by Guest Author | Nov 21, 2012 | Commentary, InPower Women Blog, Work-Life Blend
I originally had another blog planned for this week but after some great feedback from my last post I decided to write this one instead. While you all know that I am now a work at home Mom-preneur, this has only been my reality for a few years. Prior to this, I got up before the crack of dawn, got ready for work, checked emails, attempted to make it appear I cooked a homemade breakfast, used the pack of baby wipes I always carry with me to clean the oatmeal off of my skirt, got my daughter ready for school, pretended I wasn’t thinking about the meeting I was now five minutes late for as I kissed her good bye and dropped my three year old off for the next 10 hours.
Before I go any further, let me tell you how bad I was. When I interviewed for my last “traditional” job I knew it was important to connect to my interviewer so I told personal stories about my niece. Now, those who know me know I talk about her ALL THE TIME so that was normal. What wasn’t normal is that I didn’t once mention that I had a child of my own. I am, and always have been, beyond proud of my daughter and will always consider her my greatest success but at that time I was still the feminism gone wrong woman. I worried if they knew I had a child they would assume I would miss a lot of work and that I wouldn’t be as driven as my male counterparts, or as a woman who didn’t have children. I wanted to appear warm and open, (aka child friendly), without appearing saddled down.
The first time my boss came to my office after I finished decorating, she saw pictures of 2 girls and asked who the younger child was. When I quietly said “my daughter” she looked a little puzzled to say the least. That was the first and last time I didn’t proudly proclaim that I am a mom but I still felt that I didn’t have a choice. I really wanted this job and I didn’t know enough about the company to know if being a parent was viewed as an asset or a liability.
Tip #1:Research the company to learn their culture and philosophy on family.
Several professional magazines have lists of the best companies for families or working women. Talk to current employees and find out what kind of practices that company has. Do employees who leave for soccer games get talked about as soon as they walk out the door, do they offer benefits like sick child care, do they have an active bring your kid to work day program? All of these things give you an idea of the type of company you are working for and can help you make decisions about where you want to work in the future.
I was blessed to be a part of one of the most family and child friendly employers that I know of but even with that, I felt guilty. If I stayed until the end of the meeting I would be late picking my daughter up AGAIN. If I went to her school play I would miss the annual state of the company address from our President (and yes they seem to always fall on the same day). Our monthly department lunch inevitably fell on my daughter’s birthday and I was supposed to go eat lunch with her at school…and do you really want to hear about traveling for business and the “Niece’s birthday fiasco of 06” ???
I had 2 full-time jobs. One paid the bills (so that was super important) the other was the part of my life that I only had one chance to get right (did anyone tell you there are no do-overs when you have kids?).
Tip #2: Outsource!
Getting it all done doesn’t mean you have to do it all yourself. I didn’t have time to bake cookies for the bake sale but I could buy them and put them on a cute platter (the platter makes all the difference). I found a dinner delivery service so all I had to do was thaw out a meal, and we had a homemade meal every night, who cares that it wasn’t made in my home. I got a housekeeper twice a month because I wasn’t going to spend the few hours I had at home cleaning up. Most importantly, I learned asking for help was not only okay but essential. My sister went to school plays if I couldn’t. I picked a day care that a co-worker used so if one of us was late we could pick both girls up, go out to eat for dinner and give the other mom time to finish work, the kids never knew why they got a special treat of dinner out.
Tip #3: Work your kids into your work.
Another lesson I learned is that if I incorporated my daughter into my work she became an asset instead of a liability.
I mentioned her in stories that were relevant to what was going on at work (relevant is the key word, don’t become the parent that talks about everything your kid does, spitting peas at the family dog really isn’t cute to everyone). If I was conducting a training class on effective communication I told a story that involved her (and trust me, a 3-year-old gives you a lot of material). She instantly became the talk of the office and others saw that my experience as a mother made me a better employee.
In addition to working your kids into your work, see tip #4…
Tip #4: While at work don’t be afraid to do double duty.
When I traveled for work I would go to the bathroom during a business dinner to call my daughter to sing the good night songs. I used the time on the plane to write letters that I mailed daily (I left the first one with my mom or sister to read to her the first day I was gone). It got to the point that at one business dinner the entire table sang to her because they knew it was important to me and once it was done I could focus on work (plus it is the cutest song ever) and the assistant in the New York office would ask me for my letter every day to make sure I didn’t forget to mail it. Those couple of minutes during my work day kept me connected to my daughter and didn’t take away from my productivity.
Finally, and most importantly…
Tip #5: FORGIVE YOURSELF.
You only have 24 hours in a day and you can’t do everything all the time, guilt is one of the most over used emotions by those who want to do it all. Do the important stuff and quickly get over the rest. You may not be the Boy Scout troop leader but you can be the parent volunteer on a weekend camping trip. You may not be the last one in the office but you can answer an email after you get your little ones in bed. A happy mom is a successful one both at home and at work. Strive for that and the work-life balance that we all so desperately crave will come.
by Dana Theus | Nov 13, 2012 | Gender Equality, InPower Women Blog
Every woman reaches a point at least once in her life (most of us, many more), where the frustration of sexual discrimination, subtle undermining or personal self-sabotage we learned at the knee of the dominant culture smacks us in the face. You know it. It’s that moment of wordless disbelief, where we grit our teeth and hang for a moment on the brink of eruption. It’s the moment we stand on the edge between power and powerlessness.
I’ve felt it before when I saw myself and other women discriminated against for promotions and kept my mouth shut. Even though I don’t keep my trap shut in these instances any more, it happened to me recently again when I found myself procrastinating on recruiting speakers for a TEDx Women event InPower Women is co-sponsoring because I was unconsciously afraid of standing in my own power. How could I DO this to myself?!?!!?
What do you do when you reach this point? Get angry? Swallow it and move on as though nothing happened? Lash out? Turn around and take your shock into another room to vent on someone else?
My good friend and fellow InPower blogger, Marcia Reynolds, recently wrote a great post on this subject that asked when we women will get angry enough to stop the swallow reflex and get angry. About corporate discrimination. About reproductive rights. About how women are fed a constant media diet of unhealthy beauty most of us can’t achieve no matter how much we starve ourselves or cut our bodies… and how we stand by and accept all of this.
I know we encounter it in many other situations: when the boss tells us the man deserved the promotion because he has a family to feed; when we are caught in the horrible decision whether to bug out on our team at a crucial time or attend our kid’s school play; or when we swallow our passion and sign the employment contract for another two years at a job we hate because we don’t believe in our entrepreneurial dreams enough to risk our husband’s anxiety about the family income. And so many more decisions that tear us apart inside.
Marcia’s post sparked a spirited discussion on our LinkedIn group where several of us struggled with this question.
A No-Win Choice
I, for one, don’t have any desire to “get angry.” Anger is toxic and I’ve spent years ridding myself of anger in order to find happiness and fulfillment in all parts of my life. Everywhere I look in our world I see mismanaged anger beneath the violence that destroys women’s lives, the lives of their children and their families. Why would I want to invite it back into my life?
I posed this question to Marcia, who replied that she agreed with me about its toxicity, but had found anger a useful spark in her own life to stop accepting the things outside and inside herself that held her back. I can relate to that and so our discussion turned to trying to searching for a way to describe this “useful anger” that Marcia is seeking in women everywhere, and which I seek too.
ENOUGH: The Middle Way
Other women joined the conversation and we soon birthed a good word to describe what I’d always thought of as “resolute determination”. They said, we just have to get to that point of saying ENOUGH.
What happens when a woman says ENOUGH and means it in her bones? In my experience, something magical happens. That woman becomes very, very powerful – not only in that moment but in every other moment she calls that ENOUGH energy forth in her life.
This is kind of abstract, what does this really look like? What should you DO when you’ve had ENOUGH?
Any or all of the following versions of ENOUGH will move things forward in the right direction and I recommend that when you reach this point – regarding a specific event or things in general – you practice any or all of these (and feel free to suggest more) every.single.time.
- Counter-ACT: Identify what, if anything, you’re doing to play along and act to demonstrate to yourself and anyone else in the vicinity that you do not agree. When I realized I was getting in my own way about the TEDx Women event, I walked straight to my computer and sent out 5 invitations and queries (and if you know any woman in DC who needs a power pulpit on December 3, please let me know!)
- Channel your anger constructively: As Marcia said, anger can be a great motivator to ACT. Just make sure your action is constructive. Don’t let the anger make you act “out.” Be measured and controlled, even if it pisses them off. If YOU do not speak or act out of anger, their anger will dissipate much more quickly and move you into productive conversation.
- Take a stand & speak your truth: Take a stand with your actions or silence so there is no question in anyone’s mind – including and most especially your own – as to where you stand on this issue. This can be as dramatic as slamming your fist down and speaking eloquently, refusing to do something someone else wants you to, going silent or simply leaving. The key is to be true to yourself in that moment.
This may seem passive on its face simply because it’s not the vision of “Enough!” we’re used to seeing portrayed in the media – or the life drama our media tries unsuccessfully to copy. We usually think “Enough!” has to look like the heroine smashing the evil witch in the face or ripping up the multimillion dollar contract, but a hundred daily enoughs can make up for one big ENOUGH! every few years. I will guarantee that if you do these three things consistently and regularly, being honest with yourself about your emotions and not succumbing to the fears that hold most of us back, you will not only become more powerful in all your interactions and self-sabotage less, you will also cause a shift for other people as well.
What About The Fear?
There is no question that when the stakes are high we confront a lot of fear. And it’s the fear that has trained us so well not to act or speak, so it must be dealt with. I’ve spent a lifetime finding ways to address the fears and am building an eCoaching practice to pass on what I’ve learned, but I’ll give you these three secrets that will help tremendously. Do NOT succumb to your fear when you reach the ENOUGH! point. It really can be this simple.
- Stop and ask yourself what’s the worst thing that can happen. More often than not, it’s not as bad as our knee-jerk fear led us to believe. Sometimes it’s the fear of admitting that our younger self (i.e., the self we were two minutes ago) wasn’t as determined, gritty and strong as we are in this ENOUGH! moment.
- Consider the cost of ongoing silence and inaction. Don’t just ask about this event, ask about what is the worst if you continue to succumb to fear on this point for the next year. Three years? Five? When will enough be enough? When we understand the future cost of our inaction or silence, now is quite often the time to take our stand.
- Don’t let the fear win. Every successful woman I know, even those with nothing, who has decided to overcome fear, has been glad she did. If not now, when?
Start small and see how the fear recedes. Let your small victories build your confidence for the big things. It will. It’s your pattern of saying enough and putting the fears away that matters. Don’t’ beat yourself up over lost opportunity, commit to a future full of opportunity. With every choice to take a stand for ENOUGH! You build your inner power. Imagine how powerful you will be at this time next week. Next month! Next year!!
Over a lifetime, it’s the daily ENOUGHS! that matter most and make the big ones all the easier. Start today. What have you had enough of today? What other strategies have worked for you? Please share.
by Guest Author | Nov 8, 2012 | Career Development, InPower Women Blog, Leadership
Contributed by CEO Coach Henna Inam
There is a large space between having power and being powerful. Women have historically had a love hate relationship with power. Personally, I am one of them. In some situations in my corporate career, I was in positions of great power but had a hard time exercising it. As women, we have fought throughout history for our rights to be empowered. Why then can we be so ambivalent about power when we get it?
Here’s a personal story that illustrates the point. A few years ago, my company asked me to move to Mexico to turn the business around from our rapid market share declines. I had P&L responsibility, leadership for all functions (including a manufacturing plant and R&D), in total an organization of about 600 people. I felt energized by the challenge. Our turnaround strategy included rapid new product introductions and our team came together to make this happen.
Here was the challenge: our local plant manager, who also had a reporting relationship into the global supply chain head, was hyper-focused on lowering costs. New products would increase plant costs so he was resisting the launch plan. Who had the power to make the call? Technically, me, as I was the P&L leader. Did I exercise that power? Not really. Not the way most men would. Make the call. Move on. Instead of asserting, I found myself negotiating, cajoling, bridge-building. It was a longer and frankly much more painful process, and I didn’t necessarily feel very powerful through it.
Sound familiar?
The story ends well. We tripled our rate of innovation, regained market share and profit. However, the experience taught me important lessons about power. Here’s what I learned about what keeps women from exercising power as men do.
1. Our desire to be liked. Whether we attribute this to the way we are raised with gender stereotypes or even the ways our brains evolved over time, women face what Catalyst calls the double bind. Women behaving assertively are viewed as competent but not as effective interpersonally. If we behave according to gender stereotypes, we are viewed as less decisive. In my Mexico role, I am sure there were a few men looking at the situation wondering “why is she not using her power?”
2. Our natural inclination to prefer collaboration over competition. Studies [PDF] show that women are rated higher on factors like collaboration, teamwork, and relationship building while men are rated higher on developing a strategic perspective. These studies resonate with my personal experience and other research that suggests that women when faced with a conflict will “tend and befriend,” a trait that is not viewed as “exerting power.”
3. Lower (perceived or real) self-confidence. Our self-confidence impacts our own perceptions of how much power we have. In European studies, [PDF] women reported feeling less self-confident than men. Men were more confident with 70% of them having high or very high levels of self-confidence, compared to 50% of the women. Half of women managers admitted to feelings of self-doubt about their performance compared to only 31% of men (this may be driven by the fact that gender roles make it easier for women to own up to feelings of low self-confidence). Some behaviors that women exhibit are also perceived as indicators of low self-confidence: being overly modest, sharing credit, asking for others’ input, being deferential, not “bragging” about our accomplishments, not asking for the next promotion, being silent in discussions, not taking our seat at the table.
So why do women have an ambivalent relationship with power? It’s because the traditional definition of power that is exercised around us doesn’t feel authentic for many of us. It can feel more autocratic and self-serving than we’re comfortable with. If this is the predominant way we perceive power being exercised in our organizations, women risk burning out from the constant coping and adapting they have to do. Organizations risk women opting out altogether.
We need to create an evolved definition of power, one that doesn’t create internal conflict in half the talent available in today’s workplaces. Let’s call this the “transformational style” of power. It comes from a style of leadership called transformational leadership, a more collaborative, engaging and inspirational way to lead. It’s time that all leaders (men and women) recognize this type of power as legitimate. It’s time that each of us feel comfortable role-modeling this type of power, not because it is feminine, but because it is effective to lead the organizations of today and tomorrow.
What is the Transformational Style of Power?
Transformational leaders exercise power differently from transactional leaders. Transactional leaders tend to use sources of positional power (their ability to reward and punish based on their positions). This is based on having power, a strong position in the hierarchy. Transformational leaders tend to use personal power (ability to inspire and motivate). This is what I see as being powerful.
How Do Women Exercise Power?
In general women feel more comfortable using personal rather than positional power. According to research by Alice Eagly quoted in “The Leadership Styles of Women and Men” in Journal of Social Issues, “Findings suggest that female managers, more than male managers, manifest attributes that motivate their followers to feel respect and pride because of their association with them, showed optimism and excitement about future goals, and attempted to develop and mentor followers and attend to their individual needs.”
Why is Transformational Power Important for the Organizations?
The pace of change in human behavior and paradigms isn’t keeping up with the technology and connectivity changes we’re seeing. Our markets are now global. New competitors enter our markets from unlikely places. Leaders at the top of hierarchies have less information to make timely decisions than people who are closest to customers and influencers. This calls for dispersion of power. Yet, the safe dispersion of power can only be possible when we have mutual trust. Trust is strongest when the human spirit is engaged rather than just the human wallet.
We must be willing to redefine the cultural cues and body language of power based on the values that are critical for success today.
1. Integrity. Trust in our leaders and in our organizations is at a premium. We live in a transparent and porous world where the power of social media can make or break our business. Power used to come from hoarding information.Power now comes from sharing information in an open and transparent way.
2. Inspiration. The role of the CEO is now to be the Chief Engagement Officer, to capture the imagination and harness the creative talents of people inside and outside the organization. We’re biologically wired for inspiration. As Simon Sinek in this TEDTalk points out, Martin Luther King said “I have a dream.” He didn’t say “I have a plan.” It’s about “why” someone should care, not what they should do. Steve Jobs created fans and followers because his relentless pursuit of excellence was in service of creating “a ding in the universe.” Power is finding our personal inspiration and connecting with the tribe that shares the inspiration, to make something great happen.
3. Humility. Power is admitting we don’t have all the answers and we need your help. Power is creating a space for others to have the answers and have the glory. Power is bragging about your team rather than bragging about yourself. Power is being willing to listen and learn from anyone, anywhere in the hierarchy. Power is being willing to be vulnerable.
4. Flexibility. The new world requires we move fast. How many bad business decisions are never acknowledged nor overturned quickly because our egos are threatened? Power is admitting our mistakes quickly rather than pretending we’re invincible. Power is being able to admit failure.
5. Connectivity. In this rapidly changing world, the ability to create new networks and alliances to take advantage of new opportunities is critical. Winning organizations crowd source innovation from everywhere. Power is connecting with others to enable collaboration that serves all parties. Power used to be “I win, you lose.” Because we are connected to each other, now power is “I can’t win if you lose.”
Our world is changing rapidly. It is time our definition of power catches up. If we are to move forward as a society we need to make it comfortable for people of any gender to exercise the type of personal power called for above. We need to make it comfortable for men and women to take off the burden of their superman and superwoman capes. If we are to harness the creative talents of all people, we need to enable them to navigate the space where they realize that the ultimate source of power resides within – that they don’t have to have power in order to be powerful. Perhaps if I had understood this definition of power as legitimate, I would not have been so ambivalent about exercising it.
If this resonated with you please comment, subscribe and share with others. Connect with me if you would like to develop your own transformational power.
Henna Inam is a CEO Coach focused helping women become transformational leaders. A Wharton MBA, and former C-Suite executive with Novartis and P&G, her passion is to engage, empower, and energize women leaders to transform themselves and their businesses. Sign up for her blog at www.transformleaders.tv.
This article was originally published on The Glass Hammer.
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Guide to Women in Leadership
Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
by Guest Author | Nov 6, 2012 | Career Development, Entrepreneurship
By: Daisy Jing
Originally published on Women 2.0
There’s a quote I love most, which is “when you see a successful person, you just see the success, not all the work and pain it takes them to get there”.
It’s been an entire year since I pitched my idea at Women 2.0 Startup Weekend. Now I have a live private beta site with heavily engaged users. However the road was anything but easy, and here are the top 10 things I’ve learned from this past year.
Lesson #1 – 1. Embrace rejection.
It means you are moving. I sometimes feel like the ugly guy trying to chase the hot girls. For every 10 emails, you may get a response. You may not. That’s ok. You can have teammates leave. You can’t take anything personally, because no one knows what will work or won’t work out. You just gotta keep moving. Inertia kills.
Lesson #2 – I force myself to be positive.
I’ve turned into this new age yogi. When things are going bad, a little tinge of hope can determine success or failure. I keep so many inspirational and productive books on audible, which I listen to on my iPhone when I’m driving. Some of my favorites are The Secret, Do More Faster, 4 Hour Workweek, The Alchemist, Steve Jobs Bio. These books instantly cheer me up and push me to keep pedaling forward, even on those days I don’t want to. I avoid negative people like the SARS virus. It’s draining to be around bad thoughts.
Lesson #3 – You are never ready.
You’ll never be ready to take that plunge. I hear a lot of excuses, “well I’ll be ready when I have my MBA.” “I’ll be ready after I work at a large tech company and learn best practices.” “I’ll be ready when I have 15 more years of experience.”
I used to be a gymnast in high school. Gymnastics taught me to swallow the fear and do it anyway. I think back to my first back handspring. I was never entirely ready to do a back handspring. I mean, what if I land on my neck? Or my head? or what if my elbows collapse and yadedadada. Maybe I need to train more, maybe I’m not ready. Of course I don’t advocate jumping into a back handspring blindly, but sometimes you just gotta trust that you’ll be able to jump backwards and stick it! Same goes for anything else in life.
Lesson #4 – There is no recipe for success.
If there was a recipe for success, then everyone would be billionaires. There are no two entrepreneurial stories that are the same. Success and failure can be the difference between timing, meeting the right person at the right time, having that key person on board, etc. etc. Don’t be too hard on yourself if your startup doesn’t line up with what everyone else is doing.
Lesson #5 – Focus on yourself.
Focus on yourself, not on others. Don’t bother yourself with what others are doing, how much other companies raised, etc., it’s solely a distraction. It’s all about your users. Focus on them.
Lesson #6 – STOP OVERANALYZING.
Girls overanalyze way too much. It starts in middle school, where we spend months figuring out of Justin Bieber lookalike likes us. Overanalyzing is the worst thing you can do. It’s better to make a mistake than to waste your energy on thinking of 1000 worst case scenarios that probably won’t happen. Remember: Inertia kills.
Lesson #7 – Do not understimate yourself.
I’m an asian female who grew up with two tiger parents. We grow up overly critical of ourselves. Every time I think of a critical thought to myself, I envision taking that thought and throwing it in the trash bin (think, click, drag and empty). I can’t waste precious time putting myself down.
Lesson #8 – Embrace uncertainty.
I used to be that super type A girl who always had a 5, 10. 20 year plan. Now, I don’t know where I’ll be next month, much less next year. Remember that the universe has great plans for you and trust things will work out.
Lesson #9 – Live for something other than yourself.
Perfect Beauty has already changed many women’s lives. I get emails daily about how these girls’ lives changed from the site. My users look up to me to create Perfect Beauty, and I want to prove to them if you set your mind to something, you can do it. For me, being called an inspiration causes me to do things for a greater purpose than just myself.
Lesson #10 – Realize nothing is an overnight success.
Too often we read articles in the news thinking, “WOW. they just built an app and sold it for hundreds of millions.” Again, you always have to dig beneath the surface. Tens of Thousands of hours of dedicated practice will make you seem like an overnight success.
Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. As women, we fear our reputation. We fear being called ‘failure’. However, those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. As the quote goes, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people”
What is your top startup lesson learned? Let us know in the comments.
About the guest blogger: Daisy Jing is the Founder of Perfect Beauty, an online beauty community focused on empowering women to feel beautiful. She was the winner of “Most Disruptive Product” Award at the Women 2.0 PITCH 2012 Startup Competition. Her site is in closed beta only to Ambassadors. To sign up for Perfect Beauty, click here. Daisy graduated from Duke University with majors in Economics and Social Psychology. Follow her on Twitter at @daiserz89.
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
by Téa Blake | Nov 2, 2012 | Gender Research, InPower Women Blog
Study: Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide (Linda Babcock, Carnegie Mellon 2011)
Finding: The wage gap affects more than high-level executives. Women need to negotiate for what they’re worth straight out of college as well as when they’re moving up the corporate ladder.
InPower Insight: Speak up and negotiate for what you’re worth – every time, all the time – and tackle the wage gap on a person-by-person basis. It starts with you.
Summary:
Good news! There’s useful news-of-note regarding the gender pay gap coming out of recent studies into why the wage gap persists, and how to properly go about correcting it.
In this study by Carnegie Mellon, MBA students who graduated between 2002-2003 were surveyed on negotiating salaries. It was found that on average, when these MBA students negotiated their salaries, they could increase their initial offer by up to 8%. However, the raise didn’t come when the students chose not to negotiate, and while 52% of men negotiated their salaries, only 12% of women were likely to do the same. Further complicating matters, those women who did take the initiative to ask and negotiate were seen in a negative light and labeled as “too pushy.”
Women already make 70-75 cents for every dollar of their male counterparts. In several states, this number is increasingly lower: Utah, 68 cents, Louisiana 66 cents. Studies found that one year after women exit college and begin working full time, they earn 80% of what males earn. Ten years after graduation, they make only 69%. Professionals who recognize the pay gap problem have started programs like $tart $mart to help women realize their value and arm them with negotiation skills and confidence.
The pay gap is “problematic on a social level, but the issue has to be addressed on a personal basis,” according to GetRaised founder Matt Walleart, who believes that instead of focusing on the wage gap itself, we need to be focusing on “why individual women are being paid less than they should be.”
Career Coaching Tip: Always negotiate your worth. It’s less about how high you can get and more about consistently practicing the act of standing up for your value. The research says that over time, those 8% increases will add up for you and help you personally while closing the wage gap in your small part of the world. Be aware of the “pushy” perception that some women fall prey to, but don’t let that stop you. Be conscious of your effort to represent your value and put aside thoughts of “pushyness”. Just be yourself and be aware of your value. And then ask. Be quiet and listen to the response. Regardless of what comes back, restate your belief in your value. Practice this each time you can and your pay will go up, along with your self-esteem.
FREE PDF
Guide to Women in Leadership
Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
by Guest Author | Oct 31, 2012 | Career Development, Coaching Advice
In the past 20 years, some controversial research suggests that at any given moment, women have more activity in their brains than men. The corpus collosum that connects the right and left hemispheres of the brain is larger in women, allowing for more movement across the hemispheres. This accounts for a frequent change in focus and ultimately, a noisier brain.
Whether women really have noisier brains or not, aren’t there times you wish you could shut off the incessant mental chatter? Don’t you wish you had a way to clear out the clutter—worries about work and family, concerns about your health and aging, nagging thoughts about money, the rehashing of arguments and relationship complications, and the incessant planning of events? Top this off with fretting about opinions others might have of you plus your own critical analysis of yourself and there is little space left for noticing what is delightful right now.
The answer is not in thinking happy thoughts or chanting affirmations. Once you stop, it’s likely the throng of thoughts will flood back in.
Instead, you have to empty your brain to control your mind. When you clear the space, you more easily control what comes in. For a period of time, you choose what you see, feel and think. You’re free to plunge into the present. Here are four tips to help you clear your thoughts:
#1. Let go of what you thought would happen. Clinging to your expectations blocks out possibilities. We all have pictures of what we thought a situation or conversation would look like. Then something else happened. To let go of your frustration, go with the flow. As they say in tennis, “play the ball in front of you.”
Trust that everything will work out. Think of the times in life where you didn’t get what you wanted yet the results turned out to be better than expected. There is always a possibility the worst will happen. Just as strong is the possibility the best can happen. Live with faith in a positive possibility and your brain will quiet down.
#2. Be curious. Enter conversations and situations wanting to learn more than you already know. Seek to see a broader picture or to find something new about the person you are with. You will see fresh ways to deal with challenges. Plus, people will find you much more interesting.
Shunryu Suzuki, author of Zen Mind, Beginners Mind, said, “In the Beginners Mind there are many possibilities. In the expert, there are few.” Try coming from a place of “not knowing the answer.” Quit figuring out what people are going to say while they are talking. Quit making snap judgments about ideas. Stay open and curious to keep your mind clear.
#3. Laugh it off. When you are laughing, your mind is clear of clutter. In fact, you increase focus and awareness. You can then better evaluate options and consequences. You have a better sense of where you are and what you are doing in the moment.
Develop your sense of humor. See the silliness in habitual human behavior. Listen with an comical ear. The world is brimming with fodder for laughter. The great comedian Steve Allen taught his protégés to practice having a funny state of mind by seeing comedy films, reading funny books and hanging out with funny people as a daily diet.
#4. Don’t give up. If you can’t clear your mind today, try again tomorrow. You are teaching your old brain a new trick. It will take time.
Practice mental clearing by consciously stopping your thoughts for one minute. Pick out all the different sounds you can hear. Focus on noticing the details of a small area in front of you. Notice how you are breathing. See if you can even out your breathing and heart beat. Tomorrow, increase your practice to two minutes. Each day, see how much longer you can go without thinking. Enjoy the moment of peace.
Find these and other tips for giving taking control of your mind in the book, Outsmart Your Brain: How to Make Success Feel Easy.
This post originally appeared on Psychology Today.
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
by Guest Author | Oct 30, 2012 | Career Development, Coaching Advice
By: Allie Siarto
When I started my business with two other partners at age 24, I was a great consultant — but a mediocre business owner. Like many others who start their own businesses to do what they love, I was completely focused on executing the work, and I had a lot to learn about running the business itself.
Over the past few years, I’ve run into more than a few surprises while running the business with partners, and I’ve learned a number of lessons about what it takes to run a successful new business:
- Cash flow is, and always will be, king. When you’re used to having your paycheck deposited directly into your bank account every two weeks, dealing with the cash flow of your own business can be a bit of a shock. If you work with clients, invoiceswill be paid late (it’s not a matter of if, but when), and even highly profitable businesses can become strapped for cash at times—especially early on. Every entrepreneur should have a personal emergency fund in place in order to keep a cool head before business cash reserves build up.
- Your business needs a long-term vision to thrive. When we started our business, we had no vision beyond the next year or so, which led to fear and stupid, short-term decisions. You can’t predict exactly where your business will be in the long term, but at least make sure you discuss the vision with your business partners so that you’re all working toward a common goal.
- Fear and lack of focus are your worst enemies. It took us nearly two years to realize how much fear was driving our business decisions. We were taking on design projects that were distracting from our larger focus, simply because we were afraid that if we turned them down, the next big opportunity might not come along. Once we finally got over this fear and started turning away the design work to focus on our bigger vision, our business really started to take off.
- Create HR policies early on. We were essentially clueless when we hired our first employee four months into starting up. We thought we were creating a laid-back culture by avoiding a set number of vacation days or other policies for our staff. But the truth is, defined vacation days give employees a guiding framework that can reduce the stress of trying to decide what is too much or too little vacation time. When we finally met with an HR consultant, we realized that our lack of policies could leave our company vulnerable to legal gray areas.
- Invest in a good business lawyer. Our clients hire us to be the expert in our area, so why shouldn’t we seek outside help in areas that aren’t our expertise? We started our business with a $3,000 personal investment, and all of it went toward having a lawyer draft up our business contracts. My only regret is that we didn’t spend more to have the lawyer review everything at the start of the business. Make sure you’re protected for both worst and best case scenarios.
Allie Siarto is the co-founder of Loudpixel, a social analytics company focused on social media monitoring, insights, measurement and infographics. She also runs a project called Entretrip, a co-traveling for location independent entrepreneurs.
The Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC) is an invite-only nonprofit organization comprised of the world’s most promising young entrepreneurs. In partnership with Citi, the YEC recently launched #StartupLab, a free virtual mentorship program that helps millions of entrepreneurs start and grow businesses via live video chats, an expert content library and email lessons.
This article was originally published on the Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC).
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
by Guest Author | Oct 24, 2012 | Commentary, InPower Women Blog, Work-Life Blend
We at InPower Women are so excited to publish the first article of our new blogger Christy Pruitt-Haynes. Please welcome her and give her your feedback in the comments. We’re honored to have her as part of our blogging team! ~InPower Women Staff
Dear Stay at home Moms,
I will admit, I was that woman. The I’m just as smart as a man so I want the same job he has and anything less means I failed, woman. I worked night and day to move up to the C-Suites because, anything less would be LESS, too much less. I used my mind everyday to prove that I could be successful; and successful meant high powered job. I never understood the concept of wanting to cook and clean and bake and all of those other domestic things if you had a college degree and you were mentally capable of MORE. I knew that some people had to do those things, but to me, the only reason that would be a major part of anyone’s day was if that was all their intelligence allowed them to do. I was a classic case of feminism gone wrong.
Then one day, my 3 year old found my calculator and started pressing random buttons. When I asked her what she was doing she said, “Using my blueberry (blackberry to many of us) to send you an email to ask if we can play”. In one moment I felt like the worst mother in the world. It no longer mattered that I was the head of HR for a major TV network, it mattered that my child thought the only way to get my attention was to email me.
That day I hatched a plan to redefine success and incorporate the things that will matter most 30 years from now. It was no longer about running a department it was about being present for my family. In my naive mind I thought, this will be a walk in the park. I managed departments, led restructures and effortlessly navigated corporate politics. Let me tell you, corporate politics have nothing on PTO or soccer field politics. Deciding who to invite to a meeting is never as hard as deciding who to invite to a child’s birthday party, and don’t get me started on deciding where to have the party. Managing soccer practice, band practice, bake sales, scouts, tutoring, homework, housework, bills, voice lessons, laundry and cooking takes a level of coordination, flexibility and planning I never used at work.
I was now one of the women that I had previously thought less of and I was failing miserably. Is it possible that all of those women sitting in the park while their young children played were smarter than me? Were they actually reading how to make your child the best version of themselves instead of Cosmo magazine all day? Was their day actually mentally challenging, requiring a level of savvy that I didn’t possess? Did they really work all day? And most of all…were they not lazy women who aspired to be taken care of instead of taking care of themselves???
And why hadn’t anyone told me many of these women were still running very successful businesses? They were truly mom-preneurs. They created employment for themselves so they could still get the satisfaction of work outside of the home and make money (which meant they hadn’t checked their brains at the door) all while taking care of their families. They consulted, sold various products, ran meetings, ran their home…talk about doing it all! They used sophisticated marketing skills to create successful school fund raisers. They used negotiation skills to get kids to eat vegetables, contractors to reduce the price of home repairs, husbands to volunteer to build the set for the school play. They used finance to be the band booster treasurer or manage the girl scout troop’s funds. They were smart, intelligent, capable women who decided to use all of their skills to make their families stronger and make themselves happy in the process.
So here is the hard part… I AM SORRY for every negative thing I ever said, thought or assumed about women who chose to define their success through a wider lens than one that only includes their professional life. I am sorry for assuming your life was easy and your work wasn’t mentally challenging and completely necessary. Most of all I’m sorry for not realizing that you were using the same skills every efficient and effective C-Level professional uses everyday and you were doing it without contractual pay!
Beyond being sorry, I applaud each and every one of you for defining your life and using your knowledge, skills and abilities in ways that the old me didn’t understand and the new me is continuing to develop.
Love, admiration and now one of you,
An eternally sorry realist
PS – To all of you employers, if you are ever fortunate enough to hire someone who use to be a stay at home mom…DO IT!!! Having worked in recruiting for many years, I recognize, talent, ability, culturally savvy, muilti-taskers and WE have cornered the market on those skills.
by Dana Theus | Oct 21, 2012 | Communicating With Confidence, Gender Equality, InPower Women Blog
I have a female client, J, transitioning careers who just woke up to how she’s getting in her own way – and mustering the courage to stop. This post celebrates her, and every other woman who’s decided to “get ready to be ready” to take that next step and talk up her achievements for the next job, instead of reinforcing for everyone around her how good a fit she is in her current job.
Research says that men are paid based on their potential while women are paid based on their performance and I believe this is a contributor to the equal pay gap. I used to find this curious but now I think I understand why. Most of the women I know are much more comfortable doing good work in their current job than they are talking up their accomplishments and what great capabilities they have for future opportunities.
While there’s nothing wrong with this desire to focus on getting the job done – on the surface – below the surface, it’s clear this is hurting us in more ways that a thinner wallet. (more…)
by Dana Theus | Oct 21, 2012 | Career Development, Coaching Advice
I have a female client, J, transitioning careers who just woke up to how she’s getting in her own way – and mustering the courage to stop. This post celebrates her, and every other woman who’s decided to “get ready to be ready” to take that next step and talk up her achievements for the next job, instead of reinforcing for everyone around her how good a fit she is in her current job.
Research says that men are paid based on their potential while women are paid based on their performance and I believe this is a contributor to the equal pay gap. I used to find this curious but now I think I understand why. Most of the women I know are much more comfortable doing good work in their current job than they are talking up their accomplishments and what great capabilities they have for future opportunities.
While there’s nothing wrong with this desire to focus on getting the job done – on the surface – below the surface, it’s clear this is hurting us in more ways that a thinner wallet.
Meet J
My client, J, has a strong resume, plenty of experience relevant to her career switch, a social media following in her new career and is smart as a whip. We got into a conversation about promoting herself in her new field because she wanted to join my Coaching Circle to help women self-promote authentically and naturally – without feeling that “icky feeling” so many of us get when we have an opportunity to take credit and promote ourselves for the good work we do. J really wanted to join the circle but felt she wasn’t sure the time was right. I asked her why and she said was still working on getting her transition strategy together and wasn’t ready to tell people about her new career direction. “How long have you been working on it?” I asked. “Five months,” she replied. “Are you working in your old career now?” I probed. “Not really, I’m committed to make the switch.”
“How long is it going to take you to started talking to other people about this? People who could help you get work in your new field?” I asked. “I don’t know,” she said, “I’m not ready yet.”
This struck a bell for me because I recognized in her answer something that holds back the most accomplished of women. The new CEO of IBM, Virginia Rometty, told a story of how she once responded to new job opportunity with “I’m not ready yet,” until her husband pointed out that a man would never say that, even if it were true.
Why Women Wait To Be Ready
Women do this to ourselves all the time (myself included, until recently.) We tell ourselves the story that “I’m not ready” and so guess what? We’re not. And it’s not because we don’t have the qualifications, ideas or potential, it’s because we talk ourselves into waiting. And everyone around us knows instinctively that we’re really NOT ready because we don’t believe we are – at least we don’t believe we are enough to tell others we are. Often we hope someone else will see our potential, believe on our behalf we’re ready, and take us by the hand to guide us along the new path without us every having to acknowledge this. We have this fantasy of holding back, modestly protesting that we’re not ready and have the boss or the client SO confident in our abilities that they override us and give the big job and then back us up to make sure we’re successful. Early in our careers this does happen sometimes and it’s great when it does, but at some point, people start expecting us to do it for ourselves. When this point comes, the guys make the transition and learn from the handholding how to do it themselves. But many of the women don’t; instead we hit the glass-ceiling of our own self-confidence.
I’ve learned that there are multiple reasons for this. Girls/women aren’t encouraged to take risks on the playground, girls/women feel held to a higher standard, girls/women are perfectionists etc. etc. etc. Well, girls, it’s time to grow up. As women we can’t afford to hang around, stuck in whatever old story is holding onto us back, and keep waiting. Time’s running out.
Where Are The Women Mentors? Look To The Side
The other story we tell ourselves is that we don’t have women mentors showing us how to do this, so how can we learn? It’s true that there aren’t as many senior women around to model this kind of personal “I’m ready!” risk-taking behavior, and many of the women who have made it aren’t always so good at it either. We’re all a product of our culture, after all. But there is a way. Don’t look to your elders, look to your peers. Leverage the power of girlfriends.
I’m not talking about sleepover girlfriends here, I’m talking about professional female colleagues who can see and mirror your value and potential to you and accept you doing the same for them (which helps build your own confidence). It’s a formula that has personally helped me and many others I support learn to help each other stop telling the stories that hold us back and start stepping up to finding ways around that “icky feeling” when it comes to promoting ourselves as “Ready” to the world. And we have to believe we’re ready so others believe it and help us get that next, great job or project. They’re not going to do it for us anymore, but they will step up and help us out when we’re ready.
Not just any girlfriend will do. It has to be someone willing to put their own ego aside and SEE your true potential and then hold a mirror up to help YOU SEE it, too. I call these special ladies in our lives “promo-buddies” because they don’t let us believe our stories and they challenge us to see ourselves as capable and full of potential as they see us.
I’ve also learned that while some of us find a few of them in our personal lives, many of our closest women friends can’t or won’t do this for us. Too many of our close friends and family have their own stuff in the way or just don’t really understand our professional environment well enough to help us in this way. It’s a mistake to expect them to so stop feeling bitter if your inner circle isn’t supporting you this way and go find some of these special promo-buddy ladies. To find them, you have to go looking for them.
This is why J wanted to join our Coaching Circle. We’re bringing together a community of women to do this for each other. To get over the “I’m not ready” syndrome and help each other find the “non-icky” ways we can promote ourselves before time runs out.
“J,” I pointed out gently, “you realize you’re saying you’re not ready to get ready to be ready, don’t you?” J laughed and agreed that after five months of prep and more than that of “getting ready to get ready,” she was ready to be ready! She joined the Coaching Circle.
Time is running out. Stop waiting and get ready to be ready, now. There are ways to talk up your accomplishments and potential that don’t feel icky. Promo-buddy girlfriends can help but no one can do this but you. You’re ready now!
Aren’t you? What’s your “I’m not ready” story? When have you overcome it and “been ready” and had it work out well? When have you gotten in your own way? Share your experience in comments below!
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
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Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
