and use this opportunity to demonstrate your interest in their field of expertise.
To make the most of your informational interview, research the person you are interviewing, compile a list of questions. Be professional, courteous, and appreciative when initiating contact and having a clear purpose for the interview. This will leave a lasting impression and pave the way for a potential mentorship relationship.
Remember that if you’re asking for an informational interview, they are interviewing you, too. Be prepared with your story about your goals and what you are looking for in a mentor. Help them see you as successful and accomplished already.
Attend industry events and network
Attending industry events and networking can be a good way to meet potential mentors and build connections with those you’ve already identified. Seek out events in your area or online that are relevant to your field of interest. Be prepared to briefly introduce yourself and your objectives, and engage in meaningful conversations with professionals in your industry.
Remember that networking is not just about meeting potential mentors; it’s also about forging connections with other professionals who can support your career development. By attending industry events and networking, you expand your professional circle and increase the chances of finding the right mentor to guide you on your career path.
Don’t expect that one event will be enough. Look for groups and associations you can participate in on an ongoing basis, so you can meet the same people more than once. Look to become involved in a professional community. Often you will meet mentors who are equally committed to the community and because of your shared interest and commitment they will be even more likely to want to help you, officially and unofficially.
Seek advice on specific topics
When you speak with people, ask advice on specific topics. This is a great way to begin a connection with a potential mentor. Inquire about their experience and advice on topics related to your area of interest, and demonstrate your commitment to learning and growth. This can help establish a personable rapport with your potential mentor and pave the way for a successful mentorship relationship.
As you seek advice on specific topics, remember to be respectful of the other person’s time and expertise. Be genuine in your interest and open to their insights, as this will create a foundation of trust and respect between you and your potential mentor.
Crafting a Well-Thought-Out Mentorship Request
When you’ve identified a potential mentor, one you’d like to invite into a personal and committed professional relationship, it’s time to craft a well-thought-out mentorship request. This involves being clear about your goals and expectations, showcasing your value as a mentee/protégé, and expressing gratitude and respect for their time.
When you invite someone into an official mentoring relationship, you’re really looking to negotiate an agreement on what you can each expect from your collaboration. I have helped train mentors and design many different kinds of mentorship programs. The most successful of them always include a specific opportunity for mentoring partners to explicitly agree on how they will engage in the mentoring relationship.
Be clear about your goals and expectations
When making a mentorship request, it is important to be explicit about your goals and expectations. Define your own objectives and ensure they are clear and concise. As the mentor about their goals as well. Is there anything they hope to get out of the relationship, that you may be able to provide in a reverse mentoring way? Discuss these expectations with your potential mentor and confirm that both parties have a mutual understanding of the mentorship relationship.
Planning meeting schedules, checkpoints and debriefing on results are also important aspects of a successful mentorship relationship. Agree on preferred and acceptable use of different communications media (email? Voicemail? Text? Social media?) Be sure that if your mentor has clear preferences, that you honor them. Change your own style if you need to in order to demonstrate how much you respect their time and investment in you.
Showcase your value as a mentee/protégé
Demonstrating your value as a mentee is crucial to persuading a potential mentor to invest their time and expertise in you. Show your readiness to learn by asking questions, sharing how you’ve used other mentor’s advice in the past, and actively participating in the learning process.
The most important thing you can do to demonstrate how you respect your mentor’s time is to show them you’re receptive to feedback by listening attentively to your mentor’s advice and then applying it. Applying their advice is the most important thing you can do. Use the advice you get and then reflect on your results.
Here’s the most important part: go back to your mentor and tell them about your experience using their advice, how you reflected on it, what you learned. Ask them for their perspective and advice based on your experience. This makes them feel like you’re taking their input seriously and gives them the opportunity to help you succeed even more.
Express gratitude and respect for their time
When making a mentorship request, and engaging in the mentoring itself, it is really important to express gratitude and respect for the mentor’s time and expertise. Acknowledge their busy schedule and existing commitments, and be respectful of their time constraints.
Even in your mentorship request, include a thank you for taking the time to consider your request and a recognition of the recipient’s existing obligations.
Utilizing Templates and Examples for Mentorship Requests
While building a connection with your potential mentor, you may informally ask them if they’re interested in a formal mentoring relationship, but I do recommend that you put your mentorship request into writing. Utilizing templates and examples for mentorship requests can help you craft a personalized and effective request. Here’s a generic template request you can personalize using the strategies below.
Dear ________
- I’ve really enjoyed (following you, getting to know you, working with you on project x, etc.)
- By paying attention to your contributions (publications, videos, social media etc.) on topics like ___________, I’ve learned a lot. (Note what you’ve learned)
- I am at a stage in my career where I have accomplished a lot and am ready to take it up a level (expand on this in explaining your how you’ve gotten where you are and your future career goals)
- I feel like I would really benefit from your insights and advice in a mentoring relationship because (note their experiences, skills, situations, accomplishments etc. that make you feel like they would be a good fit)
- I hope you’ll consider giving me some of your time to help me understand things like (list some of the issues you’d like insight on)
- In return I will be happy to (make myself available according to your schedule, provide regular updates, provide any insights you may value on questions like XYZ)
I appreciate your time in considering this request. I will follow up with you (in timeframe) if I have not heard back. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Sincerely, _____________
Personalizing your request
When personalizing your mentorship request, it’s important to acknowledge and respect the individual’s time, while being respectful of their commitments. Use the options in parentheses above to prompt you to outline what you would like to gain from the mentorship, and be specific about your objectives and expectations. Include the individual’s name, the objective of the email, and a succinct description of yourself in the subject line and email.
Following up after sending a request
Following up after sending a mentorship request in the timeframe you promised in the email is important to establish your integrity and to maintain the momentum of your budding mentorship relationship. In your follow-up, demonstrate courtesy and poise by reframing your objectives and expectations, originally outlined in the request email succinctly. Once again, express gratitude for their time and expertise.
Remember, your follow-up should not be intrusive or pushy; instead, it should convey your enthusiasm and commitment to the mentorship, while respecting the mentor’s time and other commitments. You may want to do a personal outreach through a mutual connection and/or their assistant as well. Sometimes other people are able to get your initial email back to the surface of their mind more easily than another email from you.
Overcoming Fears and Barriers in Asking for Mentorship
It’s natural to feel apprehensive about asking someone to be your mentor. It can feel like a personal risk but you really have nothing to lose. Even if you’re not successful initially, they may remember your request at some point in the future when you meet them or are recommended to them through another channel. Here are a few strategies to help you manage the jitters that may come along with this process.
Handling rejection or uncertainty
Rejection or uncertainty is a part of life, and it’s important to remember that one potential mentor’s response (or lack of one) does not reflect your worthiness of mentorship. To manage rejection or uncertainty, start by assuming most of your inquiries will be met with a “no,” or silence because the people you’re reaching out to want to say “yes” but are just too busy. Their unwillingness to mentor you probably has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with their overwhelming schedule.
Be gracious and appreciative if they get back to you in any way, even to say no. Every bridge not burned is one you can walk across again in the future if the opportunity presents itself. I know one person who never heard back from a potential mentor and found themselves hiring that same person a decade later. They laughed about the “failure” and built a strong relationship in that second decade.
Demonstrating and practicing confidence and competence
Confidence and competence are crucial traits when asking for mentorship. To exhibit these qualities, demonstrate self-assurance by articulating your thoughts clearly and confidently, maintaining eye contact when in person, and having an optimistic outlook. Demonstrate your knowledge, skills, and experience by providing examples of prior accomplishments, engaging in discussions on pertinent matters, and exhibiting a willingness to learn.
This is a little like taking interviews for jobs to work on your interviewing skills. By showcasing your confidence and competence, you increase your chances of securing a mentor who is eager to support your growth. But even in the event you are not successful in getting a mentor in every case, you get practice sharing your story and letting other people know you’re out there. You are planting seeds that may grow without you even knowing until a later time.
Finding and asking someone to be your mentor is a journey that requires self-assessment, research, and the courage to reach out and forge connections. By getting clear on your goals, identifying your ideal mentor, building a connection before asking, crafting a well-thought-out mentorship request, and overcoming fears and barriers in seeking mentorship, you are well on your way to unlocking the potential of mentorship in your professional life.
Remember, mentorship is a powerful tool that can propel your career to new heights. Don’t get paralyzed with inaction by stressing over how to ask someone to be your mentor. Do it! With the knowledge and guidance of a mentor by your side, there is no limit to what you can achieve.
