by Guest Author | Aug 28, 2013 | Coaching Advice, Communicating With Confidence, InPower Women Blog
“I am a really good #2. I don’t want to be #1.”
“I really love the job I’m in and don’t want my boss’s job. It just seems too political.”
“I think I could do my boss’s job, but I don’t really want that much stress in my life right now.”
“My kids are young, I’m already working as hard as I can, I can’t really take on that stretch project.”
In March, I did a lot of speaking at conferences and connecting with women as part of Women’s History Month. As women approach me with questions, I’m struck by the ambivalence I see in many to pursue the top job. I understand. I actually wrote about why so many women drop out of corporate America. I was one of them.
For those who want to stay, I advise them to get clear (as hard as it is given the trade-offs) about work life priorities and stop being ambivalent. Ambivalence keeps us stuck. It zaps our energy. Here are the five mindsets I’ve observed that keep us stuck. Do any of these apply to you?
Five Mindsets that Make Us Ambivalent to Lead
1. “Leadership is about exerting control over others and I don’t want to do that.” Women see legitimate power as “power to make an impact” rather than “power over a group of people.” Yet, “command and control” type of leadership is often what we see displayed around us. For women, social acceptance (being “liked,” being part of a community) is much more important than men, and if we perceive that leadership involves “exerting power over others” then we are reluctant to lead. To be successful as leaders, we need to be able to make tough, sometimes unpopular decisions. We need to be able to reframe these decisions from “bossing people,” to making decisions necessary to make a difference that’s important to us. Connecting to our leadership purpose is especially important.
2. “Taking on a leadership role will add more stress to my life.” Most of us lead pretty 24/7 lives and have the burden of the second shift as the primary caregivers for family. Actually data suggests that people at higher levels in organizations experience less stress than those at lower levels. Stress is caused by a feeling of “lack of control” over our circumstances, not the circumstances themselves. Higher level positions can give us greater control and access to resources. We can reframe leadership as an opportunity to bring people together to make a difference. We can use our relationship building skills to tap into resources that weren’t there before. If we are passionate about something it actually energizes us rather than depletes us.
3. “I need to improve myself before I can be a leader.” Fear of failure and lack of self-confidence are some of our biggest barriers. We often think we’re not worthy of leading because we’re missing important skill sets and need to have mastered them before we can lead. All leadership requires is the desire to make something better for ourselves and others. The rest we learn along the way.
4. “I need to lead like my boss to be effective.” Actually, we are most effective when we lead from who we are rather than try to emulate others’ leadership styles. This starts with greater self-awareness of who we are and the difference we want to make. Developing a clear articulation of our own leadership brand allows us to be at our most effective.
5. “I can make a bigger difference where I am than at the top.” Frankly, I am conflicted about this one. I left a high level corporate role to start my company. I wanted to make a difference in an area that was important to me. So it feels ironic to add this to the list. Many of us choose to keep ourselves at lower levels in the hierarchy, convinced that we can make a bigger difference there. If you’ve chosen to stay in an organization, ask yourself whether it is really true that people lower in the hierarchy have more power to make a difference than those at the top.
Data Confirms Our Ambivalent Mindsets
Research from 2011 from the Institute of Leadership and Management [PDF] suggests that women are more ambivalent about careers. The European study indicated that:
- 70% of males had high or very high levels of self-confidence, compared to 50% of the women.
- Half the women admitted to feelings of self-doubt compared to 31% of men.
- 20% of men said they would apply for a role they weren’t fully qualified for, compared to 14% of women.
Our Future Leaders Have Similar Mindsets
Do you have a young girl you would like to be a confident leader? I do – my 14 year old daughter. I was struck by research from the Girl Scouts [PDF] about how only 39% of girls want to be leaders. While 92% believe anyone can be a leader, only 21% believe they themselves have the qualities of a leader. According to the research [PDF], the biggest factor that drove a girl’s desire to lead is her confidence in her skills. On the other hand, social acceptance (don’t want to speak in front of others, don’t want to be laughed at, don’t want to seem bossy, people might not like me), and fear of failure are some of the biggest detractors to a desire to lead.
The research shows that to re-engage girls in leadership, not only do we need to help them feel confident in themselves, we need to change the model of who a leader is. Significantly more girls than boys believe that they would want to be the kind of leader who “stands up for their beliefs and values,” “who brings people together to get things done,” “who tries to change the world for the better.” We need new, more balanced, role models of leadership (among both men and women) that reflect a definition of leader who brings people together to affect positive change.
Our Collective Call To Action
If we want to prepare future generations to lead boldly, we need to be the role models our girls (and our boys) can look up to. As a TEDxWomen organizer in Atlanta, I recently had the opportunity to have John Brock (CEO of Coca Cola Enterprises) talk about why he is a strong proponent of women in leadership positions. In his TEDx speech, he talked about how growing up, his mother was his leadership hero and it framed his view of why women made great leaders.
Let’s take a moment to think about what prevents us from seeing ourselves as a leader who deserves to make a big difference, and then find a way to reframe this. My view of this is, if we’re breathing (do a quick check here), we have a leader within us just bursting to get out. So, let’s focus on the difference we are inspired to make, rather than all the barriers in the way. It will give birth to the transformational leader inside each of us.
Originally on: transformleaders.tv
by Guest Author | Aug 22, 2013 | Across Generations, Commentary
Last weekend, I did it. I pushed the last little birdie out of the nest. It’s not like he was resisting or anything, and this week he’s learning to fly all on his own.
Our last 2 days together while I drove him to Virginia Tech was very special time. He and I have grown closer during these last few years working to get him into a college cadet program that will support his dreams of serving our country. I can’t say it’s always been easy. Along the way, I made him convince me that a military commitment was what he really wanted (seeing that my philosophy is more pacifist than military.)
He convinced me. And then some.
This is his first week at the Virginia Tech Cadet Corps, and it’s basically a boot camp of sorts for the young women and men who have chosen a military style leadership program during their college years. My son and many others will pursue a major in a technical degree and a minor in leadership (one of the only undergraduate leadership programs in the country.) The parents have been warned that at the end of this week the kids will have grown up a lot. They’ll stand taller. They’ll be more confident. They’ll have begun to lose that peach fuzz veneer of childhood. They say the no-nonsense treatment starts the moment he gets out of the car and goes off to be shaved and “processed.”
He and I were both nervous.
When we arrived at his dorm, I futzed around getting some of his stuff unpacked (so he can rearrange it later) and he was whisked off for “processing.” When he came back a few hours later, he was bald and a bit disoriented. This made me even more nervous since he is my stoic one, the kid who can be hard to read (even though I’m pretty good at it.) His disorientation was not hard to read.
We putzed around some more and I got up the courage to ask him, “so how was it?”
He leaned down to tie his shoe so I could only see the side of his face. He said in a flat voice, “it was intense, not like high school ROTC. They really mean business here.” Then he got a serious look on his face, thinking.
I held my breath, wondering if I was going to need to give him a pep talk.
Nope. In the next moment he got a rakish grin on his handsome face and looked sideways at me. “Just the way I like it. This is everything I want.”
I exhaled.
Then I was overwhelmed with a strong sense of pride. My son is “Leaning In.” Just like so many young women and men heading off to college and beyond are testing themselves and pushing themselves. Just like so many of my peers who are taking a “no excuses” approach to work, family and themselves. Just like everyone who is committed to a vision of a better world.
Power isn’t just about how much money you have or how many assets you control. The power that I care about most is the strength to pursue the hard road and define whatever progress you have on it as success. It’s available to all of us at every age – in every moment.
My son and so many other people inspire me for leaning into their vision of success, even when (and especially because) it’s NOT the easy way – or my way. They’re committed to it with heart. That’s all the matters.
If you’re leaning into the challenging path in pursuit of a dream and a vision, you are inspiring me too.
Thank you.
So who inspires you? If I’m admiring you and just don’t know it, please share!
PS- I was very pleased to note that while the number of young women in the VA Tech Cadet Corps freshman class was what you’d expect – a relatively small percentage, they held their own in the midlevel leadership positions. These young women inspire me too. They are making their way in a man’s world with pride and strength. And they still smile and are delightfully feminine when they can be. My sincere thanks to them. I know my son and everyone else will learn many lessons from them in the years ahead.
Check out the resources in the InPower Coaching EQ at Work and Soft Skills Research Index.
by Guest Author | Aug 21, 2013 | Career Development, Coaching Advice, Work-Life Blend
Sheryl Sandberg contributed many valuable insights to professional women in her book, Lean In. The one that hit me most squarely was her analogy of a career as a jungle gym instead of a ladder. Truer words have never been written, and I think this is a major contribution to the discussion of work-life “balance.”
The current mythology of success defines our career journey as a climb up the ladder. The ladder represents many things – all artifacts of the hierarchically structured industrial age economy (which, by the way, is being radically restructured as I write). The higher we go on the mythical ladder, the more money, influence, power and respect we get. This is why when women (and men!) “opt off” the ladder to pursue a more “balanced” life, the mythology defines them as unsuccessful until they acquire those same top-o-the-ladder treats via other means.
But what happens when you take away the ladder analogy and replace it with something resembling a jungle gym? A more integrated, geometric structure that offers progression in many directions, just not all at once?
When the analogy shifts, so do the definitions of success. In a jungle gym analogy, many of the same kinds of success are attainable, but not in any particular order. Our personal journey to find them becomes an individual search for “what’s next” in multiple directions instead of what’s next on a defined path. Our path becomes our own and our definition of success does too. (more…)
by Guest Author | Aug 20, 2013 | Coaching Advice, Commentary
I’ve always admired the leaders of get it done, change the world companies and their CEOs; companies like Apple, Facebook and Spanx. But before I get too starry-eyed and wanting to emulate leaders like Jobs, Sandberg and Blakely I have to stop and remind myself that 96% of corporate leaders are burnt out, as reported by the Wall Street Journal. Yes, these titans of innovation are burning out and you would never know it. Turns out Harvard Medical School knew.
This is the thing about burnout. Most people are really good at masking it.
I’ve seen this everywhere I’ve worked. The CEO (managing partner, COO, CFO, VP, etc.) starts off fresh and full of energy. Then somewhere between the never ending emails, the day long meetings and continual crises they start to look haggard. They start to get a paunch. They get cranky and maybe start acting like a tyrant. They make decisions that aren’t as clear, edgy and visionary as before. Burn out is creeping in. But no one sees it, let alone the person going through it.
We want to have our stuff together or at least look like we do. To appear burnt out, stressed, fatigued or overwhelmed is viewed as a sign of weakness. We can’t appear unfit for duty. If we let others see us sweat, it is often as a badge of honor – “I’m more important than you.”
In our desire to have it all and be it all we are masking the warning signs of burnout. It’s a myth that burnout means going up in a burst of flames, unable to work any more, full out exhausted. While that can happen, it never happens overnight. It can take years and even decades to get there. Whether you’re the C-suite or a cubicle, burnout has warning signs. The key is to identify how you’re masking the symptoms before it’s too late.
Here are 3 warning signs you may be headed to burnout but don’t know it.
1. You’re wired and you’re getting stuff done. Lot’s of it.
Burnout is often associated with fatigue, moodiness, disaffected attitude, etc. The path to burnout, however, can look very different. I recently met a high-energy woman everyone saw as vibrant, bubbly, busy and involved in everything. Indeed, she was a wired, non-stop, on the go type of gal.
Despite how much energy everyone said she had, Christy, as I’ll call her, knew she was burning herself out. She got so much done because she was wired on caffeine, sugar and adrenaline. But she wasn’t bringing her best self to anything. She got emotional energy from taking care of everyone else, except herself. Her adrenal glands were working overtime to keep up.
She was burning out and no one knew it. As she admitted, keeping up with her pace of volunteering for every assignment, family crisis and church obligation was not sustainable. While not in full burn out, she was racing there quickly while masking her pain from others.
2. You “can’t turn it off.”
I know how it is. You have a free evening. What do you do? You sit down on the couch and grab the remote. Ah yes, a quiet evening. But then you see a TV ad that sparks an idea. You pick up the laptop to jot it down. Next thing you know you’ve done three hours of work. Your excuse for getting to bed at 2 a.m. is “but I can’t turn it off.”
Similarly, you’ve been told to meditate to relax and get more focused. Again, you say, “but I can’t sit still and turn it off.”
The “I can’t turn it off” excuse for not recharging, refueling and rejuvenating masks the journey to burnout. This excuse is really saying “if I slow down they will find out I’m a fraud. The busier and more connected I am, the more essential I will be.” Ah yes, the dreaded “I’m not worthy” reason.
I call this the “burnout mindset.”
The belief that you are not worthy or that you’re a fraud is rarely if ever true (and no YOU are not the exception). Your employer, your family, your friends want the best from you and for you. They don’t want a shell of your former self. They don’t want to have to worry about you or fire you (as employee or friend). So take off the “I can’t unplug” mask and realize you are good enough. Then turn off the smartphone. Stop checking email in the middle of the night. Stop masking the need to recharge. Learn to relax.
3. You keep telling yourself “it will slow down soon.”
This was my favorite while working for a fast growth start up years ago. It was the lie we all kept telling ourselves.
Face it. Life is never going to slow down. It hasn’t yet so why do you keep hoping?
You are surrounded by information 24-7. You are expected to do the work of three people. Deadlines are shorter. Pressure is greater.
I told myself it would slow down soon for almost 20 years. It didn’t slow down until I chose to slow down.
Things outside you won’t slow down. Your company is striving to get to market first. But you can’t get it there, unless you build the stamina and resilience to keep up and excel. If you keep hoping things will slow down, you are masking reality and failing to act in ways to avoid burnout.
Burnout is not inevitable. It is avoidable. To avoid it, begin by identifying which of these three masks you wear. What will you do today to remove it?
by Téa Blake | Aug 16, 2013 | Gender Research, InPower Women Blog
Title: Women-Owned Small Businesses Growing Quickly
Study: Women-Owned Companies (Phillips, American City Business Journals 2011)
Finding: Women-owned small businesses are the fastest-growing segment of the business market.
Note about The Woman Effect Research Index: This study was performed by researchers not affiliated with InPower Women. Our Research Index includes all relevant research to the subject of women, business and power. We do not influence how the research was conducted or reported by the researchers. In our abstracts, we focus on pulling out the most actionable advice for individual women. To suggest additional research we should index, or discuss our choice of abstract focus, please contact us
InPower Insight: Wonder where the women leaving the ranks of corporate America are going when they leave half way up the ladder? Many of them are going out on our own to run very small businesses, which can be run from home.
Summary:
One of the key findings of the study conducted is that women owned small business category is the fastest growing segment of the business market and this is most recognizable among small US companies.
Nearly half of the companies with 1-4 employees is owned by women however, only 1/3 of businesses with 5-499 employees are owned by women. Women tend to have businesses that they can run from home and so their revenues are lower than their male counterparts.
While women who own businesses tend to be younger than their male counterparts, being an average age of 48.5, their net worth is significantly less. On average women earn 884,000 dollars while men earn 1.4 million. Researchers explain that this may be attributed to the smaller scale of women owned businesses.
It was also found that women are more independent decision- makers. Though they travel and work less than their male counterparts, women are more stressed.
Personal Coaching Tip: If you are tempted to go out on your own, you’re in good company. Recognize that most of your female peers are running smaller, less well capitalized businesses, however. If your goal is to found a growing and high-value company, you’ll still be in the minority and encounter many of the same sexist trends you run into in a corporate environment. If you want a business that supports a more flexible lifestyle, you can find it, but this isn’t an automatic solution to the stress and “time crunch” reality you’re leaving in the corporate world either. Here’s a big benefit, though: in either scenario, you’ll be your own boss. You’re in charge of your success. What do you want it to be?
FREE PDF
Guide to Women in Leadership
Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
by Dana Theus | Jul 31, 2013 | Coaching Advice, InPower Women Blog, Women in Leadership
Leadership advice runs rampant on the internet, which is fine because most of it comes from a place of wisdom and reflection.
If you’re a woman aspiring to lead, however, there is one tiny problem with this spew of “how to” and “Top 10” lists. Since our dominant leadership culture is male, the majority of the advice is largely designed to make men better leaders. In most cases, the advice is fine for women, too, but watch out because some of it can be disastrous to your career.
Specifically, ladies, keep an eye out for the leadership lessons trying to help men overcompensate for some testosterone-induced bad habits. These bad boss habits include lack of empathy, rigidity and egotism. On average, this is not your problem!
Here’s the catch for the women. On the whole – women are already very empathetic, flexible and happy to deflect credit. If you’re a high-potential woman, following advice that tells to you over-emphasize these traits is at best unnecessary and at worst will encourage you to go too far the wrong direction. You see, leaders have to have some inflexibility, emotional distance and healthy ego in order to effectively herd the cats and manage the chaos of modern business.
Simply put, while on average men could use a little more flexibility, empathy and humility, women – on average – could use a little less! (more…)
by Guest Author | Jul 31, 2013 | InPower Women Blog, Leadership
What are women thinking in the C-Suite? Once they have faced and conquered all the obstacles and reached the corporate pinnacle still so dominated by men, what do they wish they had known or done differently as they were building their careers?
I’ve been wondering about the answers to this question, and fortuitously, I just reconnected with Sharon Dauk, a very savvy executive coach who has heard both the triumphs and regrets of C-suite women.
It didn’t take long for Sharon to zero in on one key reality C-suite women wish they had known earlier in their careers: the capacity of women to undermine or compete–often in devious and underhanded ways. Sharon explains that most successful senior women have figured out how to play the “old boys” game…given the simple fact that most if not all of their superiors have been men, and most of their peers are men as well. This means they have figured out the delicate balance of competing and collaborating with men—and scored promotions along the way. But once they get to the top of the mountain, many women want to help more junior women do the same. Their “help” often translates to very personal mentoring and guidance (read: professional coddling), which they tend not to do with more junior male colleagues. Often after these senior women have really invested themselves in the mentoring relationship, they are under-cut or betrayed by the women they’ve guided.
Sharon is not sure why this happens—but it does, and it often becomes very personal. She thinks it could be because women are not hard-wired genetically to collaborate with other women. Certainly there are many examples of great female collaborations, but things seem to change when big promotions and big money is at stake. Sharon has observed that when jobs narrow at the top of organizations, women default to almost a zero-sum game competition rather than a “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” strategy more common to men.
What’s the answer to this problem? Sharon advises senior women to be equally tough with female and male subordinates. This, she says, avoids exploitation, which can be the result of the career entitlement some junior women feel when they receive very personal mentoring.
In a less political sphere, the second lament Sharon hears from senior women is that they have, over time, over-extended themselves with “extracurricular” activities that do not advance their careers. She acknowledges that the “greater good” of philanthropy is not to further your own goals, but sometimes you can indeed do well by doing good. It’s an issue of limited time, and Sharon advises clients to choose their outside activities both strategically and judiciously.
Women gravitate toward many organizations they simply deem “worthy” or those focused on the advancement of women overall. An example is the many “women’s forums” dedicated to promoting women’s causes and careers. Men are a bit less altruistic, tending to join and work for organizations specifically related to their business–like a charity run by the boss or non-profits heavily populated by leaders in their industry. The difference is that women tend to have just a “give” attitude (giving far too much more time than they have), and men have more of a “give and take” attitude (giving a reasonable amount of time and taking the opportunity for valuable networking). The clincher is that men get business “credit” for their outside activities, and women’s activities are often considered second cousins to their careers.
As I think about Sharon’s examples of things C-suite women wish they had realized or done earlier in their careers, it seems more than a little distorted, jaded and maybe even unfair. Women should be able to help other women without worrying that their help will be exploited. Less senior women—and humans in general—should know that it’s bad business and personal karma to turn your back on people who have gone out of their way to help you succeed. You should be able to volunteer wherever your heart takes you without wondering if the organization will advance your career.
All true, but not the reality of corporate life in the fast lane. –KAS
Sharon Dauk knows from whence she speaks. She spent many years on Wall Street in mergers & acquisitions and real estate investing/development, before becoming an executive coach, mentor and strategic advisor to C-suite executives and entrepreneurs. She helps women in early stage to Fortune 100 companies move forward at critical business junctures, navigate personal and professional transitions and master leadership and management skills. Sharon@sharondauk.com
Originally posted on: 9 Lives For Women
by Guest Author | Jul 24, 2013 | Coaching Advice, Commentary
Time management isn’t just an issue for busy executives. When you’re in the volunteering stage of your work-life it is a much needed skill. Volunteers often over-extend themselves and also feel that they should be able to complete 99 tasks and projects at home just because they are not “working” in an office.
In my many coaching hours I’ve seen that women often leave the workforce in search of more time at home–but when they get there they are even more stressed out than they were with a paid job. The competing forces of children, husband, aging parents and household management (and often much more) make “me time” fleeting and To Do lists long.
How do you inject some method into the madness? Executive Coach Roy Assad of Florida-based Human Capital Group shared his simple but powerful method for “breaking through” the clutter. –KAS
***
The majority of us are living lives that have hit – or are exceeding – the threshold of complexity. We have endless to-do lists scribbled on sticky-notes that occupy every available surface of our lives.
When we see another person strolling along with an attitude that screams “No worries,” we wonder, “How do they do it?”
In this era of the information superhighway, multi-tasking, media saturation, Wifi hotspots, and being plugged in 24/7, peace of mind isn’t something that comes naturally. You’ve got to work for it just like you work for everything else.
There are a few simple strategies that will help you break through your chaotic outer life to the other side of inner calm:
1. Make a list of all the “incompletes” in your life.
2. Make a list of all the things you tolerate in your life.
3. Make a list of all the things that are repetitive in your life.
Incompletes are things that still need to be done and are hanging over you. They can be big things like I haven’t spoken to my daughter in a year and I need to call. Or they can be little things like I need to change the light bulb in the lamp on my night table. List everything. Don’t worry about how you’ll fix it — just write it down.
The second strategy is making a list of things you tolerate. We typically tolerate people – like that person who always brings your mood down when you get together, yet you agree to spend time together anyway because… well, you’re not exactly sure WHY but you’ve never done anything to stop it. That’s tolerating. Put that person on your list. And sometimes we tolerate things, like an old car with no heat or air, or a house that’s too small for our family. Again, don’t worry about how you’ll fix it, just write it down.
Finally, make a list of all the repetitive things you do every month that you’re going to do next month and the month after: get a haircut, pay the rent, change the oil in your car, change the filter in your air conditioner. Spend some time with this list because it’s important to include everything. Don’t skip anything, no matter how mundane or silly it seems.
Once you have your lists, create three folders labeled as follows:
1. Things I am doing NOW
2. Things I am NOT doing now
3. Things I am NEVER doing now
Now go back through your three lists and write each item on a separate piece of paper. Then put each item in the appropriate folder.
A word of caution about the folders: The NOW folder can only be filled with items that you’ll actually do – today, now. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can do more today than you really can. Otherwise, you’ll feel guilty and that defeats the purpose of this project.
Everything that doesn’t go into the NOW folder goes into one of the other two. The NOT NOW folder is for things you intend to do in the next few days or week. The NEVER folder is reserved for far-fetched things that are neither urgent nor immediately important.
Once you’ve filed everything into your folders, your job is to complete what’s in the NOW folder. At the end of every day the NOW folder should be empty. This will give you a great sense of satisfaction because you’ll actually see what you’ve accomplished that day.
Each morning, review your NOT NOW folder to see what you are choosing to do that day. This is a deceptively simple mind trick you’re playing on yourself. Instead of beating yourself up for things you couldn’t find time to do each day, you’re telling yourself that you choose to do certain things and choose not to do other things.
Once a month, review what’s in your NEVER folder, and see if there’s anything you want to move into the NOW or NOT NOW folders, or perhaps you can simply let go of these tasks altogether.
If you commit yourself to this easy system you’ll begin to see your attitude change dramatically. You won’t feel overwhelmed anymore, and you’ll face each morning with a sense of possibility and wonder — instead of stress and dread.
Originally posted on: 9 lives for women
by Guest Author | Jul 23, 2013 | InPower Women Blog, Leadership
On May 9, 2013 women leaders gathered at the Forbes Women’s Summit. This wasn’t a conference about advancing women. It was a conference about women advancing the world, and in doing so, redefining the rules of power. With video appearances from Oprah Winfrey and Sheryl Sandberg and live discussions with Janet Napolitano; designers Donna Karan and Tory Burch; Helene Gayle, CEO of CARE; and Ellen Kullman, CEO of Dupont, among others, we heard stories of how women are redefining power.
10 ways women are redefining power
For women, power lies less in hierarchy and more in the ability to affect change. It lies less in the money and resources we have, and more in our resourcefulness and ability to mobilize others. Here are just some of the stories that most resonated for me during the Forbes Women’s Summit. Power is:
- Connecting with purpose. Imagine being a prosecutor in the state of New York. You have an “Aha” moment where you realize that you are responsible for putting many women criminals in jail who are themselves victims of lack of opportunity. Joi Gordon left her job and joined Dress for Success. She is now the CEO, creating opportunities for others and powerfully pursuing her purpose. “For me real power is aligning who you are — your personality — with what you were meant to do — your purpose and your calling,” Winfrey said at the summit.
- Solving a problem. Power is noticing a problem, deciding that you’re the one to solve it and the time is now. Maggie Doyne decided to take a gap year before going to college. She spent it in Nepal and discovered that the country has 1 million orphans. She connected with one young girl she saw breaking stones in a quarry and decided she was going to make a difference for this child — to help her be educated. She asked her parents to wire the $5,000 in life savings she had. She now runs an orphanage and a school for orphan children in Nepal.
- Finding your voice. Each of us has a song and a message. Whether we tweet it or sing it is up to us. Lourds Lane, musician and creator of Broadway musical “Chix 6,” told the story of how she found her voice in breaking the rules. She describes growing up in an abusive household and finding refuge in music as a child prodigy. At the age of 7, while performing for a large audience, she decided to take a leap – literally, off the stage and into the audience. She felt the joy of the music and how it connected her to the audience. She says, “I feel the most joy when I stand with and for people. … By standing in a space that is larger than yourself, you are the world.”
- Connecting with others. We can connect with others through our shared passion for what we believe in, now more than ever through technology. In his book “Tribes,” Seth Godin writes about how finding a sense of community is part of our DNA. The Internet and other connection technologies have exponentially affected these connections, giving us access to more people than ever before. Susan Wojcicki of Google told the story of a recent video chat Google facilitated with President Barack Obama where a woman asked why her husband hadn’t gotten a job. Obama answered, “Why don’t you send me the resume and we’ll see!”
- Using your platform to elevate others. Each of us has a platform, even if we don’t realize it. Our platform lies in our resourcefulness. Designer Donna Karan spoke at the summit about how helping people look good on the outside wasn’t enough for her. She wanted to help them feel good on the inside. She is using her platform to solve a problem she is intimately familiar with: cancer. Her Urban Zen nonprofit helps patients, doctors and caretakers get holistic care for the whole person. Our platform may not be as big as Karan’s, but we each have one. Mine is in my ability to spread ideas that resonate for me. What’s yours?
- Making an ask. There is power in making an ask, asking for a favor, asking others to step up. This power lies in our willingness to practice humility and vulnerability. It lies in the power of understanding that we can do nothing alone, and having faith that others will help if we can just have the courage to ask.
- Coming up with a better idea. Imagine something that costs $10 and solves the problem of education in developing countries. A solar-powered lamp created by 83-year old Eva Haller allows children in the developing world to read in the evenings. The alternative is kerosene lamps that are bad for young lungs and the environment.
- Changing the conversation. Twins Miki Agarwal and Radha Agarwal have created an underwear company for women called THINX. Their tagline is “Change your underwear. Change the world.” Their underwear is stain resistant and prevents those “embarrassing moments” that occur during a menstrual cycle. For every purchase, they enable a woman to make a difference for a girl in Africa by providing her washable reusable pads. Girls in many parts of the world miss seven days of school because they don’t have sanitary protection. These young entrepreneurs are changing the conversation by speaking up about the shame that women experience during this time of the month in many societies around the world. Many aren’t allowed to sleep in their own homes.
- Having inner authority. Tory Burch talked about the importance of developing a thick skin. “I did hear — and tried not to listen — to a lot of negativity. … Creating this company was an incredible experience. The negativity and the noise was really just a sidebar.”
- Within all of us. Each of us has the power inside us. It shows up in a choice we make to stand up, be counted, have our voice be heard, decide today’s the day we will solve the problem that bothers us, or lend a hand to those who are doing it. We choose in the purchases we make. We choose in the messages we spread. We choose in the problems we solve.
Here’s the play by play of the summit on Forbes.com
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Guide to Women in Leadership
Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
by Guest Author | Jul 17, 2013 | Coaching Advice, Commentary, Leadership
By: Lea McLeod
At some point in your career, it’s inevitable that you will discover the opportunity to work with executives. Whether it’s a joy or a trial is up to you.
It could be an executive in your organization, the executive of a customer or maybe even a big donor in your non-profit.
No matter the situation, it might throw you off if you aren’t informed that these unique organizational animals seem to function a bit differently from you.
I bring this up because so often, in working with clients, the whole boss/authority/executive thing is a block to taking some action in the workplace. Often people are intimidated by executives and are not sure how to interact with them.
No matter your role or theirs, it will help all aspects of your career if you learn to work effectively with executives.
Working with execs is not like having a conversation in your team meeting, or even working with your boss.
Learning how to engage with, and respond to them, will enhance your credibility (and viability) in the organization. It will also help you develop more confidence.
As a manager, I had to think carefully about what people on my team were appropriate to put in front of executives, and which were not. From that experience I can tell you this: Not being “executive-capable” could be a career limiter for you.
So let’s talk about some of the key attributes of executives, and how you can best develop your “executive-facing” skills.
1. Executives fly at a different altitude.
As with any group or individual, you’ve got to understand your audience to have the most meaningful conversation.
Execs see across the whole organization, and connect the dots from top to bottom. You need to understand how your piece fits into their worldview to connect most effectively with them.
2. Execs are experts in issue triage.
They have learned how to quickly dive into the heart of an agenda item, dissect it, and ask scathingly good, on-point questions.
Try to anticipate what questions they might ask, and prepare a response. They may not need you to “ramp up” to the conversation and give them all the background data. Be ready to get to the heart of it.
3. They expect their scathingly good questions to be answered, directly and succinctly.
One of the biggest gaffes I see in executive conversations is failing to answer the question. You may get so excited about what you have to tell them, that you aren’t listening for what they want to hear.
Prepare accordingly, listen, and respond. Be concise, clear, and direct. Err on the side of less vs. more. They can always ask more questions.
4. They can smell BS a mile away.
Don’t do it. And if you choose to do it, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
5. They want to know you believe in what you are saying.
Conviction about what you say to an executive is as important as the message itself.
I had one manager who struggled with this. We’d send him in to an executive meeting with program information and this caveat: Whatever you do, don’t blink. One time, he blinked. It wasn’t pretty.
You must believe in what you are saying and have conviction that it is the right solution for the organization. Executives will test for conviction.
6. They can cover a lot of territory relatively quickly.
Think cheetah, gazelle or quarter horse. They’ll move quickly until they pull up to focus on an issue. They will drive this, not you. Be deliberate, but prepare to move fast and flex the conversation accordingly.
Just because you made all those pretty slides it doesn’t mean an executive wants to look at them.
7. If there’s a flaw in your logic, numbers or content, they will find it.
And they will point it out to you.
Know your back-story and your numbers, and the logic behind them. Have someone with content expertise review, poke, prod, and test your content – and you – ahead of time. Don’t risk destroying your credibility with bad numbers, or worse – a guess.
Do. Not. Guess. Ever. Say you’ll look into it and come back.
8. They’re impatient. They may be abrupt. Don’t expect a group hug when you leave.
If you’re presenting something, don’t expect flowery kudos when you’re done. They’re moving on to their next agenda item while you’re gathering up your stuff.
9. They remember what you told them.
So don’t tell them anything you don’t want them to remember and remind you of later. See point about not guessing.
10. They don’t subscribe to buzz words.
They want facts, solutions, numbers, and conviction. Spare the likes of “paradigm shifts,” “open kimonos” or “eating your own dog food” and stay on topic.
Here’s another tip for you.
They have Executive Assistants who know them very well, and who have already figured out how best to wrangle them. Ask one for help and insight if you have trepidation.
Freaked out? Don’t be. You can do this. It’s a matter of developing the mindset and doing the footwork. The more prepared you are, the more confident you’ll be. And, it’ll make you better at everything else you do.
And when you’re in there, remember, they were all in your shoes at some point too!
Here are next steps for you:
- Leave a comment on this post below, and let me know which tip is your favorite, or, submit a tip that you have used that I didn’t include on the list.
- If this article was helpful to you, do me a favor and share these 10 tips with others you know who might be struggling with executive interface.
- Print this handout and keep it on your desk: 10 Tips for Working With Executives.
Originally on: LeaMcLeod.com
