by Dana Theus | Oct 11, 2023 | Change Management, Emotional Intelligence at Work, EQ & Soft Skills Research
As a technology and marketing professional, an executive coach and a human recovering from trauma, I have studied change ever since I can remember. In fact, change and transformation have become my personal way of life and nothing gives me more pleasure than helping others learn to walk this path without the shock and confusion that usually accompanies significant transitions in our lives and work. As I’ve begun systematizing processes to help individuals, teams and cultures master the process of change, I’ve come to a major realization: modern change management theory is based on a model of destruction, whereas the change management theory that I have found actually works for individuals and organizations is based on a model of creation.
It’s a well-documented fact that we fail at organizational change far more often than we succeed. This is too bad since change spews at us from the future faster every year. Our habit of change failure has been the norm for decades, and the most common culprit of change failure is attributed to “resistance to change,” which most leaders assume is both inevitable and undesirable.
Change Management Theory 1: Resistance Warps an Otherwise Simple Process
Resistance has been vilified as the enemy of change ever since change management theorists sought to explain its ability to throw a curve into the theoretically linear process of change. The most popular way resistance is theorized to affect the change process comes from an adaptation of Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s theory of grief, published in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. Dr. Kubler-Ross’ big idea was that grief at facing loss (i.e., the As-Is/current state of things) was a natural human process following predictable stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and, ultimately, Acceptance. The “stages of grief” model of change has since been popularized in models like the one below, wherein resistance warps the linear process of change, if it doesn’t completely run it off its rails.
When humans express discomfort and resistance, this popular theory holds that they reach a turning point when they reach bottom, and a high point when they accept the inevitable and finally get with the program. Once they’re on the bandwagon, the ditch in the road has been successfully traversed, then the linear process of change may proceed efficiently and uninterrupted. If the change doesn’t stick, this theory posits that people never really accepted the inevitable and refused to participate.
Reframing Change Management Theory as an Act of Creation – Click To Tweet
This warp theory of change reflects a simplistic view of people and resistance. All resistance is not generated by grieving something that will soon be lost. Many people welcome change which brings with it relief from problems and frustrations they experience in the current state. Even where people do grieve a loss of something they appreciate, that loss may be accepted only to be replaced by resistance generated by other emotions and responses as complex as confusion, resentment, or knowledge and perspectives that diverge from the leaders’.
This simplistic, warped approach emphasizes the process of loss and acceptance by focusing on the fact that the As-Is will be destroyed. It posits change as initiated by those above and “done to people” at the bottom. It is a model based on loss created to spur empathy in change leaders at the top, by encouraging them to see followers at the bottom as helpless casualties. It generates negative energy and passive participants.
Change Management Theory 2: Change as an Act of Creation for Everyone
Focusing on the ways resistance drives an otherwise simple process off track is like looking at a seed bursting into a flower and grieving the loss of what has become a lifeless husk. Yes, change requires that old things be discarded, and maybe even grieved, but the new creation is much more interesting. Why don’t more people naturally focus on the act of creation when change is afoot in an organization?
I think the answer to this question is that the creative process of change is too often reserved for a few people, usually at the top of an organization, to engage in privately. These people get to explore the future proactively, influence it in the choices they make about how it will come about and adapt themselves to the new way of things gradually. When they spring the change on everyone else, they forget that they know more about, and have adjusted more to, the new things than anyone else has had the chance to. When everyone else experiences surprise and resistance, they are shoved aside as fuddy-duddies who don’t like change and are succumbing to the “not invented here” syndromes.
This is not only unfair to the people labelled as resistors, who feel that change is being “done to them,” but potentially lethal to the budding change project. Many of the people offering resistance have important insights to offer and are critical to bring on board for the change to “stick” in the end. So when resistance is viewed as a contribution to the process, the importance of which can only be understood by exploring it more, inviting those who may resist into the process early on in order to understand their resistance builds integrity into the project from the outset. More importantly it allows more people to engage in the creative acts of change, giving them the opportunity to contribute (if not control) and adapt to the future before it arrives.
Many who like to create change shame others for succumbing to resistance because it “wasn’t their idea,” but those same people don’t like it when change is “done to” them any more than the people they are happy to label. It’s human nature to resist change when we’re not part of the process, and while not everyone involved will embrace it just because they play a role in creating change, the chances go way up.
Creating Change Intentionally
The truth is that involving people in creating change is challenging so it seems easier to create it in a small group and then “do it to” everyone else. The problem is that this is a recipe for failure.
So what if you like this reframing of change as creative and participatory? If you want to get started preparing yourself to be a creator of change, no matter where in the organization you sit, you can start by investing in your own emotional intelligence skills.
- Learn to detrigger your emotions and thoughts so you can engage in constructive resistance conversations without dragging your own baggage and getting stressed the process. There’s more to it than that, but becoming a student of detriggering is the essential first step in reduced-trauma change.
- Learn to become intentional about everything, starting with your daily schedule. One of the keys to successful, creation-based change is focus and intentions are an easy way to focus yourself so you can help others focus as well.
Let me know what you think about this new, and I hope refreshing, approach to change.
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What got you here won’t get you ahead. Stop working twice as hard for too little recognition.
by Guest Author | Oct 10, 2023 | Coaching Advice, Leadership
Words are powerful communicators of attitudes that can build people up or tear them down. As a leader, your words carry more weight than you realize, and you need to be careful you’re not parroting things that are driving people to leave. Employee turnover is expensive in more ways than one, so when it comes to your language, just don’t go there. Christy does a great job of culling out some of the most egregious violations of this simple concept. Leaders (and would-be leaders), take heed. – InPower Editors
We are all guilty of saying things we regret when we are frustrated, mad or worried but as leaders, it’s imperative to remember your employees are always watching and taking the lead from your words and actions. That random phrase you uttered at the end of the meeting could have left a lasting effect on your team and depending on what was said that impression may not be as positive as you’d like. Part of your job as a leader is to encourage excellent performance and minimize employee turnover. But are there certain phrases or attitudes that a great leader should never say or demonstrate in order to achieve these goals? Here are five red flag phrases that can (or should) cause your employees to worry and possibly leave them dusting off their resume to head to more positive waters.
“That’s not my job”
This phrase is listed first for a reason, it’s one of the biggest problems. Accountability and responsibility are essential traits of any successful employee. Dedication to a job well done, empowerment and initiative are critical to any successful leader. Anyone who ignores needed work because it is not part of their core responsibilities is not a true team player and ultimately not focused on meeting the needs of the organization.
I was once involved in interviewing a new Facilities Manager for a growing organization. During a tour of the building one candidate noticed a piece of trash on the floor, she quietly picked it up and threw it away in the next trash can she saw. She never discussed it, never drew attention to it, she just did it. As a Facilities Manager she would supervise the cleaning staff but it would not be part of her primary responsibilities. As a candidate it definitely wasn’t needed or expected but that one action told us that she was more concerned about getting a job done than about whose job it was. We hired her and she has since been promoted numerous times and now runs the department.
“Do what I say, not what I do”
This one didn’t work on us as kids and definitely doesn’t work on us as adults. Phrases like, actions speak louder than words and leading by example clearly demonstrate why this philosophy doesn’t work but when it comes from the head of your organization it is twice as bad. A leader has to set the tone and culture of an organization. If they arrive at 10 am, leave at 2 pm and take a 2 hour lunch break in between but expect their employees to put in 12 hour days it won’t take long for employees to start doing the same or even worse, losing respect for them as the leader of the organization. Effective leaders make sure they not only talk the talk, but walk the walk. They go one step beyond what they expect others to do so their actions inspire just as much if not more than their words.
“That will never work”
Individuals want to know that their ideas are appreciated, valued and desired. Organizations love to grow their business by capitalizing on “the next big thing”. Combine those two things and you realize that innovative and creative employees lead to successful organizations full of satisfied employees. Individuals will only share their ideas if they believe they will be well received. Brainstorming works best when it’s a safe place to throw out ideas without judgment. If a boss immediately says no to every new concept they will miss out on the one or two that could have revolutionized the business.
“It’s not my fault”
Effective leaders understand that the best way to teach responsibility is to demonstrate it. When problems occur they don’t spend time pointing fingers, they spend time searching for solutions. They also understand that “the buck stops here”. If they hired the team, trained the team, and gave the team their assignments then they are involved in the successes and failures of the team. That doesn’t mean that employees shouldn’t be held accountable and that under-performers should be allowed to continue to underperform but the first order of business is to fix the problem and the next is to work to ensure that same problem doesn’t occur again. Effective leaders focus on the solutions instead of denying any involvement in creating the issue and take just as much responsibility for misses as they have pride in the hits.
“Failure is not an option”
No one likes to fail. No one revels in the idea of messing up but out of failures come lessons that sometimes can’t be learned any other way. In business, we strive to minimize the negative effects of mistakes but we understand that mistakes will happen. Employees who are too afraid to make a decision because of fear of failing can end up not making timely decisions and getting stuck in “analysis paralysis”. Leaders who manage by fear are typically viewed as dictators as opposed to true leaders.
The post-it-note came from a failed attempt at making glue. Michael Jordan failed to make his middle school basketball team. Failure isn’t ideal, but it’s reality and bosses who take that option away miss out on the wonderful innovations, lessons and resilience that failing creates.
It doesn’t matter if you actually say these things or just hold those attitudes (your people can tell!), either way they work against the goals of the organization and risk the possible loss of your company’s most important resource, its human capital. The result? Employee turnover, low moral and unhappiness walking down the halls. How can you eliminate those phrases from your vocabulary and what effects have you seen those phrases cause? Share your stories and thoughts below and let’s learn from each other.
Rewriting the narrative on women and power
by Guest Author | Oct 7, 2023 | Career Development, Coaching Advice, Leadership
A stereotypical leader is not always “kind,” yet kindness can be one of the most important leadership qualities when it comes to building employee loyalty and motivation. Being kind also doesn’t mean bing a sap. Know the difference to be a great leader. – InPower Editors
Strong leadership and kindness are not mutually exclusive. In fact, they fit together effectively. The most successful leaders treat their team members with kindness. They realize that kindness is motivating.
“Unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly, and most underrated agent of human change. – Bob Kerrey ” – Click to Tweet
Motivated team members lead to a winning organizational culture, which leads to people having pride in their work, their team and their company, which leads to outstanding results and superior client service.
In several recent conversations about kindness, people pointed out that what we say and do must be genuine. Yes, definitely. When I say kindness, I do not simply mean making platitudes.
Kindness includes being positive and encouraging. It also includes helping people feel good about themselves. This is a great description of leadership: how we help make someone feel, how we inspire a can do attitude, how we help others gain confidence.
In my work with business leaders, with 360 leadership assessments and developing winning organizational cultures and teamwork, I regularly hear that people want their managers to be honest and make the time to help them learn and succeed. They realize this often means being forthright and leveling with them about areas of professional development. Yet, managers are often too busy to realize their responsibility to give constructive feedback to help their people learn and grow.
It is important to realize that giving constructive feedback, mentoring and coaching our team members and others are also acts of kindness. Everyone wants to do well and be successful. Their learning, growth and success is our responsibility as leaders just as much as it is our team members’ own responsibility.
We can give constructive feedback in a kind manner, letting our people know we genuinely care about them.
Ideally we have these conversations in person, and if we cannot be with them, we pick up the phone and call them.
I recently had a conversation with Emily Clark, a regional marketing manager at Billy Casper Golf. She is a strong natural leader who is all about the team. Emily made an important point: It is important for us as leaders to take the time to reach out to our people when good things happen, not just when something goes wrong.
“We rise by lifting others. – Robert Ingersoll” – Click to Tweet
My invitation this week is to think “kindness” in our work and interactions and to notice the difference we make.
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Guide to Women in Leadership
Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
by Guest Author | Oct 6, 2023 | Gender Research, Leadership
For women in leadership perspective is everything. Even though sometimes reading the day’s headlines or encountering the accidental sexist at the water-cooler can make you feel like women aren’t getting ahead in leadership, this little retrospective may give you hope that things for women in leadership are moving in the right direction. Check out our in depth Women in Leadership Guide – InPower Editors
To put help gender balance in perspective, we’ve put together an overview of key moments throughout history that have signaled significant firsts for women in leadership. It also shows what some women achieved over 80 years ago. There’s no good reason why this can’t happen again.
Academics:
Data in the last twenty years shows the general trend of girls outperforming boys in academic achievement in terms of class grades across all subjects and college graduation rates, but boys scoring higher on standardized tests and being better represented in the higher-paying and more prestigious STEM fields (science, technology, engineering, and math).
(Source: Kafir, Krista (April 2007). “Taking the Boy Crisis in Education Seriously: How School Choice can Boost Achievement Among Boys and Girls.” Independent Women’s Forum.)
In 2005/2006, women earned 62% of Associate’s degrees, 58% of Bachelor’s degrees, 60.0% of Master’s degrees, and 48.9% of Doctorates.
(Source: Nces.ed.gov. Retrieved April 24, 2012.)
In 2016/2017, women are projected to earn 64.2% of Associate’s degrees, 59.9% of Bachelor’s degrees, 62.9% of Master’s degrees, and 55.5% of Doctorates.
(Source: Degrees conferred by degree-granting institutions, by level of degree and sex of student: Selected years, 1869-70 through 2016-17)
In 2007, Harvard University named Drew Gilpin Faust its first woman president in the school’s 371-year history.
Some 38% of women ages 25-32 now hold bachelor’s degrees, compared with 31% of young men. As a result, 49% of employed workers with at least a bachelor’s degree last year were women, up from 36% in 1980. That means more women in higher-skilled, higher-paying positions.
- The current ratio of hourly earnings for young women to young men, now at 93%, is up from 67% in 1980 and is the highest in government records dating back to at least 1979. Across all age groups, the median hourly wage for women last year was 84% as much as men – $14.90 vs. $17.79, up from 64% in 1980.
- At the same time, the Pew study indicates that a woman’s job advancement often will hit a ceiling, due in part to competing demands of work and family. Women remain twice as likely as men to work part-time and are more likely to take significant time off from employment during their lives to care for children or other family members.
- Among young women, 59% say that being a working parent makes it harder to advance in a job or career, compared with just 19% of young men. Across all age groups, 22% of women and 9% of men report having quit jobs for family reasons at some point during their working lives.
Source: The Pew study was based on interviews with 2,002 adults by cellphone or landline from Oct. 7-27. The Pew poll has a margin of error of plus or minus 2.7 percentage points.
Government:
Frances Perkins becomes the first female member of a Presidential cabinet in 1933. Perkins, a sociologist and Progressive reformer in New York, served as Franklin D. Roosevelt’s Secretary of Labor. She kept her job until 1945. In 2014, three women in leadership positions serve on the President’s Cabinet:
Department of the Interior Secretary Sally Jewell
Department of Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius
Department of Commerce Secretary Penny Pritzker
President Ronald Reagan nominates Sandra Day O’Connor to be the first woman on the Supreme Court, 1981. On August 7, 2010, Justice Elena Kagan became the 112th justice to serve on the Court. In all, four women have served on the Supreme Court.
In 1997, Madeleine K. Albright was sworn in as the United States’ 64th Secretary of State. She was the first woman to hold that job, which made her the highest-ranking woman in the federal government’s history. In 2004, Condoleezza Rice became the second woman–and first African-American woman to hold the job. Five years later, in January 2009, the former Senator (and First Lady) Hillary Rodham Clinton became the third female Secretary of State. There have been a total of sixty-eight Secretaries of State.
In 1916, Jeannette Rankin, of Montana, is the first woman to be elected to the U.S. House of Representatives.
In 1922, he first woman to serve in the U.S. Senate was Rebecca Latimer Felton of Georgia. Sworn in on November 21, 1922, the 87-year-old’s term in office lasted only one day. The wife of former U.S. Representative William Henry Felton, she had a background in politics and civic affairs.
In 1933, Hattie Wyatt Caraway, of Arkansas, becomes the first woman elected to the U.S. Senate.
In 1925, Nellie Tayloe Ross becomes the first woman to serve as governor of a state, in Wyoming. In the fall of 1924 she was elected to succeed her deceased husband, William Bradford Ross. (Miriam Amanda “Ma” Ferguson is inaugurated governor of Texas days later.)
In 1964, Margaret Chase Smith, of Maine, becomes the first woman nominated for president of the United States by a major political party, at the Republican National Convention in San Francisco.
In 1984, Geraldine Ferraro is the first woman to run for vice-president on a major party ticket.
2007: Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) becomes the first woman Speaker of the House of Representatives.
- Currently there are ninety women in Congress. Seventy-three are serving in the House of Representatives and seventeen are in the Senate. Out of all the women that have ever been elected to Congress, 32.5 percent, or approximately one-third, are in office today.
2008: Hillary Clinton wins the New Hampshire Democratic presidential primary, becoming the first woman in U.S. history to win a presidential primary contest.
2008: Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska, becomes the first woman to run for vice president on the Republican ticket.
2005: Angela Merkel, Chancellor, Germany. The world’s most powerful woman is the backbone of the 27-member European Union and carries the fate of the euro on her shoulders. Fresh off a commanding reelection in September 2013, she has served as Chancellor of Germany since 2005; the first woman in the position. (Source: Forbes Magazine)
Business/Executive/Finance:
In 1934, Lettie Pate Whitehead becomes the first American woman to serve as a director of a major corporation, The Coca-Cola Company.
In 1967, Muriel “Mickey” Siebert becomes the first woman to own a seat on the New York Stock Exchange and the first woman to head one of its member firms.
In 1972, Juanita Kreps becomes the first woman director of the New York Stock Exchange. In 1977 she became the first woman appointed Secretary of Commerce.
In January 2014, the Senate confirms Janet Yellen as the chairwoman of the Federal Reserve Board. She is the first woman to hold the position.
Christine Lagarde, IMF chief: The first woman to run the 188-country financial organization has spent much of her first two years on the job battling the debt crisis in Europe and calling for ailing global economies to accelerate steps for stable growth. Her push for debt-sharing between EU nations and an increase in rescue funds has faced resistance from Angela Merkel, chancellor of Germany. French-born Lagarde was a labor and antitrust attorney in the U.S. before a six-year stint as French finance minister; rumor has it she may make a run for the French presidency. Most recently, Lagarde issued a stark warning to the U.S., urging it to raise its congressionally-mandated debt ceiling. (Source: Forbes Magazine)
Cultural:
In 2010, Kathryn Bigelow becomes the first woman ever to win an Academy Award as best director. She claimed the Oscar for her 2009 Iraq War movie The Hurt Locker.
NASA:
Jerrie Cobb is the first woman in the U.S. to undergo astronaut testing. NASA, however, cancels the women’s program in 1963. It is not until 1983 that an American woman gets sent into space.
In 1983, Dr. Sally K. Ride becomes the first American woman to be sent into space.
2007: Dr. Peggy Whitson, an American astronaut, becomes the first woman to command the International Space Station.
NGOs:
Melinda Gates: The Gates Foundation gave away $3.4 billion last year, the vast majority to global health programs, and has made more than $26 billion in grant commitments since the Foundation’s 2000 founding.
Judith Rodin: At the helm of the 100-year-old Rockefeller Foundation for the past 8 years, Judith Rodin oversees leadership programs that tackle a menu of the most pressing global issues, from climate change and health to high-impact micro-investing. The first female president of the philanthropic organization (and first female president of an Ivy League), Rodin is responsible for $171 million in charitable contributions last year.
Margaret Chan, Director-General of World Health Organization: Now in her second term as leader of the World Health Organization, Chan is the most powerful person in global public health and the only person with the authority to call a worldwide pandemic. Her advice on drugs and treatments direct countries battling major diseases and viruses like malaria and HIV/AIDS
Ertharin Cousin, World Food Programme Executive Director: Cousin fed over 97 million people this year. In April 2012 she landed as executive director of the world’s largest humanitarian organization with $3.92 billion in contributions. In her first year on the job Cousin and her staff of 13,000 focused on fighting hunger brought on by drought in West Africa and civil war in Syria. Her agenda for the rest for the year is to transition from food aid to food assistance in an attempt to shift from handouts to self-sustenance. 2013 SPOTLIGHT: Pointed to climate change as a “game changer” that “increases the vulnerability of the hungry poor.”
(Source: Forbes List of 100 Most Powerful Women)
Religion:
Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, Leymah Gbowee, and Takawel Karman, joint recipients of the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize. Each of the Nobel Peace Prize winners this year demonstrated a tireless commitment to peace inspired by their faith. In addition to this joint accolade, each woman is accomplished in her own right.
Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, a committed Methodist, is the president of Liberia and the first female head of state on the African continent.
Leymah Gbowee, a practicing Lutheran, helped lead peaceful protests during Liberia’s second Civil War and has been an important player in the post-war reconciliation process.
Takawei Karman, a Muslim journalist from Yemen, helped organize the 2011 Yemeni uprising, which became part of the larger movement for peace and democracy, dubbed the “Arab Spring.” Coming from countries where religion has historically been used as a tool of persecution and suppression, these women used it as a catalyst for change.
(Source: Forbes List of 100 Most Powerful Women)
Originally on: 50/50 by 2020
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InPower Women’s Mastermind
We don’t Mastermind your business. We Mastermind YOU!
by Dana Theus | Oct 4, 2023 | Women in Leadership
There are a LOT of books out there on women in professional settings. I don’t read them all, or recommend many, though all of them are worth exploring for new ideas and insights. I am recommending that women and men both read The Power Code: More Joy. Less Ego. Maximum Impact for Women (and Everyone).
Here’s why you should read The Power Code
Authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman have written other good books about confidence, which are worth reading, but in The Power Code they do an excellent job of painting a broad picture of the challenges women have in the workplace while also offering actionable advice. They take a perspective on women and power that is realistic–eyes wide open–and hopeful. They talk to real women who struggle and still find ways to wield power with joy and impact.
And this is the real takeaway of their book, when women see power as an opportunity to bring joy to their own lives and change to the world, they can often be more successful than they ever thought possible.
But Kay and Shipman don’t shy away from the reasons too many women don’t believe they can find joy in power–hard work, pressure on family, too little time to yourself. And they show why many women decide those are worthy prices to pay–satisfaction, pride, a sense of fulfillment in making a difference. They point out that the process of achieving power is harder than of actually having it. And, side comment from me, is that any different for men? I don’t think so.
It’s worth reading about these women who’ve attained power to see what joy looks like for them, and the difference they can make in the world because of it. My personal favorite was the story of Christine Lagarde, currently President of the European Central Bank, who made years of mothering count as relevant management work experience when hiring new employees.
Women, think about this: wielding power in pursuit of your purpose brings you joy. #ThePowerCode #workingwomen #career <=Click to Tweet
The book also weaves a compelling story for how a driving purpose can motivate women to attain and use power to achieve needed change in the world. In short, it makes the case for how wielding power in pursuit of your purpose brings you joy. I wish more women thought this was possible and found ways to achieve it.
Key Concept: The Power To
I highlight the point about joy and purpose above because I don’t think we talk about that enough, but related to this is the idea that power is often misunderstood as domination, or “power over” others.
Many women don’t like to play the power game because they (usually correctly) assume that it’s rigged against them. In a zero sum game where there is only one winner, the one who dominates the other, women are more likely to lose than the men they play with. This is true for several reasons, including the fact that men are more likely to want to win, and women are penalized for wanting to win, the “power over” game. Who wants to play a game you’re destined to lose?
Kay and Shipman point out, and tell stories of, women who explore an alternative model to the “power over” game, which women are more motivated to win and tend to be very good at, which is the “power to” game. Whereas “power over” implies domination and control, “power to” implies empowerment and impact. Women are more likely to seek power to create positive change in the world and while many men are also, our cultural stories about male dominated power and leadership are rife with the opposite, including unhealthy ego and the effort to disadvantage others.
For women who are pursuing, or considering pursuing, power in their lives it’s worth thinking about this concept.
If you want power, why?
- What change do you want to create in the world and how can getting to know it intimately ‘power’ you through the challenges it will take to achieve it?
- What stories do you tell yourself about how ‘power over’ is the only kind of power that matters, and what becomes possible if you focus your lens on seeking the ‘power to’ make important changes?
What’s Working and What’s Not
The Power Code is also a good overview of many of the dynamics we cover in our own work on Women in Leadership including:
- How women and men are both struggling in the current work culture and how “women’s issues” need to be redefined as “people issues”
- Biases we have to live with and grow beyond
- How “worklife balance” is being replaced by a search for “worklife blend”
- The dynamics of home life, and male partners, and how this affects women’s ability to succeed in the office
- The reality many men face trying to help women achieve more, and the empathy we need to have for them in this effort
- What companies can and should do to effect change
Your Power Code
One of the most powerful aspects of the book is the way each chapter identifies a handful of personal action items we, in our day-to-day lives, can take to turn these dynamics around for ourselves and our families. Here are just a few I personally like, but it’s worth buying the book to review them all. Many are things I teach in coaching and I know they work!
- Flip the narrative and get in touch with what changes you would make if you could achieve power, and let that motivate you to go get it
- Stamp out fear and lead by example
- Find joy in the power you have
- Prime yourself for future power by remembering and reflecting on times when you had, and enjoyed, power in the past
- Understand all the value you contribute, including emotional labor, and help others value it
- Be empathetic with men and help them adjust to women’s power
- Show up
- Find ways to engage in radical authenticity
As you can see there is a lot of wisdom, data and experience to explore in The Power Code. It’s a good resource for a book club or discussion with family and friends. You’ll find many opportunities to challenge your own thinking when you read it, and to challenge others.
InPower Women’s Mastermind
We don’t Mastermind your business. We Mastermind YOU!
by Dana Theus | Oct 3, 2023 | Corporate Culture, EQ & Soft Skills Research
Key Takeaways
- Psychological safety fuels team intelligence: When team members feel safe to share without fear of judgment, everyone contributes, boosting the team’s overall problem-solving and innovation capabilities.
- Creating safety is an active leadership role: Leaders can foster psychological safety by practicing non-judgmental listening, engaging in individual conversations, and ensuring clarity around the team’s purpose.
- Simple actions yield significant impact: By focusing on how individuals feel within the team dynamic and ensuring everyone understands the shared goals, leaders can cultivate a more productive and psychologically safe environment.
You gotta love Google. Who else would conduct a data study on human soft skills dynamics to teach us what we already know? Ok, maybe we don’t already “know” that psychological safety produces more successful teams, but we each individually know:
we’re more comfortable adding our two cents on the teams where we don’t fear being shamed for offering up our ideas (i.e., psychological safety).
And thus the key finding beneath Google’s research that teams that enforced norms that made people feel psychologically safe:
When teams invite everyone on the team to contribute, team intelligence goes up. – Click To Tweet
Teams aren’t smart because smart people are on them; teams are smart because everyone—no matter how small—contributes and feels comfortable doing so.
Key Criteria for Team Performance
So if you’re working to build a corporate culture where psychological safety runs rampant through team norms and culture, what do you do?
What Google did was inform people and teach managers about how teams operate and gave team managers a tool to poll team members on the five dimensions that make team productivity go up:
- Psychological Safety
- Dependability
- Structure and Clarity
- Meaning
- Impact
Learning To Create A Safe Team Space
But what if you don’t work at Google? What if you’re on your own for making your team psychologically safe and more productive? Here are several things you can do yourself to make your team more effective, and it will grow you as a leader at the same time.
Listen without judgment
We all judge things; it’s how the human brain is designed. But when people feel judged—particularly by a leader—they tend to shut down and hold their ideas inside. So practice reserving judgement until you’re in private. You don’t have to withhold judgement completely, just withhold it while people are talking and don’t allow others to pile it on. Practice separating the time for listening from the time for judging by some “consideration time” to help you truly open your mind to hearing what people say. When you get good at it you’ll be surprised how much your immediate judgment screened out information that made it hard for you to truly hear what people were saying before. You’ll pick up information and ideas this way and your team will feel more psychologically safe.
Spend time with people one-on-one
It’s easy to look at team-time as time-saving time so you don’t have to deal with all these pesky individuals, but when you take the time to talk to people outside the team context, you can learn what is really bothering them, and why they may not feel safe in the team dynamic. You learn more about what they think and how to “read them” so you can invite them into the team discussion in the right way at the right time. The team dynamic is unique, but understanding how people individually interact with it makes you a better team leader.
Be very clear about team purpose
People don’t now how to offer their best if they don’t understand the group’s purpose. And people forget. You think because you explained it three months ago everyone else remembers as clearly as you do what you’ve come together to do. Don’t assume. Reiterate and—importantly—invite everyone to frequently put the team purpose into their own words (this is when it becomes more real to them.) Having a shared purpose can be magical in the way it naturally brings people together. Got a tough team-member who’s not bought into the purpose? Spend some one-on-one time with them to find out what they have at stake when the group is successful. That will help them align to the group goal in a personally meaningful way.
Break Free from Emotional Triggers
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When you’re emotionally triggered, your reactions to stressful situations (and people) feel out of control.
All the stress reduction in the world can’t help you if your emotional triggers are in charge.
These 3 lessons will get you back in the driver’s seat.
by Guest Author | Sep 29, 2023 | Coaching Advice, Personal Mastery
Can an exercise in “expressive writing” reduce your stress, improve your mood and help you get ahead in your career? The answer is yes.
Before I started coaching, I took a wandering, self-improvement journey. I quickly discovered that I had a secret “inner coach” living in my head who had amazing powers to help me sidestep challenges I thought I’d never overcome. Over time I’ve evolved techniques to tap this vast inner resource to help clients in my coaching practice, in both one-on-one and group formats. The most powerful techniques involve self-administered, worksheet and journal based writing exercises to help people detrigger their emotions, focus on daily productivity, determine how to achieve their career goals and more. What I’ve come to realize is that I couldn’t help people as effectively as I do without helping them tap their own inner coaching instincts through pen-and-paper tools.
While I knew this approach worked, I never fully understood the psychology behind these inner coaching strategies until I happened upon a NY Times article on “expressive writing” that put the pieces together for me and I want to lay it out here, for readers and clients, to try to demystify this particular process of tapping your personal powers more deeply. Once you understand the power of personal writing to unlock your inner self-help guidance, which lives in you 24/7, you have the most important tool you need for success.
What is Expressive Writing?
When I first discovered what the research calls “expressive writing” it was called journaling. I still call it journaling because that makes sense to many people, but not to everyone. Some people think of journaling (or writing a diary) as writing for potential publication, but that’s rarely a good idea if what you’re looking for is personal insight. While a few talented people can publish their diaries to critical acclaim, many more don’t (and thank goodness, in my case!)
The power of personal expressive writing to heal, or journaling to figure stuff out for yourself, is completely different than writing to give other people an experience you want them to have. The latter is creative writing and the former is expressive writing. Creative writing is a show you put on for an external audience. Expressive writing is a 100% internal process, a dialog with yourself. The purpose and power of expressive writing is to make sense of things—for an audience of you–in narrative form, to weave together the story your life. It’s a way of putting yourself and your life in a context that creates coherence between you and your world–inside your head and heart.
What Does Expressive Writing Do For You?
When you’re engaged in expressive writing, you’re reflecting on your memory of events and feelings. You’re giving yourself the opportunity to see things you hadn’t seen clearly in the moment, to connect dots you thought at the time were unrelated, to edit and reorganize your experiences so they are more helpful and healthful to you and your sense of evolving identity.
While it’s tempting to write this off as “making stuff up,” or “fooling yourself,” the truth is that our brains do this anyway. They filter and select information for us constantly so that our reality and identity is always a filter on “what really happened.” This is one reason why reasonable people can perceive the same fact or experience very differently; we apply different filters and make sense of what gets through them in personally unique ways. Using expressive writing to shape your personal reality is simply the process of becoming conscious about which filters you want to apply, choosing the ones that serve you and putting the facts, memories and feelings of your life into a coherent narrative that supports your goals and sense of self.
The Benefits of Expressive Writing
The benefits seem to be widespread. As the NYTimes article states:
“The scientific research on the benefits of so-called expressive writing is surprisingly vast. Studies have shown that writing about oneself and personal experiences can improve mood disorders, help reduce symptoms among cancer patients, improve a person’s health after a heart attack, reduce doctor visits and even boost memory.”
The Narrative Benefits of Expressive Writing
Expressive writing is also key to success, because the way it reframes your reality helps you build your identity around your successes instead of the noise (including failures) of everyday life. Again, from the NYTimes:
“In another study, Stanford researchers focused on African-American students who were struggling to adjust to college. Some of the students were asked to create an essay or video talking about college life to be seen by future students. The study found that the students who took part in the writing or video received better grades in the ensuing months than those in a control group.”
While this latter example is more of a creative writing exercise, it demonstrates the power of expression to rewrite the narrative in your head from one of struggle to one of success.
There is also power in the act of physically writing, as opposed to typing on a keyboard. Using a pen and paper leverages different cognitive processes than typing. Both have their place, but handwriting and drawing seem to tap into a more creative and integrated physical experience that is useful in the expressive part of expressive writing.
What IS an Inner Coach, And How Can I Get One?
When I come across clients who struggle with the idea of using expressive writing to tap the power of their inner voice more reliably, it can be either the writing or the expressing part they have trouble connecting with.
Challenges With Writing
If the challenge is simply a discomfort with the physical act of writing, then one-on-one dialog with a coach or therapist, talking to oneself on a recording or even group discussions can take the place of writing. Writing imposes a structure that many of these other formats can lack, but the basic dynamic of establishing an inner dialog can-paradoxically-be achieved in any communication format, as long as it gets the ideas out of the echo chamber in your head.
More than the writing, the expressing part holds power because it gives your inner self a true voice. If the voice in your head stays in your head, its voice is diminished. If it gets into the world in any form, it’s power is enhanced. That voice becomes more real to you, and you give it more weight. By expressing it, the voice gains credibility and it’s harder for you to ignore, which is usually a good thing.
Challenges with Expressing
If my client can handle the writing but struggles with the expressing part, that is something else entirely. It’s more normal than you think to not really know what you’re feeling, much less how to express it. Getting to the point where you can reliably identify and know what you think or feel is a process unto itself, and it’s a key to improving your emotional intelligence, which helps you manage yourself and get along with others. This reliable self-awareness requires that you give yourself permission to feel what you feel and know what you know. Writing it out sometimes helps this process too, even if you trash or burn the very paper you wrote on.
If you struggle expressing yourself because you’re not sure what you’re feeling or thinking, the best thing to do is keep trying to express yourself. In the process of trying to find the words, you’ll get closer to the reality. Over time you will figure it out, I promise. This process is messy, but it’s also why doing it by yourself, using the paper in front of you as your “sounding board” is a good idea. If you get it wrong, you haven’t given anyone else the wrong impression, you’ve just shown yourself that you’re still figuring out how you feel, which is the whole point.
Let it Go
Expressive writing may produce something dear to you that you want to keep forever, and it may be the vehicle for things inside you that you want to get rid of. Whether you keep the paper or destroy it doesn’t matter; when you internalize the habit of expressive writing, you will do both as appropriate.
And this is the key to finding your inner coach. When your inner self gains its voice and the dialog with your outer voice becomes smooth and fluid, you will know what is important and what isn’t. You’ll come to understand what you need to act on, and what’s better left alone. Coaches, therapists and good friends can help you fine-tune your perspective and tweak up your filters, but the core process will be yours. And this is as it should be, because in genuine, powerful dialog with yourself you can become whoever you want to be.
I would love to guide you into a true, deep and powerful dialog with yourself for career and leadership success. Learn more about my coaching services and reach out if you believe I can help you!
Break Free from Emotional Triggers
Free eCourse
When you’re emotionally triggered, your reactions to stressful situations (and people) feel out of control.
All the stress reduction in the world can’t help you if your emotional triggers are in charge.
These 3 lessons will get you back in the driver’s seat.
by Guest Author | Sep 28, 2023 | Career Development
Leaders are often told to be “humble,” but this can actually work against women who are trying to get into leadership. Why? Not because humility isn’t a virtue, but because some women use it to mask a lack of confidence and virtually disappear as a result. Think of this kind of self-effacement as self-erasement. Don’t do that! – InPower Editors
One of the qualities we admire in leaders is humility…the ability to influence others without bravado or self-involvement. This is a compelling facet of the ‘grace’ side of leadership, because it fosters connection, loyalty and trust.
But humility has a less noble and effective relative – self-effacement. Unlike a humble leader, who conveys a quiet self-respect, the self-effacing leader scoots out from under her own value. She’s the one that negates a compliment by pointing out a shortcoming. She minimizes her accomplishments. She shies away from credit.
I don’t see self-effacement as a skillful stance for women in the workplace. It may be comfortable (for us and for others), but it doesn’t garner respect. It doesn’t influence. It diminishes us and, by extension, the people we lead. When we are self-effacing, we are self-erasing; we become active participants in the process of being overlooked.
But the minute we see the limitations of self-effacement, we’re eye-to-eye with a difficult challenge. How do we stand for ourselves effectively, avoiding being seen in the extremes of ‘doormat’ (too much grace) or ‘bitch’ (too much grit)?
Here are a couple of dos and don’ts that I’ve gleaned from women leaders who have managed to find that sweet spot: communicating self-respect in commanding and connecting way.
When someone compliments your work
Do look him/her in the eye and say ‘thank you.’
Don’t smile coyly, look down, tilt your head or say, “It was nothing.”
Don’t tell the person all the things you also did wrong.
Do acknowledge others’ contributions if appropriate.
Don’t negate your own contribution. Avoid the instinct to say, “It was all my team.”
When someone indicates that you’re being considered for promotion or plumb assignment
Do consider saying something like, “What an exciting opportunity. Let’s explore it.”
Don’t say, “REALLY? You think so?” Try to avoid at all costs the whole Sally Field “You really like me!” thing.
When disagreeing
Do hold the person with whom you disagree with respect. It’s very difficult to influence someone if they know you hold them in disdain.
Don’t make nice. As MSNBC news anchor Melissa Harris-Perry once said, “Don’t smile and nod unless you are happy and agree.”
When asking a question
Do raise it by saying “I have a question” or “I’d like to raise an additional perspective.”
Don’t start with “I’m sorry” or “I have a stupid question.”
When negotiating salary
Do your homework! Get data. Know what the company or industry pays (men) for your skills and experience.
Don’t equate salary numbers with your value as a person. The less personally you can take a negotiation, the more power you’ll have in it.
When managing your career
Research shows that men tend to interview frequently for other jobs – even when they’re satisfied with their present position. Women tend not to interview until they’re miserable.
Do interview for a new job every year or so – both to keep your interview skills sharp and to stay in touch with your current value in the marketplace.
Don’t wait to job-hunt until you can’t stand your current job. It puts you in the vulnerable position of needing to jump fast and not knowing know your worth.
Photo by Michael Dziedzic
What about you?
Watch your interactions at work over the next couple of weeks. See if you can catch yourself in self-effacing acts. Each time you notice it, jot down what you did (or didn’t do) that was self-effacing.
Later in the day, you can go back and reflect on these moments in more detail.
- What internal or external forces caused you to draw upon the strategy of self-effacement? Was it merely habit, or was something else going on?
- How did that self-effacing move feel to you? (Comfortable/uncomfortable?)
- What effect did that move seem to have on others and on your standing as a full participant in the conversation?
- To what degree do you feel that it was self-erasing, i.e. that it sent message that you were somehow of less value than the others?
- What’s the cost of that to you? What might the cost be of other people for whose interests you need to advocate?
- If you could go back and do that interaction again, what would do differently?
- What would it require from you to do it differently?
I’d love to hear about the results of your experiments with self-effacement, self-erasement and anything else that comes up for you reading this!
Thanks to Leslie Williams for this great article!
Free Advice for Mentoring Women
Tropes and truths to help mentors and proteges navigate workplace biases and outdated advice.
by Dana Theus | Sep 27, 2023 | Coaching Advice, Dear Dana (Workplace Advice), People Skills
Welcome to “Dear Dana”, our Friday column to give you workplace advice and coaching. Please write in and tell me about a frustration you’re facing at the office and I’ll publish my answer in an upcoming column. I can’t wait to hear from you! In this week’s post we’ll look at workplace bullying and how to handle it. – Dana Theus
Dear Dana, I recently joined a new team and one of my colleagues is treating me like the hired help! Worse, he’s border-line abusive in the way he talks to me (and about me). I guess he thinks since I’m new on the team, his seniority gives him the right to dump his work on me and take credit for it and basically treat me like dirt. I have taken on a few small projects to try to get on his good side, but one of the other team members warned me this is his MO. and I was just making things worse for myself in the long run. They also said our manager (who we all report to independently) probably won’t do anything about it. I’m not sure what to do since I am new on the team and don’t want to get a reputation early on for being difficult or refusing to do work. — Between a rock and a hard place in Iowa
Dear Rock,
Yep, you’re in an uncomfortable place alright!
Since you’re new, you’re right to want to make a good impression. However, being new also means it is the best time to set your boundaries and stick to them so others don’t get used to pushing you too far. If you don’t establish your boundaries early on, you may find that when someone else joins the team and establishes better boundaries than you, you’re still at the bottom of the pile. Don’t let that happen!
Workplace bullying, and bullies themselves, are a problem no matter where in the pecking order you and they fall, but the good news for you is that this guy isn’t your boss. Even though it sounds like maybe your boss is lazy in dealing with this, s/he does represent a potential ally in fixing things. You should try to deal with this interpersonally first, however, before directly involving your manager. There are two reasons for this:
- You, your boss and your other team members will all be better off when you take care of your own interpersonal problems and your personal brand will shine a little brighter because of it. You’ll show what you are made of and gain the respect of the team.
- Dealing with uncomfortable interpersonal issues like this is a good soft skill that will be recognized as a strength by others and will hold you in good stead throughout your career.
Trust me, this is not the last bully who will try to take advantage of you, your good heart and your good work ethic, although once you get better at dealing with them, they’ll seek you out far less frequently.
The most important thing to recognize about bullies is that they have a sixth sense for identifying people who exhibit a victim-mentality. This means you need to change your mindset. The best way to get out of a victim mindset is to recognize the choices you have, no matter how small, and make your choices on how to deal with things proactively. Believe that you have the choice to say “no,” negotiate with the bully to a mutually satisfactory end, and claim the credit that is yours.
I know this can sound easier said than done.
When you recognize and prepare to act on your choices, you’ll hear a lot of mental chatter as those little victim-gremlin-voices in your head get noisy telling you all the horrible things that will happen if you push back. You may have to detrigger anxieties like:
- “he’ll badmouth me to the boss and I’ll get fired,”
- “he reminds me of my abusive partner/parent and I just can’t deal with him without breaking into a cold sweat,”
- “everyone will think I’m a troublemaker”
Once you detrigger your inner gremlin voices, however, you’ll be able to get into a more emotionally neutral place and talking to the bully will get a lot easier.
By the way, don’t focus on hiding your emotions and think you’re solving anything. You may believe you’re hiding your feelings of vulnerability and anger but, sorry to deliver the bad news, a bully’s sixth sense is stronger than your invisibility cloak. Just look at this situation as a gift to help you get rid of your triggers and fears so you’re less vulnerable to the victim-mentality.
Establish boundaries. You may offer a swap, you’ll do X if he’ll do Y. Be sure to document such agreements and make sure your boss is cc’d on the email so if bully-boy drops his ball, there’s evidence that you didn’t make the resultant mess. You can also simply say, “no,” and share your own priorities and why they’re important so you’re not coming across as obstructionist, but focused on delivering your part of the team’s deliverables. Do this with witnesses present whenever you can.
You need to be explicit. If he drops something on your desk when you’re away with a note saying the boss wants it by noon, go to the boss and ask them if they made the request and (if so) do they need you to prioritize it over whatever else is going on? You can also ask the boss to deliver such requests directly to you in the future so it’s clearer what they need by when. If the boss didn’t ask you to do it, meaning the bully is trying to give you his work, go back to the bully and give it back to them saying you don’t have time and that you checked with the boss who still wants it by noon (and/or leave a note to this effect.) Be detriggered and ready to let the chips fall where they may, but with the task’s accountability clarified.
However you handle these things, be sure to nurture your own relationship with your boss. Detrigger any anger at the boss because they’re letting this guy try to pull fast ones on you and make sure the boss is aware of your efforts to manage your colleague. The key to maintaining a good relationship with your boss in these circumstances is not to ask them to intervene unless it’s egregious, but to inform them and tell them how you’re handling it. You can also ask your boss for advice/mentoring on the subject and put their suggestions into practice, reporting back on how it goes. In a best case scenario, they’ll back you up and in a worst case scenario you’ve got a witness when your colleague drops a ball and tries to pin the blame on you. Always deliver your work directly to your boss, even if it “came through” your colleague to ensure you get the credit.
You’re definitely in a hard place, but in most cases the above strategies will get you out of your crevice. If it gets really bad, take it up directly with your boss and, if necessary, seek out HR and ask them for advice. You may not be the first one in this situation and perhaps there’s a solution waiting for you to trigger it.
Good luck rock-climbing!
Dana Theus
Executive Coach
P.S. – Have a question you’d like anonymous support on? Write me!
Break Free from Emotional Triggers
Free eCourse
When you’re emotionally triggered, your reactions to stressful situations (and people) feel out of control.
All the stress reduction in the world can’t help you if your emotional triggers are in charge.
These 3 lessons will get you back in the driver’s seat.
by Guest Author | Sep 26, 2023 | Coaching Advice, Personal Mastery, Work-Life Blend
Lessons for leadership. The holidays are a stressful time for all of us, when we struggle with work-life balance (or not) and work to serve our business and our families with equal gusto, too often at the expense of ourselves.
This month when things are so crazy, I’m reminded that the holidays are a good opportunity to practice a leadership skill that I believe is #1 for anyone at any level: Integrity. The ability to do what you say and say what you’ll do is much more challenging than the simple words themselves. When you really commit to the principle of integrity, you think much harder about what you’re capable of doing within any given timeframe, you ration your most important resource – yourself – much more precisely, and you accept your own mistakes with more grace.
I gave a leadership development seminar recently and one mid-level manager, an attorney, stood up and declared that he credited his personal commitment to Integrity with his own career success. He went on to say that his office director had made a public commitment to this core principle as well and he’d witnessed the reputation of their office do a 180 over the course of the last 18 months. A simple little principle that pays off in deep and powerful ways for individuals and groups.
Integrity is a Cure for Holiday Stress
So here’s an executive coaching tip; there is no time when Integrity is more needed than at the holidays. The potential for distraction and falling out of Integrity is greater than ever. Stay fast to your principles. Say “yes” when you mean Yes and “no” when you mean No. Be your word and watch the stress melt away.
There is no perfect solution to this challenging time of year – only your own. And this is the test of true leaders, to internalize all the lessons “they” toss out at you about what it means to be a leader. It’s all “true” but it only makes you a powerful leader when you make it your own. Then it’s inside you. It’s yours. You’re In Power.
If it sometimes feels overwhelming, don’t despair. Know that you’re not alone and that the world will forgive you if you bail out on that one last party that was going to drive you mad or take you away from something truly important. Just be straight up about your intent and live by your word as you decide what you’ll do and what you won’t do.
Have a wonderful Christmas if you celebrate, a peaceful time when the world shuts down for a few hours here and there and a Happy New Year!
Explore your authentic leadership style, to help you bring your best self to work, at InPowerCoaching.com
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