Summer is a special time that you deserve to take advantage of. You’ve worked so hard over the past year, survived the holidays and maybe even some big birthdays. Now is a time to celebrate all of your achievements with a little rest and relaxation. It’s summer time. Get out there and really enjoy it.
The kids go to summer camp, why can’t you? Here’s how a working mom can make the most of her summer. (more…)
What does it mean to be IN power when you’re working for yourself? The answer to that question, I believe, is meaningful for all of us – even those with bosses who climb the corporate ladder, live in cubes or on airplanes, slogging away on either side of the glass ceiling (which is there for some men as well).
Many, not all, of the lessons I’ve learned about personal power came because I’ve been on my own for the last 10 years, flying without a corporate net. But in my executive coaching work, I’ve come to realize that if I were in a corporate position now, I’d need these skills more than ever. Why? Because getting ahead inside an organization’s culture requires that we become personally strong enough to separate ourselves from it. This allows us the freedom to lead and shape it actively and consciously. The higher up you are the more responsibility you have for shaping the culture in service of your business goals, so the the higher up you are, the more important it is to be able to separate yourself. (more…)
With more women joining the workforce than ever before, it would be easy to assume that a promotion to a role of power and influence would boost our confidence. Sadly, the voice of doubt that used to hold us back as students or in entry-level roles is now sinking it’s claws into our career potential and making us feel like we’re not worthy. This dynamic has become so common that it has a name: the Imposter Syndrome.
Named by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978, the persistent feeling that you are a fraud hasn’t changed much over the last 40 years–except for the fact that women in positions of power and influence are more susceptible than ever. Sheryl Sandberg, best-selling author and COO of Facebook, is a key example. In her book, Lean In, Sandberg publicly highlighted the speech she heard at her Harvard graduation, ‘Feeling Like a Fraud’ as her moment of realization. Listening to the speech she realized that throughout her education, she felt that she had ‘fooled’ everyone into thinking she was as capable as she is. $1.7billion of personal net worth later, it’s baffling to imagine how this could happen; but this is the reality that 70% of professional women live with.
The gender divide we experience as children is arguably the main source of these feelings. According to Valerie Young, author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, the lessons of being bold and exuding confidence we get as children are seemingly exclusively for boys. Girls are taught to translate self-publicity as an unattractive quality, to remain humble. Evidently, this hasn’t gotten us very far and instead, set women on a path of grappling with perfectionism and the “disease to please” while ignoring the real value of their accomplishments. In being taught differently form a young age, our own ability to build confidence within ourselves is drastically reduced. On average we hear the phrases “no” and, “you cannot do that” around 148,000 times before we turn 18; a point in our lives in which society wants us to have figured out our identity, career path, relationship with our bodies and be able to defend ourselves in the social paradigm that is the world of work. Not only is it overwhelming and unrealistic but it’s also the product of condition that we are unconsciously fed.
So how do we defeat the beast? A saying that summarizes it all was penned by Professor Stajkovic of the University of Wisconsin; “If you believe, you achieve, if you doubt, you’ll go without”. Like any issue, work or personal acceptance of a problem is the real first step to recovery. Safety in numbers is an old saying but we’d be lying to ourselves in thinking that we feel better dealing with problems alone, not to mention the fact that sometimes faking it (for a little while at least) works! Telling someone we have an issue, however small it is, appeals to our basic human instinct. We feel better knowing we are not alone, and telling someone is the first step to tackling it.
Owning our own successes is another way to reclaim confidence. Being humble is one thing (and will do us a great deal during our career ascension) but denying our input or even sole effort into achieving a certain goal completely undermines the effort we have put in to get where we are. Again, the root of the issue here is that women are taught not to flaunt their achievements whilst men will proudly explain what they have done, according to psychologist Natasha Murashev. In succeeding, a man will confidently publicize his achievements and in turn, “will feel like he deserved the same promotion through his own intelligence and hard work”. Women often have to discover other strategies to talk about success without feeling like they’re “bragging.”
Interestingly, becoming a mentor to someone is another frequented way to overcome the Imposter Syndrome. When we’re semi-responsible or in affiliation with someone, more often than not, we have a reflexive response to be confident and believe in what we are saying. The ‘auto-pilot’ mode that turns on when we are considered as a role of authority by someone at a junior level instantly appeals to the information we have retained throughout our career so far – you’re surprised by how much you do know when someone else asks you.
Along the road to shattering self-doubt, one thing is guaranteed; we all feel better when we are dressed well at work. The power of a sharply-tailored suit, a sleek pencil-dress or the particular item of clothing that makes you feel amazing can lift your self-esteem and enable you to feed off the elevated sense of respect others give you because you exude confidence. In the same way that a capsule wardrobe saves time in dressing for work, a confidence wardrobe gives you the shot of empowerment you need for the days you are feeling down. Consciously dressing to cultivate confidence has the same affect that a uniform of office clothes does in preparing you for a day at work; through psychological association. By building a selective wardrobe of items that you know elevates your confidence and brings out the best version of yourself, every item can contribute to improving your mood and give you that extra boost when facing the dragon of self-doubt.
Plus, they don’t call them killer heels for nothing.
Interested in taking these concepts deeper? Check out our free coaching resources!” and make free coaching resources!
Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
My first management job was a disaster.
I was one of four analysts working on a client account. My boss was getting annoyed dealing with all of us and our silly just-out-of-grad-school questions. He didn’t like editing our client memos because he had more important things to do.
He liked me and thought my work was solid. I had been there longer than the others and had more personal experience handling clients. So he did the worst possible thing to me he could: he put me in charge of the others, gave me responsibility for everyone’s work with no authority over them at all. I was excited that I finally had minions, but I fell victim to the Peter Principle right away, promoted for my technical skills with no grounding in how to handle my minions as people.
Our small office became a shark tank overnight. I was the bait. (more…)
Here’s a quick social experiment I’d like you to try at your next cocktail party or networking event. Instead of asking the ubiquitous “So, what do you do?” question of the first person you meet, ask this instead: “So, who are you?”
The first question can get you a lot of content. The second one can get you a story. Which approach tells you more about the person standing in front of you?
We spend a lot of time on content in our working worlds—what we’ll do and how we’ll do it—which requires us to focus on our strengths and capacities. Questions about who we really are and why we matter—built around our values and beliefs—often get reserved for the annual retreat or team- building session. Then we all go back to work and focus mostly on content again. Eventually, leadership starts to wonder why employee engagement scores aren’t up to par.
I’ve found that leaders can inadvertently create a lot of disengagement when they forget that it’s the dynamic combination of strengths and values that fuels motivation and contribution. (more…)
Listening to a panel discussion on career advice, I asked the speaker, “So, how did you find your job?” Boom came the answer, “Networking! That’s the way to go.” I have heard this same advice from mentors and friends ever since then.
As a computer science major, to me “network” means the linkage of machines to operate interactively. Curious to know what it exactly meant, I looked it up in the Oxford dictionary, which states Networking means “to interact with other people to exchange information and develop contacts, especially to further one’s career”. My Asian upbringing made me feel uncomfortable with the concept of seeking help, which is perceived as a sign of weakness. In addition to the cultural barrier, as a technologist who spends most of her time behind a computer screen, honing social skills was a challenge I had to overcome.
I vividly remember my first networking event; I had signed up for the event but didn’t think I’d have the courage to attend because I had never gone to one all my life and had no idea what to do and talk about. No amount of online research on “How to Network Effectively” could help me overcome my cultural shackles and social ineptness as it is easier said than done. The saving grace for me was the philosophy that I have always believed in, which is to leverage every single opportunity that comes my way. I resolved to show up because I knew I couldn’t let go of the opportunity knowingly and ruminate later. With my best intentions forward, I took a deep breath when I reached the venue. The experience of walking into a room of strangers felt like walking into a dark tunnel with no light in sight. I felt out of place and kept questioning myself about why was I even there. I secretly wished a false fire alarm would ring somewhere so I had an excuse to get out. Showing up would have sufficed to assuage my guilt.
What does it mean to be a Working Mom? What’s Working Mom Culture?
Liz McGrory is a certified professional coach, speaker, author and Working Mom Expert on About.com. She’s changing the working mom culture one working mom at a time by guiding them to be audacious bosses of their habits and personal energy.
We will be discussing:
Happy National Mental Health Month! Since this is a month we’re all given the opportunity to consider our mental health, and its role in our wellness and the wellness of those around us, I thought I’d explore the questions that often comes up when I’m speaking with new clients.
NOTE: I’m not a therapist so this article only reflects my experience as a coach. If you have questions about therapy, please ask a therapist!
In the end, most of my clients seem to sort these questions out for themselves, but I’m always amazed at how–when my clients are seeing me for coaching and simultaneously seeing a therapist for deeper, more personal and/or physical issues–they make amazing progress extremely quickly. (more…)
In our last converastion with Mary Schaefer, we talked about pro-human workplaces.
We learned that employers who had pro-human work environments had a better bottom line. And not just slightly better – significantly better than their peers.
She read this quote last time:
Studies show that organizations that display empathy, among other human-related attributes, are more successful. In the book Firms of Endearment author Raj Sisodia et al. state the “firms of endearment” that are publicly held returned 1,026 percent for investors over the 10 years ending June 30, 2006. Compare that with 122 percent for the S&P 500.
How do companies do this? That’s what we’ll learn on Tuesday, May 3.
I recently had one of those moments that caused me to take myself down a notch. I took one of the personality assessments I’ve used with clients (one designed especially for women on the leadership track) and didn’t like some of the results. When Valerie was coaching me on my results I got grumpy on her about the fact that the assessment said I needed to be more inquisitive.
Not inquisitive enough? Me?!?!?! I’m the queen of curiosity! Learning is how I motivate myself through every moment of my day! I learn to teach and I’m teaching about 5 hours a day. How is it possible that I needed to be more “inquisitive?”
Lucky for me Valerie is a truly professional coach and ignored my harrumphing fit with professional grace.
“Have you recently taken on any new professional roles or responsibilities?”
“Erm… well, yeah. I’m running a business now.”
“Are you as inquisitive as you need to be in order to be effective in this new role?”
“Erm… probably not.” Dang it. She nailed it.
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