I was having dinner with a friend, a very successful consultant, whom I hadn’t seen for quite a while. As we munched on a Caesar salad, I talked about my research on successful women. “I asked myself, what did these women, from many walks of life, share in common?” I told my friend. “What I discovered really surprised me. And because it surprised me, I knew I could trust this finding. A secret to these women’s success, I realized, had to do with how they dealt with vulnerability, their own and others’. They were able to transform vulnerabilities into strengths.” My friend leaned back in his chair and said, “You better not use that word with leaders. No leader wants to talk about vulnerability! They won’t go there.”
Really, I thought to myself? No leader wants to think about managing vulnerability? It’s not a question of going there. It’s a matter of already being there. In a complex, interdependent global reality, low predictability and low control define today’s reality. These uncertain times by nature are vulnerable times. How you deal with vulnerability has a lot to do with defining your character and leadership style. If leaders and managers deny their vulnerability, what does that say about their effectiveness and ability to learn from mistakes? How can you expand your understanding of things if you can’t admit you’re wrong?
Michele Bachmann’s embarrassing faux pas about the Founding Fathers (she said that they worked tirelessly to end slavery) is a case in point. Here’s a person with a staff who sees herself as a future president, and is either intentionally revising history or doesn’t care enough to know the facts. But even worse were the contortions she went through to justify her statement when she was brought to task. Is it so hard to simply say, “I was wrong, I made a mistake”?
Sarah Palin’s comment on the Paul Revere ride and making it a case for the Second Amendment is a similar example. What’s wrong with saying, “I didn’t get it quite right, but I’ve got it now”? Instead, we get all this rationalization, victimization and fast footwork. And admitting a “misstatement” comes short of owning up. Rather than “man up,” how about we “own up” to all the false and misguided statements we’ve made?
It’s not to say that we haven’t seen leaders and politicians admit being wrong or making a mistake. The mea culpas keep coming from philandering husbands, from Edwards to Spitzer to Ensign. Admitting wrong for personal issues seems to have more approval than for a professional issue.
To make a wrong right, you have to start out with admitting you are wrong. That’s the problem with many of the lawsuits that get settled behind closed doors, such as the sex discrimination suit filed against Morgan Stanley (now Morgan Stanley Smith Barney). Making sealed deals with no admission of wrongdoing is not progress; it’s denying a vulnerability and therefore not addressing it in an effective and constructive way.
In order to manage vulnerability effectively, you have to be strong enough to admit that you are wrong and care enough to do something about it. Admitting you are wrong is not just about a weakness but also about an opportunity to learn and grow. It requires a special kind of strength: humility.
We need our leaders to model managing vulnerability in a constructive way. Of course, there is always the fear of being diminished or demeaned, and in a culture that so heavily denies vulnerability, this is certainly a possibility. But our future as a society rests in how we deal with all the vulnerabilities we face individually and collectively and how we respond to others being vulnerable. When we can transform vulnerabilities into learning opportunities for everyone, and cast them in a positive light, then that can lead to new strengths.
January 1st is coming fast! If you’re like most of us, you’re knee-deep in year-end closing reports, next year budgets, family holiday planning and… stress! Work Life (much less balance!) at the end of the year is just crazy – largely because we’re scrambling to meet so many goals we set for ourselves (and those set by others). Even though it feels nutty, this is actually a good time to take a deep breath and think strategically about how we set our goals – for meetings, days, weeks and years – to help us reduce stress and increase productivity. In this three part video series, and webinar on the subject, we’re looking at the power of Intention-setting (a strategic goal-setting approach) to do just that!
Intentions are goal-statements formatted to describe success holistically. This provides you and others more information about the success being sought, which helps you and others working to achieve it be more creative in your strategies. Intentions also enable flexibility and rapid-response when “life happens” and reality intervenes to muck up your plans. Intentions work on both the professional and personal level and are a leader’s best friend for helping stay sane and accomplish more.
Watch the video below for more and to receive a quick exercise you can do right now to help you think more strategically about your goals for 2013.
Register now for the complimentary webinar next month on 2013 goal-setting to view the whole video series (15 min), and have a happy holiday!
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
WOMEN ENTREPRENEURS: HOW DO YOU BALANCE PHYSICAL/MENTAL HEALTH WITH THE DEMANDING JOB OF BEING A STARTUP FOUNDER?
CARVE OUT ME TIME
“Being a startup founder is an immersed, adsorbent experience. I’ve found that the only viable strategy is to set definite times for myself (e.g. work out, walk my puppy) and treat those appointments with the same punctuality and attentiveness as you would a meeting with your advisors. Really. Don’t flake on yourself—you have one body and you need it to be healthy and happy to succeed.”
– Caroline Ghosn | Co-Founder and CEO, The Levo League
LIMIT THE CAFFEINE!
“Coffee or energy drinks may seem like the panacea for productivity for startup founders, but it’s not an ideal long-term strategy for health and balance. Doctors agree that while a cup o’ Joe every now and then is fine, too much can lead to anxiety and disrupted sleep—both counter-productive for success as an entrepreneur! Listen to your body: if you need sleep, don’t feel bad about getting it.”
“I have a few fun and creative outlets that help me get out of the stressful business mental space after a long day. I started volunteering for an organization called Playworks that puts volunteers on the playground at elementary schools to help the kids engage in healthy play. I get to play dodgeball, foursquare and tetherball and it is the best release—and the kids love having adults come!”
“I think what’s hard for entrepreneurs is finding time to drive to the gym and work out. I just didn’t have time for that so I started making up bite-sized ways to exercise. For example, walking while I was on team or personal calls. I ask some clients that come for a meeting if they’d like to step out and walk while we talk. Take the stairs, park far away from the building—it all adds up!”
– Caitlin McCabe | Founder & CEO, Real Bullets Branding
NECESSARY FRIENDSHIPS
“We all know how important healthy eating and exercise are, but I believe that spending time with friends is just as important for charging a founder’s batteries. Fun events for entrepreneurs such as Summit Series allow you to kill two birds with one stone—getting some valuable networking time in for your business while goofing off and having fun. “
“Being the founder of a startup takes every ounce of energy and brainpower that one can muster. However, you still need to focus on what’s important. Prioritize your day and make sure to include work time, friend/family time and you time. It’s easier said than done but in doing so, you’ll be much more satisfied thus allowing you to bring even more to your business.”
“Almost every morning, I spend at least an hour praying, reading my Bible and preparing my mind and heart for the day. Five days a week, I take time to exercise. Then every evening, I journal to reflect on the day and to release any worries, concerns or hurts. These three essential routines keep me incredibly resilient, focused and peaceful.”
– Elizabeth Saunders | Founder & CEO, Real Life E®
BLISS MOMENTS
“I start my week with “bliss moments” every Monday: things I like to do, outside of running a successful portfolio of companies. I shop, take my dog to the park, go to the gym, plan trips, and pray often. It’s considered “me time” and it enables me to start strong and reward myself for reaching my daily goals and balance out the demands of entrepreneurship.”
“There are going to be days where all you’re going to want to do is work—you’ll want to skip exercise, dinner, hanging out with friends and everything else. You need to decide what the minimum steps you can take to maintain your physical and mental health and make sure you do them every day, no matter what. Minimums will get you through crunch time until you can be a little more balanced.”
– Thursday Bram | Consultant, Hyper Modern Consulting
REGULAR EXERCISE AND BREAKS
“I try to take a walk or spend some time on my exercise bike every day. Exercise helps to de-stress, and time away from the computer helps me clear my head and think about solutions to our problems or challenges.”
– Heather Huhman | Founder & President, Come Recommended
CUDDLES FROM A PET
“If having a pet helps elderly people live longer, healthier lives, then having a dog or a cat around the home office definitely helps lower stress levels. Plus, having to walk your dog twice daily is the perfect excuse to get some time away from your desk—and a little sunshine and exercise too.”
– Nathalie Lussier | Creator, The Website Checkup Tool
This post was originally published on The Young Entrepreneurs Councils.
The Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC) is an invite-only nonprofit organization comprised of the world’s most promising young entrepreneurs. In partnership with Citi, the YEC recently launched#StartupLab, a free virtual mentorship program that helps millions of entrepreneurs start and grow businesses via live video chats, an expert content library and email lessons.
FREE PDF Guide to Women in Leadership
Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
If you haven’t started thinking about your goals for next 2013, you better get cracking! In this three part video series, and December webinar on the subject, we’re evaluating what makes a good goal statement – the kind that is more likely to be achieved!
Simple goal statements like “in 2013 we will increase revenues 10%” are fine on PowerPoints and year-end reviews but they lack a lot of necessary information to help those responsible for achieving them be successful. Sometimes we use “objectives” as higher level goals statements to try to provide this greater context, but I want to suggest that you use Intentions instead. Intentions are specifically designed to include the information necessary – including a broader picture of success – that enables you to be flexible creative and innovative when reality throws you a curve-ball. Intentions work on both an individual and team level.
Watch the video below for more and to receive a quick exercise you can do right now to help you learn to set Intentions.
Register now for the complimentary webinar next month on 2013 goal-setting to view the whole video series(15 min).
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
It’s sad that the glass ceiling still exists. Even though there has been progress, we still have a long way to go regarding women enjoying equality in important leadership positions and compensation.
Far too few capable women are offered positions with the responsibilities and influence they have earned and deserve, and far too many women are looked over for advancement opportunities. Why? There could be many reasons, but certainly two are 1) men making their own assumptions about what women can and cannot do and 2) men feeling “threatened”, maybe even subconsciously so. A friend of mine, Maria Burton Nelson, writes about this particular scenario in her book, The Stronger Women Get, The More Men Love Football.
This is neither fair to women nor to their organizations. Indeed, I believe women are naturally better than men at some of the key qualities of highly effective leadership. Generally, women are:
Better listeners
More inclusive
More caring
More willing to be vulnerable, to admit they can always do better
More willing to ask for opinions, ideas and feedback
These are not minor qualities. They are integral to helping others do their best work and to the productivity of the overall organization.
In general, women are more competitive than when I entered the workforce. They are more likely to have played sports and have competed for academic standings in co-educational colleges and graduate schools. Even if they did not compete in sports, they are more likely to be active and fit. In addition, as my friend Kari Uman pointed out to me yesterday, women today have at least some role models in business. I can attest that there were few years ago.
In addition to a willingness of today’s male-dominated senior executives to give their high achieving female colleagues opportunities to reach high levels of responsibilities and authority, many women suggest that more mentoring would be enormously helpful. Such mentoring can help with:
Confidence
Can-do attitudes
Executive presence
Encouragement
Willingness to step out of one’s comfort zone
Readiness to help grow revenues with new clients
Leadership roles in community activities
Gaining more visibility in one’s industry
These are all important qualities and can help anyone advance, regardless of gender.
I have written this paper not motivated by women’s rights, although equal rights are certainly important to me. Rather, I write as a student of leadership and knowing how capable women are as leaders. I earnestly believe American business, “Corporate America”, would benefit greatly with many more capable women at her most senior levels.
Our economy needs women in leadership. When women are more than tokens in leadership – representing over 30 percent of the team in diverse business specialties – their organizations perform demonstrably better. Not only are women naturally good leaders, showing the capacity to balance their leadership styles to achieve results even more adeptly than men at times, but they are hard workers and driven to succeed as executives as well.
But we all know the sad stats: women occupy only 15.2 percent of Fortune 500 Board seats and even fewer CEO and top team leadership slots.
How do we help more women make it into leadership? The short answer: Don’t “train women” in leadership. (more…)
Happy Thanksgiving! In the U.S. we love to look forward to this day of family and food. And we love to dread a few traditions that usually come along with family and food, too. And somehow work just doesn’t slow down.
Here’s a little secret to managing the work-life craziness.
Let the gratitude in NOW and keep it.
Don’t worry about “balance”, just be you. In your life. Now. Don’t strive to have it all, simply have what is yours now In this moment. Carry gratitude with you through the nuttiness, and the too much or too little family and food, and the work that doesn’t stop. Pretend that whatever you’re grateful for is bigger than everything else in your life and your day, and watch the rest of it suck less of your energy as you give more to the gratitude that is giving to you.
When gratitude fills me, I’m so much better at my jobs – all of them – Thank YOU
Yes, I still get a little full of too much family and food, but that’s ok, because I’m also stuffed full of gratitude – for you and for all the wonderful people who are helping me, themselves and our world by bringing more power into their lives one choice at a time. I’m grateful for my family and my dog. I’m grateful for the Internet and Apple products. I’m grateful for an economy slowly on the rise. I’m grateful for the resilience of the human spirit.
When in doubt, say thank you.
This grateful optimism sees me through the challenging times of building and managing a business. It builds employee loyalty and business relationships for me that pay off financially and otherwise. It makes my life worth living and my business worth running. I couldn’t run my business or my life without it. It’s one of my most important business assets. Soon Thanksgiving will be over, and I’ll be grateful that I still have gratitude to take with me throughout the next twelve months until I’m a bit too full of it again.
Happy Thanksgiving, my friend. I’m oh, so grateful for you.
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. ~Melody Beattie
I originally had another blog planned for this week but after some great feedback from my last post I decided to write this one instead. While you all know that I am now a work at home Mom-preneur, this has only been my reality for a few years. Prior to this, I got up before the crack of dawn, got ready for work, checked emails, attempted to make it appear I cooked a homemade breakfast, used the pack of baby wipes I always carry with me to clean the oatmeal off of my skirt, got my daughter ready for school, pretended I wasn’t thinking about the meeting I was now five minutes late for as I kissed her good bye and dropped my three year old off for the next 10 hours.
Before I go any further, let me tell you how bad I was. When I interviewed for my last “traditional” job I knew it was important to connect to my interviewer so I told personal stories about my niece. Now, those who know me know I talk about her ALL THE TIME so that was normal. What wasn’t normal is that I didn’t once mention that I had a child of my own. I am, and always have been, beyond proud of my daughter and will always consider her my greatest success but at that time I was still the feminism gone wrong woman. I worried if they knew I had a child they would assume I would miss a lot of work and that I wouldn’t be as driven as my male counterparts, or as a woman who didn’t have children. I wanted to appear warm and open, (aka child friendly), without appearing saddled down.
The first time my boss came to my office after I finished decorating, she saw pictures of 2 girls and asked who the younger child was. When I quietly said “my daughter” she looked a little puzzled to say the least. That was the first and last time I didn’t proudly proclaim that I am a mom but I still felt that I didn’t have a choice. I really wanted this job and I didn’t know enough about the company to know if being a parent was viewed as an asset or a liability.
Tip #1:Research the company to learn their culture and philosophy on family.
Several professional magazines have lists of the best companies for families or working women. Talk to current employees and find out what kind of practices that company has. Do employees who leave for soccer games get talked about as soon as they walk out the door, do they offer benefits like sick child care, do they have an active bring your kid to work day program? All of these things give you an idea of the type of company you are working for and can help you make decisions about where you want to work in the future.
I was blessed to be a part of one of the most family and child friendly employers that I know of but even with that, I felt guilty. If I stayed until the end of the meeting I would be late picking my daughter up AGAIN. If I went to her school play I would miss the annual state of the company address from our President (and yes they seem to always fall on the same day). Our monthly department lunch inevitably fell on my daughter’s birthday and I was supposed to go eat lunch with her at school…and do you really want to hear about traveling for business and the “Niece’s birthday fiasco of 06” ???
I had 2 full-time jobs. One paid the bills (so that was super important) the other was the part of my life that I only had one chance to get right (did anyone tell you there are no do-overs when you have kids?).
Tip #2: Outsource!
Getting it all done doesn’t mean you have to do it all yourself. I didn’t have time to bake cookies for the bake sale but I could buy them and put them on a cute platter (the platter makes all the difference). I found a dinner delivery service so all I had to do was thaw out a meal, and we had a homemade meal every night, who cares that it wasn’t made in my home. I got a housekeeper twice a month because I wasn’t going to spend the few hours I had at home cleaning up. Most importantly, I learned asking for help was not only okay but essential. My sister went to school plays if I couldn’t. I picked a day care that a co-worker used so if one of us was late we could pick both girls up, go out to eat for dinner and give the other mom time to finish work, the kids never knew why they got a special treat of dinner out.
Tip #3: Work your kids into your work.
Another lesson I learned is that if I incorporated my daughter into my work she became an asset instead of a liability.
I mentioned her in stories that were relevant to what was going on at work (relevant is the key word, don’t become the parent that talks about everything your kid does, spitting peas at the family dog really isn’t cute to everyone). If I was conducting a training class on effective communication I told a story that involved her (and trust me, a 3-year-old gives you a lot of material). She instantly became the talk of the office and others saw that my experience as a mother made me a better employee.
In addition to working your kids into your work, see tip #4…
Tip #4: While at work don’t be afraid to do double duty.
When I traveled for work I would go to the bathroom during a business dinner to call my daughter to sing the good night songs. I used the time on the plane to write letters that I mailed daily (I left the first one with my mom or sister to read to her the first day I was gone). It got to the point that at one business dinner the entire table sang to her because they knew it was important to me and once it was done I could focus on work (plus it is the cutest song ever) and the assistant in the New York office would ask me for my letter every day to make sure I didn’t forget to mail it. Those couple of minutes during my work day kept me connected to my daughter and didn’t take away from my productivity.
Finally, and most importantly…
Tip #5: FORGIVE YOURSELF.
You only have 24 hours in a day and you can’t do everything all the time, guilt is one of the most over used emotions by those who want to do it all. Do the important stuff and quickly get over the rest. You may not be the Boy Scout troop leader but you can be the parent volunteer on a weekend camping trip. You may not be the last one in the office but you can answer an email after you get your little ones in bed. A happy mom is a successful one both at home and at work. Strive for that and the work-life balance that we all so desperately crave will come.
This is my second reference to the book Turn The Ship Around, by David Marquet. It’s such a good book on empowering leadership I recommend it to any leader or aspiring leader. Empowering leadership is not easy. Here is one secret to it that I particularly like.
Have you ever met someone who’s commanded a nuclear submarine? I hadn’t, until last month when I found myself chatting with David Marquet, author of Turn The Ship Around, a must-read leadership book that adds new chapters to the wisdom on employee empowerment.
David and I were musing on the challenge of handing over control of the business to employees, many of whom don’t know how to take it or simply don’t believe you mean it when you offer to give them control. We were stuck on the horse-cart problem that to unleash EMpowered employees, the employees themselves must unlock their own INpowerment – to take responsibility and ownership – and to shift from following to leading.
To engage employees like this it means that the employees must actually take the reins, and really own the results. This is what David did very successfully when he commanded the submarine, the USS Santa Fe. In a closed-loop experiment of sorts, he was able to transform a crew of unEMpowered “we do what you tell us to do,” individuals ranking at the bottom of the fleet, into a band of highly INpowered leaders who not only brought the sub’s rankings up to the top, but personally went on to achieve a disproportionately high number of individual promotions.
Is The Horse Even Attached To The Cart?
Many modern workplaces do not achieve even the inefficiency of a bottom-ranked Navy sub. Apathy and dissatisfaction run rampant, leaders feel buffeted by the market and employees feel squashed by corporate politics and constantly shifting objectives. Few employees feel appreciated and no one – even at the top – feels empowered by the organization to do their best.
Even if your workplace isn’t quite this bad, it’s often difficult for employees to believe you truly want to empower them. Some of them don’t even want to be empowered. So if you truly DO want to empower them, how can you get their attention? Get them to believe in you? How can you get them to put the horse in front of the cart and then take the reins?
Believe
I wish I could say David and I solved this problem on the back of a napkin over lunch. If we had, I’d show it to you, but we didn’t. We did have a lightbulb moment that I’ll share, however.
Believe they can do it. In your heart-of-hearts, trust them and make sure they know that you believe and trust in them. Also hold them responsible, but don’t punish them unnecessarily (David has some excellent examples of this latter point in his book).
Discussing this challenge, both David and I remembered moments where we personally took the reins – and full ownership – when we realized those above us believed we could do it and were counting on us. I remember a specific case where I helped a direct report keep his job by believing in him when he – and everyone above us both – had given up.
Sometimes, it takes you to believe in them for them the find the courage to believe in themselves.
Start there, but don’t stop there. Read Turn The Ship Around; there are many other keys to empowering success in its pages.
I truly believe it all starts with belief – in yourself and in those you empower: no one gets anywhere they don’t believe they can go.
Every woman reaches a point at least once in her life (most of us, many more), where the frustration of sexual discrimination, subtle undermining or personal self-sabotage we learned at the knee of the dominant culture smacks us in the face. You know it. It’s that moment of wordless disbelief, where we grit our teeth and hang for a moment on the brink of eruption. It’s the moment we stand on the edge between power and powerlessness.
I’ve felt it before when I saw myself and other women discriminated against for promotions and kept my mouth shut. Even though I don’t keep my trap shut in these instances any more, it happened to me recently again when I found myself procrastinating on recruiting speakers for a TEDx Women event InPower Women is co-sponsoring because I was unconsciously afraid of standing in my own power. How could I DO this to myself?!?!!?
What do you do when you reach this point? Get angry? Swallow it and move on as though nothing happened? Lash out? Turn around and take your shock into another room to vent on someone else?
My good friend and fellow InPower blogger, Marcia Reynolds, recently wrote a great post on this subject that asked when we women will get angry enough to stop the swallow reflex and get angry. About corporate discrimination. About reproductive rights. About how women are fed a constant media diet of unhealthy beauty most of us can’t achieve no matter how much we starve ourselves or cut our bodies… and how we stand by and accept all of this.
I know we encounter it in many other situations: when the boss tells us the man deserved the promotion because he has a family to feed; when we are caught in the horrible decision whether to bug out on our team at a crucial time or attend our kid’s school play; or when we swallow our passion and sign the employment contract for another two years at a job we hate because we don’t believe in our entrepreneurial dreams enough to risk our husband’s anxiety about the family income. And so many more decisions that tear us apart inside.
Marcia’s post sparked a spirited discussion on our LinkedIn group where several of us struggled with this question.
A No-Win Choice
I, for one, don’t have any desire to “get angry.” Anger is toxic and I’ve spent years ridding myself of anger in order to find happiness and fulfillment in all parts of my life. Everywhere I look in our world I see mismanaged anger beneath the violence that destroys women’s lives, the lives of their children and their families. Why would I want to invite it back into my life?
I posed this question to Marcia, who replied that she agreed with me about its toxicity, but had found anger a useful spark in her own life to stop accepting the things outside and inside herself that held her back. I can relate to that and so our discussion turned to trying to searching for a way to describe this “useful anger” that Marcia is seeking in women everywhere, and which I seek too.
ENOUGH: The Middle Way
Other women joined the conversation and we soon birthed a good word to describe what I’d always thought of as “resolute determination”. They said, we just have to get to that point of saying ENOUGH.
What happens when a woman says ENOUGH and means it in her bones? In my experience, something magical happens. That woman becomes very, very powerful – not only in that moment but in every other moment she calls that ENOUGH energy forth in her life.
This is kind of abstract, what does this really look like? What should you DO when you’ve had ENOUGH?
Any or all of the following versions of ENOUGH will move things forward in the right direction and I recommend that when you reach this point – regarding a specific event or things in general – you practice any or all of these (and feel free to suggest more) every.single.time.
Counter-ACT: Identify what, if anything, you’re doing to play along and act to demonstrate to yourself and anyone else in the vicinity that you do not agree. When I realized I was getting in my own way about the TEDx Women event, I walked straight to my computer and sent out 5 invitations and queries (and if you know any woman in DC who needs a power pulpit on December 3, please let me know!)
Channel your anger constructively: As Marcia said, anger can be a great motivator to ACT. Just make sure your action is constructive. Don’t let the anger make you act “out.” Be measured and controlled, even if it pisses them off. If YOU do not speak or act out of anger, their anger will dissipate much more quickly and move you into productive conversation.
Take a stand & speak your truth: Take a stand with your actions or silence so there is no question in anyone’s mind – including and most especially your own – as to where you stand on this issue. This can be as dramatic as slamming your fist down and speaking eloquently, refusing to do something someone else wants you to, going silent or simply leaving. The key is to be true to yourself in that moment.
This may seem passive on its face simply because it’s not the vision of “Enough!” we’re used to seeing portrayed in the media – or the life drama our media tries unsuccessfully to copy. We usually think “Enough!” has to look like the heroine smashing the evil witch in the face or ripping up the multimillion dollar contract, but a hundred daily enoughs can make up for one big ENOUGH! every few years. I will guarantee that if you do these three things consistently and regularly, being honest with yourself about your emotions and not succumbing to the fears that hold most of us back, you will not only become more powerful in all your interactions and self-sabotage less, you will also cause a shift for other people as well.
What About The Fear?
There is no question that when the stakes are high we confront a lot of fear. And it’s the fear that has trained us so well not to act or speak, so it must be dealt with. I’ve spent a lifetime finding ways to address the fears and am building an eCoaching practice to pass on what I’ve learned, but I’ll give you these three secrets that will help tremendously. Do NOT succumb to your fear when you reach the ENOUGH! point. It really can be this simple.
Stop and ask yourself what’s the worst thing that can happen. More often than not, it’s not as bad as our knee-jerk fear led us to believe. Sometimes it’s the fear of admitting that our younger self (i.e., the self we were two minutes ago) wasn’t as determined, gritty and strong as we are in this ENOUGH! moment.
Consider the cost of ongoing silence and inaction. Don’t just ask about this event, ask about what is the worst if you continue to succumb to fear on this point for the next year. Three years? Five? When will enough be enough? When we understand the future cost of our inaction or silence, now is quite often the time to take our stand.
Don’t let the fear win. Every successful woman I know, even those with nothing, who has decided to overcome fear, has been glad she did. If not now, when?
Start small and see how the fear recedes. Let your small victories build your confidence for the big things. It will. It’s your pattern of saying enough and putting the fears away that matters. Don’t’ beat yourself up over lost opportunity, commit to a future full of opportunity. With every choice to take a stand for ENOUGH! You build your inner power. Imagine how powerful you will be at this time next week. Next month! Next year!!
Over a lifetime, it’s the daily ENOUGHS! that matter most and make the big ones all the easier. Start today. What have you had enough of today? What other strategies have worked for you? Please share.
