I recently had one of those moments that caused me to take myself down a notch. I took one of the personality assessments I’ve used with clients (one designed especially for women on the leadership track) and didn’t like some of the results. When Valerie was coaching me on my results I got grumpy on her about the fact that the assessment said I needed to be more inquisitive.
Not inquisitive enough? Me?!?!?! I’m the queen of curiosity! Learning is how I motivate myself through every moment of my day! I learn to teach and I’m teaching about 5 hours a day. How is it possible that I needed to be more “inquisitive?”
Lucky for me Valerie is a truly professional coach and ignored my harrumphing fit with professional grace.
“Have you recently taken on any new professional roles or responsibilities?”
“Erm… well, yeah. I’m running a business now.”
“Are you as inquisitive as you need to be in order to be effective in this new role?”
So much leadership communications training is about what we say to others, but the most powerful leaders have open communications with themselves too. Learn from Dana’s insights on a new way to lead – from within! – InPower Editors
Great leaders often cite “self-awareness” as the top soft skill responsible for their success. There’s even some research that documents this correlation. I believe that self-awareness is a leadership communication skill, one that starts with communicating effectively with yourself instead of just focusing externally on your relations with others. But how can you develop self-communication prowess and self-awareness if you don’t already have it, and turn it into a professional asset if you do?
I wish I knew a simple answer to this question. I don’t. Self-awareness is a journey, and your strongest ally on this inner journey is the voice in your head — the one you might be used to ignoring, or following without challenging. Learning to communicate effectively with yourself may be one of the greatest communications challenges you’ll ever face.
Dana’s on vacation this week so we’re taking a break from her regular Friday Insight & Inspiration post to share some thoughts from our newest team member Suzan Czajkowski who reminds us how to turn bad news into opportunity with a positive attitude. Please help us welcome Suzan! – InPower Editors
I received an unexpected phone call yesterday: “We’ve decided to discontinue that program that you’re helping us run. We’ll go to the end of next month, and then that’s it.”
Oh. Well, that sucks.
I really enjoyed working in that program. Though I have a number of other irons in the fire, this particular program was lucrative and, more importantly, it was fun.
Needless to say, I’m more than disappointed. That news generated a negative spiral and from there on, it felt like everything went wrong.
Maybe you’ve been there too? You’re going along with everything feeling like it’s all headed in the right direction when, out of nowhere, it all falls right back apart again. As I mentioned – it sucks. (more…)
Curiosity isn’t just a trait—it’s a leader’s first move, a deliberate choice to step into unknown territory, ask questions, and learn before jumping to conclusions.
Lynn shares three simple “Lynnisms” to stay curious in leadership: shift your viewpoint literally or mentally, remind yourself you don’t know what you don’t know, and always seek first to understand before being understood.
Leading through curiosity means walking in others’ shoes—literally exploring how a workspace or perspective might feel from another person’s vantage point.
Instead of aggressive “why?” questions, opt for open, exploratory inquiries using the Four Ws and an H—what, when, where, who, and how—to nurture receptivity and learning.
Curious leadership transforms organizations by not just accepting change but inviting perspectives, deepening empathy, and remaining agile in ambiguity.
What does it mean to lead through curiosity?
We will be having a conversation with Lynn Borton, a facilitator—of conversations and transformation—with more than two decades of experience in governance and change management in the non-profit sector. For nearly 25 years she worked with NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness – the nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization), capped by a dozen years as chief operating officer. In the summer of 2014 a confluence of events reminded her that life is short and in 2015 she left NAMI to write and consult. Lynn is producer and host of “Choose to be Curious” a biweekly radio show on WERA-LP 96.7 FM in Arlington, Va. Follow Lynn on Facebook.
We will be learning about curiosity, how it can enhance leadership and make you a generally better leader in your organization.
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Recently I had to deliver some bad news. Of course my first impulse was to sugar-coat it to try to ease the other’s pain.
Being an experienced coach (and parent) I knew this was a bad idea. In the end, the person would either fool themselves into not understanding what I was saying, make excuses or wish I’d just be straight with them.
But getting my head into the place to tell someone something you know they don’t want to hear always takes me a minute. I took a deep breath and remembered my little secret for holding space for discomfort in others.
I remember when the Myers Briggs was the only choice we had for helping people gain insight into themselves and work better when others. Boy have times changed! Now there are over 3,000 personality assessments available, and it can be hard to know where your investment is best placed.
In 25 plus years in corporate America HR/ OD, leadership development, training and coaching I used to hire vendors to administer personality assessments to employees. In the late 1990’s I began earning my own assessment certifications with the intention of being more knowledgeable about assessments so I could better judge what vendors were trying to sell to me, and to understand how to develop the best follow-up action plans. This began a long journey that resulted in many assessment tool certifications and building an assessment tool of my own! (more…)
Sometimes as hard as we try to make it work inside the organization we work for, the environment no longer serves us well. And, we are no longer able to serve it well. Despite our best efforts to adapt to and even change the culture and environment, we keep getting the nudge to leave, to start something new, to go out on our own. This is a big and exciting step to take and one that requires courage, the right mindset, planning, and positive expectation. Becoming an aspiring entrepreneur can be one of the scariest and most rewarding things you will ever do!
Here are a few key things to keep in mind as you prepare to leave your corporate job and go out on your own. They can help make the transition smoother and also help ensure your next step is a successful one.
Hey it’s not the “new year” anymore, how are those resolutions coming? Yeah… us too. Enjoy Mary’s more pragmatic take on what brings real change to your life. – InPower Editors
Tired of the whole “new year, new you” resolution practice? Most times, it doesn’t happen. On average it takes you 66 days to achieve your goals by adopting a new habit; for the 25% of us who make a resolution that lasts a week – we barely get a start on that. Many psychologists believe the reason for the failure is “false hope syndrome,” or setting unrealistic goals to change behaviors that are rewards, like smoking, drinking, overeating.
Rather than being unsuccessful at fulfilling random promises, look at the new year as the next set of long-term changes. In the past, I have done 2 activities to get there:
Practice gratitude
Shift one personal belief
Practice Gratitude
Everywhere you turn, there is an article about the benefits of gratitude. And there are many benefits, emotionally and physically.
Practicing gratitude encourages us to appreciate what we have rather than what’s missing. Some practice activities include saying thank you more often, journaling our blessings, and sharing those warm feelings with others. Some have misinterpreted gratitude as being selfish because it doesn’t include enough human interaction. However, the practice goes deeper than that.
Practicing gratitude shifts your belief to see that you aren’t entitled to anything.
The 4 noble truths of Buddhism aligns with this perception. Suffering exists because there are desires (expectations). Stop desire and suffering ends.
Without desire or expectation, you realize that life is a series of choices. Everyone makes choices for personal reasons that have little to do with your life. This perspective helps you not take things personally. You also realize that everything you experience is a gift. How you receive that gift gives significance to it.
Another benefit: when you focus on the good in your life, you notice more of what’s great, which leads to abundance.
Shift One Personal Belief
There are many ways to do this, but this is an approach that helped me shift my beliefs and built my skills and confidence.
Step 1. Choose one belief about yourself that you’d like to change.
I have done this in the past for 2 beliefs, one at a time – that I’m horrible at financials and that I’m not athletic. I’d suggest not changing too many beliefs at once – change requires a lot of focus.
Step 2. Shift the story you share about that belief.
As long as you keep telling yourself the same stories, you will continue to believe that they are true.
Most likely, you aren’t good at something because you avoid it. Then, you tell yourself and others that you aren’t good at it. Others believe what you tell them and you assume the identity you shared. It’s a catch 22 situation. (A video from Geneen Roth at Oprah.com for more explanation).
So how do you change the story you tell yourself?
Be objective with yourself about your accomplishments. No one is a complete failure at anything. You’ve most likely had successes in the area you want to change. Create a list of wins.
Identify the situations when you didn’t have success. Be objective. This becomes the list of what you need to work on.
Realize that you may not have been successful because you didn’t have all the information necessary to succeed. Adjust your story to include room for learning.
Re-write your story including the wins and the learning.
An example:
I was a chubby kid. I wasn’t a great runner and always chosen last for teams. I saw myself as an athletic failure. Occassionally, I’d do something great like kick the kickball over the fence and score a homerun, or stop a basketball from going in the basket. However, I didn’t see these as athletic promise; I saw them as flukes.
This belief continued as I practiced weight lifting in my 20s and performed multi-hour belly dance shows in my 30s. It wasn’t until I started attending a fit camp and kept pace with the athletic class members that I shifted that perspective.
My belief that I’m not athletic held me back from sports or other physical activity. I would drop workout regiments because I thought I didn’t have the ability to do them.
Now my story is that I’m athletic, my legs and abs are strong, and I need to work on my coordination and my arm strength. Talk about a shift!
Step 3. Build confidence by gaining knowledge
Take an interest in the belief you want to change. You don’t need to become an expert overnight, but do small things to build your knowledge about that topic. To shift my financial belief, I would ask my accountant questions, read budgeting books, and take classes about project budgets.
To shift your belief, you need to feel more comfortable with the topic behind the belief you want to change. The knowledge you gain will help you make more informed future decisions.
Step 4. Set goals so you don’t give up
Goals drive change. The best way to keep learning, growing and rewriting your story is to take on a project in the area you want to change. This process allows you to get another win so you can rewrite your story.
(This is why 12-week fitness challenges are successful. They provide experiences for wins to help rewrite your story.)
Here are goals that keep me motivated to change:
For fitness: Dead hang for 5 minutes. I have a LONG way to get there, but it keeps me motivated to build arm strength and appreciate my accomplishments.
For financial: Improve cash flow for my business –bill ontime so I get paid ontime. (It sounds simple, but for a sole proprietor with shifting priorities, it’s a challenge.)
Practicing gratitude and changing my beliefs has changed my character. I am happier. I have improved my perception of myself, my self-esteem, confidence, and my capabilities. I also learned about pace. Life isn’t about checklists; it’s a combination of activities that impact change.
So forget the resolutions; work on long-term change to achieve your goals.
Executive Coach Dana Theus shares her tried and true strategies to help women excel in higher levels of leadership and achieve their executive potential.
If your New Years resolutions are already in danger, enjoy some tips from Leslie on how to make them real. – InPower Editors
My work as a coach is to help people increase their capacity in an area that really matters to them. For some, it’s the capacity to connect more fully with others. Or to follow through. To inspire others. To take a stand. To stand down. To…
As far as I can tell, there’s no capacity-building without practice: the regular repetition of new moves. Most people would agree on that. So if we know that practice is such a key to growth, why do we often struggle to maintain even the simplest of practices? Why do we wriggle out from under the very effort that will help us fulfill our most ardent intentions?
If we want to grow, our challenge is to become more consistent in practice… and to do so without sicking our “inner terrorist” on ourselves. I’ve found four places to focus when my practices falter: function, form, feeling and ‘futz.’
Focus on function Let’s face it; practice can be kind of a drag. It’s often not all that interesting; sometimes it’s downright uncomfortable. And it’s often hard to see an immediate pay-off. To make matters worse, many of us relate to practice as an external ‘should,’ an assignment from some cosmic schoolmarm. Few of us relate to practice as what it actually is: the engine of our own fulfillment, created on our behalf toward the accomplishment of our own deep desire.
Let me offer myself up as an example. I tend to resist meditating, despite the overwhelming proof of its all-around-awesomeness. As a practice, meditation is conceptually compelling to me, but less so on a practical level. So I falter. One way to help sustain a practice is to ensure that it serves a function that is real and meaningful to you. If it does, keep reconnecting to its underlying purpose. That will help fan the flames of commitment. But if you’re doing a practice without a clear intent, rethink it. However virtuous a practice may be, it won’t be a ‘good’ one for you if it doesn’t link to something that really matters.
Focus on form Getting clear on the function of a practice is the basis for discerning its appropriate form. Continuing the meditation example… I don’t aspire to enlightenment. I don’t lust after mind-blowing altered states or blinding insights. My greatest aspiration is that I might bring a friend, a client or a Food Lion check-out clerk some warmth and safe harbor in her day. If sitting on a cushion doesn’t help me do that, maybe it’s not the right form of practice for that goal. Maybe a more potent exercise for me would be something to do ‘out in the world,’ like noticing when I’m impatient and breathing into my heart. Form must follow function.
Focus on feeling There is something existentially big about carrying out a practice, even if it’s a really small one. The mere doing of it is a powerful turning toward oneself. It is a gesture of remembering and respect that communicates to your own being, “You matter. I will show up for you.” So even if ‘breathing into my heart’ feels rote and superficial today, I am bolstered by the mere fact of having kept my self-promise. It’s often the satisfaction of not abandoning myself that propels me into practice.
Focus on the ‘futz’ If a practice is effective, it’s going to mess with your head. It’s going to futz with the status quo. It might make you sacrifice something you usually put at the top of your priority list. It might cause you to feel incompetent or uncomfortable. Know that. Know that your practice will put your treasured equilibrium at risk. Then you can anticipate that and investigate it, kindly, when it happens. That will give you a real and awakened choice, vs. unconsciously collapsing in the face of discomfort.
What about you?
What practices do you engage in consistently?
What makes your consistent engagement possible?
In what ways are those practices well formulated to achieve a clear purpose that you care about?
What does it feel like to engage in the practice? To what degree do those feelings sustain you in practice?
Is there any practice that you regularly wriggle out of?
Does it clearly support a strong and true aspiration? Is there a clear and compelling function that that practice supports?
Is there a way in which the form of the practice could be changed, so that it more directly supports your aspiration?
Whether or not you enjoy the practice itself, can you connect to a positive feeling you get when you actually do it? Can you leverage that feeling to sustain you in practice?
What is getting futzed with when you do these practices? What internal value, belief or habit does the practice threaten?
Originally on: LinkedIn
Take charge of your career development to get the job that supports your work and your life. Check out the tools and resources in the InPower Coaching Career Center.
So much leadership communications training is about what we say to others, but the most powerful leaders have open communications with themselves too. Learn from Dana’s insights on a new way to lead – from within! – InPower Editors
I remember when the Myers Briggs was the only choice we had for helping people gain insight into themselves and work better when others. Boy have times changed! Now there are over 3,000 personality assessments available, and it can be hard to know where your investment is best placed.
