By: Rob Sterling
It’s not often a fresh new voice enters the women’s inpowerment movement, but today we have one. Meet Rob Sterling, male homemaker, feminist, and advocate for women’s and men’s rights to make careers out of what makes them happy. Rob believes that powerful women need powerful men working alongside them at home and at work and as our newest InPower Blogger, he will be sharing his journey with us. Please welcome Rob to the InPower Women family! – InPower Editors
What’s a Male Feminist?
Whenever I meet someone new, I always dread being asked the inevitable, inescapable question, “… so what do you do? “. That question makes me cringe with anxiety as I somehow summon the courage to answer truthfully with, “I am a professional homemaker”. Suddenly, an uncomfortable silence halts the conversation and seems to linger for an eternity, as I wait in total fear of rejection or even ridicule for their reaction to my chosen profession.
One can never predict who will accept you or who will reject you for being a male homemaker until the very moment their “what do you do” question is answered. Unfortunately, people either seem to welcome the concept of a male homemaker or they find it offensive. Such unpredictable and diverse reactions make me feel wary, even vulnerable, in unfamiliar social settings until I sense that I am accepted or at least tolerated.
It has taken me years to get to the point where I can finally admit that I love being a homemaker. I believe that being a homemaker is one of the most important jobs in the world, and yet it is still considered a woman’s domain by society overall. Even in the year 2023, most men are fearful of disclosing in public that they are homemakers, or male nannies or even househusbands. In general, men are terrified of being thought of as weak, passive or gay so they learn to hide their giving, caring and paternal side. This sentiment has been hammered into our minds since childhood. As a result, we feel wholly inadequate if we don’t adhere to the old fashioned, patriarchal and ideal image of manhood. I feel I have to spend my life acting a role that society expects me to play, simply because I am a white male.
Men have made some social progress – at least in numbers. Today there are over three million, full-time, male homemakers in the United States and growing. Men are just now starting to enter into traditional female professions like nursing, office secretaries and airline flight attendants. However, we have a long, long way to go towards full equality. It sounds almost comical for a white male to desire and long for equality; but in truth, many men like me are as much prisoners of the patriarchal culture as women.
Unfortunately, there is no place to turn to for reassurance when you are a male homemaker. There are no support groups or organizations where men can participate in meeting like-minded men and exchange ideas, experiences and feel like a member of a close-knit community. Instead, male homemakers today are isolated at home and from each other in a society that discourages men from pursuing careers in the home. In fact, the male homemaker movement has never gotten off the ground as there are just too few of us in numbers. So we suffer silently on the sidelines and helplessly wait for society to evolve.
Why Men’s Equality Matters
My only hope for men’s equality is the women’s movement for equality. This may sound ironic, but I feel the two goals are intertwined. Today, career women only make 75 cents on the dollar as their male counterparts with the same education and experience. Modern society is still culturally biased against women who choose to pursue both advanced degrees and a professional career, by misleading them to believe that they can either pursue a career or a family but not both simultaneously like millions of career men. The concept of a househusband does not even enter a professional woman’s mind as a possible solution to her career-versus-family dilemma. I wish women would realize that guys like me exist who would love to support their wife’s career dreams and aspirations from the home.
Despite cultural oppression, our sisters are bravely and defiantly leading the charge for equality, and I am thrilled at their rate of progress. I support strong female role models like Hilary Clinton who fight hard for equal consideration for women in leadership positions. For not until we finally have a female president in the white house will society also truly accept me for being a professional male homemaker. That is why my heroes are Terry O’Neil (President of NOW), Gloria Steinam, and the everyday woman who strives to reach her full potential whether that is raising a child at home or being a CEO running a company.
I consider myself a male pro-Feminist and I have a dream too. I feel that my cause is the same as the feminist cause, and the greater human cause. When women gain their equality, I am hoping that society will also embrace men who choose to pursue homemaking careers. I want to live without fear of revealing my profession in public. I want to be appreciated for my role as a homemaker just like women are finally being recognized for their immense value as career professionals. Wouldn’t this be the perfect society if we were all just accepted for who we are and what we enjoy doing as a career? On that day, I will walk without anxiety and insecurity of my social environment.
Guide to Women in Leadership
Organizations with women in their executive suites regularly out-perform others. Yet rising female executives (and their mentors) are frustrated at how hard it is to break through the glass ceiling. In this extensive guide, Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel into higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
