Most of the time when I tell people that I am researching women and business, the conversation wanders into what I now think of as “the analysis paralysis” conundrum in which we try to suss out the why’s of women’s place in society. Here are common themes that come up.
- Women are more collaborative than men because we’re genetically programmed for nurturing, so maybe it’s not natural for us to lead authoritatively and authentically? (Research says no.)
- Girls don’t think it’s “cool” to be good at math, they’re used to seeing themselves objectified in the media, “insert other cultural truism here;” so how can we change social stereotypes?
- Maybe mean-girl bosses are mean because they’ve had to no role models and figure there’s no cultural tolerance for more women at the top, which makes them competitive with other women they see trying to displace them – like trying to keep the alpha female position in the pack?
While interesting mental fodder, I’ve come to see this kind of discussion as unhelpful to the general dialog or for our individual career advancement challenges, because it usually leads us into explaining away the problem instead of confronting the reality and strategizing what to do about it.
Here’s a stark example a friend of mine told me about the cost of such analytical and empathetic reactions. She held a second-in-command position in an company where her second day on the job her male boss told her – to her face – that she would fail. In fact, she lasted almost two years (which everyone working with her seemed to believe was a great success under the circumstances.) After one particularly bruising disagreement that she lost rather publicly, she received emails from female colleagues within and outside the company, at her peer level and more senior, empathizing with her situation. Not one email held advice. In trying to figure out what to do about the situation, she felt betrayed by her male peers and abandoned by her female colleagues – even as they were trying to “help” her by demonstrating they, too, had faced and lost such challenges. Where was the advice on how to win next time?
To the extent we spend our time analyzing our place in business and society more than we spend strategizing actions we can take to deal with it, we’re holding ourselves prisoner to the traditional feminist narrative that holds that we’re oppressed. This only solidifies our perception that we’re oppressed. The InPowering approach to this is to accept things as they are and move to make them better. This is what I find so refreshing about talking with Gen Y women. Raised to believe in their own value, most of them start off here and don’t get stuck in analysis paralysis.
Analysis Can Give Out An Unintended Pass
There’s nothing wrong with having sensitivity to the why’s and wherefore’s of any situation, especially those which are unfair. Understanding history helps us avoid repeating it and certainly research must explore the past and highlight differences. But just like we should place limits on our empathy to help others interpersonally grow through discomfort sometimes, we must also place limits on our over-analysis at a larger level. If we – meaning women and men who are interested in fully tapping into the deep talent pool professional women represent for our economy – get stuck in the analysis, we never move out of paralysis. If we’re not careful, we explain away all that potential to the point where thanks to our analysis it can never be fully tapped. If this happens, we end up giving out a pass to all the bad behavior, thus perpetuating it.
As a blogger (I’m not sure “journalist” quite fits here), I take this responsibility for not perpetuating the helplessness that analysis paralysis can generate. That’s why at InPower Women we’re being very intentional about the new narrative that we’re developing and using, which emphasizes positive, actionable aspects of the analysis we do and report on. We are emphasizing the potential and example for women and men to work together in partnership and create stronger leadership teams that value the strengths both bring to the table. We welcome anyone who wants to write in this new narrative to join us. We are decidedly NOT going to fall into the trap of handing out passes for behavior.
A Special Place In Hell
“There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women.” – Madeline Albright
Madeline has it right. Of all the analysis paralysis that makes me crazy, I have to say the discussions that excuse mean girl bosses is the one I have virtually no tolerance for. Can we please stop giving mean girl bosses special attention and just accept that a jerk is a jerk whether s/he is a woman or not?
I believe that when we can start calling on women to stop mean girl behavior instead of trying to explain it, we will have taken a big step towards accepting that women are people, and we are not all to be lauded and protected simply because of our gender. There’s a special place in hell for anyone – woman or man – who doesn’t support other people – man or woman.
Be the solution. Focus on building your own internal power so you can accomplish good things in the world. Spend enough time understanding what’s messed up to present a powerful and positive alternative and then move on following your own truth and model a better way. Don’t get stuck in the hell of trying to empathize with someone else’s dysfunction – of an individual or a society – or you are doomed to become trapped in it.
Do you go out of your way to provide strategy and advice to colleagues or spend most of your energy analyzing why things are? What habits do your colleagues and girlfriends fall into in conversation? Do you find yourself in powerless kibbutzing about the negative or powerful conversations about to make things different? Should we be easier on women? Work harder to understand them? Should we give out passes and forgive? Pass on your wisdom in comment below!
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Guide to Women in Leadership
Organizations with women in their executive suites regularly out-perform others. Yet rising female executives (and their mentors) are frustrated at how hard it is to break through the glass ceiling. In this extensive guide, Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel into higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
