by Guest Author | Nov 27, 2013 | Career Development, Coaching Advice, Leadership
When you want to make things happen and have an impact, leadership is one of the best ways to do it. Why do some of us shy away from becoming leaders? Henna gets real and reminds us that sometimes being a good leader isn’t always a comfortable place to be. Enjoy Henna’s advice for how to deal with the discomfort, stand up and lead. – InPower Editors
Imagine attending a meeting where you know you will be unpopular, distrusted, and even heckled. Would you choose to do it? Not many of us would. That’s exactly what General Keith Alexander, National Security Agency (NSA) Chief chose to do this month at the Black Hat corporate security conference. He was heckled by the crowd for some of the tactics employed by the NSA in encroaching on privacy. He was asked why his agency lied to the U.S. Congress. Regardless of our point of view on the topic, the leadership question I found myself asking was “Would I have shown up? How much heat am I willing to take to lead?”
Leadership requires being willing to stand up, to be counted, to show up in the face of criticism. As leaders, one of the toughest people we need to manage is ourselves. As human beings, the fact is, we are conditioned to avoid discomfort. Got to deliver bad news or negative feedback? “Yeah, I’ll do that tomorrow”. Got to fire someone? “Well perhaps HR can do that”. Have to own up to a mistake or failure? “Well, it wasn’t that big. Maybe no one will notice.” Need to make a decision that is unpopular? “Well, perhaps if we just compromise some more?”
What happens when we don’t learn how to manage through our own discomfort? Crucial conversations don’t happen. We lose connection with customers and our people. Errors and failure perpetuate. People are confused. Cultures start to stink up.
Here are five steps I have used to learn how to manage through my own discomfort:
1) Take an inventory – Each one of us experiences discomfort in different situations. Think back and make a quick list of situations that make you uncomfortable. For me, it’s potential conflict situations. I tend to be an agreeable sort of person, keep everyone happy, world peace and all of that. What’s that for you?
2) Discover your natural reactions – When you experience discomfort what happens? What are your physical reactions to discomfort? Some people tend to get sweaty palms. Others try to diffuse the situation by laughing or talking too much. Just pay attention to when you experience discomfort and notice what you tend to do. Do you avoid it? Do you try to deflect it? Do you delay it?
3) Get curious – Our discomfort is generally rooted in fears. Start to ask yourself “what is the fear underneath this discomfort?” Fears are based on certain mindsets and assumptions we have. When we avoid giving “bad news” to others or having difficult conversations our fears may be fears of rejection. Once we name the fear, we can actually see the mindset underneath. For example, “I have a hard time giving negative feedback because my fear is that the other person may dislike me.”
4) Reframe the mindset – Ask yourself “what is a belief that will help me do what’s right rather than what’s comfortable?” Find an alternate mindset to help you lessen the discomfort. For each fear you identify, create a more empowering belief to enable you to do what’s right. For example, “Constructive feedback allows me to better connect with the person”.
5) Just do it and declare success – Sometimes you just have to take the plunge. Redefine success as having a difficult conversation and learning from it – regardless of what the outcome may be.
A funny thing happens when we start to push through despite our discomfort. We become better at it. As we become better at staying with discomfort we, we expand our personal power in leading ourselves and others.
I would welcome your comments and suggestions on how you manage through your own discomfort.
A version of this post first appeared on my Forbes.com blog and Transformational Leadership.
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
by Guest Author | Nov 18, 2013 | Gender Research, InPower Women Blog
It’s an old story, computers are too geeky for girls. But not anymore! We’re glad to report that women in computer science are increasing their numbers! Know a girl who likes computers? Encourage her! (Please repost) – InPower Editors
Source: Best Computer Science SchoolsDo you have any good stories about women in computer science? Leave them in comments!
FREE PDF
Guide to Women in Leadership
Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
by Guest Author | Nov 14, 2013 | Career Development, Coaching Advice
Intro: Many women tell us that they do good work, get good results and still arne’t getting ahead. What gives? “Getting ahead” isn’t always such a simple formula and we like how Dana provides insight into how to get out of the “results trap” and achieve career success. – InPower Editors
If you produce excellent results but don’t feel like you’re moving up the leadership ladder (or around the jungle gym) fast enough, take a look to see if you’re excellent work is holding you back.
Here’s what it feels like to be stuck in the results trap: You do good work, produce good results and expect to be promoted because of it.
The solution to getting ahead isn’t to start producing crap, it’s to realize the producing good results is the ticket to the leadership shortlist, not the draft pick. Women in particular can fall into this trap, but it’s not a gender-specific problem and good results are never holding you back! Both genders bump their head into this kind of glass ceiling where the skills, talents and results that help them succeed into and through middle management are different than the ones they need to break into the top ranks.
Specifically, recruiters say that while they look for work ethic and results to promote people into middle management, they screen for strategic perspective and business acumen to promote people farther.
In short, producing good results is a sign of good management, but not always good leadership. Even in difficult circumstances, where leadership is needed to produce good results, you may not be managing up in ways that demonstrate the additional value you could bring to leadership decisions. Managing up is its own skill, of course, and one of the quickest ways to grab the attention of your bosses and potential sponsors who will go to bat for you is to demonstrate thought leadership.
Here’s a tip on how to manage up and position yourself for leadership at the same time: help the folks at the top think about their leadership challenges differently (and more constructively) and they’re more likely to want you up there doing some of the leadership thinking.
Think managing up is all a bunch of silly politics? Politics is really the art of getting people, who by definition see the world differently, to work together. If the politics put you off where you are, maybe you need to look elsewhere, but if genuinely not interested in getting people to work together across divides, leadership may not be your next step.
Dana Theus is president and CEO of InPower Consulting, reframing leadership to help high-achieving women and enlightened men find their voice and create change. Follow her also at www.InPowerWomen.com, www.InPowerCoaching.com, Twitter (@DanaTheus) and on LinkedIn.
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
by Guest Author | Nov 12, 2013 | Career Development, Coaching Advice
You may think you don’t want to get fat, but you DO want to be a FAT thinker. Paula breaks down the secret to the brain games behind building a “less stress” life. How many of these games are you already playing? How many more can you learn to reduce the stress in your life? ~ InPower Editors
When it comes to your thinking, how FAT are you? That is, how flexible, accurate, and thorough are you at identifying what’s working and more importantly, what’s not working for you in the different areas of your life? Increasing my ability to be a FAT thinker has changed my life in many ways, and I’m lucky that my work now helps other people get FAT. When you become an expert at FAT thinking, your happiness and resilience will increase and you’ll be better able to manage the different stressors in your life. So, what is FAT thinking?
FAT Thinking
Happy and resilient people are FAT thinkers. They focus their time and energy on matters within their control, and they know when to move on if certain strategies aren’t working. Second, FAT thinkers know “this too shall pass.” They understand that while the ride of life may be bumpy at times, bad stuff usually won’t last forever. Finally, FAT thinkers can compartmentalize. They don’t let an adversity in one area of life spill over into other areas of their life (Seligman, 2011).
In addition, FAT thinkers are quick to recognize thinking errors – overly rigid patterns in thinking that cause them to miss important information. FAT thinkers are also skilled at identifying specific deeply held beliefs that underlie stress patterns. For example, a FAT thinker might realize that the belief, “I have to be perfect and do things perfectly,” might be driving procrastination or a fear of being criticized. A FAT thinking strategy to help might be creating a “best possible” standard to replace the unachievable standard of perfection.
FAT Thinking & Your Emotions
FAT thinkers are skilled at knowing when to show emotion and when to hold in emotion. In addition, FAT thinkers leverage positive emotions. Dr. Barbara Fredrickson’s research on positive emotions reveals that they help you to broaden your mind and build your resources. Specifically, positive emotions help you to think more creatively and be solution-focused, which builds your psychological strengths, social connections, and your physical health.
Activities that have been shown to increase positive emotions, such as capturing three things each day that went well for you or writing or sharing a gratitude letter increase happiness (Seligman, Steen, Park, & Peterson, 2005). It’s important to remember that negative emotions have their place too, but FAT thinkers know how to use negative emotions at the right time, in the right place, and in the right context.
FAT Thinking & Your Health
FAT thinkers know how to manage their stress. In order to better manage their stress, FAT thinkers know their stress type. Managing one’s stress is not a one-size- fits-all endeavor, and FAT thinkers use stress-less strategies that specifically work for their stress type. To learn more about the different stress types and helpful stress-less strategies, visit www.pauladavislaack.com.
A colleague of mine increased his FAT thinking and dropped over 100 pounds and has kept it off for several years. In order to facilitate his weight loss, he identified a handful of thinking errors that were sabotaging his weight loss efforts and incorporated more FAT thinking strategies into his diet.
FAT Thinking & Your Relationships
I work with many people who realize that their own “skinny” thinking has had a negative impact on their relationships. FAT thinkers build supportive social networks that not only facilitate coping during times of challenge, but also help speed up cardiovascular recovery after negative events (Lyubomirsky & Della Porta, 2010).
In addition, leaders who are FAT thinkers make time for the people they work with and mentor. It takes lots of time and energy to keep connections thriving, but FAT thinkers put in the time and effort.
FAT thinkers ask these four questions during relationship challenges:
1. What other factors might have contributed to the problem?
2. If I shared this issue with another person, what would he/she see as potential causes?
3. What parts of the problem can I directly control, influence, or leverage?
4. What solutions have I not tried?
Whether you want more happiness, less stress, or to build your resilience reserves, the key is to get FAT – flexible, accurate and thorough – about your thinking. The ripple effects will astound you.
Originally posted on: Psychology Today
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
by Guest Author | Nov 6, 2013 | Career Development, Coaching Advice, InPower Women Blog, Personal Mastery, Women in Leadership
If you produce excellent results but don’t feel like you’re moving up the leadership ladder (or around the jungle gym) fast enough, take a look to see if you’re excellent work is holding you back.
Here’s what it feels like to be stuck in the results trap: You do good work, produce good results and expect to be promoted because of it.
The solution isn’t to start producing crap, it’s to realize the producing good results is the ticket to the leadership shortlist, not the draft pick. Women in particular can fall into this trap, but it’s not a gender-specific problem. Both genders bump their head into this kind of glass ceiling where the skills, talents and results that help them succeed into and through middle management are different than the ones they need to break into the top ranks.
Specifically, recruiters say that while they look for work ethic and results to promote people into middle management, they screen for strategic perspective and business acumen to promote people farther.
In short, producing good results is a sign of good management, but not always good leadership. Even in difficult circumstances, where leadership is needed to produce good results, you may not be managing up in ways that demonstrate the additional value you could bring to leadership decisions. Managing up is its own skill, of course, and one of the quickest ways to grab the attention of your bosses and potential sponsors who will go to bat for you is to demonstrate thought leadership.
Here’s a tip on how to manage up and position yourself for leadership at the same time: help the folks at the top think about their leadership challenges differently (and more constructively) and they’re more likely to want you up there doing some of the leadership thinking. (more…)
by Guest Author | Oct 30, 2013 | Communicating With Confidence, InPower Women Blog
People talk a lot about thought leadership, and we believe it’s a powerful success strategy available to women. But let’s get real, most of us don’t feel comfortable putting our big ideas out there because we’re don’t like to get negative feedback. We like how Dana takes this subject on, showing us how to transform this fear into a self-esteem success strategy. Don’t miss one of her upcoming thought leadership webinars for entrepreneurs or executives. – InPower Editors
In my work with professional women, ladder climbers and entrepreneurs alike, I see one particular challenge hold us back more than any other (no, I’m not immune): we are prone to take any kind of negative feedback personally, as though comments on our performance or ideas directly relate to our value as people.
I’m not alone in noting this problem in self-esteem for women, as early as 1989 researchers documented the fact that women take negative feedback personally (whereas men are more likely to filter it out or attribute it to factors outside themselves).
As I work with women to help them develop their inner power to lead and succeed, I find that most don’t want to “be like the guys” and develop an over-inflated sense of themselves, but they do want to develop authentic self-esteem strategies that allow them to invite feedback with confidence. The good news is that this is very possible! (more…)
by Téa Blake | Oct 28, 2013 | Gender Research, InPower Women Blog
Title: Women on Boards, and Board Size, Matters For Performance
Study: The Evershed Board Report (John Heaps, Chairman. PR Moment 2011)
Finding: The size and shape of a board play a tangible part in the success, or otherwise, of an organization.
Note about The Woman Effect Research Index: This study was performed by researchers not affiliated with InPower Women. Our Research Index includes all relevant research to the subject of women, business and power. We do not influence how the research was conducted or reported by the researchers. In our abstracts, we focus on pulling out the most actionable advice for individual women. To suggest additional research we should index, or discuss our choice of abstract focus, please contact us
InPower Insight: The presence of women on boards are not the only factor in good board performance, but it is an indicator of board success.
Summary:
The report by Evershed found that when companies had a lower number of directors on their boards, they were better performing. This was found to be true for companies in Hong Kong, US, and Europe. Companies analyzed had boards with between six and thirty two directors, Europe having the highest number. Better performing companies also had a higher percentage of female directors and more independent directors. This was found to be true especially for banks and UK companies. Share-price performance increased when companies had more independent directors. Unsuccessful companies had board members who held additional positions within the company. It was also found that the chief executive of another organization proved to be an asset on the board of another company. Finally, more successful companies contained more shareholders that had a great shareholding within their respective companies.
Personal Coaching Tip: If you’re working to be on a board of directors, take the time to understand all the characteristics of high-performing boards, including overall size and internal vs. external makeup. No matter what you hope to accomplish in your career, know that research continues to find that the presence of women on any team, at any level, improves its performance. You matter!
FREE PDF
Guide to Women in Leadership
Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
by Guest Author | Oct 22, 2013 | Career Development, Coaching Advice, Mentoring
We get a lot of questions about how to find a sponsor to advocate for you behind the scenes. This post by Kathryn (and the book she reviews) will give you a lot of insight into this important career strategy. – InPower Editors
At a recent 85 Broads Power Circle event, I indeed felt the power of women sharing wisdom and ideas. The featured guest was Sylvia Ann Hewlett, author of the new book creating a lot of buzz in the business world: Forget a Mentor, Find A Sponsor. It warrants a lot of buzz in the world outside business, too.
As the founding president of the Center for Talent Innovation, a nonprofit think tank, Sylvia chairs a task force of 75 global companies focused on fully realizing the new streams of high echelon labor in the global marketplace. Her work, overall, dissects a lot of complex issues, but her book’s simple message is that mentors can be a shoulder to lean on, while sponsors actually give you a full leg up on your career or passionate life pursuit.
More specifically, Sylvia describes sponsors as people who deliver “high octane advocacy”. Once you’ve proven your personal and organizational value to a sponsor, they go out on a limb for you, advocate for your next promotion and provide “air cover” so that you can take risks. In return, you’re expected to deliver high performance on the job, maintain loyalty and grow the sponsor’s scope and span through your own personal brand. In Sylvia’s words: “the best sponsor candidates are people in a position to get you where you’re keen on going—people inside or outside of your company who have clout in the circle you aspire to join or influence in the community you’re eager to embrace.” (more…)
by Guest Author | Oct 20, 2013 | The Woman Effect
Why are women so good for business?
Reason Number 4: We’re good investors.
In the ongoing hunt for insights to understand The Woman Effect Manifesta, I’ve discovered that the Return on Women (WOR) is really high! – I’ve been delighted to discover that women have excellent investment instincts! Since I can’t think of a more important business leadership skill than investment savvy, I am excited to highlight it here as one of the reasons that professional high-achieving women contribute so strongly to organizational performance, including profitability and sustainability. (more…)
by Guest Author | Oct 17, 2013 | Coaching Advice, Leadership
Sometimes leadership seems like a mystery. We know “command and control” rarely works to motivate people, and even more rarely allows women to lead authentically. We like this insight from Dana to help you round out your leadership style. – InPower Editors
I recently had the chance to talk to a very successful leader about what he thought was the foundational driver of his success. Of course things like integrity and emotional intelligence came up a lot, but I was struck by his observation about creativity.
“I used to think creativity was reserved for painters and writers,” he said thoughtfully. “But now I realize that no one is more creative than me when I’m removing barriers to help my team be more successful.”
Intrigued, I probed for what he meant by “removing barriers.” Essentially, he said that he noticed after taking over a new group a few years ago that most of his team would bring him problems. “That’s what they’d been trained to do with their problems, bring them to the ‘leader’ to solve.” But he found that when he solved the problems for them he became a bottleneck and was soon inundated with more problems to solve than he had capacity for. So he switched his tactics and started helping them redefine the problems into opportunities and empowered them to take advantage of the opportunities they discovered. Soon two important things happened:
- his team got better at thinking and talking in terms of opportunities instead of problems and the energy of the group changed and became more positive, future-oriented and enthusiastic;
and
- productivity, satisfaction and quality metrics went up as people felt accomplished at seeking and realizing opportunities wherever they found them.
“As I was working with people to find the opportunities lurking in the problems, I became aware of just how often we all, myself included, start with the negative ‘why not’ aspects of any particular situation,” he said. “Turning that around to find a positive opportunity required a lot of creative thinking on my part.”
He went on to say that now he defines himself as a creative person for being able to find opportunities where others see problems.
This leader is right. Creative people are problem solvers but they tackle problems differently than analytical thinkers. Creative problem solvers look outside the available information, the “why nots” and the barriers to progress that helped define the problem in the first place. They find inspiration by assuming there is an opportunity that just hasn’t been discovered yet and intentionally seeking that opportunity.
Do you define yourself as a creative leader? How heavily do you rely on creative problem solving principles in your leadership style? How often do you encourage your team to accept that problems and barriers exist, but coach them not to get stuck on them?
This post originally appeared on Smartblogs on Leadership.
