by Guest Author | Oct 10, 2013 | Across Generations, Coaching Advice, Personal Mastery
Do you remember how tough it was to enter the workforce? Yeah, tough! We love this advice co-created by our newest blogger, Sheila Berry, Founder at Living Vicky and her social media intern, Danielle. It’s directed at the newest stars in our employee pool, millennials in the workforce, and it’s chock full of great insights and advice. Share it with a millennial you know! ~InPower Editors
Ever turn in something to a supervisor and then doubt your finished project is good enough? Don’t worry; we all have that same feeling, and more often than you think. Everyone has doubted themselves and the work they do at some point.
We have to stay motivated and keep our minds focused on our goals. In order to motivate ourselves, we must first understand why we doubt ourselves.
Sometimes we doubt our own smarts. Sometimes we’re not sure we put in enough time, attention and research. Sometimes we’re natural “worriers”. So how do we prevent ourselves from being doubtful about success?
Prepare, prepare, prepare! Don’t procrastinate – hit the ground running.
If you are concerned about the amount of time you’ll need to put in a work project, especially around competing priorities, articulate those concerns to your boss and offer time management solutions. Sometimes just talking about it out loud gives you a chance to see it is achievable!
A boss would rather you ask for guidance than deliver a poorly executed project – or worse yet – miss a deadline date.
Build relationships with peers and other colleagues. They will be happy to listen to you practice your presentation; edit what you’ve written; or just act as a sounding board for your ideas.
Diminish the negative!
People doubt the unknown all the time. What we don’t know and what we don’t understand turns into fear. Take 15 minutes before kicking off your work and make a list of what could possibly go wrong and then list out the solutions to those issues. For instance:
- Not enough time – chat with your boss about taking something else off your plate until this new priority is completed
- Unclear understanding of what is needed – it’s okay to ask “how do I know when I am done?”, or to ask for clarification around steps to take or other people to involve. Also be sure you’re clear on deadline dates. Offer to bring a draft to them well ahead of the final date to make sure you’re on the right track.
- You’ve never done this before – same as suggestion 2 – ask clarifying questions and offer drafts ahead of time for course correction
The best way to stay motivated is to believe in yourself. No matter what the odds are against you, believe in yourself. Develop these practices, and soon you will begin trusting that you can take on any situation and succeed!
Until next time, stay motivated Millennial Nation!
Originally on: Living Vicky
C0-Authored by: Danielle Hewitt – Living Vicky Social Media
Check out the resources in the InPower Coaching EQ at Work and Soft Skills Research Index.
by Guest Author | Oct 9, 2013 | Coaching Advice, InPower Women Blog, Leadership, Work-Life Blend
Earlier this year when my youngest son graduated high school I celebrated with a blog post about motherhood and what I’ve learned about leadership by being a parent. Readers had a lively discussion on the post (when I posted it on Smartblog on Leadership) and several asked me to address some other lessons learned, including how employees and children are different as well as what role compassion and creativity play in the workplace. So in celebration of my boy’s first week of college, and more women in leadership than ever, let’s continue the discussion.
Employees are not children (and visa versa)
One reader made an insightful statement on the last post: “You don’t have unconditional love for your employees, and you can’t fire or layoff your child. Moreover, employees don’t want to be treated like children (quite a common problem). Totally different relationship.”
I totally agree.
That’s a confusion we don’t want to make for a host of reasons. How many dysfunctional work relationships would be fixed if both bosses and employees got rid of their mommy and daddy issues? Lots!
Having said that, I’ve certainly learned a few ways in which treating employees and children similarly can be helpful. Specifically, I’ve found that when I take a mentoring attitude towards both – not telling them what to do but helping them see opportunities in the situation where they are only seeing obstacles, both employees and children thrive. Mentoring in this way challenges our autocratic and unconditional love stereotypes for both bosses and parents. But, if you haven’t tried mentoring your child (or your employee), give it a try. It totally works! (And cuts down on the sturm und drang at home and at work!)
Leading with Compassion: Balancing our Emotions with our Duty
Another reader says “My expectations of myself and others have changed over the years as our two boys have grown. Maybe the next post will include “lead with compassion” and “tell it like it is (or ‘Don’t talk down to people’)”? (more…)
by Guest Author | Oct 9, 2013 | Commentary, The Woman Effect
If you think that “being nice” isn’t necessarily a good career strategy, you’re right. Putting greater value on relationships than results isn’t the best approach, says recent research. However, there are alternatives to “being bitchy” and Marcia does a great job outlining all the great career strategies you can deploy to get ahead without compromising you skill at developing strong relationships in the workplace. ~InPower Editors
A recent study found that being agreeable—acting more cooperatively and placing greater value on relationships—equates to less pay. Although the negative effect of “playing nice” showed up more for men than women, agreeableness did affect earnings and promotion possibilities for both men and women, at least in the US. The study included thousands of Americans.
n this time when collaboration seems to be the key to success, it looks like the strong voice of dissent is still valued. The study clarified that being disagreeable did not include expressing anger, demanding to be heard or acting rude; it defined “disagreeable” as assertively expressing a contrarian viewpoint.
Does this mean women should push themselves to voice their opinions? Yes and maybe. Yes, you should share ideas and perspective that conflict with the general view because they can be useful and your contribution will be noticed. Yet the way you express yourself will affect how well you will be heard and judged.
Even though the definitions of what is considered appropriately “masculine” and “feminine” are blurring, the outdated judgments people make on what is gender-acceptable behavior remains. The study on agreeableness found the range of what was acceptable behavior in “disagreeable” men is still broader than for women. The persistent double standard where men are called “honest and direct” and women are called “bitchy” when standing up for what we believe still exists whether we like it or not.
Regardless, the results bode well for women who want to be seen as more than nurturing and caring.. Smart, strong women have other strengths too. In my research, I found the current generation of high-achieving women in the workplace to be:
- Quick thinkers
- Solution finders
- Action-oriented, meaning work gets done on time or early
- Tenacious
- Passionate
As I have mentioned in many of my previous blogs, the overuse of any strength can be harmful. For example:
- Quick thinkers often judge those who are slow to decide to be incompetent.
- Solution finders take on all the work, not allowing other people to learn.
- Too much action depletes time for reflection.
- Strongly-held opinions block out new possibilities (if you already know the answer then there is nothing new to see).
- Passion can be overwhelming, pushing people away instead of engaging them.
How can you use your strengths to be positively disagreeable?
- Ask questions and give people time to think before you share your ideas. You might find a way to adapt your thoughts to their needs and problems. If so, you are more likely to be heard and considered a leader.
- Trust other people can come up with solutions, too. Then when you share yours, look for the win-win solution by finding common ground to combine ideas. You will get better buy-in for the implementation, freeing you up to focus on your most important work.
- Before you go into a meeting, take 10 seconds to breathe and decide how you want to show up in the meeting, including how you want to feel. Choose one word to be your keyword to recall this vision. Do you want to be seen as a visionary with plans that benefit all? This would be more effective than hoping to be the hero or superstar where you message could annoy others instead of inspire them.
- Allow people to react negatively to your ideas without getting angry or condescending. Hear them out, acknowledge their points, and reiterate your stand with grace as well as strength. It is wiser to present your view without slamming other people’s ideas. Keep your head above the battle.
- Be aware of when you are losing their attention. When your passion overwhelms, their energy will retreat. You don’t want to lose people; you need to engage them even if they don’t agree with you. Be clear and concise. You can always invite them to discuss the details with you later.
There is a payoff for letting your voice be heard even if you run the risk of being called bitchy. Practice presenting what you believe in a way that others will hear, understand and hopefully, align with your thinking. Listening more and practicing patience can make you even stronger when you decide to disagree.
Originally on: Psychology Today
by Guest Author | Oct 8, 2013 | Commentary
We all know we should set priorities and say no more easily and more often, but why don’t we DO it more often? We love how Emily let’s us peek into her head for some important insights on this important work-life-boundaries issue. ~InPower Editors
I’m writing this because I’m procrastinating.
I know.
Even the self-proclaimed virtuous have vices.
Truth is… I’m supposed to be getting ready to do “this thing.”
You know what I mean, right?
“This thing” you agreed to weeks ago despite the fact that you didn’t want to do it then either.
But – of course – at the time saying yes was easier than saying no.
Then again, it’s always easier to reply with a quick “happy to help” than to thoughtfully explain why you can’t.
So that’s what you did.
Again.
And “this thing” that seemed so far away when you agreed to it is here.
And so are you.
Committed.
Irritated.
And by “you” I mean me.
What’s really frustrating is that I teach time management – and what’s really really frustrating is that I’ve even been on quite the soapbox lately when it comes to calendar control.
Here’s an hour-long interview where I talk about it.
And for those of you who like Cliffs Notes, here’s a 15-minute version. (Bonus: This interviewer has an Australian accent.)
Point being: I know better than this.
You do too.
So why is it so friggn’ hard to say “no” – especially when it’s not that hard at all?
Case in point: A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend a mindfulness retreat with a teacher I deeply respect. After I introduced myself, told him how much I loved his work, and mentioned that I’d flown 8,000 miles to be there, I asked if he would like to be a guest on a new podcast I’m working on.
Surely, with a build-up like that he couldn’t refuse, right?
Wrong.
He just looked me and said, “I don’t think so.”
No apology.
No long-winded explanation.
Just the truth. Delivered kindly yet directly.
Eventually, he did go on to say that his schedule had gotten busier and so he was choosing to stay focused on his top priorities.
Ah, yes. Those.
So many of us (myself included at times) think we know our top priorities, and yet we don’t fully allow those priorities to guide how we live.
We say “yes” when we don’t mean it.
We engage with Facebook over our kids.
We willingly eat chemicals.
In other words, we’re too busy to make the most important things – like self-care, family, and health – the most important things.
Knock. Knock. Peeps.
This is your one and only beautiful, wild, heartbreaking, glorious, and not-so-steady life. How are you spending it?
Don’t wait for an Earth-shaking moment of clarity – the diagnosis, the break-up, the loss of whatever – to get clear on what matters most.
Get clear right now.
And schedule your time around those things.
I’m in too.
Well, as soon as I get back from this thing.
P.S. I’m serious. There will be no blog post from me next week as I’m spending some good old-fashioned, disconnected quality time with my family. I hope you’re doing the same this summer. Xo
Originally on: emilybennington.com
by Guest Author | Oct 7, 2013 | Commentary
More and more women are going out on their own to pursueentrepreneurial dreams so we particularly liked Heidi’s suggestions for how to think about financing such an adventure. Good advice in here some of us wish we’d known before we took the leap! ~InPower Editors
Having it all and looking good doing it. That’s the dream, right? The one we’ve nurtured since we had Astronaut Barbie come home to Ken and ask “What’s for dinner, babe?” The big house, fast car, killer wardrobe … we want all the trappings of modern success. Throw in a couple of brilliant kids and an annual tropical vacation and you’ve got the American Dream. In recent years however, it may have seemed that dream was dead or dying. The news has been dominated by an economic downturn that has caused budget cuts and corporate layoffs as widespread as any in recent memory.
But, in the midst of so much bad news there’s a bright spot: America’s small businesses. And specifically, female-owned small businesses. In fact, reports show that women are starting businesses at twice the rate of their male peers.
In other words, more and more women are deciding to get serious and take their financial future into their own hands. And while choosing whether or not to leave “corporate America,” figuring out how to balance family and a new business, and ironing out the details of the new venture are all real challenges; perhaps the most pressing question is, “How will I pay for this?”
Whether it’s your dream to build a business from the ground-up or to purchase an established franchise, there are all kinds of financing options available ranging from SBA loans to equity lines to different forms of secured and unsecured loans — all worth checking out.
However, there’s another trend that is growing and opening doors for today’s entrepreneurs — rollovers as business startups, or ROBS. Simply put, ROBS allows you to invest your existing retirement funds into starting a small business or buying a franchise without incurring early withdrawal or tax penalties, all while protecting your personal credit. Essentially, it’s investing your money in yourself.
A great example is Bohnne Jones of Nashville, Tenn. Bohnne suffered four corporate layoffs during the economic downturn. While job loss can be devastating, Bohnne didn’t sit around feeling sorry for herself. Instead, she used her newfound freedom to seize the opportunity to invest in herself and follow her dream of starting her own interior design franchise, The Decorating Den. Today, Bohnne has a thriving company, an assistant of her own and big plans for future growth.
Sound risky? Every great success story began with some uncertainty. There’s always risk with any new business venture, but for women seeking the freedom of being their own boss and the potential financial independence that comes with that, finally turning that business dream into a reality can be incredibly fulfilling. The key is to examine all the options, weigh the pros and cons, and determine which path is right for you and your business. Consult outside legal and tax advisors, and seek out experts in business financing that can work with you to understand your goals and how best to structure the business to be successful. The good news is that whether choosing ROBS, traditional financing or even a combination of both, the American dream is alive and well. And women are leading the charge.
About The Author
As Vice President of Marketing for Guidant Financial, Heidi Keele helps people create the life they want through educating the marketplace about innovative alternative investing. Guidant Financial is the premier provider of rollovers for business start-ups (ROBS). Guidant’s services allow people from all walks of life the freedom to make time-sensitive investments using their existing retirement funds without taking a taxable distribution or getting a loan, in addition to offering traditional funding options such as SBA loans and unsecured credit. For more information visit Guidant online at guidantfinancial.com, twitter.com/guidant or facebook.com/guidantfinancial
by Téa Blake | Oct 4, 2013 | Gender Research, InPower Women Blog
Study: Women Are Environmentally Friendly (Abrams Research, Abrams)
Finding: Seven independent studies/surveys show that women are much more conscious of their environmental impact.
InPower Insight: Women express caring and nurturing in more diverse ways than simply taking care of their family.
Summary:
Pulling together seven studies found on Earth911.com, Dan Abrams paints a compelling picture of women as good for the planet.
- Women recycle more.
- Women are more keen to be green.
- Women eat less meat.
- Women take shorter trips.
- Women save gas.
- Women are eco-fashion forward.
- Women make more eco-purchases
Career Coaching Tip: Women “are known” for nurturing families, but you don’t have to have a family to leverage this skill to your benefit. Think about your interest in nurturing and caring more broadly. As a woman, you probably already ARE caring for everything you care about. How do you channel this into your worklife? Are you mentoring? Are you coaching those who work for you? Take pride in your ability to nurture the planet and it’s people, because it is a strength that helps those you work and live with, and the planet as a whole. Be conscious about modeling caring behavior for the women and men you influence. Put it out there as a strength.
Keywords: women, environmentalism, nurturing, caring, mentoring, coaching
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Guide to Women in Leadership
Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
by Guest Author | Sep 18, 2013 | Commentary
By: Lea McLeod
As surely as the sun rises in the east, someone will get on your nerves today.
The degree to which they do will be in direct proportion to the amount of stress, anxiety, or other negative emotion you’re experiencing.
This week, I let someone throw me off course. I let them them negatively influence my thoughts and outlook. I hate it when that happens!
It took me by surprise, because I’m usually good at managing that kind of thing. So I went back to the basics.
Instead of pondering what was wrong with them (!) as I was wont to do, I shifted my focus and changed up the questions I was asking myself. Sometimes it’s not about the other person. It’s about what’s going on with me.
Wait, it’s pretty much always about what’s going on with me! Taking a moment to step back and ask a different set of questions often makes a lot more sense. And brings much needed relief.
If others drive you crazy during the day, step back and ask questions that can give you a better perspective. Perhaps you will find relief, too.
5 Questions to Ask When People Drive You Crazy
1. What’s going on with me that I’m reacting this way?
If I’m tired, stressed, feeling overwhelmed, hungry, or sad, I’m usually not giving my best. And I’m less able to see irritating things for what they are; simply irritating.
Instead, I blow them up into bigger than life versions of themselves.
So the first question is to find out what’s going on with you.
2. What are the real facts here, versus the assumptions I’m making?
I can’t tell you how many times this question has saved my bacon from overreacting in a way I’d regret.
Did you ever “scan” an email and start composing an angry response before you really understood it? I have! Thankfully I know to take a breath and go back and read it carefully!
Or maybe you are sure that guy at work is “out for you.” I mean really, is that a fact? Do you really know that?
A woman in a workshop once said, “My boss hates me.”
I said, “Really? Has he told you he hates you?”
“Well, no.”
Well that’s a broad assumption. And every day when she goes to work, she’s making decisions about how she’ll behave – and feel about herself – on that awful assumption.
There are so many reasons people behave the way they do. Their perspectives may be a world away from your own. And you can not know that unless you ask.
If you’re going to spend your energy responding to an event, or a pattern of behavior, make sure you have the facts.
3. What judgments am I holding about this person, and what can I do to let them go?
We are constantly and silently judging others all the time. It’s just something we do as humans
When my stress inducing needs to be right, better, or smarter show up, judgment rears its ugly head. I want to ease whatever pain I’m in at the expense of other people. Not cool.
I’ve learned to recognize this. And by shining a light on my judgmental thoughts I can kindly coach myself to redirect my thinking.
Be Kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle. Plato
4. What can I do to help this person?
I read a blog recently that said if we made “help this person” our daily mantra, it would transform our careers.
I suspect it would transform more than that!
When people drive you crazy, ask yourself: What can I do to help this person?
5. How can I hold this person in a space of compassion?
Listening without the impulse to rebuke, respond or judge can be the hardest thing.
When others are upset, or their perspective is foreign (read: disturbing) to me, sometimes the best strategy is patience and understanding.
Every point does not need a counterpoint.
Every disagreement does not need to be debated.
Every inflammatory comment does not demand an equivalent response.
I try not to take everything personally. And it certainly doesn’t imply we agree. It just means I’m holding them in a space where I can let go of the judgment, anger, or resentment, and keep moving forward.
There’s usually more to a story than what we see, and interpret.
Creating a space of compassion in which to hold that person will help, even though it can often be the hardest thing to do.
At the very least, you’ll feel better.
What are you going to do this week to keep others from driving you crazy? I’d love to hear the actions you’ll take from this list. Peace.
Originally on: Lea McLoud
by Guest Author | Sep 17, 2013 | Commentary, InPower Women Blog
Women often find themselves between a rock and a hard place. When women are viewed as “nice,” studies show that people “like” them better, but they are considered less effective in the workplace. When they’re considered more effective but less nice, they experience more career roadblocks. What’s a girl to do?
Part of the problem with this argument is in how it is framed. It implies that being nice (or feminine) is ineffective and being not nice (masculine) is effective. Since most of our images of leadership are masculine-infused, women are under tremendous pressure to emulate those qualities, and yet as soon as they do, they are derided as bitches. So part of the problem is that we do not associate the feminine and nice as qualities we attribute to effective leadership.
There is a problem of perception here, and the biases we bring to the word “nice,” such as being compliant and eager to please. In reality, isn’t there something deeper to being nice than this stereotype? Aren’t we being “nice” when we listen deeply? Aren’t we being nice when we are inclusive? Aren’t we being nice when we are being empathic? Aren’t we being nice when we are utilizing our relational intelligence? Aren’t these feminine skills effective in leadership? Research on the generation of collective intelligence suggests that the answer is, Yes they are!
Social scientists, such as Christopher Chabris at MIT’s Center for Collective Intelligence, and Anita Williams Woolley at Carnegie Mellon University, have recently begun to systematically examine what they call the “collective intelligence” of groups. Collective intelligence is a measure of how smart the group is, as a whole. Chabris and Woolley’s paper, “Evidence for Collective Intelligence Factor in the Performance of Human Groups“, was reported in the journal Science in October 2010.
What they discovered in their research completely surprised them; it was not something they expected or were looking for. They learned that collective intelligence is not tied to either the smartest person on the team nor to the average intelligence of the members of the team.
Rather it is something that is greater than any individual contribution or the sum of contributions. It is an emergent property that results from the interactions among the people in the group. What emerges is almost magical: something greater than the sum of its parts. You can call it evolved thinking.
The current research on collective intelligence gives us two key results. The first is that the phenomenon is real, that groups can indeed perform at a higher level of creativity than any single individual. We knew this intuitively, of course. It is the second result that is the surprise, and this has to do with the one single predictor that a particular group will have high collective intelligence: namely, at least half the chairs around the table should be occupied by women. Surprised?
What do women bring to the table that catalyzes evolved thinking? According to Chabris and Woolley it is a superior social sensitivity in reading non-verbal cues and other people’s emotions, and a fairness in turn taking. In other words, it is relational intelligence.
Couldn’t assuring everyone has a turn be perceived as being nice? Couldn’t being sensitive to the emotional undercurrents be perceived as being nice? But is this ineffective? No, in fact, these are the very skills that facilitate the emergence of collective intelligence.
Being “nice” could include a bevy of feminine skills that have been marginalized and demeaned by being called “nice.” However, they are actually the opposite from ineffective and soft; they are very powerful and effective and difficult skills to learn. I think of dancers. If a dancer is really talented, she really makes it look easy when in fact it requires a tremendous amount of skill. I think we often take for granted the amount of skill it requires to make things “nice.”
So what’s a girl to do? Step out of the dichotomy: nice can also be a very effective skill. It’s not an either/or argument. Transform that perceived weakness and embrace it as a strength that can give you an edge as a leader. Being nice when it includes those feminine skills such as relational intelligence, inclusion, empathy, collaboration, deep listening, and consensus building is a very effective way to achieve your goals in our increasingly interdependent world. Eventually even the “not nice” bosses will take notice when you deliver and wonder how such a nice person got to accomplish what she did.
Originally on: Huffington Post
by Guest Author | Sep 11, 2013 | Commentary
Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive? Have you reached out or are you still hanging onto the hurt? I reconnected with a friend of mine, who I’ll call Mary, earlier this week. Thanks to a big miscommunication about a job search nearly a decade ago, Mary and I parted ways almost as quickly as we became good friends in graduate school. She felt betrayed, and I was just plain pissed off. Rather than discuss the issue, we held onto our anger and self-righteous versions of what happened like badges of honor. Recently, Mary stumbled upon an article I had written and decided to reach out.
After spending nine years trying to avoid her at networking events and other functions, I felt a strange happiness about the prospect of seeing her again. My thinking had shifted to the point where I wanted to talk. Quite frankly, I realized I had been a big fat idiot and wanted to let her know that; she felt the same way. We spent two hours catching up with each other and realized that we had experienced some amazing parallels. Our inability to forgive had prevented us from being there for each other as friends – to share in the joys we had both experienced and to provide comfort during life’s tough times.
While research shows that training in forgiveness actually brings about improvements in both well-being and health (Hebl & Enright, 1993), actually forgiving can be easier said than done.
Realizing that you need to forgive and actually doing it are two different things. If forgiveness is something you want to practice, try one of these strategies:
Think empathetically. It never occurred to me that Mary might have been going through a difficult time in the years after our falling out. All I focused on was my own anger and how hurt I felt. In addition to promoting forgiveness, empathy is also a hallmark of resilience. Empathetic people tend to be less selfish, having a genuine interest in the well-being of others (Skodol, 2010).
Do a brain dump. Writing your thoughts and feelings about the event on a piece of paper will not only feel like a release, but it will also help you look at the situation from a different perspective. Ruminating about what happened won’t help the wounds to heal.
Connect. When Mary reached out to me, I was ready to accept her invitation. Your face-to-face encounter might not go as well as ours did, but you’ll feel better for having tried to extend the olive branch. You’ll have some peace in knowing that you tried to make the situation better.
Stop gossiping. When our friendship ended, I told my version of the facts to whoever would listen, and she did the same. The problem was that neither of our fact patterns was completely true. We took a bad situation and made it worse by talking about it to others.
Get professional help if needed. Forgiving isn’t easy, especially if the issue is ongoing or particularly traumatic. Working with a therapist or mental health professional can help you process your feelings and the overall experience at a deeper level.
While forgiveness has many benefits, I understand that you may read this and think, “This forgiveness thing just isn’t for me.” That’s fine. For many people, there are certain acts that are simply unforgiveable or you may have strong reasons for not forgiving. However, if you’re ready, I hope you give one of these strategies a try.
Originally on: Psychology Today
by Guest Author | Sep 6, 2013 | InPower Women Blog, Work-Life Blend
Returning to work after baby. 62% of American women are employed after giving birth.
