by Guest Author | Aug 20, 2014 | Career Development
What does an etiquette expert say when you ask her to talk about inner power? Kara Ronin gives us the answer. We love how Karen ties together inner power with outer presence. – InPower Editors
Did you know that confidence isn’t something you’re born with? Shocking revelation—I know. In today’s society, there’s so much pressure to be confident, project leadership skills and exude executive presence. We begin to feel confidence is something we should all naturally have, and all the time.
But I’ve found that confidence is something you acquire through life experience, exposure to new situations, and some type of confident mindset training. It’s not something you’re born with, and it certainly doesn’t hang around 100% of the time.
Even highly accomplished, successful women have admitted to suffering a lack of confidence at some stage in their professional lives. Sheryl Sandberg recently revealed in her book, Lean In, that she has at times felt like an impostor. Academy Award winning actress, Meryl Streep, said to a reporter in 2002, “I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?”
[Tweet “Comparing yourself to others who’ve taken a different path is a sure-fire way to a downward spiral. via @execimpressions on #InPower Women”]
These women have dealt with a lack of confidence. But despite their insecurities and self-doubt, they’ve found ways to continue moving forward in life. You can too, and here’s three tips to get you started.
1. Do Something New Everyday
It’s completely normal to want to stay inside your comfort zone and stick to what you know. But stepping over the barrier that separates you from “where you are now” and “where you want to be”, is a crucial step to feeling more confident. You don’t have to take up skydiving or make a drastic move to a different country to stretch your zone of comfort. There are many simple, every day steps you can take to build your confidence just the same. For me, if I operate too long inside my comfort zone, I not only get bored but I also begin to feel unchallenged and uninspired in my work. Whenever I start to feel a little too “safe” and want to add some adventure to my day, I pack up my laptop, walk into town, and visit a coffee shop that I’ve never been to before. A simple change of scenery and change of environment triggers a whole range of new ideas, new perspectives and newfound confidence inside of me. If you work in an office, try striking up a conversation with a fellow coworker whom you’ve never spoken to before. These simple steps will immediately make you feel more confident and that inner confidence will elevate you throughout the day.
2. Stop the Comparison Nosedive
Comparing yourself to others who have taken a different path in their life and have made different decisions is a sure-fire way to a downward spiral of never feeling good enough. This is one of the most common confidence killers because you’re always focusing on what you don’t have, rather than on what you do have. For some reason, women have developed an outstanding ability to always compare themselves to others, whether it’s a coworker, a friend, or a family member. We’ve become so good at it we don’t even notice we’re doing it, until it’s too late. As an etiquette expert, a large part of my job is about enhancing my clients’ confidence in business or social situations. But in order to enhance their confidence, I’ve had to come up with a way to eliminate this comparison nosedive that a surprising number of people endure. I want to share with you my strategy to combat this downward spiral. Create a gratitude list of everything you have (tangible or intangible) that you are grateful for. Whenever you start to compare yourself against a friend or coworker, take out this list and read it over three times to remind yourself of all the wonderful things you have, or have achieved in your life.
3. Commit to Positive Self-Talk Every Morning and Every Night
If you’re going to take away just one piece of advice from this post, this is the most powerful piece of advice you can take with you: commit to positive self-talk every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to sleep. When you start and end your day with positive, confident affirmations, you can really change your outlook on life. About a year ago I started this process myself. I’d just finished reading Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill and found his concept of autosuggestion (the act of influencing your subconscious mind through repeated verbal statements) to be fascinating. At the time, I was looking for a way I could tap into my inner confidence to help me stay focused throughout the emotional roller coaster you naturally go through when you’re building a business. So I created a mantra that I now repeat three times every morning and every night. The mantra I use is really quite simple, and I invite you to use it too, if it’s the right fit for you. The mantra I use is, “I’m worthy of success”. If this mantra doesn’t feel right for you, you can create your own. But the most important part is to commit to repeating it every morning and every night, until it becomes a part of you.
Once you’ve created a confident mindset, then you can concentrate on externalising that confidence with the right body language, outfits, and voice.
Now I want to hear from you. Do you feel you become more confident as you go through life? Which of the above three tips would you implement first? Please leave your comments in the section below.
Kara Ronin is an international business etiquette expert and founder of Executive Impressions. Drawing from 10 years of living an international life, she started the Executive Impressions blog to guide, inspire, and elevate ambitious professionals and entrepreneurs toward an international mindset and an amazing career. Visit the Executive Impressions blog to get fabulous tips on international business etiquette and claim your free gift. Connect with Kara on Twitter @execimpressions.
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
by Guest Author | Aug 12, 2014 | Career Development
Perfection is overrated. As a matter of fact, it isn’t possible, so learning to accept, learn from and deal with our mistakes is critical. We love how Christy shows how humor is one of many strategies to handle it when you goof up. Making mistakes is an inevitable part of life. Learn how to use them to turn negatives into positives! – InPower Editors As a child the one thing I never wanted to do was disappoint anyone. I was the kid who only required a look from Mama to let me know I needed to stop what I was doing and make a different choice. I, like many people, felt that making a mistake was a bad thing, until one day a wonderful thing happened. I messed up. This was not a small oops, but something I thought was a catastrophic, world ending, no-one-will-ever-speak-to-me-again mistake. [Tweet “One day a wonderful thing happened. I messed up. via @ChristysIdeas”] Guess what happened? very little. The world still spun around, my family still loved me and my career (at that time as a student) continued. Fast forward a few years and I still hate making mistakes but I have completely changed my frame of thinking on goofing up. I learned one truth…If no one dies it can be fixed. Fixing doesn’t mean un-doing, forgetting it ever happened or even that you won’t have to deal with the consequences, but it does mean you are typically able to recover (and often move ahead) from a mistake. These three steps can help you turn a mistake into an opportunity and recover with grace, style and your positive reputation intact.
- Be honest – There is a natural tendency to want to cover up mistakes but what message does that send your supervisors, co-workers and customers? A cover up gives them license to question both your ability and integrity. On the flip side, when you own up to the mistake as soon as possible you show that not only did you catch the problem before they had a chance to bring it to your attention but you were honest enough to let them know so it didn’t cause any further harm. People don’t expect perfection but they do expect accountability.
[Tweet “”One day a wonderful thing happened and I messed up.” Via @ChristysIdeas”]
I once sent an email to a potential employer and I wrote, “My goals is…” Unfortunately, like so many others, I seem to be a better proofreader after I hit send on an email. I was horrified but needed to recover. I sent a follow up email that said, “My apologies to the readers and my 2nd grade grammar teacher. An extra S just jumped on the page and insisted on joining the party…” There was a chance they would have read that sentence and not noticed my mistake but that was a chance I wasn’t willing to take. By owning up to it I had a chance to show I did in fact have a grasp of English and it made them laugh. More importantly they knew that I was a person who took responsibilities for my actions. Negative into positive!
- Offer A Solution – Saying you made a mistake is step 1 but correcting it is an even bigger step. As soon as you realize a mistake has been made think of a way to minimize its effect. Offer to stay late to redo the project. Send a revised report to your boss. Draft an apology to your customer offering to fix the problem and an additional token of your company’s appreciation. Making mistakes can be bad but pawning your mistake off on someone else to fix is infinitely worse! Noticing a mistake before someone else does and coming up with a great solution proves that you are resourceful, attentive and diligent. Negative to positive!
- Make regular deposits into your reputation account – People forgive people that have proven themselves to be competent and capable. People remember the good over the bad when they believe that person always makes a genuine effort to do the best they can. The key to being “allowed” to make a mistake is to do it as infrequently as possible. Innovation and creativity are always great but when you prove to your employer and customers that you know when to take risks and when to play it safe they will trust your instincts and forgive your mis-steps.
Mistakes happen, they always have and always will. A big part of business (and life) is taking limited information and making our best informed decision. Ideally we would always get it right the first time but in reality we won’t so having a recovery plan is essential. Don’t be afraid to act out of fear of making a mistake and don’t let a mistake define you or your career! Remember, there are very few mistakes that can’t be covered and corrected by paint, cheese or humor! Share some of your professional mistakes and recoveries with us.
What are your lessons learned and how did you make a potentially negative situation positive?
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
by Guest Author | Aug 6, 2014 | Career Development
Think you don’t have any sales skills? Think you don’t need them? You do! Kathryn deconstructs the most important sales skills and shows you how to develop your ability to get buy-in. What can you do to develop your sales skills this week? – InPower Editors
There’s a saleswoman inside all of us ready to get out.
When I speak to groups of women about how to find work at every age and stage, I first tell them all that they are not unemployed. Many who are returning to the workforce after many years or deep into a job search that seems to have no end then appear both curious and confused. Until I explain that they each have a full-time sales job…focused on selling their skills and experience and their fit for specific jobs.
For English majors, women who feel more comfort among introverts or those who think that to sell is to push or boast, the idea of developing sales skills seems as plausible as flying to Mars. But sales skills propel women forward in all aspects of life and work whether or not they have paid jobs.
If you’re trying to land a job or keep a job moving on an upward trajectory, sales skills—in the form of negotiation—are key. There’s a great guide to building sales confidence in the Levo League’s “5 Negotiation Tips for Your Mind, Body and Soul”.
Simply getting buy-in for your point of view on a volunteer committee or a corporate team requires the ability to present your value proposition clearly and persuasively—which is the carefully honed skill of any seasoned sales pro.
And then there’s the direct selling that is in everyone’s job description—whether or not your title includes “marketing” or “sales”–when you try to get a client or prospect to buy a product, service or idea for an alternate plan.
Though sales skills are needed in just about any situation, they come naturally for some and learned by others. But even the pros need to keep their eyes on the ball and continually cultivate the key strengths of their trade:
The Ability to Listen: The seasoned sales pro is all ears. They know you can’t make the sale unless you have fully heard and provided specific solutions to customer needs.
Tenacity: Great salespeople never give up. They develop the ability to push forward and try again and again despite any real or perceived obstacle.
Resourcefulness: A sales pro never resorts to word “can’t”. They have the ingenuity to always find a work-around, a new strategy or someone/something that will help to make the sale.
Optimism: There’s nary a true-blue sales leader who doesn’t have a positive outlook and firm belief that around every dubious corner there is the possibility for success—despite the number of rejections endured.
A Sense of Urgency: In sales of every kind, if you snooze, you lose. The best salespeople move quickly and never assume that anything worth having will land on their laps.
A Personable Nature: Many of the best salespeople have big, outgoing personalities—but those who are more reserved can be true to their own personas and equally likable and engaging relationship-builders.
Confidence: In any situation nothing sells better than confidence. You have to believe in your ideas, solutions, skills, products and services—and convince others that you have the ability to bring them to a better business or personal place. Whether you’re in a conference room pitching clients, at a PTA meeting rallying parents or in your kitchen guiding kids, your ability to sell keeps you in the winner’s circle in every life and work game.
Originally on: 9 Lives For Women
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
by Guest Author | Jul 24, 2014 | Career Development
Sometimes the idea of professional networking is daunting. Emily demystifies this critical career development skill by showing us how it’s done. Her keys to success? Fearlessness and persistence. A winning combination. – InPower Editors
Last week I spoke to 4,000 women.
Two back-to-back sessions at the Massachusetts Conference for Women with 2,000 attendees each.
It was incredible.
Exhilarating.
Amazing.
And – I should also mention – the crowd wasn’t there to see me.
They came for Cathie Black.
New York Times bestselling author.
Former Chairman of Hearst magazines and Publisher of USA Today.
The woman named to Fortune’s “Most Powerful Women in Business” list – not once – but 11 times.
What’s interesting about this story is that it – very easily – might not have happened.
It could have been one of those opportunities left unseized in a large pile of “what ifs.”
I’m going to tell you why it didn’t – but first you have to go back with me to April of last year.
That’s when I received a message on Facebook from a friend about a women’s leadership conference at the Greenbrier, a resort very close to my home.
“You totally need to go to this,” she wrote.
As I scanned the highlights – organized by Cathie Black, keynotes including Martha Stewart, celeb chef Katie Lee, and Essence editor Mikki Taylor – it was clear I didn’t want to go.
I wanted to speak.
Immediately, I prepped an elevator pitch, called up the Greenbrier, and asked for the event organizer.
When she came on the line – I wasn’t as nervous as, say, meeting Sheryl Sandberg – but I wasn’t all ‘cool confidence’ either.
I made my case and then…..silence.
“I’m sorry. We don’t have any speaking opportunities available – but I’d love for you to attend.”
Crap.
So much for Plan A. Moving on to Plan B…..
“Ok, what about a panel?” I said. “Is there a panel I could slide into? I’ve got lots of new research from a book I’m writing about women’s leadership plus I would love to be a promotional partner for you and spread the word about this event.”
The ice cracked.
“That would be great!”
Turns out, she was more excited about the promotion than the panel….but I ran with it anyway and gave a few off-the-cuff ideas.
“I have a blog that’s read by women leaders in the region, plus there’s a local women’s network here and I know they have a large email list. What if I interviewed Cathie for my blog and then sent the link over to the network….”
This one comment kickstarted a 20-minute conversation on social media marketing – something the conference needed, but was outside her area of expertise.
At the end of our discussion, she agreed to approach Cathie for an interview (SCORE) and I agreed to share the event online.
“Before we wrap here,” I said, “can we revisit that panel?”
Cut to eight weeks later and the conference opening reception.
I had secured a last-minute spot on a panel.
I had published a glowing interview, personally contacted the local women’s network, and given the event a lot of social love.
As I walked into the room, I immediately spotted Cathie, holding court, but surprisingly alone.
Taking one of those now-or-never breaths, I walked over and introduced myself.
She was kind but reserved and left the conversation quickly.
I, on the other hand, stood there second guessing everything I’d just said.
The next morning in a break between sessions, I spotted Cathie in another rare moment of solitude and decided to try again.
Bad move.
She was about to go onstage and was reviewing her notes with great intensity. After a few moments of small talk, she politely excused herself…. again.
And I was left standing there.
Again.
We didn’t have another opportunity to connect before I left but – as a result of our interview – I did have something more valuable.
Her email.
It’s been well over a year since the Greenbrier conference, and in that time I’ve stayed in touch loosely, but strategically.
I wrote to say thank you for hosting the event.
To let her know I was sending her a copy of my book.
To express my condolences when her mentor and USA Today founder Al Neuharth passed away.
To wish her safe travels on a trip to Saudi Arabia.
The common denominator in all?
I gave her something of value each time without asking for anything in return.
This is the heart (and the secret) of successful networking. Give first then ask.
It’s what got me on that panel where I met Cathie in the first place.
What motivated me to try for a relationship when it would have been much easier to walk away.
And what made me feel super comfortable reaching out when I actually, finally had a request to make.
Since we’d come a long way after our initial meeting, I kept the message short.
Hi Cathie –
The Massachusetts Conference for Women wants us to host a couple Q&As this year. If you’re in I’m going to do some major fist pumping over here.
Best –
Emily
The response was equally efficient.
“Sounds fun. Go ahead and fist pump.”
Originally on: EmilyBennington.com
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
by Dana Theus | Jul 22, 2014 | Career Development
Does it seem like the perpetual issue of “work-life balance” is getting old and worn out? Have we given up on it or is it just time to evolve to a different way of thinking about managing our energy as we accomplish things at work and life our life? – InPower Editors
When The Atlantic published Why Women Still Can’t Have it All by Anne-Marie Slaughter in 2012, a great debate ensued about whether the dream of worklife balance was even possible. Dr. Slaughter argued that it wasn’t and gave us all something to think about after decades of seeking an elusive, and for many impossible, balance between our work and our “life.”
Now, two years later when the subject of worklife balance comes up, most people I talk to groan and laugh because the idea of “balance” just seems absurd in a 24/7 world. However, no one I’ve ever talked to has stopped hoping that our career and non-career efforts could coexist more comfortably. We haven’t given up. We’re just looking for a new way to think about work, life and the mashup of both of them that is our life.
[Tweet “No one I’ve ever talked to has stopped hoping that our career and non-career efforts could coexist more comfortably. via @danaTheus”]
I’m noticing this tension more now that summer is here and both my boys are home from college. Four people vying for three cars (one of which is perpetually in the shop), multiple work schedules and ongoing attempts to coordinate watching a family HBO series is starting to take its toll from my by-comparison sedate empty nest. It’s reminding me of summers schlepping them to camp in between work calls and meetings many years ago.
Recently I experimented and tried to track how many hours I spent “at life” and how many I spent “at work.” After two hours I gave up for two reasons. First, life is choppy and that’s ok. For example, while writing this “work” article, I fielded one “personal” phone call from my husband coordinating dinner and transportation around my work event calendar, and I responded to one emergency work email about a software program I have that is malfunctioning on my personal computer’s browser. Both were pleasant distractions while writing. Sure, you should have good habits like putting the cell phone to sleep while eating dinner with loved ones more often than not, or tell the kids not to call when you’re in a meeting… But let’s face it, it’s often a good thing that you can Google the answer to a heated debate over chicken pot pie or field a request for pickup from the soccer field instead of the baseball field so you know when the leave the meeting.
Second and more importantly, in an “always on” world it’s not about the time, but the energy that work and life take from us. Neither the call nor the email really sapped my energy or took time away from writing the article (I still met my deadline). So what does it matter? What does matter is when worrying about work in the middle of the night keeps me from sleeping and makes me drag my tush around the next day. The energy suck of worry while trying to fall asleep doesn’t technically count as “work” but it sure impacts my “life!” This explains how it’s possible for many people to report feeling more stress at home than at work!
[Tweet “When I manage my energy instead of my time, I find that I always feel balanced, no matter what I’m actually doing.” via @DanaTheus”]
The fact is that we need to update the idea of “balance”, which implies some kind of distinction and “time logging” in every moment of a 24/7 world. What counts to me more than the time I allocate to work or life, is the energy that I spend. When I manage my energy instead of my time, I find that I always feel balanced, no matter what I’m actually doing.
Although it takes a little practice, there are strategies we can all use to manage our energy even when we feel we have little control over our time. The first step is to start noticing where your energy goes when you do things. Is your energy going up or down? Do you even notice? Most of us don’t. We just know we’re exhausted at the end of the day and we don’t stop to notice what it was that was sapping our energy so we could interrupt the pattern.
What saps your energy? What gives it back? What strategies do you use to manage your energy budget and stay “balanced?”
Join this month’s discussion on WorkLife Boundaries and download the free coaching worksheet to help you manage your energy more naturally and fluidly in the InPower Coffee Break community. (Register or Login and put our Free-to-All Coaching Call on July 25th on your calendar now!)
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
by Dana Theus | Jul 15, 2014 | Across Generations, Coaching Advice, Leadership, People Skills
Is it just us or is there a lot of negative talk about the millennial generation these days? We’re getting kindof sick of it because we see plenty of opportunity coming into the workforce with these young adults. First and foremost is the opportunity to become a better leader for us “older folk.” – InPower Editors
My son is 21 and in his second year of a summer office internship. He’s working hard, getting good reviews and privately developing a chip on his shoulder because he believes all us old people think millennial workers (18-30 year olds) are lazy and too full of themselves.
I thought he was just being overly sensitive until I started to see the anti-millenial posts pop up on my feed recently. Really? We’re going to do this again? We’re going to complain about the younger generation the way our parents complained about us? They’re going to take over our jobs and run our world someday. Let’s get on with helping them be effective and – more importantly – allowing them to make us better leaders while they’re at it.
1-Millennials require us to be vision driven
Millennials are driven to make an impact. Maybe it’s because so many of their parents told them they could; maybe it’s because they feel like the post 9/11 and financial crisis world (all they know) is crumbling around them, maybe they’re just not afraid to want to make a difference the way so many of us are and were.
Whatever the reason, this generation performs best when they understand how their efforts further an important purpose. You, as the leader, should be able to help them understand how their job plugs into a higher goal driving your team’s efforts. They don’t seem motivated? Help them relate to the higher purpose. When you can do this well, you’ll find yourself motivating everyone else you work with, too. When that doesn’t motivate them, examine the purpose (tweak if necessary) and the hiring practices that brought in someone so unaligned with it.
2- Millennials are experts in personal productivity
Having been brought up with all the people and knowledge they could ever possibly need in their pocket or purse, these young adults have no desire to waste energy “going places and doing stuff” that they could handle just as easily where they are. If they can take care of “it” lying in bed, standing on a street corner or relaxing on a park bench, they will. This will give them more time to do more stuff – including more work and play that makes a difference (see above).
We old people were brought up to believe work and life were separate; that this required us to be in separate places and with separate people to achieve success separately. Millennials know this isn’t always the case and are mastering the ability to be productive and achieve their goals 24/7 in a blended worklife they call “normal.”
To be successful, however, they have to know what success looks like so they can figure out how to achieve it. As a leader you need to be able to communicate it to them qualitatively. “Sitting at your desk from 8-5,” is not a meaningful description of success so don’t even go there – for anyone. If they need to produce 3 sales a week, maintain satisfied client relationships or design a widget by August 1, make this clear and hold them accountable. If they achieve it by coming into the office at weird hours, let them do it, and let everyone else have the same freedom. If success isn’t happening, don’t go straight to blaming your employees’ work ethic, look first at the goals and the culture. Have you created a goal-oriented, success-focused culture or a “face-time” culture? If the latter, start rewarding success instead of face-time and watch things shift.
3- Millennials can mentor you
It’s true that millennials want a lot of feedback. If you’re not used to this it can be a surprise to find them sitting across your desk asking you to tell them what they did well and could do better. The good news is that because they want it, they usually listen to it and put it into practice! Use this opportunity for ongoing coaching leadership. They don’t want you to wait for the annual review to help them improve, so don’t wait! Small daily investments will help them become more successful more quickly, which is what you both want.
At least as importantly, many younger workers have ideas that they’d like to contribute. Sure, some of them will be off-point but they bring an important perspective that’s a good indicator of what your other employees and many customers may be thinking. Listen. Let them mentor you and enlighten you about what matters outside your sphere. You can cut through the BS a lot of older workers will toss up to try to obfuscate what’s really going on by sitting with a millennial and really listening.
One final comment. I sometimes find my little unhelpful voice saying, “but they haven’t paid their dues!” when a millennial is talking about their hopes and dreams as though they can actually achieve them before they’re 40. If you experience this little twinge of bitterness, let it be an opportunity for you to practice graciousness and compassion. Know that they will have to pay dues, even if they look a little different than the ones you paid. That’s called “the maturing process,” and we all go through it. If they’re successful and start a little further down the track than you did at 35 or 40, be happy for them and wish them even more success when they get to be your age. That’s how our world gets better. The children make it so.
This article originally appeared on the Smartblog on Leadership
Check out the leadership development resources in we have to help you apply these lessons for your entire team.
by Téa Blake | Jul 14, 2014 | Across Generations, Gender Research
Although we’ve made great strides over the last hundred years in defining equality and in blurring the line between genders and their roles in society, there aren’t that many women in leadership positions.
Well the trend is finally upon us and more and more women are entering into authoritative roles all over the world. In the United States, over two-thirds of the workforce expects a large increase in female leadership in their company over the next few years. Women-owned businesses are growing significantly, with 20% more business in 2007 than there were in 2002.
It’s the economic impact of women-owned businesses in the states that’s really the eye-opening statistic: these businesses cover over 16% of all jobs in the US—that’s 23 million jobs and an annual impact of $3 trillion.
This trend is not only going to continue, but it’s going to grow exponentially. The validity behind this assertion can be extrapolated from statistics in the education sector. In the next decade, 1 billion women will enter the global economy. And the majority of new post-secondary degree holders will be.. you guessed it. Women.
Check out the resources in the InPower Coaching EQ at Work and Soft Skills Research Index.
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by Guest Author | Jul 3, 2014 | Coaching Advice, InPower Women Blog, Work-Life Blend
We all face work-life challenges and all our challenges have a dimension where we contribute to the problem. This doesn’t make it “our fault” but it does give us a place to start in removing the roadblock! Don’t worry, there’s another one waiting… and the more we move the greater impact we have on the world and the happier we are. We enjoyed Kathryn’s insight into how this works interviewing a strong woman running a great program to help other women! – InPower Editors
With my book underway, Work for A Rainy Day: Why A Woman’s Work is Never Done, I’m interviewing many people who know firsthand the trials and tribulations women experience with life’s “you never knows”. Every year LouAnn Bloomer, the CEO of TBICO in Danbury, Connecticut, helps more than 500 women move past unexpected adversity, and she has some simple, but powerful lessons for any woman facing any challenge at any time.
TBICO is an acronym for “The Bridge to Independence and Career Opportunities”, and in 2012 I wrote about the organization in my blog post, “Helping Women Help Themselves”.
When TBICO was founded in 1993, it was primarily a “welfare to work” program focused on women who had always been in the lower economic strata. Over the years TBICO has also had a strong alliance with domestic violence centers—helping battered women get back on their feet. But now LouAnn says that her non-profit serves GEDs to PhDs: the difficult economy and job market has brought many once higher-income women to TBICO’s door.
About half of the women who attend the six-week business training course are from middle to upper class backgrounds gone awry. Most often economic situations have taken a drastic plunge due to a husband’s job loss or a divorce. These are women who, because of assets like a house or a car, are not eligible for state assistance—but from a cash perspective they can hover dangerously close to the poverty line.
Even those who appear to live a fairytale life struggle w/ at least one big challenge.
Despite dire situations, TBICO is not a counseling center that holds your hand. While some community programs give women the much-needed “pat” or comfort, LouAnn says that TBICO’s objective is to “push”. She acknowledges difficult situations, but then quickly moves to a more “Go Girls” empowering mantra: “Get over it. Get out of it. Get out of your own way.”
In my older and wiser years I’ve realized that even those who appear to live a fairytale existence struggle with at least one big challenge. Indeed, no one escapes life’s twists and turns. TBICO is a good reminder that we can’t choose our fate, but we can choose how we respond—and take action.
At TBICO “action” is the operative word. With the organization’s training and approach, more than 60% of the women (many who have been out of the workforce for a decade or more) have administrative to mid-level career-building jobs (not retail jobs in the mall) within three months.
As I listened to LouAnn describe the success of her program, I thought about the fact that she moves women from despair to solid direction in a very short time. How can this be when so many other women are lost in a job search for months or years? When so many other women think they have no chance of returning to significant work after a long hiatus from the workforce? When so many other women stay in a job they do not enjoy because they fear reinvention? When so many other women feel they cannot find the work to improve their chances for retirement security?
My questions were essentially asked and answered in the 2013 Job Preparedness Study, which concludes that job seekers are out of synch with hiring managers–and that “disconnects” between job seekers and employers are the biggest barriers to employment–not the current job market. The study found that managerial candidates feel their biggest strengths are a strong work ethic, ability to work well with others and self-motivation–all of which are attributes (not skills) that hiring managers consider baseline (not cutting-edge) requirements for jobs. What employers really want to see are candidates who have a global outlook, the ability to network internally and externally, a strategic perspective and business acumen. When candidates emphasize their work ethic, for example–and not examples of how their strategic thinking has improved the bottom line–they don’t get the job. That’s an example of poor interviewing skills–not commentary on picky employers or a difficult job market.
In addition to teaching women how to interview and bringing in employers to talk specifically about what they look for in candidates, LouAnn tells job seekers you just can’t give yourself the option to fail–or give up. (In fact, 47% of the long-term unemployed do give up…) According to LouAnn you must really want to improve your situation, be completely focused on your goal and be willing to put a full-time effort toward real progress. She speaks with first-hand conviction because many years ago she was in the same place as the women who come to TBICO. Divorced at the age of 26, she had three children under the age of 5. Without a college education, her job prospects included the local diner—but she got the training she needed for an executive assistant job at IBM. She cobbled together babysitting for her children, drove 60 miles to work and ended her 20-year IBM career in a higher-level community relations job.
In the decade+ I have worked with women, I have not met hundreds of LouAnns. More often I hear all the reasons that women believe their work-life aspirations are impossible or destined to fail. It’s the poor economy, the difficult job market, too many years out of the workforce, age discrimination, outdated skills or experience, too much time in one industry, no chance for flexibility and much more. There’s always somewhere to point a finger…too many reasons that too much valuable time slips by each and every day. The TBICO lesson is that you control the outcome: you can quickly scale any mountain when you take responsibility, determine what you can and cannot change and get out of your own way. –KAS
Originally on: 9 Lives For Women
by Guest Author | Jul 2, 2014 | Career Development
Cliches have truth in them, but sometimes they’re just too simple! We love how Henna gives deeper insight into the truism “be yourself.” Wisdom below! – InPower Editors
“Just be yourself, you’ll do fine”. Ever heard this well-meaning advice? I gave this advice recently in an e-mail to a mentee to get her pumped up for an interview for a job she really wanted. Just after I’d hit “send” I thought, well that could be disastrous advice. Here’s why.
This young woman is painfully shy. In practice interviews her body language says “why am I even here?” So, really I should have told her, “Don’t be yourself. Be the interview candidate that gets the job!” My current perspective on “just be yourself” is that it’s an over-used cliché that those of us who mentor others grandiosely repeat without understanding the unintended consequences.
[Tweet “Most of us don’t really know what being ourselves really means via @thewomaneffect”]
Most of us don’t really know what being ourselves really means. Who we are is complex and most of our behaviors are driven from our unconscious. Here are five ways being ourselves can be dangerous:
1) Just be myself (forget what’s appropriate) – Yes well, I may have dressed inappropriately for that job interview, but I wanted them to see the “real” me – the identity I want to project as a cool, hip dude. The real you is not the identity you want to project. The real you knows what they want and are willing to flex to what’s appropriate in a situation.
2) Just be my (insert emotion here) self – If I’m angry or frustrated, being authentic is letting all of that emotion hang out. It gives me license to show up and blow up. The real you isn’t whatever emotion you happen to be having. The real you acknowledges the emotion you’re having and discerns what’s appropriate.
3) Just be myself (and remain in my comfort zone) – Here’s one issue some of my mentees talk about. “I would like to get ahead, but I hate talking about myself. That’s just not me!” So let me just stay in my comfort zone. Or “I know I need to build strategic relationships to move ahead, but it feels so fake to do that”. The real you doesn’t let “that’s just me!” stand in the way of goals important to you.
4) Just be my (insert opinion here) self – I know I need to work with Mary over in Accounting. But, I just don’t like her. Trying to be friendly with her would be so fake. That’s just not me. We take strong stances on our opinions (Republican or Democrat, Catholic or Protestant, I like Mary or Not), and let the stances define and limit us. The real you can find the right attitude or perspective that best serves you in a given situation.
5) Just be myself (and true to my values) – This is a tough one! So many leadership gurus tell us that being ourselves is being true to our values. However, so many tough decisions cause many of the values we have to collide. Abraham Lincoln was open to coercing others and indirectly offering payoffs to get the 13th amendment (abolishing slavery) passed. Yes that would be “Honest Abe”. The real you understands your personal values, wrestles through tough choices, to pursue what’s in the greater good.
We often form our identity around our beliefs, our status, our work, our values, our roles, or even the labels around gender, religion, football team, nationality, etc. Yes, these labels do define who we are, until they no longer serve us. Then the “real me” emerges as the silent witness to the labels, emotions, and perspectives – and empowers us to choose powerfully and be what serves us and the greater good in that moment.
So the next time I proudly tell myself or others to “just be yourself” I will need to pause. How about you? Please comment and share your thoughts on the topic.
If this resonated for you, please comment, subscribe, and share with others.
A version of this post first appeared on my Forbes.com blog.
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
by Guest Author | Jun 18, 2014 | Career Development, Leadership
Ever get one of those “little feelings” that warns you’re saying one thing and communicating another? This is particularly problematic when you’re the boss. For those in charge, learning good leadership communications skills is critical. Mary helps us diagnose some warning signs. How often does this happen to you? – InPower Editors
You know those nagging little thoughts or feelings you have sometimes? Let’s say one of your direct reports says something to you, but the vibe of the exchange makes you wonder if there really is something else going on.
This can be frustrating to say the least. At its worst it can be a sign of a dynamic that is potentially destructive to the goals of the organization you serve, the working relationships you have with those you lead, and your success.
Here are some flags to look for, what they could mean, and how to begin to remedy the situation.
1 – The people around you are answering your questions with vague, non-committal language.
Are they just telling you what you want to hear? Are they afraid you are going kill the messenger or overreact? Or is it because they don’t care and don’t want the hassle of giving the “wrong” answer.
Either way, you have work to do. You can tell people that you want to them to speak freely, but you have to prove it. Create opportunities for them to feel safe in being up-front with you. Don’t start with the most “loaded” topic.
1a – You haven’t heard any bad news lately.
This is a subtle version of flag #1. It could be that the engine of your organization is running on all cylinders. On the other hand, are they buffering you from challenges you really should know about?
I’m not suggesting looking for trouble, but if things seem to be going a little too well, check your own behavior (see point 1). It’s also helpful to ask a truly trusted peer or confidante to weigh in and help you strategize.
2 – It seems your direct reports come to you having scripted the discussion.
One obvious giveaway – the person in front of you is working from notes. Less obvious – they seem stilted in their delivery. This may mean:
- They’re merely nervous.
- They have no idea what to expect from you.
- They know exactly what to expect from you.
Whatever the case is, when you see this, one option is to let it ride. While the two of you are talking, monitor the effect of your behavior and words. When their nervousness has passed, ask if there is anything you can do to make this type of conversation easier next time.
3 – You’re the only one talking in staff meetings.
You’ve had the boss who likes to hear herself talk. Or the one who isn’t responsive when their staff members do speak. Or the one who is uncomfortable with silence and doesn’t wait long enough for people to respond. There are a myriad of explanations.
If you sincerely want more interaction, design it in. Don’t overwhelm them with your newfound commitment to interaction, but pick at least one question or topic that you really want them engaged in and:
- Go around the room for responses. (See bonus tip below.)
- Don’t let people get by with saying, “what she said.”
- Ask follow-up questions to draw them out.
Bonus tip: As a leader of a meeting, if you ask a question and you get no response, ask people to take a minute to think about a response and jot it down. Try this first with a question that requires a little thought.
Does any of this make you uncomfortable? The more comfortable you are with learning about the impact of your interactions and with trying new things, the more comfortable others will be with you. Your leadership interactions will be on the upswing.
What tactics do you use to keep your interactions as a leader open and free-flowing?
Originally on: leadchangegroup.com
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
