How to Overcome the Imposter Syndrome: Make it Your Best Friend

Mary finally received her promotion! After years of positioning herself and working on her personal brand she finally achieved her goal and had been put in charge of a product division for a major manufacturer. Predictably, our first executive coaching call in her new role centered on one subject, how to overcome the Imposter Syndrome and her elevated feelings of doubt in herself since stepping into the new job.

I wasn’t surprised Mary wanted to discuss how to overcome the Imposter Syndrome because I can’t think of a single client, woman or man, who’s risen to a position of significant authority and who hasn’t run smack into some version of this debilitating mindset, with its insidious sense of sham and shame. Feeling fake, underqualified and bound to disappoint people is normal and natural when you take on significant new responsibilities, especially in an unfamiliar environment or context. If you’ve never done it before, of course you’re not 100% sure about how you’ll do it now, especially in the spotlight when the stakes are high.

While many of us experience challenges with the Imposter Syndrome earlier in our careers, high stakes jobs bring on imposter feelings with ferocity. For most of us, as the cost of failure rises, our enthusiasm for “failing forward” diminishes. This is why the Imposter Syndrome bedevils us more and more as we rise higher in an organization or move out farther away from organizational groupthink into entrepreneurship to take on more accountability and (potentially) make more costly mistakes. 

Imposter Syndrome in Context: It’s Lonely at the Top

Mary came on the phone for our first call after her promotion and admitted immediately that part of her self-doubt stemmed from the fact that she felt isolated in a new way. Her entire team suddenly looked to her for answers and final decisions, as did her boss and his peers. Even though she was happy to have greater authority, and confidence in her knowledge and judgement, she felt a new pressure to be “right” in her financial projections, her staffing choices and her approvals. She felt more competitive dynamics with her new peers and found her boss less willing to indulge her doubts than previous bosses. She quickly learned that her new boss was even busier than she was and spent all his mental energy focusing on the bottom line–of everything. Conversations with him were short and to the point, with little room for ruminations.

She told me, “I’m not at the top yet, but it is getting lonelier.”

As Mary discovered, the lack of social support as your responsibility grows often exacerbates the usual imposterish thoughts that come along with new authority. Also, the higher you go there are simply fewer people who share your experience and perspective to engage. Because there’s more competition for fewer slots higher on the ladder, you’ll find fewer colleagues able and willing to help you figure stuff out. And finally, the problems become more unique at the top of any organization. There are fewer precedents, role models and very little certainty that any particular way forward is the “right” way. 

“Imposter Syndrome. It’s not about you.“ @DanaTheus #impostersyndrome <=Click to tweet

It seemed to be a new idea to Mary that perhaps her boss and his boss, the CEO, who faced these issues at even more intense levels, probably felt imposterish sometimes, too. But after thinking about it for a moment, she got it. “So the Imposter Syndrome really isn’t about me, is it? It’s about my situation and the fact I don’t have enough experience in this role to feel confident—yet.”

Bingo. Give Mary a star.

This insight is one of the key differences between how women and men generally encounter challenges with how to overcome the Imposter Syndrome. As with many doubts and criticisms, men tend to project imposterish feelings onto external sources, such as the situation itself, whereas women are more likely to internalize it and believe a feeling of uncertainty means something is wrong with her. Often, men need to be reminded that they bear responsibility for their half of any dilemma. However, no matter what level she’s at, the moment a woman* understands that her imposterish feelings are normal and natural—about a moment in time she’s passing through rather than a feature of her very being—she can more easily put them in context, live through them and ultimately, beyond them.

*or a man stuck in the Imposter Syndrome self-definition trap.

Imposter Syndrome: Bellwether of Maturity

Internalizing the basic dynamics of the Imposter Syndrome I described above helps many people shift their perspective on how to manage it. However, if you simply “tough it out” in a new position until the new stuff becomes “normal,” you’re actually missing out on a major gift the Imposter Syndrome offers you at deeper and very personal levels.

The deeper dynamic at play when you encounter imposterish feelings is the opportunity to shift further from your “socially-authored” identity, begun in childhood, to a “self-authored” adult identity. Described succinctly by Bob Anderson, founder of The Leadership Circle Profile and co-author of Mastering Leadership, this distinction is at the core of adult growth and development: “The Socialized Self (reactive development stage) is defined by what others have told it, that it must be in order to be worthy, good, and successful…The Self-Authoring Self (creative development stage) is the first wherein the self discerns its own internalized definition and identity.”

In short, every human being moves through these stages of psycho-social development, from childhood, where we learn to define ourselves initially through the language and perspectives of others (i.e., socially-authored), to adulthood, where we have the opportunity to define ourselves on our own terms (i.e., self-authored). 

In this context of psychological self-development, the Imposter Syndrome comes along to notify you that you’ve grown beyond the limits of your existing socially-authored identity. The onset of imposterish feelings is a knock on your door offering you the opportunity to stay in your socially-authored anxiety, working primarily to meet others’ expectations, or shift your mindset into self-authorship. The self-authored approach to confronting the Imposter Syndrome requires making your own definition of success primary, fully taking responsibility for your goals, intentions and actions as you live into, and up to, your own expectations. Once you’re following the self-authored path, others’ expectations play a secondary role, and you’ll more easily find personal success in public failure.

In most cases, of course, we manage imposterish feelings through both socially- and self-authored strategies. A healthy adult never fully loses sight of social requirements, especially those related to maintaining community and strong stakeholder relationships. However, our motivation switches from mostly extrinsic to mostly intrinsic. And as we mature, our personal power and resilience grows exponentially as we step into self-authorship.

How to Overcome the Imposter Syndrome: Turn it into an Ally

So back to Mary, as we explored these deeper ideas of self-authorship she began connecting more dots and soon understood that her Imposter was actually helping her out. It was pointing a flashlight at the specific areas of her confidence that had become over-reliant on others’ expectations and definitions of success. Together we identified a few specific actions she could focus on to help her self-author and grow into her leadership identity more fully.

For Mary, she found her path to self-authorship at this point in her journey through the lens of authenticity, finding her own particular ways of solving certain types of problems without trying to copy things others had done. Everyone’s creative leadership strategy at this point may differ. Others may find greater self-authorship in shifting how they relate to and empower team members to better leverage their diverse talents, how they organize resources to build leverage through systems or how they foster team dynamics to complement their own skills. 

There is no one path to self-authorship, because the path is literally your journey into your own, personal, highest potential. Each challenge as you take on more responsibility becomes an opportunity to dig deeper into the social-authorship your family and community have given you to date, or step more and more into becoming the person you choose to be. In learning how to overcome the Imposter Syndrome, you’ll find just a friend to help you out.

Happy trails!