I can’t tell you how many clients come to me with what they understand to be antithetical desires: executive success and authenticity. They’re very aware of the signs of a toxic boss and they don’t want to be that. They hope I can help them figure out how to be authentic, supportive of their team and successful at reaching the top even though they are not completely sure doing all that is even possible.
Their uncertainty is surprising considering how many leadership books promote authenticity, collaboration (and the trust that results), as critical to every level of success—especially the top jobs. However, as we know, many leadership cultures tolerate and even support toxic leaders, so these concerns are not unfounded.
Photo by Brett Jordan
Signs of a Toxic Boss
Even more perplexing is that over the course of my career I’ve observed that many of the best people opt out of top roles, or the desire for them, because they believe the only way to get to the top is to do “whatever it takes” and exhibit signs of a toxic boss:
- Self-centeredness somewhere on the narcissism scale
- “Us-vs-Them” competitiveness
- Unrealistic expectations and impossible deadlines
- Favoritism based on personal loyalty
- Dictatorial decision making
- Information hoarding
- Emotionalism and reactivity
- Lack of feedback or recognition
- Unactionable negativity, criticism and belittling
- Disinterest in others’ ideas
- Blaming and shaming others
- No accountability for themselves
- Taking credit for others’ work
- Unwillingness to consider ethical issues in decision making
- Demanding 24 hour access to employees and face-time at the expense of personal productivity
When deciding whether to climb to the top, many believe that doing “whatever it takes” to get to the executive suite means becoming the kind of person they hate. Given this choice, opting out of the climb makes a lot of sense.
After observing many leaders, I believe that success at the top doesn’t mean doing “whatever it takes.” Instead, I believe it means, “never giving up.” Even in a culture that tolerates toxicity, there are authentic ways to succeed, and in doing so create opportunity for change.
But to start this journey, we have to reimagine what it can look like for authenticity, healthy and collaborative managerial relationships, leadership and success to coexist at the executive level, where the pressure of survival (personally and for the business) can incentivize toxic behavior.
Keys to executive success: replace a “whatever it takes” mindset with a commitment to “never give up.” ⇐=Click to Tweet
Never Give Up: Rethinking the Executive’s Job
At its core, business is an inherently competitive game to access limited resources and produce profitable outcomes. While an abundance mindset in playing the game is healthy and breeds collaboration, at the end of the day customer and stakeholder resources are not unlimited.
It’s the job of the executive suite to set priorities, direct resources and make decisions that enable the organization to survive. The survival mandate of the top jobs too easily leads to an “ends justifies the means” mentality that makes it easy to excuse, allow and reward all the signs of a toxic boss: whatever it takes.
But the most inspiring, motivational and successful leaders are playing a different game, which is not just to survive but also to thrive. Instead of believing they can only succeed at productive ends or healthy means, they believe it’s possible to succeed by creating healthy ends and means. They recognize that this is a more challenging task and requires skill at balancing dynamics which are naturally and paradoxically in tension:
- Competitive and cooperative mindsets
- Relationship-building and task-focused activities
- Big picture vision and detail oriented skills
- Business success and personal wellness
- Confident, visible and humble leadership
- Empowering others and being accountable
This is difficult work and harder than simply surviving at any cost. At first the path forward can seem impossible, but the best leaders never give up in finding the way to “both/and” success. They play the game to win and bring as many people into the winning as they can, without allowing themselves to fall victim to exhibiting signs of a toxic boss. Specifically, what these leaders never do is be:
- Unfocused/unprioritized
- Emotionally reactive and triggered
- Disrespectful of limitations
- Negative and cynical
Accomplishing the Impossible
To some, succeeding in the “never give up, both/and” model described above seems either impossible or too exhausting, particularly if they work in an organization where the signs of a toxic boss run rampant. Burnout is a thing. It’s one thing to never give up and it’s another to bang your head against a wall that refuses to move. But somehow the best leaders find a way. They never give up looking for the right opportunity, somewhere, to lead authentically. And somehow, they always find it.
Join us in the Women’s Mastermind to explore what “rethinking the executive suite” looks like for women in leadership.
