by Guest Author | Jul 25, 2023 | Coaching Advice, Communicating With Confidence, Corporate Culture, Diversity, Featured, Gender Equality
In executive coaching (both women and men) I’ve often observed that two parallel stories about women and men in the workplace often coexist. First, “women and men communicate differently” is a truth that few bother to deny. Second, “men and women are treated equally in the workplace.” To me, it’s difficult for these two perspectives to both be true and yet many people, especially leaders, seem to believe them without any cognitive dissonance, unaware of the ways unconscious bias works on us all.
Gender communication differences
Research seems to bear out the truth of this statement and it’s pretty easy to verify this anecdotally. Sitting in a meeting with men and women communicating you’ll experience a common language and plenty of shared meaning. But if you look through a gender lens, you’ll see behavior and communications patterns that differ. Men will often be more willing to interrupt each other and women as well. Women will be four times more likely to begin their comments with a self-deprecating phrase like “I may not be the expert on this, but….”
What’s most interesting to me about these dynamics is that if you could call a “time out” in the average meeting and collect the men on one side of the room and the women on the other, it wouldn’t take too long to get each group talking about the annoying communication patterns of dealing with the other group. When prompted, women will quickly start complaining about how often the men give voice to an idea a woman brought up only a few minutes earlier without giving credit to the woman. Men, similarly prompted, will easily roll their eyes at how long it can take a woman to get to the point, stop asking questions and make a decision. There are other patterns people will identify if you give them the chance, including men don’t listen or women are too emotional.
Even though research has found that people’s perception of communications patterns such as these consistently break down by gender lines, in my own experience there are other dynamics at play.
How gender communications stereotypes reveal unconscious biases
I have worked with many women and women’s groups on personal and interpersonal strategies for communicating with confidence, and one of the most engaging conversations that consistently crops up is around the appropriate role of emotion in the workplace. Women are often shocked to learn that emotions, emotional awareness and emotional expression are extremely important leadership skills. The reason they are surprised is because they believe a story about emotions that is very limiting, which is that “emotions at work” looks like someone (usually a woman) breaking down and crying uncontrollably and in a way that incapacitates her to do her job. Many men believe this story too, and they live in fear of anyone (woman or man) becoming visibly upset in a business meeting. And yet, everyone has been acculturated to believing that anger — a potent emotion in any context — can be an appropriate emotion to express in a business setting.
“Learn to make the unconscious, conscious.” Click to Tweet
These perceptions reveal an important factor running beneath the stories most of us believe about gendered communications patterns in the workplace, and throughout life in general. In my experience the importance of differences between men and women (or any classification population) has less to do with the “truth” of them and more to do with what we believe about why we “do this to each other” and “what happens as a result.”
Those two time-out groups in the meeting above will quickly start psychoanalyzing the other gender if you give them the right prompts and they feel safe in their conversational bubbles. They’ll start trying to explain why women or men talk or act the way they do. They’ll repeat pop psychology and tell anecdotal stories about their family members and friends. Many will become defensive, and if you give it enough time, some victim-talk will start to emerge.
It is normal human behavior in like-minded groups, to seek confirmation for the way we experience “the other,” but for those who look at these beliefs and stories also reveal many unconscious biases that have embedded themselves into our cultures. To the extent they remain unchallenged in the group, they also reveal how these biases have embedded themselves into our individual psyches as well.
Bottom line: unconscious biases become reality unless we consciously change them
The tricky thing about unconscious biases is that until they become conscious, we cannot challenge our own, and our groups’, assumptions about what is true. We cannot begin an inquiry into what is true because it is a species-wide habit, reliable and predictable across circumstances and populations, and what is true because we have common perceptions that simply reinforce each other until it is, in fact, our reality. We cannot begin to experiment with our own behaviors and beliefs by challenging our assumptions to discover new ways of communicating and working together.
There is no one solution to this challenge, however, everyone’s journey to finding more effective communications styles personally and between genders, is the same: start looking for the assumptions (i.e., biases) that influence your thinking and communications, and which you’re not conscious of. That’s it. Learn to make the unconscious, conscious. Just be curious and ask yourself the questions to reveal your underlying assumptions. Challenge them more often and be open to changing the way you see things about yourself and others.
With respect to gendered communications, I have a short lesson to help you. Use this to get smarter about looking at all kinds of unconscious biases you have that drive your behaviors and relationships. They’re not all bad, but you’ll be a more effective leader and communicator if you’re more aware of them.
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by Guest Author | Jul 22, 2023 | Commentary
Long-term relationships and marriages end and part ways for many reasons. Rarely do they end for no reason. If the reasons are not clear and understood by both parties, including the one choosing to leave, grudges and guilt will destroy good memories. The bad breakup could end up as baggage affecting future unions.
Relationships bring joy and sadness, delight and suffering. What you remember about your relationship often depends on how it ends. – Click To Tweet
I chose to write this post in response to a number of comments written for my post, What a Female Mid-Life Crisis Looks Like. Although I was referring to the crisis as a restless search for purpose and significance, some readers related this phenomenon to a woman’s decision to leave a relationship. A few comments named hormonal change as a cause for women walking out.
Although pre-menopause might cause mood swings and symptoms of depression, I have never seen a client or friend walk away from a healthy, fulfilling relationship. Those who left experienced communication or intimacy problems or they had drifted away from their partner due to conflicting desires and expectations. The relationships had unaddressed troubles starting years in advance of the ending.
If you are contemplating leaving a long-term relationship, there are ways to do this that could limit the damage. In addition to my psychological training and personal breakups, I compiled ideas from over twenty online articles and blog posts by psychologists on the topics of building and ending healthy relationships. Many good ideas come from Lloyd Thomas, PhD in his column titled.
First I will explore how you can determine if it is time to leave. Then I will list actions that could facilitate a gracious ending. Finally, we’ll look at what to do if your partner won’t work with you when you decide to leave.
Be certain you want to end the relationship
Don’t threaten to leave in an effort to get your partner to change. Make sure there is a lack of love, respect or joy that can’t be revived. If you can, get counseling to determine if there is a way to save the relationship. It is better to feel certain instead of angry when you make the choice to say goodbye.
What people like, hope for and leave behind shift through their phases of life. This can create confusion, disappointment and resentment when this causes partners to grow apart. If you don’t fear abuse, talk about these changes with your partner. Even if you have trouble articulating what you feel, the process of trying to share your thoughts is vital. All satisfying relationships list frequent and honest communications as crucial to their success.
Sharing negative feelings can be risky. Your partner may get defensive. That is why using a couples counselor or therapist to help facilitate the conversation is wise.
I ended my last relationship with the help of a therapist. We sadly parted after two months of counseling but neither of us felt broken. After a year of healing, we were able to speak as friends.
Don’t kill the relationship before you end it
Blame, criticism, accusations, complaining and keeping secrets may get you the end you desire, but the process is unnecessarily painful.
Don’t find fault with your partner in an effort to cover your guilt for wanting to part ways. Take responsibility for your choice. Identify what you want from your partner and your life. If you are sure you can’t find this in your current relationship, then set a date to leave.
Many relationships linger for years after the energy has drained out of them. After the slow erosion, something happens and one partner “wakes up” to how unhappy she feels. You can usually trace a path of complaints, disrespect and neglect leading up to this revelation. Try to recognize these signs and talk about them before the relationship is killed. Once respect is lost, it’s not likely the relationship can be revived.
If you have to part ways, start with forgiveness
Forgive your partner for being human. Forgive yourself for choosing to leave. You may not be able to make a clean break, but you will be less likely to inflict harm as you walk out.
Don’t sneak out unless you fear a violent outburst. Choose a private place to share your decision with your partner. Then prepare to stay calm if the response is anger or manipulative behavior.
Hopefully, you have had discussions and even worked with a therapist before you reached this place so your partner shouldn’t feel shocked. There could still be an emotional reaction. Don’t attempt to calm him down. Be honest. Answer questions with kindness. Apologize for the pain he feels but not your decision. Then ask when you can find the time to disentangle property and expenses.
You may still face a difficult divorce. You probably won’t be friends. But try to show respect to the person you once loved who may still love you deeply.
Once you have begun the separation process, set your boundaries. If you have explained your reasons for leaving, you don’t have to do this again. You might establish a friendship later but you need time to confidently establish your life apart. Plus, you might need to find other ways to cope with loneliness than to appease it with your ex.
Finally, ask yourself what you have learned from the experience. Write your answers down so you can frequently access them as you move forward. You left for a reason. Make sure the reason you part ways helps define your next relationship.
Originally on: Psychology Today
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by Guest Author | Jul 21, 2023 | People Skills
I’ve got a client (we’ll call her Jenny) who’s got some real people problems. She believes her boss is threatened by her and most of her direct reports want her job. Based on what she’s told me, she has reason to believe that these people would all love to see her fail.
But Jenny had another problem, and it was the one I could help her with most. You see, neither Jenny or I can change what other people think. We can only work on how she behaved when she was with them, to give them a reason to see her differently.
Jenny didn’t like this idea.
“Why is this my fault?” She asked me. “Why do I have be the one to change?”
This was a reasonable question from a woman who had earned her stripes. She’d gotten kudos for years and overcome obstacles to deliver stellar results. Obviously whatever she’d been doing until now was working to produce results. Why should she be the one to change?
Well of course she didn’t need to change. She could choose to leave if her situation was too unbearable. I asked her if she wanted to move to another group or company, and that wasn’t really appealing to her. I asked her if she’d ever encountered these issues in previous jobs. That’s when we hit the jackpot.
“Of course I have. You don’t get ahead in my field if you don’t threaten people and people don’t want your job. We’re a competitive industry.” She paused. “I don’t want to leave, I want them to change.”
Anything but a win-win is a no-win scenario between people. – Click To Tweet
It’s Not Your Fault, But It Is Your Problem
Jenny’s first challenge in finding a way out of this dynamic that has obviously plagued her entire career was in learning to see it in terms other than fault, blame and win/lose. Jenny (and perhaps her colleagues, too) had created a situation where for Jenny to win, they had to lose. Thus in her mind if she “changed” how she dealt with them, she was admitting defeat.
I worked with Jenny for a while to review her past experiences through this lens.
- Had she really “won”? Not really. She’d gotten ahead but some of the burned bridges came back to collapse at uncomfortable times
- Did the need to “win” stress her out? All the time.
- Did she know other people in her field who got ahead without having to make others “lose”? Yes.
- Was her “win-lose” approach working in her current situation? Nope.
With these truths staring her in the face, Jenny opened herself to growing into the opportunity to change herself in ways that were authentic, lower stress and effective for dealing with the people giving her headaches.
You’re Not Changing, You’re Growing
When Jenny saw her opportunity to change as growth, she shifted her belief that change meant admitting defeat. She realized she was doing this work proactively–for herself! Because she wanted to. In the end her desire to change had nothing to do with the other people. It had everything to do with her.
And this was the moment she gained control over the resources within herself to grow into the change that made all the difference.
Want to experience the tool that helped Jenny out of her situation? Learn more.
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by Dana Theus | Jul 20, 2023 | Career Development, Mentoring
If you sometimes struggle to navigate the complex world of personal and professional growth, you’re not alone. And that’s the point. Many others have walked the path you’re on, and you can learn from their successes and mistakes. Don’t go it alone. Get a mentor to guide you on your journey. In this post, we will explore the essential roles of mentors, the qualities of effective mentorship, and practical tips for mentees to make the most of their mentoring relationships. But first, let’s address the question: what does a mentor do?
Key Takeaways:
- Role of a Mentor: Mentors offer guidance, support, and resources, crucial for career advancement and personal growth.
- Mutually Beneficial Relationship: The mentor-mentee relationship fosters personal and professional development through empathy, active listening, and a commitment to success.
- Maximizing Mentorship: Mentees should set clear goals, be open to feedback, take initiative, and find the right mentor by identifying potential matches, assessing compatibility, and establishing connections.
Understanding the Role of a Mentor
A mentor is a valuable career asset who provides guidance and resources. They help you to unlock your full potential and excel in your personal and professional development. They are key to helping you reach your goals and advance in your career through mentoring relationships.
But what exactly does a mentor do? How can they help you achieve success in various aspects of your life? A mentor can provide advice, support, and guidance to help you make the right decisions and stay on track. They can also provide access to resources and networks that can help you reach your goals. Additionally, they can help you develop the skills and knowledge necessary to succeed. Here are a few things mentors are particularly helpful with:
Career Guidance and Support
A career mentor, which can include a life mentor, empowers mentees by offering career guidance and support, helping them confidently explore their career path and make informed decisions based on the mentor’s advice. To provide guidance, mentors can teach, motivate, and offer honest feedback.
A good mentor can be a great teacher and role model, offering guidance in an effective and inspiring way, setting a great example for their mentee or protégé. In a new job, having a mentor can help you quickly become familiar with the office culture and hit the ground running. This includes learning how to navigate higher levels of leadership as you progress up the ladder, or laterally into new areas of impact.
Networking and Connections
Mentors can introduce you to professional connections, proactively helping them broaden their network and unlock new opportunities. If you’re part of a formal mentoring program, be sure to attend program events where you can meet everyone else in the program. These events are great opportunities to easily meet new professional connections.
Sharing Expertise and Experience
Sharing expertise and experience allows mentors to give you valuable knowledge and insights, helping you grow and develop. A mentor can provide you with helpful resources, valuable advice, and enlightening insights tailored to your specific needs, all thanks to the mentor’s expertise and experience.
Defining the mentor-mentee relationship is essential for the mentor to ensure that they provide the mentee with actionable items that will help them learn and grow.
The Mentor-Mentee Relationship: A Mutually Beneficial Partnership
The mentor-mentee relationship is a mutually beneficial partnership that fosters personal development, professional growth, and trust between both parties. By learning from each other’s experiences, insights, and perspectives, mentors and mentees can create a strong foundation for a mutually beneficial relationship, promoting growth and success.
But how can both mentors and mentees ensure a successful relationship? What qualities and attitudes should they bring to the table? Both parties should be open to learning and willing to share their knowledge and experiences. Mentors should be patient, open and understanding, while mentees should be eager to learn, proactive and willing to take personal risks. Additionally, both parties should be involved and curious.
Personal Development
Both mentors and mentees can experience personal development through the mentoring relationship, learning from each other’s experiences and perspectives. A mentor-mentee relationship can help both with personal growth, skills development, knowledge expansion and confidence building.
Through this relationship, mentees can gain invaluable insight from a seasoned professional who has achieved a level of expertise they aspire to attain. Mentors also have the opportunity to expand their repertoire of professional knowledge and skills, especially emotional intelligence abilities, through their instruction and facilitation of others’ learning.
Open communication and accessibility are essential aspects of a mentoring relationship that can help both mentors and mentees gain confidence in their interpersonal skills to motivate themselves and others to rise to their full potential.
Professional Growth
Professional growth is a key aspect of the mentoring relationship, with mentors guiding mentees towards achieving their career goals and aspirations. A mentor-mentee relationship can be incredibly beneficial for career advancement, skill-building, networking, goal-setting as well as industry exposure and even technical knowledge. It can help you reach various objectives for career development, such as enhancing skills and knowledge to enhance performance, productivity, and creativity.
It can also give you valuable insight and perspective to expand your vision, challenge your assumptions, and discover new opportunities and trends. Effective communication and listening are essential for a successful mentor-mentee relationship.
Building Trust and Rapport
Building trust and rapport is paramount for a successful mentoring relationship, and other relationships as well, enabling open communication and laying a strong foundation for personal and professional growth. By taking initiative and responsibility in a mentoring relationship, you can experience personal and professional growth, develop your skills, get closer to leaders and influencers, and find a sense of purpose.
Confidentiality is essential for fostering trust, mutual respect, and a shared dedication to learning in a mentor-mentee relationship. By being attentive and non-judgmental, asking open-ended questions, and repeating what they have heard to ensure understanding, mentors and mentees both can foster empathy and active listening.
Essential Qualities of an Effective Mentor
An effective mentor possesses essential qualities such as empathy, active listening, adaptability, flexibility, and a commitment to their mentee’s success. These qualities not only contribute to a successful mentorship, but also help mentees reach their full potential.
So, what do these leadership skills look like in practice, and how can mentors cultivate them?
Empathy and Active Listening
Empathy and active listening skills enable mentors and mentees to understand each other’s needs. They especially help mentors provide tailored guidance and support. By utilizing empathy and active listening, mentors can gain invaluable insight into their mentees’ thoughts, feelings, and experiences, enabling them to provide tailored guidance and support to meet their mentees’ needs.
Mentors can foster empathy and active listening by being attentive and non-judgmental, asking open-ended questions, and repeating what they have heard to ensure understanding. Additionally, mentors should be mindful of their own biases and strive to be understanding and empathetic towards their mentees.
Adaptability and Flexibility
Adaptability and flexibility allow mentors to adjust their approach and strategies to best suit their mentee’s unique needs and circumstances. By embracing new ideas, being eager to try different approaches, and having the ability to adjust their strategies to best suit the mentee’s individual needs, mentors can practice becoming more adaptable and flexible.
Mentors should aim to stay open-minded, actively listen to their mentors, and be open to trying different approaches.
Commitment to Mentee’s Success
A commitment to the mentee’s success ensures that mentors prioritize their mentee’s growth and development, providing the necessary support and encouragement. Being committed to a mentee’s success means that the mentor is devoted to providing the mentee with the necessary support and guidance to help them reach their ambitions and unlock their full potential.
For a mentoring relationship to be successful, both mentors and mentees must be dedicated to investing the necessary time and effort.
Tips for Mentees: Making the Most of Your Mentoring Relationship
As a mentee, it’s crucial to make the most of your mentoring opportunity by setting clear goals, being open to feedback, and taking the initiative in your own development. These tips will help you maximize your mentoring experience and ensure a fruitful partnership with your mentor.
Let’s dive into each tip and explore how you can implement them in your mentorship journey.
Set Clear Goals and Expectations
Setting clear goals and expectations helps mentees and mentors both focus their efforts and provides a roadmap for their mentoring relationship. By expressing their goals and expectations for the mentoring relationship to their mentor and being receptive to their mentor’s feedback and suggestions, mentees can ensure a successful mentoring experience. It’s important not to expect the mentor to provide your goals. Your goals are your responsibility.
Defining the mentorship’s objectives and goals, deciding what success looks like, setting clear rules and boundaries for the relationship, and holding everyone involved accountable for their participation in the relationship are all keys to achieving success.
Be Open to Feedback and Learning
Being open to feedback and learning allows mentees to grow and develop, embracing new ideas and perspectives from their mentor. Mentees should be receptive to feedback and constructive criticism from their mentor and actively seek out learning opportunities to further their development.
By taking the time to reflect on the learning they have received from their mentor and actively applying it to their own life, mentees can maximize the benefits of the mentoring relationship. They should be motivated to share their experiences with others, especially their mentors, and use the learning to help them reach their full potential.
Take Initiative and Responsibility
Taking initiative and responsibility for their own growth ensures that mentees actively engage in the mentoring process and make the most of the opportunities their mentor gives them. By taking the initiative and taking responsibility in a mentoring relationship, you will experience more personal and professional growth, develop your skills, get closer to leaders, and find a sense of purpose as a mentor. As the saying goes, “you get out of a mentorship what you put into it.”
Mentees should take ownership of their own growth, proactively put their mentors’ advice into practice and report back on the results. This gives the mentor additional ideas about how to help them. They should also embrace risks and be open to trying new things.
How to Find the Right Mentor for You
Finding the right mentor is a crucial step in your personal and professional development journey. To ensure a successful experience, you need to identify potential mentors, assess compatibility, and establish a connection.
Let’s explore each of these steps in more detail and discover how you can find the perfect mentor for your unique needs and goals.
Identifying Potential Mentors
Identifying potential good mentors requires mentees to consider their career goals, interests, and desired areas of growth, seeking out individuals who align with these factors. Mentees should consider people they admire and individuals who have already achieved their own goals and who share similar aspirations.
Leveraging your existing network is a great starting point for finding potential mentors. Look for mentors who are encouraging, articulate, and motivating, and who can help you achieve your professional aspirations. Learn how to ask someone to be your mentor in order to start the relationship off well.
Assessing Compatibility
Assessing compatibility with potential mentoring partners involves evaluating them based on shared values, communication styles, and mutual interests, ensuring a strong foundation for the mentoring relationship. By defining your goals and specific needs, writing a “job description” of your ideal mentor, and searching for mentors through their second-degree connections, mentees can assess compatibility with potential mentors.
Assessing the mentor’s communication style, enthusiasm to help, and qualifications in the applicable field is also important to gauge the success of the mentorship program.
Establishing a Connection
Establishing a connection with a potential mentor requires open communication, mutual respect, and a shared commitment to the mentoring process. Mentees should actively explore the field they are passionate about, gain insight into the potential mentor’s expertise, and evaluate their own objectives and requirements.
Mentees should take initiative and reach out to potential mentors, being confident and clear about their goals and expectations, and ready to answer any questions the potential mentor may have. By providing advice or resources, or lending a helping hand to the mentor in achieving their own goals, mentees can contribute to the relationship and ensure a successful connection.
By understanding the mentor’s role, fostering a strong mentor-mentee relationship, and actively engaging in the mentoring process, both mentors and mentees can unlock their full potential and further their career goals. Finding the right mentor is a crucial step in your personal and professional growth journey. By identifying potential mentors, assessing compatibility, and establishing a connection, you can ensure a successful mentoring relationship and unlock a world of opportunities. Embrace the power of mentorship and soar to new heights in your career and life!
Frequently Asked Questions
What can a mentor help with?
A mentor can help you create a plan and provide support to help you reach your career goals. They can offer advice, motivation, and feedback that will give you the boost you need to make progress in both your current job and future endeavors.
By providing meaningful guidance, mentors can help ensure that you are successful in reaching your ambitions.
What are 3 qualities that make a good mentor?
A good mentor should be knowledgeable, supportive, and have a strong desire to help others succeed. They should also possess the ability to provide honest feedback and guidance, promote open communication, and be dedicated to helping their mentor grow.
With these qualities, a mentor can effectively help their mentor achieve their goals and reach their full potential.
Why would someone need a mentor?
Having a mentor is essential for anyone seeking to further their career, develop skills, and stay motivated. A mentor can provide objective advice, offer guidance, expand your network, share industry knowledge, and give you confidence to make difficult decisions and solve challenging problems.
It’s an invaluable tool on any professional journey.
What are the 3 C’s of mentorship?
Through the 3rd cycle of the 3rd cycle. Cs of mentorship – communication, collaboration, and coaching – successful mentor-mentee relationships are established. Communication helps create an atmosphere of trust and understanding, collaboration fosters innovation and creativity, and coaching allows for the development of specific skills.
NOTE: This post was written with the help of an artificial intelligence research assistant. Comments? Please share.
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by Guest Author | Jul 18, 2023 | Career Development, Coaching Advice, Emotional Intelligence at Work
In entrepreneurial circles, there is a well-known trap waiting for any successful startup visionary, the Founder’s Syndrome, which has gotten many an organization’s founder fired by the board and/or their funders. It’s what happens when the founder’s original vision and passion, which enabled the little startup to succeed originally, actually starts to hold it back from growing past a certain point.
The limits of passion and vision
Passion and vision are amazingly powerful. They can cause people to invest in even the most crazy idea. (Can you imagine what people said in 1999 when Sergey Brin and Larry Page told their venture funders their startup was called “Google?”) But, even crazy-smart ideas have their limits. Eventually, the wild-idea startup has to take on some business discipline, learn to scale and keep coming up with marketable products and services.
No matter how smart they are, even experienced entrepreneurs rarely know all that they need to know to lead a long-term successful effort. None of us do, really. All we know is that the challenges we face today will be different from those we encounter down the road. So when we fire up our engines, here’s what the smart founder needs to do to avoid the crash-and-burn fate of Founder’s Syndrome:
- Fail fast and become skilled at letting go of any residual attachment to the failure. Learn the lessons the failure gave you and move on quickly.
- Enjoy your successes and become skilled at letting go of any residual attachment to success. You may have to do it differently next time.
- Be ready to transform yourself and your company into something altogether new. Work to put yourself out of business.
Successful Founders experience personal transformation
These all basically boil down to “become skilled at letting go and actively seek to become what the world, business and customers need from you.” When you are the founder, if you don’t transform and become capable of being more than your humble beginnings, the company can’t transform either because at first you and it are really the same. If you don’t transform, not much happens, but if the company doesn’t transform it won’t grow, scale and turn into the wealth-engine you were looking for.
But frankly, why waste the chance for a personal transformation, fueled by that thing you’re pouring your heart and soul into? Let it engergize you and give you the courage to do what we all find so difficult – to become more than we are. Let it be the impetus for your personal transformation to face your fears, experience wonderful highs, live through heart-thumping near misses and change the world.
Business is an adventure. Let it grow you into someone new.
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center as well as the the resources in the InPower Coaching EQ at Work and Soft Skills Research Index.
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by Dana Theus | Jul 13, 2023 | Career Development, Coaching Advice, Mentoring
Key Takeaways:
- Organic Mentoring: Formal requests aren’t always necessary; consistent seeking of advice can naturally cultivate mentoring relationships over time.
- Clarify Your Goals: Understand your career objectives and challenges before seeking mentorship to effectively communicate your needs to potential mentors.
- Strategic Mentor Selection: Choose mentors whose experiences align with your goals, and research and engage with them to establish a connection before making a formal request.
- Personalized Mentorship Requests: Craft well-thought-out requests that clearly outline your goals, showcase your value as a mentee, and express gratitude for the mentor’s time.
- Overcome Fear of Rejection: Embrace rejection as part of the process, demonstrate confidence and competence, and persist in seeking mentorship opportunities to unlock its potential in your career growth.
We all dream of navigating the complexities of our professional journey with ease and confidence, sailing easily towards the end goal of success. And we all know whatever success we actually achieve is a lot messier than this wonderful vision. It’s easy to get lost in the mess along the way, and that’s when we need the guidance of a trusted mentor. Great mentors can help you unlock doors, grow, and offer timely advice along your career path. You probably know this, but are less sure about how to ask someone to be your mentor.
The first thing to know is that you don’t actually have to “ask” someone to be a mentor. You can just ask them for advice and if they give you some, use it and follow up with them again to let them know how it worked. Hopefully they’ll be open to you asking for their advice again. This is a very organic way to develop a mentoring relationship, and it’s exactly what happened to me the first time I “got” a mentee (protégé). Someone younger than me just kept asking for my advice. I kept giving it and then one day they introduced me as their mentor to someone else and my mouth dropped open. I had no idea I was being cultivated as a mentor, but I was. And we’re still friends and professional colleagues more than fifteen years later.
But if you do want to ask someone to be your mentor, formally, here are the steps to think about:
- Understand your goals for a mentoring relationship
- Identify and research potential mentors to ensure a productive mentorship relationship.
- Build a connection with someone before you craft a well-thought out request that is clear about goals, showcases your value as a mentor, and expresses gratitude for their time.
- Overcome fears by exhibiting confidence & competence while maintaining autonomy & trust in the relationship.
Understand Your Mentorship Goals
Before you even get close to asking someone more experienced to give up their precious time and energy helping you, it’s important for you to spend some time and energy yourself thinking about:
- What are your 3-5 year career goals?
- What values ground you in your vision of success?
- What technical skills and industry experience do you have? What do you need to get?
- What accomplishments are you most proud of? What kinds of future accomplishments do you want to achieve?
- What kind of obstacles are you facing/do you expect to face?
- What are you planning to do to move forward, even if you don’t have help along the way?
- What information are you lacking that would help you move forward?
- (Reviewing the info above) what specific support and advice could a mentor give you to help you out?
It’s totally understandable that you don’t have all the answers, but the more specifically you can explain your goals and questions to a mentor, the more likely it is that they can help you, and the more likely it is they will want to help you.
This is because mentors are busy, and the reason they want to help in the first place is because they believe you have a lot of what you need already to be successful. They want to believe that you’re doing your part to achieve success and their help is going to nudge you faster and closer to success. So have goals and a plan in mind before you reach out to them.
Not 100% sure of your goals and plan? Don’t worry about it. Give yourself permission to change your mind, adjust and refine your thoughts along the way, with your mentor’s help.
Identifying Your Ideal Mentor
If you don’t already have a colleague or good connection you believe could help mentor you in the direction you seek, the search for the right mentor can feel like a daunting task. But once you have your goals and questions lined up (see above), finding a mentor becomes much easier.
Assess the skills your mentor needs to be able to help you
When considering potential mentors, think about the skills and experiences you want to develop. Look for mentors who have some of these and can help you understand how to get them for yourself. For instance, if you are planning to make a career transition from a graphic designer to a writer, look for a mentor who has successfully made a similar transition. Want a global position? Find someone who’d operated in an international business context. Have some specific workplace challenges? Look for mentors who’ve survived similar circumstances.
Research potential mentors
Once you have a clear understanding of your career development needs, and what you hope a mentor brings to the table, it’s time to research potential mentors. Start with your personal network, you may have the perfect mentor sitting close to you, or a phone call away. You also have people in your network who would be willing to introduce you to people they know who may be good mentors. Reach out to people you already know and trust, tell them the kind of mentor you’re looking for and see what happens.
LinkedIncan also be a valuable resource for this task, allowing you to follow, connect, and enable notifications for posts from potential mentors. Reading, interacting, and commenting on their posts can provide insights into their expertise, values, and professional connections, before you reach out to them.
As you research potential mentors, don’t forget to evaluate their connections in the industry. A mentor with a wide network can refer you to other professionals who can facilitate your career progress or offer potential job or educational opportunities. Additionally, consider the possibility of having multiple mentors to provide diverse perspectives and support in different areas of your career.
Analyze their values and connections
Before making a mentorship request, ensure that the mentor’s core values align with yours. To determine this alignment, create a list of your core values, rank them based on their importance, and identify professionals you admire and the values they apply in their professional life. Evaluate their accomplishments and ask yourself if these are the kinds of outcomes you’re hoping to create in your own career. Analyze if the way they approach their work aligns with how you would handle a similar situation.
Another important factor to consider is the mentor’s communication style. To the extent you can, ensure that their style is conducive to your needs and fosters a healthy professional relationship.
Building a Connection Before Asking
Before you pop the big question, it’s important to establish a connection with your potential mentor. This may include engaging in informational interviews, attending industry events and networking, and seeking advice on specific topics. It can also look like sitting together in meetings, sidebar chatting in Zoom calls, followup emails and “small asks” for advice to test out whether you feel there’s a basis for a deeper connection.
By establishing rapport early on, you increase the likelihood of a positive response when you ask someone to be your mentor in an official capacity.
Engage in informational interviews
An informational interview is an excellent first step in building a connection with your potential mentor. These interviews can be conducted face-to-face, over the phone, or through video conferencing. Be prepared with questions about the mentor’s career, accomplishments, and insights, and use this opportunity to demonstrate your interest in their field of expertise.
To make the most of your informational interview, research the person you are interviewing, compile a list of questions. Be professional, courteous, and appreciative when initiating contact and having a clear purpose for the interview. This will leave a lasting impression and pave the way for a potential mentorship relationship.
Remember that if you’re asking for an informational interview, they are interviewing you, too. Be prepared with your story about your goals and what you are looking for in a mentor. Help them see you as successful and accomplished already.
Attend industry events and network
Attending industry events and networking can be a good way to meet potential mentors and build connections with those you’ve already identified. Seek out events in your area or online that are relevant to your field of interest. Be prepared to briefly introduce yourself and your objectives, and engage in meaningful conversations with professionals in your industry.
Remember that networking is not just about meeting potential mentors; it’s also about forging connections with other professionals who can support your career development. By attending industry events and networking, you expand your professional circle and increase the chances of finding the right mentor to guide you on your career path.
Don’t expect that one event will be enough. Look for groups and associations you can participate in on an ongoing basis, so you can meet the same people more than once. Look to become involved in a professional community. Often you will meet mentors who are equally committed to the community and because of your shared interest and commitment they will be even more likely to want to help you, officially and unofficially.
Seek advice on specific topics
When you speak with people, ask advice on specific topics. This is a great way to begin a connection with a potential mentor. Inquire about their experience and advice on topics related to your area of interest, and demonstrate your commitment to learning and growth. This can help establish a personable rapport with your potential mentor and pave the way for a successful mentorship relationship.
As you seek advice on specific topics, remember to be respectful of the other person’s time and expertise. Be genuine in your interest and open to their insights, as this will create a foundation of trust and respect between you and your potential mentor.
Crafting a Well-Thought-Out Mentorship Request
When you’ve identified a potential mentor, one you’d like to invite into a personal and committed professional relationship, it’s time to craft a well-thought-out mentorship request. This involves being clear about your goals and expectations, showcasing your value as a mentee/protégé, and expressing gratitude and respect for their time.
When you invite someone into an official mentoring relationship, you’re really looking to negotiate an agreement on what you can each expect from your collaboration. I have helped train mentors and design many different kinds of mentorship programs. The most successful of them always include a specific opportunity for mentoring partners to explicitly agree on how they will engage in the mentoring relationship.
Be clear about your goals and expectations
When making a mentorship request, it is important to be explicit about your goals and expectations. Define your own objectives and ensure they are clear and concise. As the mentor about their goals as well. Is there anything they hope to get out of the relationship, that you may be able to provide in a reverse mentoring way? Discuss these expectations with your potential mentor and confirm that both parties have a mutual understanding of the mentorship relationship.
Planning meeting schedules, checkpoints and debriefing on results are also important aspects of a successful mentorship relationship. Agree on preferred and acceptable use of different communications media (email? Voicemail? Text? Social media?) Be sure that if your mentor has clear preferences, that you honor them. Change your own style if you need to in order to demonstrate how much you respect their time and investment in you.
Showcase your value as a mentee/protégé
Demonstrating your value as a mentee is crucial to persuading a potential mentor to invest their time and expertise in you. Show your readiness to learn by asking questions, sharing how you’ve used other mentor’s advice in the past, and actively participating in the learning process.
The most important thing you can do to demonstrate how you respect your mentor’s time is to show them you’re receptive to feedback by listening attentively to your mentor’s advice and then applying it. Applying their advice is the most important thing you can do. Use the advice you get and then reflect on your results.
Here’s the most important part: go back to your mentor and tell them about your experience using their advice, how you reflected on it, what you learned. Ask them for their perspective and advice based on your experience. This makes them feel like you’re taking their input seriously and gives them the opportunity to help you succeed even more.
Express gratitude and respect for their time
When making a mentorship request, and engaging in the mentoring itself, it is really important to express gratitude and respect for the mentor’s time and expertise. Acknowledge their busy schedule and existing commitments, and be respectful of their time constraints.
Even in your mentorship request, include a thank you for taking the time to consider your request and a recognition of the recipient’s existing obligations.
Utilizing Templates and Examples for Mentorship Requests
While building a connection with your potential mentor, you may informally ask them if they’re interested in a formal mentoring relationship, but I do recommend that you put your mentorship request into writing. Utilizing templates and examples for mentorship requests can help you craft a personalized and effective request. Here’s a generic template request you can personalize using the strategies below.
Dear ________
- I’ve really enjoyed (following you, getting to know you, working with you on project x, etc.)
- By paying attention to your contributions (publications, videos, social media etc.) on topics like ___________, I’ve learned a lot. (Note what you’ve learned)
- I am at a stage in my career where I have accomplished a lot and am ready to take it up a level (expand on this in explaining your how you’ve gotten where you are and your future career goals)
- I feel like I would really benefit from your insights and advice in a mentoring relationship because (note their experiences, skills, situations, accomplishments etc. that make you feel like they would be a good fit)
- I hope you’ll consider giving me some of your time to help me understand things like (list some of the issues you’d like insight on)
- In return I will be happy to (make myself available according to your schedule, provide regular updates, provide any insights you may value on questions like XYZ)
I appreciate your time in considering this request. I will follow up with you (in timeframe) if I have not heard back. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
Sincerely, _____________
Personalizing your request
When personalizing your mentorship request, it’s important to acknowledge and respect the individual’s time, while being respectful of their commitments. Use the options in parentheses above to prompt you to outline what you would like to gain from the mentorship, and be specific about your objectives and expectations. Include the individual’s name, the objective of the email, and a succinct description of yourself in the subject line and email.
Following up after sending a request
Following up after sending a mentorship request in the timeframe you promised in the email is important to establish your integrity and to maintain the momentum of your budding mentorship relationship. In your follow-up, demonstrate courtesy and poise by reframing your objectives and expectations, originally outlined in the request email succinctly. Once again, express gratitude for their time and expertise.
Remember, your follow-up should not be intrusive or pushy; instead, it should convey your enthusiasm and commitment to the mentorship, while respecting the mentor’s time and other commitments. You may want to do a personal outreach through a mutual connection and/or their assistant as well. Sometimes other people are able to get your initial email back to the surface of their mind more easily than another email from you.
Overcoming Fears and Barriers in Asking for Mentorship
It’s natural to feel apprehensive about asking someone to be your mentor. It can feel like a personal risk but you really have nothing to lose. Even if you’re not successful initially, they may remember your request at some point in the future when you meet them or are recommended to them through another channel. Here are a few strategies to help you manage the jitters that may come along with this process.
Handling rejection or uncertainty
Rejection or uncertainty is a part of life, and it’s important to remember that one potential mentor’s response (or lack of one) does not reflect your worthiness of mentorship. To manage rejection or uncertainty, start by assuming most of your inquiries will be met with a “no,” or silence because the people you’re reaching out to want to say “yes” but are just too busy. Their unwillingness to mentor you probably has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with their overwhelming schedule.
Be gracious and appreciative if they get back to you in any way, even to say no. Every bridge not burned is one you can walk across again in the future if the opportunity presents itself. I know one person who never heard back from a potential mentor and found themselves hiring that same person a decade later. They laughed about the “failure” and built a strong relationship in that second decade.
Demonstrating and practicing confidence and competence
Confidence and competence are crucial traits when asking for mentorship. To exhibit these qualities, demonstrate self-assurance by articulating your thoughts clearly and confidently, maintaining eye contact when in person, and having an optimistic outlook. Demonstrate your knowledge, skills, and experience by providing examples of prior accomplishments, engaging in discussions on pertinent matters, and exhibiting a willingness to learn.
This is a little like taking interviews for jobs to work on your interviewing skills. By showcasing your confidence and competence, you increase your chances of securing a mentor who is eager to support your growth. But even in the event you are not successful in getting a mentor in every case, you get practice sharing your story and letting other people know you’re out there. You are planting seeds that may grow without you even knowing until a later time.
Finding and asking someone to be your mentor is a journey that requires self-assessment, research, and the courage to reach out and forge connections. By getting clear on your goals, identifying your ideal mentor, building a connection before asking, crafting a well-thought-out mentorship request, and overcoming fears and barriers in seeking mentorship, you are well on your way to unlocking the potential of mentorship in your professional life.
Remember, mentorship is a powerful tool that can propel your career to new heights. Don’t get paralyzed with inaction by stressing over how to ask someone to be your mentor. Do it! With the knowledge and guidance of a mentor by your side, there is no limit to what you can achieve.
candid insights and soulful partnership
by Guest Author | Jul 11, 2023 | Career Development, Coaching Advice, Communicating With Confidence, Dear Dana (Workplace Advice), Featured
Welcome to “Dear Dana”, a column to give you career and workplace advice/coaching from executive coach, Dana Theus
Dear Dana, I am updating my resume to apply for jobs. I read your article about “speaking accomplishments.” I liked your advice and will apply it to how I manage the way I think about my resume accomplishments in the future, but I want to ask for more clarification on how I should put my work accomplishment statements on my resume when I achieve them as part of a team. My job is almost all in teams that are matrixed with other groups. I lead contract compliance teams, and I work with just about every group in the company, but the other people actually DO the work in their areas. I’m just coordinating them to make sure they’re in compliance. So I know what my tasks are, coordinating these groups and updating status reports, but I’m not sure what my accomplishments are, since other people usually accomplish the contract items. Any advice for how to include accomplishments on my resume? – Confused in Chillicothe
Dear Confused-Thanks for your question. I understand how hard it can be to figure out what you can actually claim as an example of your “greatest accomplishment” when you feel like most of your job is being a cog in a very large set of wheels. Been there! Here’s some advice that can help you update your resume with a strong accomplishment statement.
First: Be specific about your “customer” engagement
The key is to break it down and ask yourself “Who was the “customer” that benefited from my work, and how did I make their life better?” The answer is an example of a greatest accomplishment! In your case it sounds like you have internal customers among all the people you’re coordinating. When updating your resume and even discussing your achievements in job interviews, it’s crucial to include relevant keywords from the job description and your own experience to cater to the applicant tracking system (ATS), which many companies use to screen resumes. Many of these keywords are in the group names of your internal customers.
These keywords aren’t just there for the ATS, but for prospective employers’ hiring managers and interviewers as well who will be looking for real world experience examples of your impact. When they see the names of the departments and people you supported, it helps them envision the environments you’ve worked in before. They know more about your specific job, and the work you’ve done just by looking at your “customers”. They know the kinds of problems you’ve solved, the kinds of effective management you’ve had to perform, and the company culture you’ve worked in. They can anticipate how well you’ll “get” the kind of challenges you’ll have working for them and this will help them evaluate you against other job seekers very quickly. Be sure to highlight specific team achievement examples in your cover letter, too.
So take a look at the teams you’ve worked in and identify which internal customers you’ve supported, such as:
- finance/legal/HR
- operations
- sales
- marketing
- product
- service delivery
- customer satisfaction and service
Second: Be specific about the benefit your “customer” received
You said you’re helping your internal customers remain contract-compliant, which describes your regular job duties and showcases your leadership skills and ability to deliver results. Can you break down the benefit that compliance brings to each team? Here are some concrete examples:
- If the sales team is compensated on recognized revenue, maintaining compliance can help them continually meet increased sales goals.
- If the compliance tracking helps the client delivery and operations team update their project plans, you’re helping them meet customer deadlines, respond to customer complaints, and achieve customer satisfaction.
- If the legal team has to litigate out-of-compliance projects, you’re helping reduce litigation costs by increasing compliance.
Of course, if you can attach a dollar value–or any measurable accomplishments–to any outcome, you should do so! It’s possible you don’t know all the value you’re delivering, in which case you should talk to your team members (or their bosses) to learn more about how they quantify and value the effort you’re bringing. Here are some metrics that often offer low-hanging fruit for metrics you can include in your accomplishment statement:
- annual supply costs
- company website effectiveness
- employee satisfaction rates
- employee morale
- hiring process
- organizational efficiency
- increasing productivity
- client accounts performance
- system performance
- customer service examples (which underly winning trends)
- SEO strategy effectiveness
- sales examples: annual revenue, revenue-per-customer, sales cycle timelines
- marketing examples: market share, social media performance, website traffic, leads generated, marketing campaign effectiveness, online reviews
Don’t worry about having to tell them you’re applying for jobs. Identifying your accomplishments is something you should do internally anyway, in order to informally update your boss on your work and to formally include them in performance reviews. Ask them questions like:
- If we didn’t have this team, what would you do instead to ensure you met these compliance objectives were successfully completed?
- Would it cost them more to do it without you? How much more?
- If they don’t meet their compliance objectives, what is the cost and who pays it?
And don’t forget to look at cumulative impacts! Some accomplishments can be tracked over a one to five-year period. As long as you can describe the positive impact from your previous roles, in ways that are relevant to the job posting you’re applying to, you’re on the right track. Whenever you’re working in a team, it can be confusing about what you can claim as an outcome, as opposed to your job responsibilities. How do you phrase your greatest accomplishment when you work on a team? Here’s some advice that can help you update your resume.
Third: Specify your job responsibilities and contribution to team success
Whenever you’re working in a team, it can be confusing about what you can claim as an outcome, as opposed to what you can’t really claim credit for–because others did a lot of the work. Be careful not to claim things that you didn’t do, but do claim your contribution to the outcome (and be specific about both.) Including more examples of measurable achievements in your resume summary can capture the attention of a hiring manager.
How do you phrase your greatest accomplishment when you work on a team? Here’s some advice that can help you update your resume. Click to tweet
As I mentioned in the previous post, you want to stay away from listing your activities alone, but when you list them as the reason that your team was successful, this is very powerful and shows hiring managers both what you did and the impact it had. In this case, you’re listing the team’s accomplishment and then identifying specifically what you did to help achieve it.
So, let’s say your team was instrumental in ensuring 98% contract compliance last year (the team accomplishment) and your role was in coordinating weekly contract reviews. You might state your personal greatest accomplishment as ensured team achieved 98% contract compliance by coordinating communication between four departments and escalating issues before they jeopardized compliance commitments. In this instance, you are listing your work activities, but you’re doing it in the context of the team success goal. Of course this means you need to know specifically what your team accomplished, and any corollary metrics, but as with the note above, these are things you should be tracking anyway (so if you’re not, start now!)
Even though in job interviews you’re likely to be asked for an example of your “greatest” accomplishment, you should be tracking all your accomplishments and keeping a record of them. Sometimes many small ones add up to a “greatest” accomplishment, and tracking them makes it easier to speak to others about your value and to believe it yourself.
Good luck!
Dana Theus
Executive Coach
P.S. — Need help writing your biggest accomplishments for your resume or LinkedIn profile? Download our worksheet on resume accomplishments for tips, fill-in-the-blank guidance, and examples! Get a BONUS personality assessment too!
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How to Avoid the Most Common Career Mistakes
by Dana Theus | Jul 5, 2023 | Coaching Advice, Leadership
When I was early in my career, I sought leadership positions because I felt compelled to achieve my higher purpose through my career. I set out on a personal development plan for leadership believing it would make me a better, and more impactful person. But I soon became very disappointed with what passed for leadership development in the companies I worked for.
My first leadership development training felt like a colossal waste of time. We all got our MBTI scores and then sat in a room gazing at our navels for a day. It was fun (I still have the pen they gave me), but I didn’t understand at the time why we were doing it. Fast forward a few decades and I get it. Here are the missing pieces that I didn’t understand at the time:
- Leadership is not about doing many things (in the weeds)
- Leadership is about making sure important things get done (from the bushes and treetops)
- Leaders need to motivate and inspire people to get those things done that we can’t do ourselves
- Sometimes we need to hop down into the weeds and whack alongside the troops, while maintaining the vision and perspective we gain at higher altitudes
- Leaders need to understand people, including themselves, well enough to motivate and inspire others to get the right things done – MBTI and other emotional intelligence tools can help with that
Seems pretty straightforward, now, of course, but at the time, this insight would have really helped me make better use of my leadership development opportunities and create a personal development plan for leadership that might have saved me a lot of stress and confusion.
But frankly, back then I’m not sure I would have believed that leadership was more about leading than doing. I had to learn some hard lessons before I came to those beliefs. So in the hope that my learning can benefit you, here’s what I wished I’d known, and believed way back then.
Perspective is everything: You can’t lead from the weeds
When you move into management and leadership one of the hardest lessons to learn is that you now have two jobs you need to juggle. In addition to the job of doing the day-to-day work, you have a second job you must do in parallel, which is getting up above the day-to-day work and looking for trends, patterns and strategies to improve how to achieve outcomes and impact, which is not the same as all the activity in the work itself.
I like the analogy of doing the work “in the weeds” versus taking perspective on the work “from the treetops.” This follows a navigation analogy. To get somewhere you have to do the work, you have to travel by foot or vehicle (in the weeds), following a direction and plan you set before you set out for your destination. This travel plan is set from the treetops, focused on your destination and the obstacles and enablers you’re likely to find along the way.
Unfortunately we have not yet invented GPS for leadership, so the work of leading is more like the old days where you’d head out in a direction, encounter reality in the form of washed out roads, downed trees in your path and myriad other problems you didn’t anticipate in the planning phase. The solution is often to find the nearest tree and scale it. From the top of the tree you can see the path ahead with more clarity, adjust the travel plan, climb back down the tree and continue on your way, making adjustments as you go.
Here’s the thing, in leadership, you have to scale up into the treetops to check the path ahead (and behind) much more frequently than most of us actually do. Like, daily. If you don’t get out of the weeds on a very frequent basis, you lose sight quickly of those trends and patterns you’re trying to change and use to achieve your results. By contrast, when you do get out of the weeds, the perspective you gain helps you set new priorities more easily and can reduce your stress with these revised priorities.
Photo by Zac Durant
We can become our best selves through our work by developing our interpersonal communications skills
I’ve always thought that making a positive difference in the world through my work was a necessary part of becoming my best self. There is research on adult development that demonstrates that our maturity as humans, no matter our age until we die, includes an expansion of what we care about beyond ourselves, to include others; not just our families but our communities and our world.
Not surprisingly, this progression towards greater levels of caring and maturity parallel the skills necessary for organizational leaders to excel and achieve positive, sustainable results for their businesses. So in short, yes, becoming a good leader can mature you into a better version of yourself, and vice versa.
I know many people, clients and acquaintances both, who want to be good leaders and want to be good people, but find themselves frustrated by the realities of having to work with other people. Because, let’s face it, we human beings are frustrating! We don’t think or act the same, are unpredictable, are often poor communicators and have bad days at the most inconvenient times. And it is exactly the kinds of skills that leaders develop to work with these unavoidable human dynamics that help us achieve great things. This is why leadership is not for the faint of heart and any personal development plan for leadership has to include becoming better at working with people.
But how?
There are many answers to this question, but I find the single most important skill area to help us work productively with others in ways that mature us is to become an excellent interpersonal communicator. Most of us underestimate what it takes to communicate effectively, but when we look at communication as a system within us, through which we put our ideas into the world and receive feedback about them that helps us refine what we put into the world, we have a lot of power to become good at it.
And the better we become at communicating interpersonally the better our organizational communication becomes.
It just takes discipline to pay attention to what works and what doesn’t, adjusting and learning along the way. Not a quick win, but an important one that teaches you a lot about yourself, other people and the world.
Personal Development Plan for Leadership: Two keys to leading as your best self
So these two skill-building areas for leadership are useful personally, but how can we use them to become effective in leading our organizations? Much of my career as a coach has been in search of the tools to achieve organizational success by becoming better people. There is a ton of information out there on being a good human and a good leader, but a lot of it describes people who’ve already accomplished it without giving much actionable insight into how they got there.
But there is one, highly actionable, instrument that I use for telling us what makes an effective leader, and it even gives us a way to measure ourselves to see where we’re being our best self in ways that leads to better results, and where we’re not. Here is one of my favorite findings from this tool, the Leadership Circle Profile, which are the two leadership skills most highly correlated with leadership effectiveness:
- The ability to be “Purposeful & Visionary” measures the extent to which you clearly communicate and model commitment to personal purpose and vision. (91% correlated with effective leadership)
- The ability to foster “Team Play,” which measures your ability to generate high-performance teamwork among team members who report to you, across the organization, and within teams in which you participate. (89% correlated with effective leadership)
There are, in fact, a total of eighteen abilities like the ones above, that characterize strong leaders, but these two rise above the rest for their ability to bring out the best in us. It’s my experience, actually, that in conjunction, strong abilities in these two areas tend to pull up our strengths in the other sixteen areas as well.
Why is that and how can we get more of it?
The answer is both simpler and more complex than you might expect. It turns out that everything flows when a leader has a strong sense of purpose, both personally and for the work activities they are leading. Plenty of research demonstrates that leaders who are driven by a strong sense of purpose do achieve better results. I believe this is because a positive vision of the future you feel compelled to create helps you filter and sort through the lists of tasks, proposals, opportunities to use resources etc. and make aligned choices about how best to use the time and energy you have, both yours and your group’s, to achieve that outcome. Without a purpose driving your decisions, everything can feel either optional or become vulnerable to the leader’s personal biases.
This is why I feel so strongly that everyone serious about their career and leadership advancement should invest in developing a personal brand strategy grounded in a personal purpose which lights them up and guides them every step of the way.
So what should you do?
When I think back on my early leadership experiences, and the less-than-helpful leadership development activities I engaged in, I would have liked a personal development plan for leadership that taught me that if I did these things, I would achieve more impact and become a better person:
- Take the time and energy to get in touch with your personal purpose and build your personal brand around it – checking back in with it often (at least once a quarter)
- Spend a little time each morning in the treetops, refocusing on the vision, before jumping into the weeds
- Spend a little time before leaving for the day jumping back into the treetops to set the next day’s priorities
- Spending my own time and energy fostering that trust and safety with the people I work with, and seeing that as part of my job, believing that when trust and safety in collaboration is present, work results improve
This kind of personal development plan for leadership would probably have gotten me farther, faster and helped me feel more grounded and less stressed along the way. Hopefully it will do that for you, now!
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by Guest Author | Jul 4, 2023 | Career Development
As we come closer to Spring, would-be graduates are starting to stream towards the workforce. One issue they always need support on: how to dress for work. Appropriate workwear is more complicated than it seems because it’s one of the most visible expressions of our personal brand. That’s why we like Annie’s take on the subject. As a placement recruiter, she’s seen it all and knows what works. Use this article as an excuse to revisit the personal brand statement in your own closet (and pass it on to a soon-to-be-graduate, too!) ~ InPower Editors
By Annie Walton Doyle
Walking into the office on the first day of a new job is daunting. You spent the previous night tossing-and-turning worried about coping with the day-to-day tasks, making a great first impression, and getting along with your co-workers. Worrying about sticking out like a sore thumb because of how to dress for work usually comes along with all the rest.
It may have been made clear in the interview what you can or can’t get away with or it may have been specified in the job description. However, with the boundaries in modern workwear becoming blurred and only one in ten wearing a suit to work. Bottom line–knowing how to dress for work is not always obvious.
As a graduate recruiter, placing fresh graduates into their first full-time jobs, I’ve observed office-wear rules become less black-and-white over the past few years with clients applying more relaxed rules on what employees should wear. Workwear is a particular concern for young people at the start of their careers, who are very keen to please and make a good first impression in their first full-time job.
So, how much does something as supposedly trivial as what you wear affect your job and career? Here are six tips to bear in mind when trying to gauge how to dress for work, if not stated specifically in your work contract.
What industry are you targeting?
To start, you probably need to think about what would classify as ‘industry-appropriate’ workwear. If the environment you work in is quite corporate then it wouldn’t look or feel right to turn up in casual wear, and you’d quickly attract the wrong sort of attention if you did. Companies which work in professional services such as IT systems, finance or law are almost certainly more formal than a young start-up company, which may enjoy a more dress-down approach to office workwear.
On the flipside, if you turned up to a creative design agency wearing a suit and tie then you might find yourself feeling a little out of place among the jeans and t-shirts. Companies whose staff is mainly made up of younger generations tend to have a more lenient attitude when it comes to attire, as do those in the arts and creative sectors. However, this general rule is often broken so pay attention to your own company’s culture.
If the role you’re in is customer-facing, then you may even be provided with a uniform or at least given strict instructions on what’s expected of your dress code. Those who work in retail, the hotel industry or other leisure and hospitality roles will often be required to wear smarter workwear, to reflect the professionalism of their employer. While that may feel restrictive, it at least saves you the anxiety which can often come with choosing the right outfit every day. In this case the answer to the question of how to dress for work is probably pretty straight forward and you’d do well to follow the company guidelines for all client-facing protocols.
Look around you at how others dress for work
Many offices and workplaces don’t give strict workwear guidelines or dress codes, which can make deciding on an appropriate level of formality in how to dress for work even trickier. The simplest way to gauge how best to dress is by looking at your colleagues. They can help you figure out the boundaries of what will work and – more importantly – what won’t.
If you’re feeling unsure about the correct level of formality then you should aim to fall somewhere in the middle of the pack, but you can also use your trusted colleagues for workwear inspiration. Think about members of your office who tend to be thought of as more successful – do their clothes have anything in common? While I’m not suggesting you copy your co-workers’ outfits, using them as a benchmark when shopping for your workwear wardrobe can help you make better purchases.
Consider the mentality that will help you produce great results
There’s a reason why workwear exists, and it isn’t just to stop people wearing their pajamas to work. Wearing the right clothes to the office can help you with productivity, confidence, motivation and other key aspects of successful workplace activity.
Do you feel like a career-driven person when wearing tracksuit bottoms? Probably not. A structured, powerful jacket, on the other hand, can help you to “switch on” and get you into work mode. It’s essential to make your workwear work for you, so make sure you’re aware of how different items of clothing make you feel when you wear them.
This is the space in which you get to balance your need to feel unique and authentic with the requirements of the office or job. How can you put yourself in the right mentality and express the best parts of yourself while also aligning yourself with the dress code? It’s a fun puzzle to solve.
How to dress for work? Choose clothes to solve this puzzle: comfort+confidence+authenticity+industry-appropriate-class. – Click to Tweet
How to dress for work AND be comfortable
It’s a given that workwear won’t be as physically comfortable as your “lounging around the house” attire. Your workwear shouldn’t make you feel you’re ready to curl up for a Netflix marathon, but it’s important that it makes you feel good.
Never wear anything ill-fitting – not only will it look wrong, but it will only serve to distract you throughout your day. You don’t want to feel too much like you’re wearing a costume. A loose pair of smart trousers and a shirt is comfortable, light and looks great. Similarly, a smart skirt and a nice top is a comfy but sophisticated look for the office.
What can you invest?
Many people resent spending too much money on workwear, but this can be a big mistake.
For one thing, many of us spend more time in workwear than in our casual, weekend clothing, so it makes sense to dedicate more of your budget to it. For another, spending a little extra on workwear can make you look like you’ve made more of an effort and give you a sharper vibe.
It’s also important to remember that cheaper workwear is often a false economy. It can look worn-out far quicker than something made to a higher standard, and give you a haphazard, careless look. Investing in quality pieces that fit you well and will last for a long time could be a more sensible way to go. If you’re struggling to find the cash, you can often find fantastic, high-end workwear pieces second hand for amazing savings.
Moving on up
As the old adage goes, “dress for the job you want, rather than the job you have”. This is a good rule to live by, within reason. You should never let your clothing become something which could potentially hold you back. If you look like someone who would be well-deserving of a promotion, it certainly won’t hurt your chances of getting one.
However, it’s important to find the balance. If everyone in your office tends to wear more business-casual attire and you’re consistently turning up in a suit, you could stand out for all the wrong reasons. It may even end up looking sycophantic. Aim to be as formal as it is appropriate for you to be, but always clean, well-polished and well-presented. If you follow these guidelines on how to dress for work, the specifics of your workwear should naturally fall into place.
Annie Walton Doyle writes about how to dress for work and other career topics for Inspiring Interns & Graduates, the UK’s leading graduate recruitment agency.
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Guide to Women in Leadership
Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
by Guest Author | Jun 30, 2023 | Coaching Advice, Emotional Intelligence at Work, Innovation, Leadership
Chris McGoff realized a personal goal and professional pinnacle with the publication of The PRMES – How Any Group Can Solve Any Problem. This book review is meant to show that this is not only a quick, impactful read for any leader or manager trying to get more productivity out of their team, it’s an enlightened and intuitive way of understanding group dynamics.
This isn’t just a book review
Disclaimer: I helped Chris edit the book and promote it, so I’m not 100% objective on the subject but that’s not really the point. I still very much wanted to offer a book review and additional thoughts on this topic. I don’t do a book review often but this is a topic i’m passionate about. The reason I helped out and have enthusiastically integrated The PRIMES into my coaching, facilitation and strategic planning practice is that it works! With The PRIMES, Chris has boiled the complex study of human psychology and group interaction down into an accessible and visually memorable set of principles that anyone can use to manage teams. (more…)
