No words ever do justice to tragedy. What way is there to feel other than powerless in the face of the murdered children and teachers in Sandy Hook?
In the week after yet another horrific act of violence against innocents, I have to write the words that keep coming to me as I search for an InPower way to think about the shootings in Connecticut last week, and in Oregon the week before and in Colorado last summer and in Tuscon last year and all of them…
What if everyone horrified by these events worked to release their own anger as hard as they worked for whatever changes in the outside world they think are necessary?
What if we all stopped putting anger out into the Universe? Could we reduce the anger that truly ill people spark off of enough to reduce those sparks that lead to such tragedy? Could we still the butterfly’s unintentional flutters that turn into storms a continent away?
I honestly don’t know if such inner shifts within each of us can stop such tragedies, and I’m not advocating that we stop efforts to make change in the outside world. But I am working hard on myself, and teaching my own children and the community I touch how to do it as best I can. We each have to take our own approach to these things and this is mine.
Here Is What I’m Doing
Every change we want to see in the world is an opportunity to make a change in ourselves. Here’s my approach. Join me? Here’s what I’m doing.
- Remembering that I truly believe that people are good but that some acts can be evil, and that to stay aligned with this deeply held belief, I must not succumb to anger and hate but release it so that I may bear witness to the good in others, even if they cannot witness it in themselves (for when I can see it, they are more likley to).
- Sending prayers and feelings of love to all those hurting each time I see a Sandy Hook news story or Facebook post (I don’t know – at least 50 times a day? I send a short prayer of love from my heart, “may we all know peace,” and then return to my own life instead of getting stuck in the tragedy.)
- Signing Gun Control petitions with love in my heart for all the people who will learn to care for guns correctly and be less likely to kill or maim others or themselves in accidents, and love for the victims who may never become victims of gun-backed hate or stupidity.
- Donating to Sandy Hook Community. I chose to donate to the Youth and Family Center that is providing community grief counseling services, but you can also donate to the Community Wide fund hosted by United Way.
- Consciously releasing snippy remarks to my family and strangers borne out of holiday stress – before I make them.
- Writing this blog post.
Doing these things makes me feel powerful. Not in the sense of being physically able to make horror go away, but in the way I feel active instead of passive; feel in control of my emotions instead of prisoner to my anger and grief; feel more in control of myself and my world than a victim to the headlines and fears; and in the way that I know I’m making a difference.
What Did Ghandi Really Mean?
Be the change you want to see in the world…
I puzzled over this statement for so many years of my life. How could changing ourselves really make changes in the world? I didn’t understand it until I actually saw it work. The first time I observed it’s power was in a conversation with my husband years ago over something stupid – one of those really small things marriages can’t avoid. I just didn’t have the energy to rise to being angry, so I wasn’t. But for some reason I had the presence of mind not to be dismissive or snippy either. I was filled with compassion – for him and our marriage and myself – when I gave him my non-angry response. And… the vortex of anger we usually fell into simply didn’t happen. It was truly magic how his anger dissipated and we… just weren’t angry.
From that day on I took responsibility for my emotions, on behalf of myself and others. I’ve worked to practice that same response ever since – whether with people I love or strangers who cut me off in traffic. And you know what? It works more often than it doesn’t, with people I love and those I don’t even know. In the process I’ve become less angry and happier with myself. At a minimum, I know that as much as I can consciously, I am not instigating anger in others. At most, when I take this attitude while also taking a stand for something important to me in the outside world, I see that I am taken more seriously and do more good.
And now I’m asking you to try this. If even a fraction of the people who read this post learn how to practice this kind of conscious compassion, even sometimes, my butterfly wings of compassion and belief can counter some storms brewing in parts of the world I will never touch. Will it be enough to stop the next child-killer? I have no idea, but I know my potential for success goes down with every angry thought I harbor, and so I let them all go. I want my chance of success to be high. And so I make my difference. And so I believe.
What can we do? We can do so much more than we think so much of the time, starting in the depths of our own hearts.
My heartfelt, compassionate prayers of love to you, yours and everyone this holiday season. May every thought of compassion build us all a better world.
