In the U.S. labor force today, women comprise 47% of workers. Among mothers with children younger than 18, more than 75% have full-time careers. Being a working mom may be the norm nowadays, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy or stress-free, especially during seasons of transition, like the back-to-school season.
The stress of being a working mom can be significantly compounded by end-of-summer schedule changes and gaps in child care. School-age kids who were attending summer camps may be home full-time for a few weeks before school starts. Dana Theus, founder of InPower Coaching, says that when her kids were young, she had trouble juggling multiple roles during back-to-school season: “My identity compartmentalization strategy broke down. When they were in school or camps, I could ‘put on/take off’ my professional mom persona like a hat. In August, my head just wasn’t big enough for all the hats I needed to wear at the same time.”
If you’re a working mom, you can relate to that feeling of trying to keep work and family life compartmentalized, only to find it seemingly impossible during busy seasons. You might end up feeling like you’re not doing a good job with your work or your family. The back-to-school season, with its gaps in child care and influx of practical preparations that need to be made, can be one of the most challenging times to maintain a work-life balance.
Jennifer Miller, freelance writer and mom of a 16 and 13-year-old, speaks for many of us when she says she finds paperwork the most stressful part of back to school season. Jennifer told me, “Gretchen Rubin, author of Happier at Home, jokingly called the first few weeks of back-to-school the ‘Parent Olympics’ of the back-to-school season. I laughed right out loud when I read that because it most certainly feels like a huge, time-consuming task.”
Mary-Sara Camerino, a VP of product development and mom of an 8 and 6-year-old, adds, “What’s most stressful for me is the sudden influx of new information – new teachers, new homework routine, new folders to keep track of, new soccer coach (or swimming coach, etc.) Nothing is routine except the start and end of the school day.”
So, how can we working moms juggle all this stress and the extra demands on our time? And more importantly, how can we do it with grace (i.e., without pulling our hair out) and in ways that are a good role model for our children? As a work-from-home mom myself, I’m preparing my second grader and kindergartener for the upcoming school year. I know that with two kids going to school now, this will probably be our most challenging transition yet.
Managing your workload when you’re pressed for time
It can be so stressful for two of the most important things in your life (your kids and your work) to feel at odds with each other. In times like this, no matter what you do, the ugly and renowned mom guilt is going to rear its head. I’ve found that I start to feel overstretched when I’m checking in with clients and projects outside of my allotted work hours. It’s hard to “clock out” mentally and be fully engaged with my kids when I’m thinking about my job all the time.
A key strategy for surviving back-to-school season can be to pull back on work a little and enjoy the end of summer. Dana Theus says she often scheduled vacations for August for that reason, and adds, “Now that they’re gone, sometimes I wished I’d made better use of that time, like a friend of mine did by taking the entire month of August off, just to BE with my kids while they were kids.” I think fear of that regret is something a lot of us have in common, and though it’s impossible to avoid completely, August can be an opportunity to create some family memories.
If the nature of your job means that it is constantly seeping into your personal life, it may help to set boundaries throughout the year so you’re able to pull back a bit during stressful seasons. Even though you may be a high achiever, and you’re aiming to be a top performer, giving yourself limits in the beginning can help you achieve flexibility with integrity later on.
I’ve had to learn this the hard way. I don’t want to be hard to work with, and I want to be responsive, but when I set the expectation that I’m available at all hours and can respond late at night and on weekends, clients come to expect that. On the contrary, when I set and honor my work hours, I’m more productive in the long run, and I am still responsive with them, even without being available 24/7.
Survival mode as a coping mechanism
As I’ve learned to deal with the stress of being a working mom, one of the lessons I’ve learned in motherhood generally has really helped me: sometimes it’s okay to be in survival mode. Survival mode doesn’t have to be a reactive gesture of defeat; rather, it can be a proactive coping mechanism to get through challenging times. The key is to find what a proactive survival strategy looks like for you and your family. It all depends on your priorities. If you can plan to embrace the bare minimum for the time being, back-to-school season might become a lot less stressful.
When you’re deliberately choosing to keep your family and work routines as minimalist as possible for a season, first ask yourself what the goal is. If you have a huge project at work with a deadline, other things can go by the wayside while you finish that. For back-to-school season, maybe your goal is to give yourself the gift of spending extra time with your kids.
Then you can consider your priorities. What can you cut back on to make your goal happen? We all have different things we’re willing to sacrifice. I can’t think straight in a messy house, so it doesn’t help me to completely stop cleaning – but I’m definitely willing to forgo pretty much all outside activities if things are feeling crazy. Find your bare minimum, your acceptable bottom line, and accept that that’s enough for a few weeks. Mary-Sara Camerino says, “During busy seasons we’ve learned to say ‘no’ to over-scheduling. Instead we make plans but keep them fluid.”
It can be so hard to acknowledge when we are focused on success and achievement, but doing more isn’t always the right choice. Sometimes doing less can be the most empowering decision. You don’t have to say yes to everything.
This is something I have to remind myself of when I get too focused on work. My kids are only young once. That doesn’t mean I can’t have a career, but it looks different now than it will when they’re older. And not only does doing less benefit my family, but cutting back on stress makes me more productive when I’m working, too.
Next week, in part 2, we’ll talk about some of our favorite tips and tricks to prepare for a new school year and ease the stress on everyone.
Anna Williams is a freelance writer and mom of 4 living in the Charlotte area. You can visit her website at https://www.annawilliams.me/.”
Guide to Women in Leadership
Organizations with women in their executive suites regularly out-perform others. Yet rising female executives (and their mentors) are frustrated at how hard it is to break through the glass ceiling. In this extensive guide, Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel into higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
