by Guest Author | Nov 8, 2012 | Career Development, InPower Women Blog, Leadership
Contributed by CEO Coach Henna Inam
There is a large space between having power and being powerful. Women have historically had a love hate relationship with power. Personally, I am one of them. In some situations in my corporate career, I was in positions of great power but had a hard time exercising it. As women, we have fought throughout history for our rights to be empowered. Why then can we be so ambivalent about power when we get it?
Here’s a personal story that illustrates the point. A few years ago, my company asked me to move to Mexico to turn the business around from our rapid market share declines. I had P&L responsibility, leadership for all functions (including a manufacturing plant and R&D), in total an organization of about 600 people. I felt energized by the challenge. Our turnaround strategy included rapid new product introductions and our team came together to make this happen.
Here was the challenge: our local plant manager, who also had a reporting relationship into the global supply chain head, was hyper-focused on lowering costs. New products would increase plant costs so he was resisting the launch plan. Who had the power to make the call? Technically, me, as I was the P&L leader. Did I exercise that power? Not really. Not the way most men would. Make the call. Move on. Instead of asserting, I found myself negotiating, cajoling, bridge-building. It was a longer and frankly much more painful process, and I didn’t necessarily feel very powerful through it.
Sound familiar?
The story ends well. We tripled our rate of innovation, regained market share and profit. However, the experience taught me important lessons about power. Here’s what I learned about what keeps women from exercising power as men do.
1. Our desire to be liked. Whether we attribute this to the way we are raised with gender stereotypes or even the ways our brains evolved over time, women face what Catalyst calls the double bind. Women behaving assertively are viewed as competent but not as effective interpersonally. If we behave according to gender stereotypes, we are viewed as less decisive. In my Mexico role, I am sure there were a few men looking at the situation wondering “why is she not using her power?”
2. Our natural inclination to prefer collaboration over competition. Studies [PDF] show that women are rated higher on factors like collaboration, teamwork, and relationship building while men are rated higher on developing a strategic perspective. These studies resonate with my personal experience and other research that suggests that women when faced with a conflict will “tend and befriend,” a trait that is not viewed as “exerting power.”
3. Lower (perceived or real) self-confidence. Our self-confidence impacts our own perceptions of how much power we have. In European studies, [PDF] women reported feeling less self-confident than men. Men were more confident with 70% of them having high or very high levels of self-confidence, compared to 50% of the women. Half of women managers admitted to feelings of self-doubt about their performance compared to only 31% of men (this may be driven by the fact that gender roles make it easier for women to own up to feelings of low self-confidence). Some behaviors that women exhibit are also perceived as indicators of low self-confidence: being overly modest, sharing credit, asking for others’ input, being deferential, not “bragging” about our accomplishments, not asking for the next promotion, being silent in discussions, not taking our seat at the table.
So why do women have an ambivalent relationship with power? It’s because the traditional definition of power that is exercised around us doesn’t feel authentic for many of us. It can feel more autocratic and self-serving than we’re comfortable with. If this is the predominant way we perceive power being exercised in our organizations, women risk burning out from the constant coping and adapting they have to do. Organizations risk women opting out altogether.
We need to create an evolved definition of power, one that doesn’t create internal conflict in half the talent available in today’s workplaces. Let’s call this the “transformational style” of power. It comes from a style of leadership called transformational leadership, a more collaborative, engaging and inspirational way to lead. It’s time that all leaders (men and women) recognize this type of power as legitimate. It’s time that each of us feel comfortable role-modeling this type of power, not because it is feminine, but because it is effective to lead the organizations of today and tomorrow.
What is the Transformational Style of Power?
Transformational leaders exercise power differently from transactional leaders. Transactional leaders tend to use sources of positional power (their ability to reward and punish based on their positions). This is based on having power, a strong position in the hierarchy. Transformational leaders tend to use personal power (ability to inspire and motivate). This is what I see as being powerful.
How Do Women Exercise Power?
In general women feel more comfortable using personal rather than positional power. According to research by Alice Eagly quoted in “The Leadership Styles of Women and Men” in Journal of Social Issues, “Findings suggest that female managers, more than male managers, manifest attributes that motivate their followers to feel respect and pride because of their association with them, showed optimism and excitement about future goals, and attempted to develop and mentor followers and attend to their individual needs.”
Why is Transformational Power Important for the Organizations?
The pace of change in human behavior and paradigms isn’t keeping up with the technology and connectivity changes we’re seeing. Our markets are now global. New competitors enter our markets from unlikely places. Leaders at the top of hierarchies have less information to make timely decisions than people who are closest to customers and influencers. This calls for dispersion of power. Yet, the safe dispersion of power can only be possible when we have mutual trust. Trust is strongest when the human spirit is engaged rather than just the human wallet.
We must be willing to redefine the cultural cues and body language of power based on the values that are critical for success today.
1. Integrity. Trust in our leaders and in our organizations is at a premium. We live in a transparent and porous world where the power of social media can make or break our business. Power used to come from hoarding information.Power now comes from sharing information in an open and transparent way.
2. Inspiration. The role of the CEO is now to be the Chief Engagement Officer, to capture the imagination and harness the creative talents of people inside and outside the organization. We’re biologically wired for inspiration. As Simon Sinek in this TEDTalk points out, Martin Luther King said “I have a dream.” He didn’t say “I have a plan.” It’s about “why” someone should care, not what they should do. Steve Jobs created fans and followers because his relentless pursuit of excellence was in service of creating “a ding in the universe.” Power is finding our personal inspiration and connecting with the tribe that shares the inspiration, to make something great happen.
3. Humility. Power is admitting we don’t have all the answers and we need your help. Power is creating a space for others to have the answers and have the glory. Power is bragging about your team rather than bragging about yourself. Power is being willing to listen and learn from anyone, anywhere in the hierarchy. Power is being willing to be vulnerable.
4. Flexibility. The new world requires we move fast. How many bad business decisions are never acknowledged nor overturned quickly because our egos are threatened? Power is admitting our mistakes quickly rather than pretending we’re invincible. Power is being able to admit failure.
5. Connectivity. In this rapidly changing world, the ability to create new networks and alliances to take advantage of new opportunities is critical. Winning organizations crowd source innovation from everywhere. Power is connecting with others to enable collaboration that serves all parties. Power used to be “I win, you lose.” Because we are connected to each other, now power is “I can’t win if you lose.”
Our world is changing rapidly. It is time our definition of power catches up. If we are to move forward as a society we need to make it comfortable for people of any gender to exercise the type of personal power called for above. We need to make it comfortable for men and women to take off the burden of their superman and superwoman capes. If we are to harness the creative talents of all people, we need to enable them to navigate the space where they realize that the ultimate source of power resides within – that they don’t have to have power in order to be powerful. Perhaps if I had understood this definition of power as legitimate, I would not have been so ambivalent about exercising it.
If this resonated with you please comment, subscribe and share with others. Connect with me if you would like to develop your own transformational power.
Henna Inam is a CEO Coach focused helping women become transformational leaders. A Wharton MBA, and former C-Suite executive with Novartis and P&G, her passion is to engage, empower, and energize women leaders to transform themselves and their businesses. Sign up for her blog at www.transformleaders.tv.
This article was originally published on The Glass Hammer.
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Guide to Women in Leadership
Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
by Guest Author | Nov 6, 2012 | Career Development, Entrepreneurship
By: Daisy Jing
Originally published on Women 2.0
There’s a quote I love most, which is “when you see a successful person, you just see the success, not all the work and pain it takes them to get there”.
It’s been an entire year since I pitched my idea at Women 2.0 Startup Weekend. Now I have a live private beta site with heavily engaged users. However the road was anything but easy, and here are the top 10 things I’ve learned from this past year.
Lesson #1 – 1. Embrace rejection.
It means you are moving. I sometimes feel like the ugly guy trying to chase the hot girls. For every 10 emails, you may get a response. You may not. That’s ok. You can have teammates leave. You can’t take anything personally, because no one knows what will work or won’t work out. You just gotta keep moving. Inertia kills.
Lesson #2 – I force myself to be positive.
I’ve turned into this new age yogi. When things are going bad, a little tinge of hope can determine success or failure. I keep so many inspirational and productive books on audible, which I listen to on my iPhone when I’m driving. Some of my favorites are The Secret, Do More Faster, 4 Hour Workweek, The Alchemist, Steve Jobs Bio. These books instantly cheer me up and push me to keep pedaling forward, even on those days I don’t want to. I avoid negative people like the SARS virus. It’s draining to be around bad thoughts.
Lesson #3 – You are never ready.
You’ll never be ready to take that plunge. I hear a lot of excuses, “well I’ll be ready when I have my MBA.” “I’ll be ready after I work at a large tech company and learn best practices.” “I’ll be ready when I have 15 more years of experience.”
I used to be a gymnast in high school. Gymnastics taught me to swallow the fear and do it anyway. I think back to my first back handspring. I was never entirely ready to do a back handspring. I mean, what if I land on my neck? Or my head? or what if my elbows collapse and yadedadada. Maybe I need to train more, maybe I’m not ready. Of course I don’t advocate jumping into a back handspring blindly, but sometimes you just gotta trust that you’ll be able to jump backwards and stick it! Same goes for anything else in life.
Lesson #4 – There is no recipe for success.
If there was a recipe for success, then everyone would be billionaires. There are no two entrepreneurial stories that are the same. Success and failure can be the difference between timing, meeting the right person at the right time, having that key person on board, etc. etc. Don’t be too hard on yourself if your startup doesn’t line up with what everyone else is doing.
Lesson #5 – Focus on yourself.
Focus on yourself, not on others. Don’t bother yourself with what others are doing, how much other companies raised, etc., it’s solely a distraction. It’s all about your users. Focus on them.
Lesson #6 – STOP OVERANALYZING.
Girls overanalyze way too much. It starts in middle school, where we spend months figuring out of Justin Bieber lookalike likes us. Overanalyzing is the worst thing you can do. It’s better to make a mistake than to waste your energy on thinking of 1000 worst case scenarios that probably won’t happen. Remember: Inertia kills.
Lesson #7 – Do not understimate yourself.
I’m an asian female who grew up with two tiger parents. We grow up overly critical of ourselves. Every time I think of a critical thought to myself, I envision taking that thought and throwing it in the trash bin (think, click, drag and empty). I can’t waste precious time putting myself down.
Lesson #8 – Embrace uncertainty.
I used to be that super type A girl who always had a 5, 10. 20 year plan. Now, I don’t know where I’ll be next month, much less next year. Remember that the universe has great plans for you and trust things will work out.
Lesson #9 – Live for something other than yourself.
Perfect Beauty has already changed many women’s lives. I get emails daily about how these girls’ lives changed from the site. My users look up to me to create Perfect Beauty, and I want to prove to them if you set your mind to something, you can do it. For me, being called an inspiration causes me to do things for a greater purpose than just myself.
Lesson #10 – Realize nothing is an overnight success.
Too often we read articles in the news thinking, “WOW. they just built an app and sold it for hundreds of millions.” Again, you always have to dig beneath the surface. Tens of Thousands of hours of dedicated practice will make you seem like an overnight success.
Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. As women, we fear our reputation. We fear being called ‘failure’. However, those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. As the quote goes, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people”
What is your top startup lesson learned? Let us know in the comments.
About the guest blogger: Daisy Jing is the Founder of Perfect Beauty, an online beauty community focused on empowering women to feel beautiful. She was the winner of “Most Disruptive Product” Award at the Women 2.0 PITCH 2012 Startup Competition. Her site is in closed beta only to Ambassadors. To sign up for Perfect Beauty, click here. Daisy graduated from Duke University with majors in Economics and Social Psychology. Follow her on Twitter at @daiserz89.
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by Téa Blake | Nov 2, 2012 | Gender Research, InPower Women Blog
Study: Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide (Linda Babcock, Carnegie Mellon 2011)
Finding: The wage gap affects more than high-level executives. Women need to negotiate for what they’re worth straight out of college as well as when they’re moving up the corporate ladder.
InPower Insight: Speak up and negotiate for what you’re worth – every time, all the time – and tackle the wage gap on a person-by-person basis. It starts with you.
Summary:
Good news! There’s useful news-of-note regarding the gender pay gap coming out of recent studies into why the wage gap persists, and how to properly go about correcting it.
In this study by Carnegie Mellon, MBA students who graduated between 2002-2003 were surveyed on negotiating salaries. It was found that on average, when these MBA students negotiated their salaries, they could increase their initial offer by up to 8%. However, the raise didn’t come when the students chose not to negotiate, and while 52% of men negotiated their salaries, only 12% of women were likely to do the same. Further complicating matters, those women who did take the initiative to ask and negotiate were seen in a negative light and labeled as “too pushy.”
Women already make 70-75 cents for every dollar of their male counterparts. In several states, this number is increasingly lower: Utah, 68 cents, Louisiana 66 cents. Studies found that one year after women exit college and begin working full time, they earn 80% of what males earn. Ten years after graduation, they make only 69%. Professionals who recognize the pay gap problem have started programs like $tart $mart to help women realize their value and arm them with negotiation skills and confidence.
The pay gap is “problematic on a social level, but the issue has to be addressed on a personal basis,” according to GetRaised founder Matt Walleart, who believes that instead of focusing on the wage gap itself, we need to be focusing on “why individual women are being paid less than they should be.”
Career Coaching Tip: Always negotiate your worth. It’s less about how high you can get and more about consistently practicing the act of standing up for your value. The research says that over time, those 8% increases will add up for you and help you personally while closing the wage gap in your small part of the world. Be aware of the “pushy” perception that some women fall prey to, but don’t let that stop you. Be conscious of your effort to represent your value and put aside thoughts of “pushyness”. Just be yourself and be aware of your value. And then ask. Be quiet and listen to the response. Regardless of what comes back, restate your belief in your value. Practice this each time you can and your pay will go up, along with your self-esteem.
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Guide to Women in Leadership
Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
by Guest Author | Oct 31, 2012 | Career Development, Coaching Advice
In the past 20 years, some controversial research suggests that at any given moment, women have more activity in their brains than men. The corpus collosum that connects the right and left hemispheres of the brain is larger in women, allowing for more movement across the hemispheres. This accounts for a frequent change in focus and ultimately, a noisier brain.
Whether women really have noisier brains or not, aren’t there times you wish you could shut off the incessant mental chatter? Don’t you wish you had a way to clear out the clutter—worries about work and family, concerns about your health and aging, nagging thoughts about money, the rehashing of arguments and relationship complications, and the incessant planning of events? Top this off with fretting about opinions others might have of you plus your own critical analysis of yourself and there is little space left for noticing what is delightful right now.
The answer is not in thinking happy thoughts or chanting affirmations. Once you stop, it’s likely the throng of thoughts will flood back in.
Instead, you have to empty your brain to control your mind. When you clear the space, you more easily control what comes in. For a period of time, you choose what you see, feel and think. You’re free to plunge into the present. Here are four tips to help you clear your thoughts:
#1. Let go of what you thought would happen. Clinging to your expectations blocks out possibilities. We all have pictures of what we thought a situation or conversation would look like. Then something else happened. To let go of your frustration, go with the flow. As they say in tennis, “play the ball in front of you.”
Trust that everything will work out. Think of the times in life where you didn’t get what you wanted yet the results turned out to be better than expected. There is always a possibility the worst will happen. Just as strong is the possibility the best can happen. Live with faith in a positive possibility and your brain will quiet down.
#2. Be curious. Enter conversations and situations wanting to learn more than you already know. Seek to see a broader picture or to find something new about the person you are with. You will see fresh ways to deal with challenges. Plus, people will find you much more interesting.
Shunryu Suzuki, author of Zen Mind, Beginners Mind, said, “In the Beginners Mind there are many possibilities. In the expert, there are few.” Try coming from a place of “not knowing the answer.” Quit figuring out what people are going to say while they are talking. Quit making snap judgments about ideas. Stay open and curious to keep your mind clear.
#3. Laugh it off. When you are laughing, your mind is clear of clutter. In fact, you increase focus and awareness. You can then better evaluate options and consequences. You have a better sense of where you are and what you are doing in the moment.
Develop your sense of humor. See the silliness in habitual human behavior. Listen with an comical ear. The world is brimming with fodder for laughter. The great comedian Steve Allen taught his protégés to practice having a funny state of mind by seeing comedy films, reading funny books and hanging out with funny people as a daily diet.
#4. Don’t give up. If you can’t clear your mind today, try again tomorrow. You are teaching your old brain a new trick. It will take time.
Practice mental clearing by consciously stopping your thoughts for one minute. Pick out all the different sounds you can hear. Focus on noticing the details of a small area in front of you. Notice how you are breathing. See if you can even out your breathing and heart beat. Tomorrow, increase your practice to two minutes. Each day, see how much longer you can go without thinking. Enjoy the moment of peace.
Find these and other tips for giving taking control of your mind in the book, Outsmart Your Brain: How to Make Success Feel Easy.
This post originally appeared on Psychology Today.
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
by Guest Author | Oct 30, 2012 | Career Development, Coaching Advice
By: Allie Siarto
When I started my business with two other partners at age 24, I was a great consultant — but a mediocre business owner. Like many others who start their own businesses to do what they love, I was completely focused on executing the work, and I had a lot to learn about running the business itself.
Over the past few years, I’ve run into more than a few surprises while running the business with partners, and I’ve learned a number of lessons about what it takes to run a successful new business:
- Cash flow is, and always will be, king. When you’re used to having your paycheck deposited directly into your bank account every two weeks, dealing with the cash flow of your own business can be a bit of a shock. If you work with clients, invoiceswill be paid late (it’s not a matter of if, but when), and even highly profitable businesses can become strapped for cash at times—especially early on. Every entrepreneur should have a personal emergency fund in place in order to keep a cool head before business cash reserves build up.
- Your business needs a long-term vision to thrive. When we started our business, we had no vision beyond the next year or so, which led to fear and stupid, short-term decisions. You can’t predict exactly where your business will be in the long term, but at least make sure you discuss the vision with your business partners so that you’re all working toward a common goal.
- Fear and lack of focus are your worst enemies. It took us nearly two years to realize how much fear was driving our business decisions. We were taking on design projects that were distracting from our larger focus, simply because we were afraid that if we turned them down, the next big opportunity might not come along. Once we finally got over this fear and started turning away the design work to focus on our bigger vision, our business really started to take off.
- Create HR policies early on. We were essentially clueless when we hired our first employee four months into starting up. We thought we were creating a laid-back culture by avoiding a set number of vacation days or other policies for our staff. But the truth is, defined vacation days give employees a guiding framework that can reduce the stress of trying to decide what is too much or too little vacation time. When we finally met with an HR consultant, we realized that our lack of policies could leave our company vulnerable to legal gray areas.
- Invest in a good business lawyer. Our clients hire us to be the expert in our area, so why shouldn’t we seek outside help in areas that aren’t our expertise? We started our business with a $3,000 personal investment, and all of it went toward having a lawyer draft up our business contracts. My only regret is that we didn’t spend more to have the lawyer review everything at the start of the business. Make sure you’re protected for both worst and best case scenarios.
Allie Siarto is the co-founder of Loudpixel, a social analytics company focused on social media monitoring, insights, measurement and infographics. She also runs a project called Entretrip, a co-traveling for location independent entrepreneurs.
The Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC) is an invite-only nonprofit organization comprised of the world’s most promising young entrepreneurs. In partnership with Citi, the YEC recently launched #StartupLab, a free virtual mentorship program that helps millions of entrepreneurs start and grow businesses via live video chats, an expert content library and email lessons.
This article was originally published on the Young Entrepreneur Council (YEC).
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
by Guest Author | Oct 24, 2012 | Commentary, InPower Women Blog, Work-Life Blend
We at InPower Women are so excited to publish the first article of our new blogger Christy Pruitt-Haynes. Please welcome her and give her your feedback in the comments. We’re honored to have her as part of our blogging team! ~InPower Women Staff
Dear Stay at home Moms,
I will admit, I was that woman. The I’m just as smart as a man so I want the same job he has and anything less means I failed, woman. I worked night and day to move up to the C-Suites because, anything less would be LESS, too much less. I used my mind everyday to prove that I could be successful; and successful meant high powered job. I never understood the concept of wanting to cook and clean and bake and all of those other domestic things if you had a college degree and you were mentally capable of MORE. I knew that some people had to do those things, but to me, the only reason that would be a major part of anyone’s day was if that was all their intelligence allowed them to do. I was a classic case of feminism gone wrong.
Then one day, my 3 year old found my calculator and started pressing random buttons. When I asked her what she was doing she said, “Using my blueberry (blackberry to many of us) to send you an email to ask if we can play”. In one moment I felt like the worst mother in the world. It no longer mattered that I was the head of HR for a major TV network, it mattered that my child thought the only way to get my attention was to email me.
That day I hatched a plan to redefine success and incorporate the things that will matter most 30 years from now. It was no longer about running a department it was about being present for my family. In my naive mind I thought, this will be a walk in the park. I managed departments, led restructures and effortlessly navigated corporate politics. Let me tell you, corporate politics have nothing on PTO or soccer field politics. Deciding who to invite to a meeting is never as hard as deciding who to invite to a child’s birthday party, and don’t get me started on deciding where to have the party. Managing soccer practice, band practice, bake sales, scouts, tutoring, homework, housework, bills, voice lessons, laundry and cooking takes a level of coordination, flexibility and planning I never used at work.
I was now one of the women that I had previously thought less of and I was failing miserably. Is it possible that all of those women sitting in the park while their young children played were smarter than me? Were they actually reading how to make your child the best version of themselves instead of Cosmo magazine all day? Was their day actually mentally challenging, requiring a level of savvy that I didn’t possess? Did they really work all day? And most of all…were they not lazy women who aspired to be taken care of instead of taking care of themselves???
And why hadn’t anyone told me many of these women were still running very successful businesses? They were truly mom-preneurs. They created employment for themselves so they could still get the satisfaction of work outside of the home and make money (which meant they hadn’t checked their brains at the door) all while taking care of their families. They consulted, sold various products, ran meetings, ran their home…talk about doing it all! They used sophisticated marketing skills to create successful school fund raisers. They used negotiation skills to get kids to eat vegetables, contractors to reduce the price of home repairs, husbands to volunteer to build the set for the school play. They used finance to be the band booster treasurer or manage the girl scout troop’s funds. They were smart, intelligent, capable women who decided to use all of their skills to make their families stronger and make themselves happy in the process.
So here is the hard part… I AM SORRY for every negative thing I ever said, thought or assumed about women who chose to define their success through a wider lens than one that only includes their professional life. I am sorry for assuming your life was easy and your work wasn’t mentally challenging and completely necessary. Most of all I’m sorry for not realizing that you were using the same skills every efficient and effective C-Level professional uses everyday and you were doing it without contractual pay!
Beyond being sorry, I applaud each and every one of you for defining your life and using your knowledge, skills and abilities in ways that the old me didn’t understand and the new me is continuing to develop.
Love, admiration and now one of you,
An eternally sorry realist
PS – To all of you employers, if you are ever fortunate enough to hire someone who use to be a stay at home mom…DO IT!!! Having worked in recruiting for many years, I recognize, talent, ability, culturally savvy, muilti-taskers and WE have cornered the market on those skills.
by Dana Theus | Oct 21, 2012 | Communicating With Confidence, Gender Equality, InPower Women Blog
I have a female client, J, transitioning careers who just woke up to how she’s getting in her own way – and mustering the courage to stop. This post celebrates her, and every other woman who’s decided to “get ready to be ready” to take that next step and talk up her achievements for the next job, instead of reinforcing for everyone around her how good a fit she is in her current job.
Research says that men are paid based on their potential while women are paid based on their performance and I believe this is a contributor to the equal pay gap. I used to find this curious but now I think I understand why. Most of the women I know are much more comfortable doing good work in their current job than they are talking up their accomplishments and what great capabilities they have for future opportunities.
While there’s nothing wrong with this desire to focus on getting the job done – on the surface – below the surface, it’s clear this is hurting us in more ways that a thinner wallet. (more…)
by Dana Theus | Oct 21, 2012 | Career Development, Coaching Advice
I have a female client, J, transitioning careers who just woke up to how she’s getting in her own way – and mustering the courage to stop. This post celebrates her, and every other woman who’s decided to “get ready to be ready” to take that next step and talk up her achievements for the next job, instead of reinforcing for everyone around her how good a fit she is in her current job.
Research says that men are paid based on their potential while women are paid based on their performance and I believe this is a contributor to the equal pay gap. I used to find this curious but now I think I understand why. Most of the women I know are much more comfortable doing good work in their current job than they are talking up their accomplishments and what great capabilities they have for future opportunities.
While there’s nothing wrong with this desire to focus on getting the job done – on the surface – below the surface, it’s clear this is hurting us in more ways that a thinner wallet.
Meet J
My client, J, has a strong resume, plenty of experience relevant to her career switch, a social media following in her new career and is smart as a whip. We got into a conversation about promoting herself in her new field because she wanted to join my Coaching Circle to help women self-promote authentically and naturally – without feeling that “icky feeling” so many of us get when we have an opportunity to take credit and promote ourselves for the good work we do. J really wanted to join the circle but felt she wasn’t sure the time was right. I asked her why and she said was still working on getting her transition strategy together and wasn’t ready to tell people about her new career direction. “How long have you been working on it?” I asked. “Five months,” she replied. “Are you working in your old career now?” I probed. “Not really, I’m committed to make the switch.”
“How long is it going to take you to started talking to other people about this? People who could help you get work in your new field?” I asked. “I don’t know,” she said, “I’m not ready yet.”
This struck a bell for me because I recognized in her answer something that holds back the most accomplished of women. The new CEO of IBM, Virginia Rometty, told a story of how she once responded to new job opportunity with “I’m not ready yet,” until her husband pointed out that a man would never say that, even if it were true.
Why Women Wait To Be Ready
Women do this to ourselves all the time (myself included, until recently.) We tell ourselves the story that “I’m not ready” and so guess what? We’re not. And it’s not because we don’t have the qualifications, ideas or potential, it’s because we talk ourselves into waiting. And everyone around us knows instinctively that we’re really NOT ready because we don’t believe we are – at least we don’t believe we are enough to tell others we are. Often we hope someone else will see our potential, believe on our behalf we’re ready, and take us by the hand to guide us along the new path without us every having to acknowledge this. We have this fantasy of holding back, modestly protesting that we’re not ready and have the boss or the client SO confident in our abilities that they override us and give the big job and then back us up to make sure we’re successful. Early in our careers this does happen sometimes and it’s great when it does, but at some point, people start expecting us to do it for ourselves. When this point comes, the guys make the transition and learn from the handholding how to do it themselves. But many of the women don’t; instead we hit the glass-ceiling of our own self-confidence.
I’ve learned that there are multiple reasons for this. Girls/women aren’t encouraged to take risks on the playground, girls/women feel held to a higher standard, girls/women are perfectionists etc. etc. etc. Well, girls, it’s time to grow up. As women we can’t afford to hang around, stuck in whatever old story is holding onto us back, and keep waiting. Time’s running out.
Where Are The Women Mentors? Look To The Side
The other story we tell ourselves is that we don’t have women mentors showing us how to do this, so how can we learn? It’s true that there aren’t as many senior women around to model this kind of personal “I’m ready!” risk-taking behavior, and many of the women who have made it aren’t always so good at it either. We’re all a product of our culture, after all. But there is a way. Don’t look to your elders, look to your peers. Leverage the power of girlfriends.
I’m not talking about sleepover girlfriends here, I’m talking about professional female colleagues who can see and mirror your value and potential to you and accept you doing the same for them (which helps build your own confidence). It’s a formula that has personally helped me and many others I support learn to help each other stop telling the stories that hold us back and start stepping up to finding ways around that “icky feeling” when it comes to promoting ourselves as “Ready” to the world. And we have to believe we’re ready so others believe it and help us get that next, great job or project. They’re not going to do it for us anymore, but they will step up and help us out when we’re ready.
Not just any girlfriend will do. It has to be someone willing to put their own ego aside and SEE your true potential and then hold a mirror up to help YOU SEE it, too. I call these special ladies in our lives “promo-buddies” because they don’t let us believe our stories and they challenge us to see ourselves as capable and full of potential as they see us.
I’ve also learned that while some of us find a few of them in our personal lives, many of our closest women friends can’t or won’t do this for us. Too many of our close friends and family have their own stuff in the way or just don’t really understand our professional environment well enough to help us in this way. It’s a mistake to expect them to so stop feeling bitter if your inner circle isn’t supporting you this way and go find some of these special promo-buddy ladies. To find them, you have to go looking for them.
This is why J wanted to join our Coaching Circle. We’re bringing together a community of women to do this for each other. To get over the “I’m not ready” syndrome and help each other find the “non-icky” ways we can promote ourselves before time runs out.
“J,” I pointed out gently, “you realize you’re saying you’re not ready to get ready to be ready, don’t you?” J laughed and agreed that after five months of prep and more than that of “getting ready to get ready,” she was ready to be ready! She joined the Coaching Circle.
Time is running out. Stop waiting and get ready to be ready, now. There are ways to talk up your accomplishments and potential that don’t feel icky. Promo-buddy girlfriends can help but no one can do this but you. You’re ready now!
Aren’t you? What’s your “I’m not ready” story? When have you overcome it and “been ready” and had it work out well? When have you gotten in your own way? Share your experience in comments below!
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
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Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
by Dana Theus | Oct 18, 2012 | Commentary
Body? Mind? Spirit? Chocolate?
These questions have wrestled with me my whole life, through a successful escape from a dysfunctional family; a personal exodus out of Los Angeles; a successful corporate, internet startup, consulting and coaching career; and (not last) the birthing, nurturing and now-sending-off-to-colleging of a lovely family… Until the wrestling stopped and things got interesting.
You see, with 40/40 hindsight I can see that my entire life has been a progression into my personal purpose in life, and the health, peace and well-being that comes with it – except that it doesn’t always feel healthy, peaceful and well in each and every moment. As soon as I accepted this – that life doesn’t simply stop so you can get off and “wake up shoves” from the Universe are part of the fun – that’s when the wrestling began to abate. Among other things, I’ve learned that life will take a breather when I ask it to, and if I don’t, I get a wake up Shove from the Universe into whatever wall is handy.
Purpose? Health? Work?
Back to that silly triangle…
My journey into my purpose didn’t come to me in the proper order. Mine arrived – as is my way – backwards: Mind, Spirit, Body. Actually, it’s still arriving and when I lose and keep off that last 30 pounds while still managing a bite of chocolate now and then, I will say I’ve hit a major milestone. Until then, I simply watch in amazement as my purpose slowly but surely reels in and organizes all three aspects of my health and expresses it – to my total surprise – through my business.
This isn’t how it’s supposed to be, is the story I was told (and I bet you were, too). Work is supposed to be toil and drudgery, but my purpose never let me truly believe that. It kept knocking on my brain in short breaks between meetings or overseas trips. It kept telling me there was more. It kept telling me that I was more. And as I began to follow its guidance it showed me more. It showed me the joy and true fulfillment that could be had through work, if we just asked work to give us such opportunities.
What’s my purpose? Well, it’s not a thing (though I have lots of things). It’s not a statement (thought I have many). It’s not a manifesto (though I have several). It’s not even a business (though I have several of those, too). My purpose is a drive. It’s a power living within me that evolves and expresses itself more obviously over time. It’s not always abstract and can be very concrete at times. It’s definitely outspoken. The more I listen for it the more clearly it steers me to some things and not to others. It’s more powerful to me than my intuition, which nudges instead of pushing me like my purpose does. Right now my purpose is running my businesses, and I’m happy to let it. It’s also asking me make green smoothies for breakfast more often and avoid gluten wherever possible. The more I let it run things, the happier, more successful and more energetic I am!
Magic! Creation! Exploration!
Earlier this year when the triangle of health for me began to coalesce more noticeably, it was spurred by an experience I had – believe it or not – rebranding my companies. At the end of last year I had a Shove from the Universe and knew I was to create a web site for business women. As I was wrestling with the issues around launching new web sites and integrating the Universal Shove into my existing consulting practice (which had nothing to do with women, wha?), I did some personal branding work with my friend and colleague, Cindy Atlee of The Storybranding Group. Cindy teaches a wonderful workshop in personal and professional branding archetypes, as psychologized by Carl Jung, and as typified into a personality test by Dr. Carol Pearson. My personality type turned out to be a blend of the Magician, the Creator and the Explorer.
With the identification of these archetypes, my “purpose” became more concrete. As a Magician, I am driven to create the opportunity for others to tap into their internal power to drive them towards success (which feels like magic in the tapping moment) and this became InPower Coaching. As a Creator, I am driven to express and create new meaning in the world (did I mention that I blog on more blogs than I can count, am writing a book and burp up online courses out of sheer joy?) and this became InPower Women. As an Explorer, I’m driven to go into territory just being discovered and challenge “how we do it!” with “what can be done?” (not all clients like this, I’ve learned), and this became InPower Consulting.
Price? What Price?
I can’t say that any of this has been easy, but I can say it’s gotten continually easier. And yes, I’ve had to let go of a ton of “stuff” – physically, mentally, spiritually. But I trust it now. Everything I get rid of comes back to me in more joyful ways, ways that support my purpose more fully. This summer I lost my biggest client but in the same week, I was approached by two prospects eager to do business with me. The energy signature of the big one was tiring. The energy of the two new ones is exciting. My Magician was thrilled to lose the biggie and my Explorer is loving prospecting the new ones. Now all I have to do is let go of chocolate cream puffs and let my Creator spend some quality time in the kitchen (tomorrow night – avocado chocolate mousse!)
What about you?
What does your purpose do for you? What are your archetypes? How do they guide you and bring you ever closer to health and success?
This article originally appeared on Chronic Wellness Coaching.
by Guest Author | Oct 17, 2012 | Career Development, Coaching Advice
By: Kristi Hedges
Executive coaches are sometimes called corporate shrinks. And while most of us would argue vehemently that what we do doesn’t approach psychological therapy — and we’re careful to steer clear of it — we will admit that we hear lots of private thoughts. Our entire job is predicated on intimacy, trust, and shared confidences.
We also see, in real time, how career strategies play out. We collect feedback on all sides about how commonly held wisdoms work — or crash and burn.
The reality is that a whole lot of this career stuff is situational. What works for one person, or in one company, doesn’t do so well elsewhere. That said, there are a few, consistent pieces of advice I’ve heard through my work that hold up anywhere, for any level of professional. Follow these, and you’ll fast-track your own career.
1. If you see a fire, run into it.
This was shared recently by a client (told to her by her Dad), and it echoes a sentiment I’ve held for years: in chaos, there is opportunity. Most major career accelerations happen when someone steps into a mess and makes a difference. In the technology sector, people will remark that one year in a start-up is like five years in an established company. There’s ample opportunity to stretch your wings, wear many hats, and create a name for yourself when there’s not a set plan to follow. You can find the same opportunity in any organization, if you seek it.
2. Follow up.
If, as Woody Allen made famous, 80% of life is showing up — then 90% of career success is following up. Our organizations are rife with lack of accountability, whether by intention or incompetence. Be the person who meets deadlines, holds others accountable, and heck, even remembers to say thanks when it’s due. Following through on your commitments is trust-building, and the opposite erodes it quickly and indelibly.
3. Tell the truth.
Truthfulness seems a bit obvious to be on this list. However, companies are rife with damaging lies of omission. In an effort to look good, and not cause waves, we don’t express our truthful opinion. Being brave enough to respectfully state the truth in a politically astute way sets you apart. Most CEOs I know want to hear dissenting opinion; they crave more information not “yes” people. As Joann Lublin discussed in the Wall Street Journal, expressing a difference of opinion actually helps your career.
4. Treat everyone as an equal.
Respect has a place at work, but not deference. Being relaxed and confident in front of authority elevates your own brand. People see you the way you see yourself. The same goes for those down the chain. Introduce your directs as colleagues, not staff. They’ll see you, and themselves, more favorably.
5. Pull yourself up with one hand, and reach back to others with the opposite one.
It is extremely common feedback that an executive manages up well, but not down. This works for awhile, but turns out you have to be seen favorably by all levels to succeed. A recent global study showed that an inability to build and maintain a team is the top reason executives fail.
6. Make valuable offers to others.
Every day in our organizations, we see areas that could be helped, or processes that should be fixed. We let them slip by because of time, political boundaries, or not wanting to speak up. When you see something that you can affect — don’t wait to be asked — make a proactive offer to help. (Or, if appropriate, just do it.) Even if you aren’t taken up on the offer, the fact that you cared enough to make it speaks volumes about your character and your initiative.
7. Show gratitude.
No one succeeds on their own. Even if things don’t entirely go your way, there are still reasons to be grateful for the opportunities you’ve been given. Gratitude is a dying emotion in corporate America, where we can easily make a spirited case for our own entitlement vis-a-vis the faceless giant. We too often forget to say thanks for the opportunities and rewards we’ve been given — both large and small. Yes, you earned them. But you can still say thanks.
Kristi Hedges is a leadership coach, speaker and author of Power of Presence: Unlock Your Potential to Influence and Engage Others. Find her at kristihedges.com and@kristihedges.
This post originally appeared on KristiHedges.com.
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
