When you have a disagreement, look for the right/right/new approach.
In each disagreement, you must hold onto whatever is most right about your point of view. Let go of the rest.
Too often when others push back on our approach, we fall into right/wrong thinking instead of right/right/new thinking. We wonder what we did wrong or how they can be so dense that they don’t see how we’re right. But the real solution is one that recognizes the “right intent” we both bring to the interaction and finds a new alignment that allows for a new approach.
But how to break our unconscious patterns of defense and offense? Do both!
When your defensive urge strikes you, seek out the most right aspect of your approach, which is your intent. What is the good intention you have? Find it and protect it. Next, go on the offense and find the right intent in the other person’s argument. Find it and show them that you’re willing to protect both right intents. Ask for their suggestion on how both right intents can be achieved. Get creative and explore the space in between.
Yes… sometimes they’ll come back around to where you started. Remember, this doesn’t make you right, it simply means your approach protects important intentions and passed an important test.
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